An Open Letter is a new feature where we communicate directly, mano e mano, straight to the heart of someone/something/anything in gaming. This month we appeal to the Zombie hivemind for mercy and perhaps a change in tactics?
Dear Zombies (all of you),
You know what Zombies? You’ve been good to me, I can’t deny that. Whenever I’ve had a modified shotgun (read: ‘boomstick’) and a barrowload of ammo to spare, you’ve given me something vaguely fun to shoot at. You even had the forethought to explode into a congealed pool of blood, and a vaguely green gooey substance. I’ve always appreciated that – your predictability, your consistency. You’ve always been there for me Zombies, through thick and thin, and I’ll never forget that…
But Zombies – I think we need some time apart.
I know, I know! I’m sorry. We’ve had some weird sort of contract you and I, and it was a beautiful connection. You shambled aimlessly towards me, in search of some brains to chomp on and I, in turn, sent shrapnel reeling into your soft, soggy flesh. That’s the way it’s always been.
Yet our relationship, it’s changed. Things have changed. Remember when we first started trying to murder and maim one other? We used to just fight, you know, until the sun came up. Those were magical times. You would vaguely grunt and shuffle, I would shoot stuff at you, or throw kitchen implements at your face. Haha! Yeah, those were some good times…
But things are just different now. The magic is gone. There’s no spark left. It’s not you – it’s me! I just feel like… like I need to explore new avenues, you know? Find myself. Maybe we should see other people? I want to date other generic video game antagonists – maybe some random alien invaders, genetically modified mutants, possibly some Nazis. Remember Nazis? What happened to those guys? Oh, that’s right, they became Zombies.
I’m sorry, things just got too stale – the same thing, night after night. I need stimulation; I need, at the very least, a slight change in tactics. I want to try new things.
Shhh… Zombies. Hush. I know this is hard. I know how tough this is. We’ve been through so much, we shared some laughs, possibly some bodily fluids – we’ve exploded and died together in one another’s arms more times than I can remember – but I need a break. We need a break.
Maybe someday, someday soon, we’ll find one another again, and things will be different – you never know.
Yours truly,
Mark Serrels
P.S. Can we have one last fling in Red Dead Redemption?
Thanks to Maurice Branscombe for the ‘Open Letter’ concept!
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