![Every Sex Scene In The Witcher 3 [NSFW]](https://www.kotaku.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/27/1273774392586224784.jpg?quality=75&w=640&h=360&crop=1)
At its core, The Witcher 3 is a game about two things: hunting monsters and looking sexy. Surely you’ve noticed that Geralt looks like the leading dude of a trashy romance novel, yeah? I can’t be the only one that pauses at Geralt’s obsession with slathering oil on stuff, right?
Before the game even released, the developers, CD Projekt RED, boasted that the game’s sex scenes required 16 hours of motion capture data. While that doesn’t translate to 16 hours of actual sex scenes in the game, The Witcher 3 still gives the player plenty of chances to get it on with all sorts of people. Some of these encounters are hits. Some are misses.
Here are all the sex scenes in The Witcher 3 that we know about so far.
NSFW warning! Spoilers ahead too.
The Unicorn
Picture: AFGuidesHD
Lets start with the scene that everyone has probably seen or heard about already. To be honest, at this point, I’m a little over the unicorn thing. While its ridiculousness stunned me at first, now the entire thing seems like a huge gimmick. The scene was teased an entire month before the Conan ‘reveal.’ The game also starts out with you reading a letter from Yennefer that reminds you that the stuffed unicorn is totally a sex prop for Geralt and Yennefer. OK, CD Projekt Red. I get it. Unicorns!
It doesn’t help that Yen looks kind of Not Into It for a good portion of the scene:
![Every Sex Scene In The Witcher 3 [NSFW]](https://www.kotaku.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/27/1273774392647429264.png?quality=75?quality=75)
Still, I will give it points for being unexpected and hilarious.
The Lighthouse
Picture: AFGuidesHD
Poor Triss. She is too sweet for Geralt’s bullshit. Still, I like this scene: it requires Geralt to be honest with himself about what he wants. Maybe that turns out to be a life in a small town. Or maybe he’s more into having a nomadic happily-ever-after. Your choice!
But what really makes this scene for me is the end. Like the Dragon Age: Inquisition sex scene with the Iron Bull, this Witcher 3 erotic moment has a great sense of humour. I love it.
Prince Charming
Picture: RabidRetrospectGames
Kiera Metz knows what she wants. And what she wants…well, it’s probably not Geralt, to be honest. But he’ll have to do!
What I like about this romance is how playful it is. The elaborate dinner, the horse racing, the hide-and-seek portion of it — all leading into a surprisingly explicit scene.
The Fighter
Picture: AFGuidesHD
With so many hours of mocap, you wouldn’t think that the Witcher 3 would have to resort to reusing some of the moments/animations from other sex scenes, but here we are. Boo.
The Brothels
Picture: Naughty Gaming
At this point, it is clear that Geralt sometimes follows a very specific sex routine that he pulls out all the time. It’s the sort of reveal that makes me doubt whether Geralt is as good in bed as the game wants me to believe!
The Wolves
Picture: AFGuidesHD
This second scene with Yennefer is fantastic. I’m fascinated by the footage shown between the naughty bits. Murderous wolves running after a deer? Animals are a cliche in sex scenes, sure, but this does a great job of capturing the complciated intensity of Yennefer and Geralt’s relationship.
In any other context, you might interpret the prey here as a stand-in for a seduced woman. But not here. Pleasure is the deer. Geralt and Yennefer are both the hunters. God damn.
It’s no wonder that other people sing songs of this love:
Picture: Naughty Gaming
The Threesome
Picture: AFGuidesHD
Behold, the best sex scene in The Witcher 3. Geralt gets tricked, big time. But he kind of deserves it, doesn’t he?
I can’t get over this:
![Every Sex Scene In The Witcher 3 [NSFW]](https://www.kotaku.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/27/1273774392661336464.gif?quality=75?quality=75)
aaaaaa YES.
Gwent Tournament
Picture: kenuty
Turns out, being good at Gwent can mean more than just winning some extra coin. Still, this scene suffers from being similar to so many other sex encounters that Geralt has.
Comments
15 responses to “Every Sex Scene In The Witcher 3 [NSFW]”
I don’t really want to watch these videos, but I’d like to know: is Ciri going to get any?
seeing as Ciri is more like a daughter to Geralt i’d really hope not, would ruin their relationship…
Yeah… it would, but…
But…yeah, it would…
Dude, Ciri could get some from somewhere else, not Geralt. Eww.
And then these scenes get put onto the booru websites
So.. there’s at least 8 “good” scenes, then? That’s good. I don’t really care about the softcore porn of it but just that it seems to complete certain romantic story lines, rather than the constant implications and innuendo in other games. I’ve only experienced one of the scenes so far and it wasn’t like a forced scene like some might make it out to be but a natural story progression.
Spoilers don’t worry me because we all know Geralt is a fan of lovemaking but it just seems ridiculous to post an article on this a week out from release. Can’t we just experience the game for what it is? Was this article really necessary for those that aren’t going to play the game?
Don’t know about you but I came to see the hilarious comments from those who take various issues with the post.
I was not disappointed.
Looks like I don’t need to play the game anymore
Yeah, I didn’t need to play Skyrim after seeing a screen shot of a tree.
Is it just me or does this game look terrible?
Yes! I agree, some screens (I’m guessing high build PC) look incredible, but then you see..this, which in my opinion looks worse than skyrim, you know, a last generation game.
It’s better than Skyrim in every way.
I could help but think the characters look like they’re made of plastic.