In Real Life

Welcome To The Best Of Craigslist Crazies. You'll Need Your D&D Books And Adult Diapers.

Some Craigslist ads sound too awesome or crazy to be true. That’s where the ‘Best Of’ page comes in: a Craigslist reader-nominated compilation of the best ads on Craigslist. Craigslist is already infamous for its ads, so you can imagine what sort of thing surfaces in a best-of list. I went through ‘em and found a few eyebrow-raising gaming ones.

The Bachelor Party

Like a lot of dudes that are getting married, this guy wanted to throw a bachelor party. A D&D game to be exact. But here’s the twist: he put out an ad looking for a topless female Dungeon Master.

Here is a snippet:

I ensure you that nothing else is expect of you other than an exciting adventure.

Requirements:

Dungeon Master experience in Dungeons and Dragons (preferably in 3rd or 3.5 Editions)

Must be able to provide a picture including the face and body (No nudes please.)

It is preferable that cup size be at least C or greater.

If books are needed it must be stated ahead of time however it would be preferable if the DM had her own.

Clientele:

There will be 5 “guys” that will be participation including myself.

Why is it “guys” in scare-quotes?

Seeking World of Warcraft Casual Fling

This woman knows what she wants, and she wants someone to have sex with her while she plays World of Warcraft.

Do you like to PvP in the World of Warcraft? Do you want to have sex with a girl playing arena in the eighteen-hundreds bracket? Do you want to have sex with me WHILE I play arena? Continue reading..

You’d have to be, err, versatile with what you’re willing to do, including being OK with her friend listening in on you guys. But more importantly!

You must be familiar with the game.

FAKE GAMER BOYS NEED NOT APPLY.

Really, you should read the full thing. It’s…descriptive in ways I probably shouldn’t quote.

Not Your Average Date

This guy is tired of your typical dinner-and-a-movie date. Hell, he’s tired of your typical woman. He needs someone special to let him ‘lash out’ in public. In an adult diaper.

I’m looking for someone who will allow me to “act out” in public and can react appropriately. I’m tired of dating boring, tepid, insipid politically correct women. I want a liberal woman in the most true sense; not your messenger bag carrying, bike riding, garden variety gender-defender. Can you call someone a cunt in a public place without changing your tone and use the word to refer to your vagina in the same sentence? Do you agree with the opinion that women are terrible drivers, bad actors, and even worse musicians? Would you enjoy getting fucked by a man in a diaper? If so,

He goes on to describe what an example of a date could be, including pretend incest, asking for “all the ice creams,” pretending to discipline him, and

We will go to the video game store where you will “turn me loose” and pretend to talk on your phone absent mindedly outside of the store. I will harass the employees and ask them “OH! Can I have disth game?!” around a hundred times, once for each different game I see behind the counter. “Dat one” I will say as they try in vain to determine which product I am pointing out while staring at the ceiling or floor.

Ten minutes or so should be enough time for me. You will then come collect me, awkwardly apologise, and we will leave the store for the womens restroom where you will proceed to change my diaper in front of the changing station.

It gets even better. You should read it in full here. I’m not even sure what to make of this ad.

Stop Pairing Me With Those Stupid Nerds, GOD

This woman is tired of the people Craigslist keeps setting her up with. This includes people who play video games.

I think we need to talk about our relationship. You’ve been a good friend to me in the past, we have shared some fun, some laughs, some deals. But Craig, I need to talk to you about the kind of guys you try to hook me up with.

I understand that finding two compatible souls is hard work. I respect your efforts, I really do. However, I think there is a fundamental flaw in your overall approach, Craig. Lets look at some examples:

In the past, I said I liked guys who are athletic and outgoing; you sent me boys who consider video games a sport and think that meeting new gamers in World of Warcraft is social.

By the end of the letter she guesses that Craigslist is trying to game her by only setting her up with the opposite of what she’s looking for. So, here are her new requirements:

Craig: it has become obvious to me that you believe that extreme opposites attract. I see your game, and I raise you. Craig: please find me a short, bald, uninteresting, middle aged man with no sense of humour and a small penis who loves Classical Music and hanging out at home with his kids and cat.

Ah, I love Craigslist. I wonder how many of these were real? …all of them were, weren’t they? Oh god, of course they’re all real.


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