LIVE BLOG: Microsoft E3 Conference

Alright folks – this is the location from where I shall be liveblogging Microsoft’s E3 Conference. I’m awake. Fresh from that thing where you try to get a few hours of sleep but mostly end up staring at the ceiling, punching your pillow in frustration. But whatever! E3 is here and, despite the fact that we already know so much about Microsoft’s line-up, it should be a humdinger!

I’ll be liveblogging from here as soon as the conference starts. So stay tuned folks! I promise I will be interesting!

We’ll have a stream up on the site from 2am AET.

4.00am
Alright guys! I’m out. Thanks for reading and thanks for participating. It’s been real!

3.58am
Actually take them back. Do not want. Or do I? Man. I just don’t know…

3.57am
GIVE ME MY HALOES!

3.56am
DON – please be my career mentor. Teach me your ways. Show me the moonwalk. Unleash the moonwalk.

3.44am
[Don Mattrick moonwalks onto stage]

3.54am
I’m pretty sure this Dance Central game will completely dominate my life. BUT WHAT NEW LADY GAGA SONGS DOES IT HAS!?

3.52am
Thanks guys – I’ll see you in the endzone! Totally hetero! GIFs GIVE THEM TO ME!

3.50am
Why am I watching this? What is new about this? Why is this interesting? [I’m whining about Kinect Sports now] .

3.46am
Kinect kinect kinect kinect kinect. Blah blah blah. I’m sure this stuff will have interesting consequences, but Microsoft is not showing them to me!

3.45am
I now officially hate the word ‘awesome’. And ‘epic’.

3.44am
Kinect… finger tracking. Sounds… sexy.

3.43am
Avatar stuff I don’t care about. Someone do something hilarious now. Avatars are rubbish! Oh, wait a minute – that was pretty cool. The camera does a much better job than the 3DS at least!

3.42am
Hey BAM guy – only Ice T is allowed to rock the sunnies. Give them back! BAM!

3.41am
Also – bring back Ice T plz.

3.39am
GIVE ME THE GIFS! I NEED THEM!

[This actually looks adorable – I really need to get on with the baby making.]

3.37am
AHAHAHAHA! TIM SCHAFER – I wish you were my Uncle Tim! Brother to my Dad, Peter Moore.

3.36am
It is my professional duty to say that this game looks mega sucky.

3.35am
Is that supposed to be an English accent? What is this Mary Poppins? Where’s Dick van Dyke?

3.34am
A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away (Scotland) I actually gave a shit about Star Wars video games.

3.33am
This Disney Demo will be a gif goldmine for all enternity!

3.29am
That is a genuine, genuine surprise.

3.28am
WHAT!? Minecraft on 360! EXCLUSIVE? With Kinect! What. The Hell.

3.26am
Microsoft is really pushing Kinect functionality in ‘core’ games. This is a good thing. I think. Also important to note that this guy is sitting down during the Fable demo.

3.24am
Make my E3 dreams come true Peter. Make them come true my liege.

3.22am
This is where I pretend to understand racing sims.

Actually this Forza trailer is rad. Awesome song as well.

3.21am
Ohhhhhh… remastered original Halo maps for Xbox LIVE. JUST HOOK IT TO MY VEIN. UGGGGGHHHHHHH!

So excited! HALO PISTOL!

3.20am
Halo monks= insta-boner.

3.19am
Ah, this is Ryse. No way this is good.

3.18am
Ooooh, what’s this?

3.16am
Ice T plays video games wearing sunglasses. Makes sense. Also – Gears now has boss Mechs. And you can take cover behind them.

3.14am
Awesome move getting Ice T to help out with the demo. Also – Epic truly understand scale in the Gears of War series. And pacing. And fun in general. Big fan.

3.12am
Aw sheeeeeeeeeeet! Ice T! Where’s Coco?

3.12am
Gears of War 3!

3.11
Love how this guy is doing the Don Mattrick patented ‘one hand in pocket I’m casual, honest’ standing position.

EDIT: Americans, you stop whooping like idiots now.

3.10am
Oh, this stuff is pretty slick. But I’m a UFC fan. I’m imagining there’s a lot of bored people in the crowd right now.

3.08am
What! DANA WHITE? You are the most bald man in the universe.

3.07am
WHA! THEY ACTUALLY MENTIONED AUSTRALIA FOR LIVE TV! THAT’S WHERE WE’RE FROM!

3.06
When I hear Bing I think Chandler Bing. Surely I’m not alone in this.

EDIT: Thought that girl was about to download some X-men torrents!

3.05
BING ON XBOX LIVE. Lol! THE DEAD EMPTY SILENCE.

3.02am
Where is AUSTRALIA’S VOICE CONTROL!!! ARGH!

3.01
Say what you want about those pretend Frenchies – they have no fear when it comes to embracing new technology. 3.00am
This is nifty. I can see people going mental when I show friends this. I really like this direction.

2.59AM
See this is much more interesting. Voice control and motion to adapt your weapons. Awesome.

2.58am
STOP PRETENDING TO BE FRENCH YVES! THE GIG IS UP!

2.55am
Ooh. More Mass Effect 3 at EA briefing. Guess I’m not sleeping tonight.

2.55am
To be honest – don’t see myself using this. Mass Effect 3 looks incredible regardless. Combat looks slick.

2.54
So you speak out words that you don’t actually end up saying in game? Hmmm. A wee teensy bit gimmicky. Not essential by any means.

2.54
To be used in conversation. Intriguing. Oh this is swanky.

2.53
Mass Effect 4 HAS KINECT WITH VOICE RECOGNITION. PLEASE BE AWESOME.

2.51am
Shit just got real. Mass Effect 3.

2.50
FIFA has bloody Kinect? What! Also – Peter Moore, I wish you were my Dad. You could be my dad.

Maybe Peter Moore is my Dad.

2.49am
Open environments promised. If they combine this with the linear claustrophobia they could be onto a winner.

2.48am
It’s like that bit in the Goonies! HEY YOU GUYS!

2.48am
Really loving the vibe of the vulnerable protagonist in Lara Croft.

2.48am
This feels claustrophobic. I think I might enjoy this.

2.46am
Going for a real Uncharted vibe with this. Scripted pacing, smart visuals. Solid voice acting. So far so good.

2.44am
YES. Lara Croft.

2.43am
Ooh! Television hint. RELEASE IN AUSTRALIA: 2018.

2.42am
He’s not wearing a tie. He’s smart casual.

2.42am
[Don Mattrick moonwalks onto stage.]

Damn this guy has class. Style. He has it all. I LOVE YOU DON!

2.40
Tanktops are sexy. BELIEVE.

2.39am
Got a feeling a Call of Duty backlash will hit hard post this game.

2.35
Hate to be cynical. But finding it hard to get excited about MW3. It’s like a magic trick I’ve seen and already worked out. Looks great though, as always.

2.33am
BREAKING NEWS: Explosions WILL be in the new MW3 game.

2.32am
Lol! It was a big joke! Robert what-his-face made the controller not work on purpose so you knew it was in-game. REVOLUTIONARY THINKING.

2.30am
Modern Warfare to start? Boof.

2.29
And here we go, etc.

2.27am
Let’s get our ‘my body is ready’ jokes out of the way shall we?

2.25am
Oh! Five minutes. Hook it to my vein [pepsi max]

2.22am
Why can’t I do Michael Pachter’s job? Seriously. Anyone could do his job. Please give me money.

2.18am
Have abandoned tea mission. Tea is weak and rubbish. Now craving Pepsi Max like you wouldn’t believe.

2.15am
Tea Russian Roulette. Do I have time to make another cup of tea?

2.13am
So I rushed and did a panic pee for nothing! Where is the justice in that?!

2.08am
According to Major Nelson’s twitter, the event is kicking off at 2.30am. STOP STRINGING ME ALONG!

2.04am
Come on! Let’s get this thing going! I’m bored. It’s too hot in here. I’m old, etc, etc.

1.59am
Bathroom break Russian Roulette successful. I’m back!

1.57am
Alright bathroom break time. I’m going. Who’s with me! [Awkward silence]

1.52am
Alright man. I’m in my wife’s dressing gown. I have a pair of underpants on. My feet are a little bit cold. I’m ready for this. Although I’ll have to keep my US style whoopin’ and hollerin’ down in case I wake my wife up.

In other news. I have no Pepsi Max. This is a bad situation.


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