No Cat Is Complete Without A Set Of Leather Battle Armour

No Cat Is Complete Without A Set Of Leather Battle Armour

Of course your cat just lays about the house sleeping, eating and pooping all day — it doesn't have proper protection. Unlock your cat's full potential with a suit of hand-crafted leather body armour.

Dogs are the fearless warriors of the pet scene, charging into battle, heedless of danger. Cats are rogues, slinking silently through the shadows, stepping into the light only long enough to strike a fatal blow to any home intruders foolish enough to enter their domain. Or they would be, if you'd outfit them properly.

Etsy shop Schnabuble, maker of many fine human costume pieces, decided our feline friends had gone unarmored long enough. This is their answer to that problem, modelled by the lovely Selani.

No Cat Is Complete Without A Set Of Leather Battle Armour

Completely hand-made from durable veg-tan leather, this is no mere costume piece. Your cat will become an unstoppable force for slaughter in this fully articulated suit, shielding him/her from foes while allowing unimpeded movement across the battlefield or living room floor. The imposing torso section features several riveted, articulated plates and a terrifying rack of dorsal spines. Your cat's hindquarters are sheathed beneath exquisitely arrayed overlapping scales stitched to a soft leather backing, adorned with nickel silver dome rivets. Midnight black scales and plates are finished with a glossy protective coat and seamlessly join together like the petals of a deadly flower. Adjustable at the collar with elastic and two nickel silver buckles, and at the belly with grommeted corset-style lacing for a secure, comfortable fit.

The armour covers all the bases. It's black, so it helps even the brightest of cats meld with the shadows. It's durable, without being cruel. And, most importantly, it does not cover your cat's anus, which they have to show to you at least five or six times a day, lest they lose their magic powers.

No Cat Is Complete Without A Set Of Leather Battle Armour

Sadly, only one magnificent suit of Cat Battle Armour is available, and it costs $US500 — more than your cat is worth. Expensive, but no price is too high when it comes to making your cat look as lost and confused as this one.

Cat Battle Armour [Etsy]


Comments

    While my cats do lay about sleeping all day, I am very thankful that they don't poop all day, that would be concerning.

    I always said Khaijit's were the best character to play in Skyrim.

    That armor is so not realistic! It's non-functional and sexist

    ... oh wait, this is about cats... Never mind.

      I'd like a little pussy. Mine's as big as a house.

        I read 'horse' for some reason...

        I guess I was just opening the article hoping for an Oblivion horse armor joke, for some reason.

        Kudos for the quote.... Musha

    Sadly, only one magnificent suit of Cat Battle Armour is available, and it costs $US500 — more than your cat is worth

    My cat heard that, now he is coming to kill you.

    But first a nap.

    One of my cats is going to need an extra extra large one thanks.......

    It's kinda cute, but I'll have to pass. I'd rather not risk being murdered in my sleep by a very pissed off cat.

    Still, covers more than standard female fantasy armour does... but as usual, the pussies showing.

    My cat used to be an adventurer but then it took a mouse trap in the knee

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