Splinter Cell Mission Briefings, 8-Bit Style

That Mario one is actually pretty awesome.

GorbyGipper

@a-xxv: Sam Fisher came here to avenge his daughter and chew gum...
and he's all out of gum.

@a-xxv: But then they'd just say OBEY

@mescalineeyes:

I thought the Pac-Man one said "eat and eave". What does the overhang of a roof have to do with binging?

Squirrelbot3000

@Esper mind tricks: I thought it was "Shoot the Fucks" at first, and given my experience with Duck Hunt, I liked that a LOT.

Are you sure Sam doesn't need special glasses to see these signs?

Rowdy Roddy Piper and Keith David did in 1988.

@orijimi: My distaste for it is only aggrandized by how that old man Sam walks by seems to see it as well.

orijimi

@bvfreund: PROTIP DON'T JUMP ON THE PODOBOOS

MysteryPersonX

those are awesome!

cihx

@Betman: Why is it any more or less immersive for it to be on the walls than on an HUD or a menu? It's still in a completely arbitrary, illogical place. Why on earth are his thoughts on the walls?

(To clarify my position here, I think most attempts at making games more "immersive" by reducing the amount of HUD stuff do nothing but make the games less user-friendly. But this is a particularly stupid example.)

MysteryPersonX

Eat and Leave = Dine and Dash... Pac-Man has bad manners. I doubt any restaurant would take points in return for their lost food.

ph15h

@Betman: Personally, I'd rather hear a grizzled secret service veteran say something every time he gets a new objective, than have them literally shown on screen.

YIKES! The pacman one made my eyes hurt.

@cyberrat101: I'm sure there will be some of that, but you can't have him monologue every time he gets a new objective.

@Betman: A better idea would've been to use monologues like in Max Payne where he says what he needs to do.

@Esper mind tricks: who doesn't hate that fuckin' dog?
You missed the ducks, you already feel like a failure... and THEN, he comes in full Schadenfreude mode and just laugh at you.

I think every Duck Hunt player has at least tried once to shoot this fucker.

Nudgenudge

'EAT AND LEAVE' = LULZ!!!

What a simple but highly amusing start to my day! Thanks Kotaku

DiGiC

Pac Man should have been "Dine and Dash."

nemesiscw

@orijimi: Who says Sam hasn't gone all cuckoo on us after his daughter was killed? I'd say it's a likely turn of events.

@Xer0Ph0kus: Yeah, I think the tetris one goes on like
"CREATE AN SYMMETRICAL ORGY".

Desi_Otaku

@orijimi: Plus, it looks damn cool.

@Betman: yeah but the point is why does he have to THINK on the walls? It would be better if someone called him... and got into a 50 min codec conversation with him.

@MtlAngelus: How about 'JUMP ON EVERYTHING THAT PROBABLY WONT KILL YOU IF YOU DO SO I MEAN THAT PLANT LOOKS KIND OF SAFE BUT OH MAN THIS IS REALLY LONG SORRY'

@omgwtflolbbqbye: Ah yes, missed this and aquatic creatures. Would all that text even fit in a readable font on the NES resolution? Probably yes...

@orijimi: Wait, what? You are a man on a mission. It's not as if HE sees it on the walls; you do, it's what Sam Fisher is thinking. He's going to find who took his daughter, and they are going to die. It is immersive because you don't have to see it pop up on a menu, or some kind of HUD, and since you have no one in your ear...I don't know, i think it's a great idea.

@MtlAngelus: OR UNLESS ITS A PLANT WITH TEETH

omgwtflolbbqbye

@TheExiledLeader: It needs to be more specific.
"JUMP ON EVERYTHING THAT MOVES UNLESS IT HAS SPIKES, IS MADE OF FIRE OR IS A HAMMER"

I think that covers everything.

@bobtheduck: Also, in the first game, most aquatic creatures should not be jumped on.

@Betman: I was about to say that.

This made me lol

I hope this leads to more rants on the whole deal. The tactic is just dumb. This isn't immersive unless you are playing the part of a delusional main character. This would make much more sense used in Grand Theft Auto after taking acid or some shit.

orijimi

Where's the Power pellets on the Pac-Man stage?

Shigamado

@TheExiledLeader:

Sounds a bit violent for a Mario game, man.

It should be: "Kill the dog"

Yeah, I hate that dog.

Esper mind tricks

I like the Tetris one. It is really what your brain thinks in the later levels.

@Betman: Hey, it's just the instructions for that level. Like on 4-4 it would say MAN I DON'T KNOW THIS IS WEAK

bvfreund

Those damn ducks!

@Betman: or changed to "Kill and Destroy Everything"

The Mario one needs to note that spiky shell guys should not be jumped on =(