WIN! A Badass Borderlands Xbox 360 Prize Pack

The 9-5

This nefarious mind altering device transports the target’s consciousness into the mind of a 20th century office worker.

Into the space of each second will be compressed a years worth of repetitive tedious tasks and endless purposeless struggle for recognition in an unfeeling machine.
As mere seconds pass he will feel a lifetime of hopelessness as empty changeless years are experienced in his head, his accomplishments pathetic beside the all encompassing failure of mediocrity.

Age sets in, crippling and soul crushing as he is shunted aside, forgotten.
As he looks back from his deathbed upon a wasted and meaningless existence and the knowledge that he has achieved nothing with the life he has been given,
the culminating explosion of despair ruptures the targets brain cells, releasing his soul to the comparatively green fields of hell.

“The Melephant”

Combining one of the most powerful and noble beasts of the African wasteland with the newest advances in technological bastardisation, the Melephant is a living, breathing fortified media post for a time when the control of information is the often forgotten key to survival and success in the wastelands.

Equipped with a substantial antennae array on its back, the Melephant has the capacity to intercept 90% of nearby radio, television and communication signals and has the capacity to broadcast its own audio/video feeds for up to 200km (youtube/facebook access is an optional extra). The Melephant also features a camo-projection defence system to keep its presence a secret from nearby bandits and other less scrupulous individuals.

Unfortunately the wasteland has many more hazards than just bandits, yet thanks to the wonders of evolution the Melephants own survival instincts are more than enough for it to defend itself from any attacking Skags or wasteland creatures. And in the rare occasion that you encounter something that you feel that the Melephant simply can not handle on its own, than the twin mounted gattling guns should do a good job of turning any would-be assailants into a messy pile of gibs.

Last but not least, the eco-friendly wastlander out there can rest assured that the Melephant is powered off a revolutionary combination Solar/Fecal-Methane Generator, meaning that not only will it reduce the harm to the environment, but you’ll never need to refill or maintain this baby like you do those unreliable and filthy trucks and tanks. In the unlikely chance that your Melephant does take a big hit and breaks down (tough they may be, but not invincible), then it will still be good for at least 3 months worth of a-grade elephant meat – its the investment that keeps on giving!!!

Due to the exceedingly rare amount of African Elephants still in existence, supply of the Melephant is extremely limited, so order yours today!!

GN Spam Cannon & Gundam Designator

Powered by a GN Drive (google GN Drive) you can spam this weapon as long as you want without fear of reloading or running out of ammo. This weapon also comes with GN submachine guns attached increasing its firepower and can be used as a blunt weapon for close-quarter encounters

Also comes with a Gundam Designator where you can summon an army of gundams (any gundam you can think of) or the Psycho Gundam Mk2 and decimate your enemies

The Ghettoblaster

Sometimes, when you’re representing in the valley and radioactive mutants ‘n whatnot be all up in your grill, you just gots to blast your tunes. When you blast dem fat beats (including M.C. Apocolypto’s ‘Bitches Ain’t Nuttin’ No Mo’ (Cos They Was All Killed By Giant Monsters ‘N Shit)’, suckers all up and down Pandora be bustin’ themselves to yo mad beats. Funkin’ themselves to death, damn foolish of them. Shiiiiiiiet. You be collectin’ the mad bling dem suckas leave behind and jivin’ off on yo’ way. Word.

Banhammer
Unlike it’s little brother of the same name, this Banhammer does not ban trolls of the internet. It bans their prime source of food (Video games).

Inflicts critical damage on Australian and Valve-type enemies.

Primary Attack: Misinformed Swing
Brings the Banhammer down in an overhead swing, taking all the fun out of your life. Common effects include the removal of sex, gratuitous violence and addictive drugs.

Secondary Attack: Carebear Slam
Fixes all of the targets issues, only to find the old target imported from overseas and in the hands of Australian-type enemies.

High chance to cause dissent and petitions.

Cannot be wielded by characters 18+, because the Banhammer can’t be bothered to implement the coding.

The iGun Touch

Upon finding this unassuming little device you immediately become one of the “in” crowd. When you have the iGun equipped enemies view you as one of their own and want to tell you about the cool new ammo they just found.

Area of effect 1m per level, stun +5sec per level

The “Just Friends” gun.

This gun shoots at your enemies the person of their dreams, who then flirts and teases them, showing themselves off as perfect potential partner material.

But then when the enemy move in to close the deal with a kiss, they get rebuffed with the words “I like you and all, but I just want to be friends”.

This will cause your enemy to get into a deep funk, in which they will listen to awful music, write even worse poetry, and eventually grow old and fat and alone, pining for something they can never have.

For extra effectiveness, you can add the “I like your friend” rifle scope, which will make the dream person fall madly in love with your enemies’ best friend.

Enjoy as your enemies writhe in internal agony as they watch their best friend and perfect partner get married, have children, divorce, and then when s/he thinks they’re in with another chance, they find another friend to date.

The Rumble Bum Gun

If the ominous sound of this one doesn’t have your foes running in panic, the low level ultrasonic wave it produces will cause embarrassing and unavoidable bowel movement for anyone caught in the blast.

Even better than catching them with their pants down is catching them with their pants up! I don’t know about you, but I’d find having a rumble down under rather distracting when trying to return fire!

The Orange Gun

When you’re down and out and stuck in the wasteland, nothing is more valuable or useful to you than the Orange Gun.

Knowing your weapon of choice has been manufactured by hand, usually by a father and son team, adds to the overall feel of goodness the Orange Gun provides. Just think, your weapon is building relationships, an inspiring thought. And if you can’t purchase one, with some pvc pipe and a net of navels, you’re halfway there.

Wasteland scurvy will be a problem for you no more. The Orange Gun is good in the morning when you need a little Vitamin C, and also in the evening when wasteland prowlers need a little valencia upside their head.

Some complain about the slow rate of fire, each shot needing to be individually primed with a spray can, but what’s the rush? Life’s too fast, stop and smell the citrusy goodness that comes with every orange loaded.

So load up with an Orange Gun today, the most violent, friendly, colourful and nutritious weapon on the planet.

The Dick Cheney.
(Elephant gun/blunderbus)
Can shoot anything and only draws minimal agro, relatively low damage though.
also can’t target ducks..

i look forward to this release and HOPEFULLY winning! :D

The Review Board

Smite your enemies with the power of bureaucracy! Out in the wastes of Pandora, all you’ll ever need to survive against the myriad of foes is the latest from the Omnipresent Flailing Limb Consortium – The Review Board!

In keeping with the random weapon variants so prevalent on Pandora, the Review Board carries new AG-SA Technology that instantly scans your opponents on contact for any weaknesses. Once detected, the Review Board promptly delivers a massive blow, crippling anything it comes into contact with.

Such awesome power much come with a price, however. The devastating abilities of the Review Board can be temperamental at best, and down-right inconsistent at worst. And it has been known to cause substantial collateral damage by delivering excessive damage to undeserving targets.

But, in the badass, cell-shaded, post-apocalyptic world of Pandora, too much unwieldy power is never enough!