Kotaku Robot Wars Round Three: Salvation
The Kotaku Robot Wars continue on the other side of the world, as Osaka Japan and Canberra Australia are reduced to steaming piles of rubble and broken robot parts… but whose broken robot parts?
Once more we pit the power of human intuition against the mechanical will of Crecente’s R2-D2 robot to try and predict the outcome of the Kotaku Robot Wars. At last count the humans and the robot were tied, both correctly predicting the outcome of two battles – Optimus Prime VS. Dog and Kos-Mos VS. Portal Turrets – while fan favourites Mega Man and the Fruit Fucker 2000 fell in combat against HK-47 and Chrono Trigger’s Robo.
The results for round 2 are in, and they aren’t looking good.
Your Predictions
Representing human intuition, you folks voted for who you thought would win the battles of round 2. Here are the results.
Optimus Prime VS. HK-47
Optimus Prime: 66% (1755 votes)
HK-47: HK-47 34% (923 votes)
The Fan-Picked Winner: Optimus Prime
Robo VS. Kos-Mos
Robo: Robo 42% (1095 votes)
Kos-Mos: 58% (1521 votes)
The Fan-Picked Winner: Kos-Mos
R2-D2’s Predictions
Once again Crecente fired up his autonomous R2-D2 droid, setting it wandering free amidst scraps of paper with names written on them. In the end, R2 found the scraps containing the names Optimus Prime and Robo to be the most attractive.
Which group predicted most accurately?
The Official Randomized Results
Osaka Japan is in ruins, terrified citizens fleeing with whatever possessions they can as the ground rocks with the sounds of gunfire, explosions, and large metal footsteps. Optimus Prime grows increasingly more frustrated as the smaller, more agile HK-47 slinks in and out of buildings, seemingly firing from all angles at once. Staggering backwards, Optimus falls against the local Kotaku Tower, causing it to tumble to the ground. With a look of grin determination in his eyes he wills his chest plate open, reaching for the Autobot Matrix of Leadership. “Now light our darkest… wha?”
HK-47 rounds the corner, wearing the Matrix as a hat. “Oh, does the over-sized droid require this?” he asks, taking the Matrix off and tossing it into Optimus’ eager hands, turning to walk away as the explosive filled artifact detonates.
Meanwhile, in Canberra, Robo fires a barrage of lasers at Kos-Mos, who barely manages to doge the onslaught. She sustains little damage, but her clothing is torn to shreds. Robo’s sensors overload, and he explodes, taking the last remaining Kotaku Tower with him.
Results So Far
While humanity has only accurately predicted 3 out of 6 battles, R2-D2 came up empty this round, so the humans are now leading 50% to 33%. All that remains now is…
The Final Round
HK-47 VS. KOS-MOS
But wait… in Atlanta Georgia, one last Kotaku Tower springs to life, having been powered off accidentally due to a cat chewing on the power cables. As soon as the power is restored a brilliant flash of light erupts from the tower’s apex, and both remaining combatants appear. The transponder atop the tower holds the one remaining pathway back to their respective universes, and all that is standing in their way is each other.
Tune in tomorrow for the epic conclusion of the Kotaku Robot Wars!
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Comments (AU Comments | US Comments)
HK-47 is UNSTOPPABLE!!! :D
MechaTama31
@myrlin: Whatever, Robo totally had a boner for Lucca.
MechaTama31
Okay, this random determination crap has ruined it for me past the 1st round. If you had gone with a coin toss to break a tie between robots and humans then the results would have been acceptable. As is, I won't be voting this round. What a disappointment this has turned out to be.
(fyi, i didn't really have a favorite, but leaving the whole thing up to chance is kinda lazy)
Furysetzer
@paulrenzo: You just like her Phase Cannon don't you?
hikaizer
@fearing: Um, easily.
Now IG-88, that would have been an obvious Star Wars fanboi pick, but HK-47 isn't really *obvious*. A little fanboi, but everything is going to be fanboi, just not so obvious. I'm a pretty big Star Wars nut, but I'd totally even forgotten about HK-47.
Now, if the Transformer pick was, say, Prowl, then you don't have an obvious fanboi pick.
It's all moot anyway, since my only real pick here was D0G. Everything after that is merely in the hopes that it would eliminate Prime.
I've never seen Red vs. Blue.
@MrBionic: How is anything from anything Star Wars related NOT and obvious fanboy choice? Seriously.
Besides Lopez from Red vs Blue would have beaten them all.
@Dirk Dorkelson: Uh, or over 30.
@Kanji08: They would print anything in those days eh?
@JustAnotherFan: But once she takes off her top, he's gone. Really.
Shiroi Kaze
@NeoAkira:
Nah, the fourth version for me was the best.
paulrenzo
Ugh, FIXED MATCH FIXED MATCH.
Buy yeah, voting for HK this time around.
paulrenzo
well i would've voted HK-47, but after what he did to Megaman.....Kos-Mos FTW!!!!!
Crux117
@Kanji08: Thus the "(I kidd, I kidd)". Knee-jerk, much?
Not sure which editor is writing the battle bilines (I'm guessing Fahey) but they are good. Not even The Touch can save you from HK.
BrokenSoul
@Pyro Jack Frost: Its so close though.
Jehuty has an AI -and- a Pilot....
@MrBionic: So effing true. I was going to rage if Optimus kept going...
@Belabras shot the food: Yeah, I like a shiny metal ass as much as the next automaton, but you gotta put your money on HK-47 this round.
@Ursus-Veritas: HK-47: The loooooooooove doctor! Great quote, sir.
SuperSonik
@innuendo: That's meatBAGs. ^_^ Though I'm sure he wouldn't care.
SuperSonik
"Oh, does the over-sized droid require this?" Is an incorrect question format. All sentences spoken by the HK series of personal assassination droids (with exception to the HK-23, and 35)must be predicated with the sentence type.
The question would sound more like "Mocking question: Does the over-sized droid require this for *optimal* performance?"
@darkgodofdeath: Only if you are 12.
@Southrncomfortjm: While HK-47 wins the hearts of men, and KOS-MOS wins their [something else], she definitely has the advantage in combat ability. However, her color scheme is strangely similar to R2's, yet 47 has the potential to actually have seen a repair droid.
spannu
KOS-MOS would win the real fight, hands down, and as hilarious as HK-47 is, KOS-MOS is way more badass. She is unreasonably efficient at destroying EVERYTHING, whereas HK-47 is only good at killing meatsacs. HK-47 wishes he had the Hilbert Effect.
@Ad-hominem: As if those robots could do any more damage than he already does to himself. That meatbag is about to bring the pain.
spannu
@Revenge_of_Nekojin: Robo must be a meatsac, then. HK-47 has no time for anything resembling flesh.
@Koda89: Sorry, but then how did Robo fail?
Prediction: HK-47 will win this battle, meatbags notwithstanding.
@Pombar: Plus the fact she can turn floppy disks into hard disks..
Uh, right.
Anyway, HK-47 has beaten two fan favourites (and arguably the two most popular bots too) in Optimus and Mega Man, so I'm guessing he shouldn't have too much trouble against KOS-MOS.. or would he?
firefly
Perfectly even 50/50 as of my vote. Go figure.
Go HK-47! Show the ungrateful meatbags who won't vote for you why you keep winning anyway!
@Joseph Moore:
Are you kidding? HK-47 is infinitely better than Optimus Prime. Even if you take his battle skills out of the equation (which you don't otherwise he kills you), he is still far better than prime with his wit and sarcasm.
@MrBionic:
Ah, that's why prime almost won. Glad I voted for HK-47, he is the greatest droid EVER.
Is this a Deadliest Warrior spinoff? :D
wow. from my vote, it's pretty much 50/50 voting wise.
@Joseph Moore: But that's too predictable.
This is just for fun, so being unpredictable adds to that.
Is this feature a Terminator tie-in?
Silverbackne
@Koda89: HK-47's best line from KOTOR?
"Tell him we want to trade for supplies and information."
"Translation: HEUAAARRRRRARGH! URRARUUHHH!"
(Bartering with Sandpeople, fyi)
@ShellZ:
Jehuty's not a robot, he's a mechsuit. Noob ;)
bkchurch
I hope that the fights continue without KOS-MOS changing her clothing, delicious rubber skin!
OrtenseDemophon
@Pombar: Or they could be voting for her because she's quite possibly one of the most badass characters to date in a videogame. Let alone the fact that she wields 4 massive guns (c wut i did thar?) and possesses the ability to destroy a ridiculous amount of things.
I had an article published quite a few years ago in Official Playstation Magazine (printed by ZiffDavis, not the current one by Imagine) soon after Xenosaga was released about how her cold, emotionless demeanor and total disregard for anything ranked her up there with Dante, Master Chief, and other more well known badasses.
The fact that she's a hot robot is just icing on the win cake.
Kanji08
@walls99: Because Jehuty isn't a robot...it's an orbital frame a.k.a. something similar to a Gundam. If it's piloted by a human (or a robot even) it isn't a robot since it does not use AI.
Pyro Jack Frost
@Southrncomfortjm: And if nothing else, HK-47 won't be affected by KOS-MOS' curves like Robo was, because being attracted to KOS-MOS is something only meatsacs would do.
Hah! Dunno bout the rest of you humans, but I predicted both matches correctly this round!
That means my percentage is 67%(rounded up).
@walls99: Where is she/he I'm going to make a purses out of her/him >:[
@Pombar:
True True.
Firelance
You can't beat HK-47, when are you other people gonna get it thought your heads.
@JustAnotherFan: Pfft HK-47 would end up just like 1st Lieutenant Virgil.
HK47 is lamesauce
nbsp
@Gray665: Yes, the entire point of this. We vote who we think the random program will choose to win, and R2D2 randomly picks who will randomly win. We could all vote 100% Fruit Fucker and still be wrong. We decide nothing. It was in the first post. RTFA as they would say.
@ShellZ: Yeah where is the robot from ZOE in the robotwars?
@walls99: Insert and empty
@Pombar: so true.
@Gray665: OK, went back and read how this all works. Democracy FTL!
Gray665
@NeoStarr:
HK-47 has nothing to do with loving Star Wars. It has everything to do with loving good writing.
Smeesh
@Curse_Lily: mine.
I still don't understand how Fruit Fucker won last round but yet didn't win. Did I miss something?
Gray665
This is stupid. Optimus Prime and Mega Man should have stayed in till the end.
Joseph Moore
@CoatedTrout: An anime chick who's scoring votes based on how much people would like to insert their USB drives into her.
(I kidd, I kidd)
@darkgodofdeath: Blah. Robo should've won.
@RRRansom:
Yes they do, you either have Femzoil or your don't.
Star Wars fanboys vs. basement dwelling anime fetishists.
THIS IS GONNA BE FUCKING EPIC.
I lost faith after Megaman got taken out
SaanZ
"You who are without mercy now plead for it? I thought you were made of sterner stuff"
Go HK! He will show Kos-Mos his love; a bullet straight through her head.
JustAnotherFan
"Robo's sensors overload, and he explodes"
But...it has no gender...
@MrBionic: c'mon! do it ^_^
Nooooo! Roboooooooooo! Quick, someone get the Epoch!
"Definition: 'Love' is making a shot to the knees of a target 120 kilometers away using an Aratech sniper rifle with a tri-light scope. Statement: This definition, I am told, is subject to interpretation. Obviously, love is a matter of odds. Not many meatbags could make such a shot, and fewer would derive love from it. Yet for me, love is knowing your target, putting them in your targeting reticle, and together, achieving a singular purpose, against statistically long odds."
@NeoAkira: ï¼¼ï¼ˆï¼¾ï¼¯ï¼¾ï¼‰ï¼ the better KOS-MOS undoubtedly.
Woot, I predicted both of them correctly! GO HK-47!
@Smeesh:
Well played sir.
this should end with a jehuty light show killing both robots
JEHUTY PWNS ALL!!!
@CoatedTrout: Main character of 3 games !!!!!
Xenosaga 1, Xenosaga 2, Xenosaga 3.
Xenosaga is a Namco roleplaying game and a spiritual sequel to Xenogears (PS1, squaresoft). While it fell short of equaling Xenogears (IMO), the story was very interesting and the third game very well received by critics.
Thriceborn
Death to Prime! I'm so glad that Optimus Prime didn't continue on. I hate obvious fanboi choices.
HK-47 for the w...
I can't believe I almost used that phrase.
HK-47 wins. It's that simple.
Dawson's Creek Trapper Keeper Ultra Keeper Futura S 2000 wins everything!
@Smeesh: hahahahahaha
@CoatedTrout:
She's a robot from the game Xenosaga
Owen Good is the one in Georgia, right?
Everyone knows that the "Kotaku Towers" are actually an elite superforce compromised of the Kotaku Editors, much like the Power Rangers, or Kamen Rider.
So,
We've killed all the other editors, so good luck, Owen.
Ad-hominem
@CoatedTrout: She would be my wife if i could do something along the line of TRON.
Use the original KOS-MOS figure, not the crappy remake one.
@[lmgtfy.com]
@liquid_kore: Mini-Robo-Bash?
spiderweb1986
@Southrncomfortjm: Biting sarcasm always will prevail.
GreyFoxV1
pffft. Not fun when your not winning.
PsycheE
@Southrncomfortjm: HK-47 all the way !!!
slimky
@DanimalCart:
Obvious conclusion: That's why it hasn't happened yet, meatbag.
Smeesh
This story so needs to end with both of them arriving and being obliterated by Mecha-Fahey.
...
...
...
I'll be back!!!
What on earth is Kos Mos?
I love how HK can't win a vote battle, but always comes out on top. It's perfectly fitting that a bunch of meatsacs would underestimate his abilities in combat.
Fucking meatsacs.
innuendo
Blah. Prime should have won.
OK WHO'S CAT WAS IT THE CHEW THE DAMN POWER CABLES?
ITs not fun when loser robots win
HK-47 wins against all. If not with his guns, then with his sharp wit and biting sarcasm.
@Scipio77: You could at least link me to the wikipedia article.
Google requires increased work!
all tied up
@fearing: I'm over 30. Optimus Prime always struck me as boring. Even when I was a wide-eyed, Transformers-loving preteen begging my parents to take me to "Transformers: The Movie," it wasn't because of Optimus Prime. I mean, he was a semi, and nowhere near as cool as Shockwave, Starscream, Soundwave or any number of the Decepticons. Although I'd take HK over any of those guys, too. HK is one of the coolest video game characters I've ever encountered, and a certifiable badass.
@Ad-hominem: Owen was actually somewhere in the Carolinas. I killed him off in the previous round.
erm.
Goooooooooooooooooo, Kos-Mos!
@Shiroi Kaze:
Meatbags? More like funbags...
@Southrncomfortjm: I'm still utterly confused as to how HK has enough of a retard following to topple Prime. It's mother fucking prime for god sakes.
illiniphase4
@Smeesh: Observation: pwned.
@Placentasaurus: too bad HK-47's the cool kid
@nbsp: Just for saying that, I hearted you, then dehearted you
@Smeesh: After humanity fulfills its purpose and creates a real HK-47, we can and will die complete... something HK-47 will make sure of.
@Belabras shot the food: I can't believe HK-47, one of the coolest characters in gaming from one of the best games ever made, is tied with some flank robo chick
Look guys, it basically comes down to voting for the one you find most attractive, or voting for the one that will kill us all if he doesn't win.
(fortunately the choice isn't yours)
P.S. Xenogears >>> Xenosaga
I bet 75% of KOS-MOS' voters didn't play Xenosaga
@Ad-hominem: i actually think its fahey who is in Georgia
@Gantz: Your Trusted Friend in Science.: Close, but not close enough :/
Pyro Jack Frost
@Mike Fahey: ha ha ha BOOOM! SCORE ONE FOR THE KING OF KINGS