Having another crack at Heavy Rain. I’ll give it this much, it’s certainly unlike anything else I’ve ever played but to be honest, once the novelty of being able to make this dude take a piss in pretty much every scene he’s in wears off the frustration of not being able to make him CALL THE POLICE is massive.
For a game that leans so heavily on story to keep you playing it could have used another 20 or 30 rewrites.
YOU LOSE AGAIN, STORYTELLING IN video games.
Still, digital pissing.
I’m not 100% sure what the first ever video game toilet I encountered was (probably Jet Set Willy. Or How To Be A Complete Bastard, that would definitely have had a toilet in it) but Red Dead Redemption is almost certainly the first time I’ve ever encountered an in game arc of piss. Feels like I rarely play a game that doesn’t feature at least one toilet in it, nice to see this one get some use. More so than my actual toilet probably, given that my sick old arse refuses to let anything go these days.
Anyway, modern video games are fucking OBSESSED with toilets. They are everywhere. I saw this bad boy less than five minutes into Rage.
Just the other day I was playing the latest Deus Ex, a game about “the ethics of transhumanism, of humanity’s reach exceeding its grasp” and was faced with this:
Mostly though I never in my life thought I’d live long enough to see, nor did I particularly ever want to see where Link has a shit.
Some poor fucker has to build all these digital bogs.
Michael J Dolan is a stand up comedian who plays games more than he works. You can see more of his stuff at Dress to Depress.
Republished with permission.
Josh
Tuesday, January 17, 2012 at 3:19 PMI remember playing around with the Crysis (original) sandbox tool and finding the command to make the npc actors urinate.
I thought it was hilarious watching a korean soldier I scripted to walk to the end of a warf, and start taking a leak on a pile of explosive barrels… which I then shot.
Scott
Tuesday, January 17, 2012 at 3:20 PMI had a bad experience with video game toilets once. I’m not sure which game it was exactly but it was a horror game. I think I repressed it from my memory or something but I know something really scary, a ‘jump moment’ occurred in a video game toilet. Ever since then, whenever I go into a digital dunny I get a sense of trepidation and fear.
Quizmaster_B
Tuesday, January 17, 2012 at 4:08 PMI want to say Silent Hill 1…for some reason, the sound of radio static in the loo always makes me uneasy ever since I played that game.
Stu
Tuesday, January 17, 2012 at 8:17 PMI do remember in the school, in one of the toilets, when walk in you hear a girl crying. Scared the crap outta me the first time I heard it. I love that game so much. :)
Lone Wolf
Tuesday, January 17, 2012 at 3:34 PMLoses points for not talking about fallout, dead rising and Conker’s bad fur day, but gains points for Skyward Sword.
Telextial
Tuesday, January 17, 2012 at 5:28 PMFallout is the only one that follows Bear Gryll’s advice, though.
Di11enger
Tuesday, January 17, 2012 at 3:49 PMPostal 2. Watched my friend playing it in high school shocked me quite a bit.
Mase
Tuesday, January 17, 2012 at 3:50 PMI remember reading something about in the first 3 Resident Evil games, there was only 1 toilet in all of Racoon City; and it only appears in RE2
Femto
Tuesday, January 17, 2012 at 3:55 PMI don’t like when a game lets you use a toilet but doesn’t let you wash your hands.
Telextial
Tuesday, January 17, 2012 at 5:29 PMI don’t like when a game lets you use a toilet but doesn’t let you wash your face.
Effluvium Boy
Tuesday, January 17, 2012 at 4:06 PMBorderlands Toilets are probably the most useful.
Scruffy
Tuesday, January 17, 2012 at 4:57 PMNo More Heroes. The toilets were the save points.
Comment
Tuesday, January 17, 2012 at 4:14 PM“Mostly though I never in my life thought I’d live long enough to see, nor did I particularly ever want to see where Link has a shit.”
There was a toilet in Majora’s Mask, although there’s no reason to think Link actually used it.
Especially when there’s a guy stuck in there (or is it just a disembodied arm?)
[Razor]
Tuesday, January 17, 2012 at 4:19 PMWhat, no mention of Duke Nukem 3D?
“Ahhh, much better.”
10+ HP once a level! IT SERVED A PURPOSE.
Stu
Tuesday, January 17, 2012 at 8:14 PMThat was probably my first experience with a digital toilet. I found it very humorous back then.
Chuloopa
Tuesday, January 17, 2012 at 4:19 PMDon’t forget Splinter Cell: Conviction, where you smash a guys face into a urinal reall good
Mazer
Tuesday, January 17, 2012 at 4:49 PMHow To Be A Complete Bastard! I haven’t thought of that game in years! I played it off a cover tape from Amstrad Action I think.
Tyre+superglue+toilet seat = Massive points!
oldtimer
Tuesday, January 17, 2012 at 8:39 PMahhhh , good old postal 2, the only game where u can set someone on fire, knock their burning head off with a shovel then play soccer with the burning head until you decide to put it out by unzipping and pissing on it…
N0NEoftheAB0VE
Wednesday, January 18, 2012 at 12:33 AMThere’s an audience for that???!
Main ones I thought of were Dead Rising 2 and No More Heroes which use the toilets as save points – which seems about right…
I can’t beleive they put a toilet in Zelda – that’s like putting a toilet in the Mickey Mouse clubhouse
Picky
Wednesday, January 18, 2012 at 9:14 AMI dunno if anyone else noticed but link ain’t wearin no undies