How Not To Woo A Gamer On OKCupid [Video]

I stumbled across this on my social media feed and was too horrified not to share. If you've ever wondered why male gamers have such a misogynistic reputation, this one-way exchange on a dating website lays it all out on the table. It is ugly. You will cringe.

OKCupid is the best! is a YouTube series by female blogger 'solikebasically'. In each episode, our poker-faced host gets her computer to read out the latest messages in her OKCupid inbox.

In the clip below, she comes under the attention of a male gamer who attempts to forge a connection over their shared love of joypads (warning: swearing and abhorrent behavior ensues).

Seriously, did that just happen? Way to overact over getting the cold shoulder, guy. In the past, we've looked at how some women shy away from revealing their gaming habits on OKCupid. When stuff like this can happen, is it really any wonder?

Now before you all fly off the handle, I realise non-gamers are equally capable of such disgusting behavior. But that's like playing the "not as bad as Saddam" card. We should be better than this. Humanity should be better than this. Can't we all just get along?

See also: I Don't Want My OKCupid Dates To Know I Like Video Games Bad Romance: The Terrible World Of Video Game Dating Sites


Comments

    Hoooly shit was that terrible. I'm not going to pretend that I'm the smoothest guy when it comes to chicks, but god damn!

    Last edited 19/12/13 3:35 pm

      I particularly like the way he comes out and says "he is a gamer from Houston" does not ask any questions about her (i wonder if he even looked in her profile after he saw she likes NES games) and does not say anything else about himself... Smooth. :P

    O_o

    Oh wow. I guess you shouldn't expect much from someone with a username "Fuckmaster" but... STILL...

    It's for this, and a million other reasons, I'd rather be a male gamer, even if we all get lumped into the same cesspool with folks like FM sometimes.

      Its a real shame about the way "most" female gamers are treated. My gf loves GTA V and was into the online portio, eventually asked me to use the headset to communicate for her because of the abuse she was getting. Now she wont even go near the headset at all.

    People are strange and off-putting. XD

      And that's before they do shit like this

        nah…. this is just a taste of what's to come of how that dude is going to be behaving…

          You mean...paranoid, possessive... stalker.... rapist... Convicted Criminal?

    I don't currently have the capability to check her youtube, but if she has monitised the videos then I will instantly assume the vast majority of them are fake and designed to maximise her profit.

    If the videos are not monitised, they might just be true.

      Its the internet, I doubt she has much call to fake anything.

        I have a gamer girlfriend, I understand they get shit thrown at them alot.
        The fact that she is a woman is, however, completely irrelevant. Anyone, any gender, can fake things.

        I'm not saying she did, I'm just saying she might have.

        I'm one of those people who automatically searches for ulterior motives.

        Last edited 20/12/13 10:10 am

          It's possible for her to be telling the truth *and* have ulterior motives.

          On the whole, it's the most common combination.

      Hold on, your first instinct is not to assume that some areshat writes dick messages, which is a pretty fucking prevalent thing on the internet, but that she fakes the videos?

      Wow.

        You'd be surprised how often this mentality gets thrown around. Just go read any thread on a site like Reddit that deals with gender issues and in particular sexual assault. It's very troubling.

          Reddit and women/sexism issues is never a good mix.

          I believe wholeheartedly that all genders are equal. It is unfortunate that I was misinterpreted to be talking about women.

          The gender is utterly irrelevant.

          EDIT: talking, not walking.

          Last edited 20/12/13 2:13 pm

        I would say its pretty prevalent for people on YouTube to fake this sort of thing so...

        Last edited 19/12/13 6:20 pm

          Where do you get this impression from? Is there a lot of this going on that I'm missing?

            Riavan's testimony is all the courts need. Guy knows what's up.

              Indeed. I just shout objection in your ear till you agree.

              You know those imessage jokes with the text convoys - turns out most of them are fake and were just made for laughs. Your mind is now blown.

              Last edited 19/12/13 11:48 pm

        I'm all for equality. Guys are equally as capable of faking events to create monitised youtube videos as women are.

        The fact that the uploader of the videos is a woman is precisely as irrelevant as if it was a guy.

    Oh god, is his name buck master or fuck master?

    ah the internet. letting us all see what tools are out there. gamers or not, the world is full of fuckwits. simple as that.

    She done messed up, now she will never get to have casual sex with the fuckmaster. Poor girl, she should try not being so old and fat next time??

    I know right, the right way to woo a female gamer is to mercilessly destroy them in whatever their game of choice is. This creates a feeling of shame and need for validation, this is when you strike.

    FM is quite obviously just a kid.
    Probably about 15 or 16 based on the chosen wording and especially the subtle addition at the end about the teeth.
    Give away juvenile mindset.

    clearly gaming leads to harassment…. non gamers would never ever do that sort of thing.
    seriously though, not cool.

    I think it was Funkmaster? Either way, well played d00d.

    I have zero sound at the moment, but even just watching her face as she reacts to what she's hearing is funny enough in itself.

    "Now before you all fly off the handle, I realise non-gamers are equally capable of such disgusting behavior. But that’s like playing the “not as bad as Saddam” defense. We should be better than this. Humanity should be better than this. Can’t we all just get along?"

    The problem is that when you ONLY show abhorrent behaviour from one particular social group, it demonises them. I mean, surely you know that? Demonising women for acting, dressing, doing anything against what was considered ideal by men got them stereotyped and issued a role based on something totally arbitrary. I don't see how ONLY showing evidence supporting the issue, completely sheltering it from all scrutiny and treating people who criticise any aspect of it like they don't have any genuine, relevant concerns really helps. I'm not saying it has anything to do with the issue, just the idea that all concerns and criticisms lumped from one group is always more valid than the other is to me, exactly the definition of prejudice.

      That comment struck me as a little odd and underhanded too. It's essentially condemning the male gamer population whilst removing any ability to point out the very valid observation that this is not something specific to gamers and the guy was just a nasty human in general. His being a gamer had nothing to do with it other than providing a small number of topics for his diatribe. In fact, by making the issue solely revolve around him being a male gamer only serves to further exacerbate the perception by most other people that all male gamers are like this rather than addressing the real problem that males should not act like this towards females.

      This is a THING because we know by now it happens a lot. Like it or not, there's a filthy underbelly to the gaming community of men who either lack social skills to the point of offense, or are just plain creepers. Not women, but men.

      It's a stereotype with a sound basis in reality and the reason you keep posting your complaints is simply because the rock is being lifted on it in recent years, with more women coming out and complaining - where previously women didn't have a loud enough voice in the community for it to be dealt with openly.

      Your FOX NEWS - FAIR AND BALANCED approach is utterly counter productive. This is a real problem with a definite source. The issue is that the gaming community collects a higher concentrated percentage of people with these kinds of issues, and that is something that absolutely should be examined for what it is, not put alongside 'BUT WOMEN ARE AWFUL TOO' or 'NORMAL PEOPLE ARE AWFUL TOO' to salve the conscience of these creeps.

      This is not about demonisation, it's about the first stage of raising awareness, by not burying issues. It's about giving women the confidence to speak out when this happens, given they expect to be yelled down by the primarily white male audience of places like this.

      Yes, this is not specific to gaming. The rugby community for example has MUCH worse issues towards women in certain areas. So what? They deal with their issues, we deal with ours.

      And ours is that we have a truckload of nerds in our subculture, many of whom lack social skills to one degree or another. When that collides with unwanted sexual attention, the result is nasty.

      So rather than squawking 'LEAVE GAMERS ALOOOOONE', how about we just accept this is an issue, sack up, and deal with it?

      That means calling people on this when it happens, allowing women to feel supported and taking steps to educate offenders.

      We're only just in the first phase here, and the next step is to stop people (and by people I mean white males) from trying to wave this issue away. Once we've done that, then the next phase is educating these people in proper behaviour and showing them that we won't tolerate it if they refuse to behave acceptably.

    Actually I'm not entirely sure of the legitimacy of this vid/story
    While I don't condone this sort of behaviour, if you look at her vid of her "brushing her teeth" I can see why she attracts this sort of response, disgusting as that response may be to me, and most others

    First of fake. And if it isn't, then she deserved it anyway. If you try to reach out to someone, even it was a bit awkward and embarrassing. to be COMPLETELY ignored is MASSIVELY rude. All she needed to do was say "Sorry, I don't think you're my type" or chat to him for 5 mins. To ignore someone is to dehumanize them, and I think girls on dating sites do this WAY to much.

      There's no obligation to reply. Put yourself in the girl's shoes: from what I understand, girls on dating sites receive dozens of messages a week (waaaaaay more than guys).

      If she happens to be socially awkward or shy (often a key indicator of someone who goes on a dating website), then that's a pretty daunting pile of messages to wade through, especially if each one is a rejection. In her shoes, I would have ignored the barely literate ones like this guy's messages, too (ESPECIALLY with a username like Fuckmaster).

      Last edited 19/12/13 9:59 pm

        That doesn't change my argument. If you ignore someone, it dehumanizes them, they get upset, some of them abuse you. If you can't accept that side of humanity, don't go on dating websites.

        The issue I was trying to make is; she ignored this guy, made it fairly clear she was ignoring him, and then he gets upset and vents and of course he's the loser, he's the abuser, he's the bad guy here, that girl did nothing wrong, she is perfect, guys are crazy and sexist. She accepts NO blame for her part in creating this situation, she just blew some guy off, she hurt his feelings, he's obviously on a dating website because he struggles with getting a GF, is lonely, and then he get chicks like this ignoring him, and then posting this shit on YouTube to make him look like an ass. That sort shit would drive a man to kill himself, or shoot up a school, or rape someone.

        People need to accept that sometimes, when people treat you like an asshole. maybe you did something to deserve it. Just consider your actions before posting it on YouTube.

          P.S. His username wasn't Fuckmaster. That would get filtered on dating sites. That's also not what the word fuck sounds like on that computer voice she is using. I can't make out the actual name though.

          Look, I'm sorry, I just cannot believe you are defending that outburst as justifiable in any way, shape or form.

            I'm not justifying his actions. I'm condemning hers. He did the wrong thing, but so did she by dehumanizing him. But she obviously don't see things that way because she decided to post it on YouTube for the lolz. That's the issue, she is just as much in the wrong as him. Ignoring a person, and then telling the world that that person is a jerk because he got upset is just as bad...

              And your opinion is dangerous and exactly what people are fighting against these days. It's people like that creep who lash out at women if they don't respond the way they want them to that is the issue. Saying she was in the wrong, or just as much as he was, is completely misunderstanding the bigger issue that a lot of men have this mentality that women OWE them something.

              Do some digging around on 'nice guy syndrome' and just remember that she doesn't owe him anything, whether it be a polite "No thanks" or a simple "F--k off". The very fact he responded the way he did, ignored or not, is the real issue.

          To a point i would disagree. I am not denying that it's a horrible feeling when you put yourself out there and get no reply. I can empathise with how this guy is feeling but i can also understand how she might have her reasons in not replying as well. Now her reasons might be completely justified or they may be completely spiteful but this isn't the issue.

          What she did might be cruel but how he reacted is on him and the hard truth is that the ONLY person responsible for HIS own actions is HIMSELF ALONE. She didn't make him do anything. Sure her actions may have encouraged his reaction and his own past experiences probably reinforced his instinctive behaviour. But the key problem is that HE made the choice to lose his temper, HE made the choice to write back, HE made the choice to insult her and abuse her, and HE made the choice to send the letter. None of those steps were forced by her. She is in no way, shape or form responsible for his actions, that burden is for him and no one else.

          As a cultural whole everyone needs to start taking responsibility for their own actions and stop dodging responsibility for their actions by claiming that other people "made us do it" or that they "deserve it". There is always more than one course of action and though those choices might be so hard to make us feel like we don't have the choice at all, the truth is that we ALWAYS have the choice.

          Otherwise if we are to say that our actions are not our own fault, or that others are to blame, or that other people deserve it then every thief, murderer, rapist, and criminal should be released instantly because it's not their fault. Someone else made them do those things, "my boss had it coming", "she was asking for it", "they provoked me".

          You may not be trying to justify his actions but unintentionally you are encouraging them by saying that these things are okay as long as the other person was an jerk too. He could have written her a letter calling her out or asking for an explanation without the abuse, but he didn't and that is HIS fault.

          Sorry, aha, no. When it comes to relationships/flirting/etc like this, no one is obliged to reply to or acknowledge anyone. He got ignored. So what? It's the ultimate "not interested" sign. Am I obliged to make some small conversation with someone who tries to start flirting with me on the train, just to not be rude? No way, I'm not here to make them feel better, just as she's not there to accommodate a stranger's hurt feelings.

          She has NO onus to do anything with anyone on that website, regardless if they message her or not. You know what he could have done? Realised she ignored him, got upset, and then NOT messaged horrible things at her.

          Besides, do you really think his response would be any nicer if she had replied with "thanks, but I'm not interested"?

            "Besides, do you really think his response would be any nicer if she had replied with "thanks, but I'm not interested"?"

            Yes I do.

            And I think you are all a little unrealistic. Things like this happen due to cause and effect. People do things, which cause other people to do thing, etc. I'm not saying he was in the right, I'm not saying his actions are ok (Which you all seem to think I am. But maybe you should re-read my posts, or maybe I didn't make it clear enough). I'm saying that, if you treat someone badly, expect them to treat you the same. Don't just sit there and say, I did nothing, I don't deserve this.

            That's exactly what happened with September 11th. The US had been bombing Muslims for decades, and a small group of fanatics decided that enough was enough and flew some planes into a couple of buildings. But of course, it wasn't America's fault, they were completely innocent victims. Cause and effect. Blow up Muslims for years causes fanatic rebellion. Blowing off a desperate guy on a dating website, causes abusive stalking messages. To sit there and then say, you a jerk and I am innocent, and didn't deserve that treatment in the slightest is rather vein.

            In the end, my point is, accept the fact, that your actions, CAN and WILL cause others to do things. Sometimes those things are nice, sometimes they are bad. She needs to accept that her actions, played a role in his actions. This "people are responsible for their own actions" still applies with my views, he still acted inappropriately, he still made the choice to act that way. He could have acted in many different ways and he didn't, that is on him. But she can't sit their and say "I did nothing wrong. I don't deserve this", which appears to be her intent, by posting it on YouTube calling this guy out for being a jerk.

              Congratulations on your 'MOsT InsANe POSt of TEh WEEKZ!' award. The 9/11 reference was solid gold wackiness, mad props for at least using Al Qaeda instead of the Nazis.

              Her actions didn't cause him to be a creepy disturbed stalker - he already was a creepy disturbed stalker.

              She didn't do anything to him. She has no obligation to reply and, picking up that he's probably a creepy disturbed stalker from the outset, replying is dangerous for a woman.

              There's nothing you can say to someone this mental that will have them say 'OK NO WORRIES I WILL GO BACK TO MY FORTRESS OF LOVE PILLOWS UNDER THE STAIRS AND STARE FOR A DAY AT MY FIFTY VOCALOID POSTERS WHILE WEEPING SOFTLY, YOU HAVE A NICE LIFE.'

              Any response is going to generate mentalism, as the dude is mentally unwell. He needs help, and people like him should be prevented from interacting on dating sites.

                I disagree, and your generalisation of this persons life isn't very constructive. You're making very large assumptions on his mental state. I love how you state that replying to someone can be dangerous for a woman, so creating a dating site profile in the first place with your picture, general area and possibly, your working information is safer? To be honest, if anyone here has mental health vibe, it would be you with your liberal use of caps lock. I will also, remind you all again. I'm not agreeing with this mans actions.

                  rkaycom, not actually a creepy stalker but #1 with creepy stalkers.

                  So you think he doesn't have mental issues ?

                  Therefore you think leaving messages like that is normal mental behaviour?

                  Stay away from dating sites and women in general, please.

    Edit: Opps, double post...

    Last edited 19/12/13 9:49 pm

    Watching this video made me want to apologise on behalf of all gamers to the girl in the clip. Reading most of the comments on here made me want to apologise more. Sad that our culture is stuck in adolescence still.

    Far be it from me to be the one person defending WoW (played for years, quit for good at least until next xpac), but you can't accuse Blizzard of being sexist with their in-game armour. The female armour sets are exactly the same as the male, albeit with boob space.

      You appear to have wandered into you wrong comment thread :-P

    The really sad and screwed up thing about this video is how common that kind of lashing out is. Let this just give you some perspective when you approach a gal via online dating—sometimes you're not hearing back from her because you need to convince her in that cold open email that you're NOT going to devolve into a misogynistic bitter asshat like this guy did before you've even met in person, you know?

    It *is* possible to make a great impression to a stranger, with a well-written message and a seriously awesome profile. I help guys break down this initial meeting barrier all the time. But guys like the one in this video generally aren't self-aware enough to know they need my services, so I can't reach them, hehe. Not sure I'd want to work with them anyway, but it's a shame I don't feel like I can make a dent on that kind of behavior.

    I don't really understand why this guy's lack of an IQ, personality or social skills should be linked to him being a gamer.. Yeah he's a gamer, so what. He speaks english, therefor all english speakers should lift their game to make up for douches like this. Hey he's American, all Americans get out there and find these guys and get rid of them because they give you a bad name... Hey he uses the internet, all internet users find him and get him to apologise..

    My point being he's a psycho, weirdo, social retard whatever you want to label him as.... But why that side of him needs to be linked to being a gamer (or a male, or a american, or straight or whatever) is totally dumb. It's completely irrelevant and pointless.

    I get the point that groups within society contain idiots and if those groups encourage better behaviour and actively provide a lead in how their members should behave it can help society. But really these days we need to stop looking at gamers as a group, even the term 'gamers' is stupid. Do we call people who read books 'readers' or internet users 'net surfers' or something? gaming is so mainstream that it's just another hobby/entertainment medium like TV, books, film and people who like it don't need to be labelled as a group within society, it's just a particular taste. Although I will admit 24/7 full on gaming nerds are another story, but that can be said for any group of people who obsess over something to the point it defines their life.

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