Hey, new 8-Bit theater, courtesy of BoingBoing. This week? Two features. One stars Adventure, as it could have been. Or, should have been. The other? Contra, re-imagined as a trippy music clip that hurts both my eyes and ears. Enjoy!

Haven't seen new images for a while. Take these as proof that Square Enix (most likely all of Square Enix) is hard at work on both Final Fantasy XIII and Final Fantasy versus XIII. The new issue of Japanese manga Shonen Weekly Jump has images of both. Of course the release date is still "unannounced," and we're not expecting the games to drop before late 2009 — if we're lucky. Hit the jump for a shot of vsXIII.

SegaWorld's dead, right? Don't tell Sega! They've just signed a deal with Dubai-based property firm Emaar to open a whole load of "indoor theme parks" across...the Middle East and North Africa. The first, to be built in the Dubai Mall, will feature arcade cabinets, more complex/expensive simulators and a roller-coaster, and will be based heavily on Sega's Japanese Joypolis centres. Sega CEO Hajime Satomi:

Entertainment is about living dreams, it is about experiencing joy and culture. In joining with a company of Emaar's stature and power, we hope to convey the pleasure and excitement inspired by great entertainment to people all over the world.

Hey, it's not only businessmen who need English. Nerds need it, too! You know, so they can play import Xbox 360 games and crap like that. Enter Cosplish, which claims to be not only Japan's first Cosplay English school, but the world's. (Matt Alt was telling me, though, that they've had otaku-geared English conversation clubs for years. There are even sites like this or books like Moetan, which are directed specifically at otaku learning English.) The school has its schedule up for February — looks like a couple times a week in Akihabara, each class is an hour long. I gotta agree with Matt Alt: The idea of learning English from a guy dressed as Amuro is terrifying.

Cosplish [Official Site]

Well, should they? It's a question GameDaily are asking: Apple's making big bucks from stylish, intuitive devices and software, so why don't games companies get with the carbon-copying in a bid to increase sales? Examples: Microsoft and Nintendo's reliance on abstract points for their online stores is confusing, while Apple use real money. Microsoft allow publishers to set their own prices for online content, while iTunes has hard limits. The 360's blades are difficult for a novice to navigate, while an iPods' menu is not. The 360 and PS3 are hardly triumphs of design, while Apple products are usually gorgeous, etc etc etc. What do you think? Should gaming companies be learning (and we suspect Nintendo have been quietly doing so for years now) from Apple's success?

What Game Companies Can Learn from Apple [GameDaily]

What better way to promote an Edo period game with women in S&M gear? Noodles! Yep, starting next month, PS3 exclusive Ryu ga Gotoku Kenzan! (aka Yakuza 3) instant udon noodles will go on sale in Japan for ¥210 (aka $US 1.96) a cup. The Ryu ga Gotoku games always get the best promotions. Heck, the first Ryu ga Gotoku held an pre-game event in an actual hostess bar!

Ryu ga Udon [Dengeki Online]

Pokemon Ranger, the mixed entrée to Pokemon Diamond & Pearl's Peking Duck, did OK for itself. Sure, it wasn't a patch on the complete Pokemon experience, but hey, it had the Pokemon name on the box, so it was always going to sell well. Indeed it's sold so well that Nintendo have announced a sequel, which will no doubt do everything the last one did, but with new Pokemon. Exciting!

New Pokemon Announced For DS [IGN]

Sure, reviews don't really matter, do they? Some of you are going to pick up Devil May Cry 4 no matter what. The game's first review hits PSM3 magazine today. From the review:

Most games these days tend to hold your hand all the way through," says PSM3, adding "Devil May Cry is not like that. It'll throw a million demons at you because it wants to, put in half a dozen arbitrary fights in a 30-foot stretch of map, force you to survive for ages on a tiny sliver of health... and then give you a D at the end of the level because you weren't doing enough combos... Weirdest of all, the difficulty curve seems to peak in the middle of the game... There are bits in DMC4 that you'll absolutely love, and bits that you'll hate.

Greatest horses in gaming history? Sure, why not. MTV's Stephen Totilo, aware of the pivotal role they've played in so many of our gaming adventures, is compiling a list of the medium's most memorable steeds. Or, at least, every horse from a game he can remember. And while there are the usual suspects (Agro, Epona) and some unusual - but welcome - suspects (Sunset Riders), I think the list could have done with a few additions.

And like that, clueless columnist Kevin McCullough gets a clue. Sorta. Previously, he claimed that Mass Effect allows players to "engage in the most realistic sex ever conceived." He then try to talk his way out of his blunder with a snide correction. Now, he's finally apologised. He writes:

DS hinge cracks? That's so 2006. Or is it? In the last day or so, we've gotten emails from readers stating that it is still apparently a problem. Kotaku reader John/RickD39 sent us the above pic, while another reader named Kai had his DS Lite crack for the third time. According to Kai, Nintendo told him it will replace Lite cracks once and have corrected its manufacturing process. We're not sure if these are isolated incidents. Perhaps they are, perhaps they aren't. So! Time for a quick show of hands. Anyone else recently get hinge cracks on newly purchased or fixed DS Lites?

Spencer over at Siliconera brings word that Echocrome, Sony's beautiful spacial puzzler, will be released on the Japanese PSN the same day it's released on Japanese PSPs. Which is March 19. Still no word on when anyone else can expect the game, but feel free to import the Japanese PSP version in March. It's not exactly text-heavy. Indeed it's almost text-free.

Echochrome arrives on the PlayStation Store in March [Siliconera]

Buy the FUN game that the big game companies would not ever make.

The Zoo Race [Official Site via Dtoid]

EA's Dead Space - ie Resident Evil, or maybe BioShock, in space - was originally coming on 360 and PS3. Now it's been announced the game will also be appearing on PC. And then appear on all three again, and again, and again. EA's Glen Schofield:

I would definitely like to make future Dead Space games. I'd love for this to become a well established franchise; we've created a huge and rich back story and universe, so other games could easily be made.

No More Heroes creator Goichi Suda says third party Wii games aren't selling. He should know! Even though it faired well critically, nobody in Japan bought his game. (Well, not nobody.) What does Suda think of developing for the Wii? This:

Whilst the sales weren't as high as I hoped, other titles for Wii aren't selling so well either. Only Nintendo titles are doing well. This isn't just because of the current situation in Japan, as this is happening outside Japan... Actually I was very surprised about the reality about Wii, because before I was making this game, I wasn't expecting that Wii would be a console targeted only for non-gamers. I expected more games for hardcore gamers. The reality is different to what I expected.

Third Party Wii Games Aren't Selling [CVG via Games Radar]

It's election season in the US, which means across the country, promises are already being made, power-brokers assured and re-assured, palms applied with healthy doses of grease. And the ESA - your ESA - aren't missing out on the action. They've formed a political action committee, which should be up and running by March, with the aim of donating between $US 50,000 and $US 100,000 towards anyone running for a national office. The ESA's Michael D. Gallagher, who also plans to mobilise the Video Game Voters Network, is excited:

If I can walk into the office of a member of Congress and tell them we have 20,000 voters in their state who are already signed up to write letters and act based on game-related issues that concern them, that's powerful.

Maybe! This is Finger Fracture. Which is an advergame, but it still shows some promise, as it looks like it's taking the iPhones unique features (widescreen, multi-touch) and is actually going to put them to good use. How? On a finger-boarding game. Which controls exactly as you'd imagine. Being an advergame and not a game game, we've no word on release dates (or to be honest if the project's even real), but if time-wasting and cube-gleaming are high on your lists of things to do with your iPhone, some screens and an explanation of the controls are in the gallery below.

Friendly reminder time! We're giving away Culdcept Saga stuff that includes the Xbox 360 game, a poster signed by the game's producer Kohei Takeshige and the soundtrack signed by Takeshige and composer Kenji Ito (who worked on some big Square games in the 90's and is now part of the Super Smash Bros. Brawl composer superteam). Reader Alex sent us along this doozy of an entry, writing:

I had no idea what to do, so I took a stroll through my games last night and saw ICO, and figured it'd go along nicely with the crossing sign. After about an hour or two on Photoshop and 45 minutes with Office Depot's worthless printing staff, I got this gem.

Protip: The language beneath the picture is the one spoken by its characters; it says "crossing".

Poker has never really been our game. It's good for a laugh, but I'm not the gambling type. However, a Japanese cell phone game in which one finds themselves in sexy strip poker situations with anime girls of various professions? Where do I put the 315 yen, exactly? The Gameloft published title, which Ashcraft says is loosely translated as Sexed Up Big Sister Flip Over—though he may be screwing with me—follows the simple formula of taking busty women and presenting them in various states of undress.

You'll play multiple card games against a nurse, secretary, actress, racing queen, police woman and volleyball player, all of the sexy variety, then watch with delight as they are beholden to their disrobing bets, exposing their fine washables. It's a fun sexy time. Technology is really wonderful isn't it? We've come so far.

Sexed Up Big Sister Flip Over [Famitsu]

Microsoft's David Edery, who's Worldwide Games Portfolio Planner for XBL, has posted a few helpful tips on how to get a better demo. Presumably because most demos suck. Like the recent Burnout demo, for example, which I refuse to play again thanks to unskippable tutorials and promo vids. The whole post boils down to a single basic point: give players a taste of the game's strengths, not simply the first 15 minutes of the game. Take Crackdown, for example. Prior to that demo's release, the game wasn't generating much buzz. After the demo, though, in which your abilities had been "fast-tracked", people knew what the game would actually be like, and were going bananas. Same goes for Dead Rising. So devs, note for future reference: remember, a demo's a chance to show us why we should buy your game!

How to Increase Trial, Improve Conversion Rate, and Sell More Games [Game Tycoon, via Game|Life]

The Smash Bros. Dojo has revealed that one of the series' veteran fighters will be returning in Super Smash Bros. Brawl, Princess Zelda's alter-ego Sheik. Like Samus and Zero-Suit Samus, the gender-bending co-star of The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time has a different move set from his/her more royal form. Sheik and Zelda, however, do share a Final Smash. New Wii-caliber pics of Sheik are available at the Dojo Dump, for those who like tight outfits and don't mind a masculine lady.

Sheik [Smash Bros. Dojo]

We were sent this image by tipster Dan today, who says he spotted it during his day-to-day work importing music down in Melbourne.

If the cover art looks familiar, that's probably because the mask-wearing men bear a striking resemblance to Half-Life 2's Combine soldier. The only changes I can see are some colour differences and the addition of a biohazard symbol to their helmets.

According to BNE Virtual Shop, Atomic Pulse specialises in trance music and consists of two people: Tamir Ozana and Yair Bar-On. Direct Source is their third and latest album.

With a name like Direct Source, it's easy to see why the pair decided to use the image of a Combine solider from Half-Life 2. It also makes it hard to argue that this is a mere coincidence. I can easily recognise where the image is from, so I doubt it's been altered enough to sidestep copyright laws.

I just hope they asked Valve nicely for permission to use the image for commercial purposes, or else they might find themselves in a spot of bother in the near future.

My bad. I totally missed Q-Games' Dylan Cuthbert revealing that tower defense PSN title PixelJunk Monsters supports PSP Remote Play on the official PlayStation Blog. Thank heavens I watched this trailer for the PlayStation 3 game today, so that I didn't look like a complete space cadet when my future self would have frantically ran to the Kotaku news desk, swept away the Tifa hentai and typed up the "news" in a sweat next week.

Kotaku US' Luke Plunkett just forwarded through EB Australia's latest email newsletter, completely with a delectable and tantalising offer.

Yes, it's a good one.

For four days, EB will be offering 20% off all its games, as long as you're able to produce the pictured coupon. Obviously, you'd have to have been signed up for the newsletter at the time this was sent out (which was today, I'm guessing) to take advantage of the deal.

If you'd like to catch the next offer, now might be a good time to get on EB Games' spam list.

Update: My bad. All PC games. Thanks to those who spotted my blunder.

The gaming industry lost another long-time contributor yesterday, IGN reports, as Retro Studios senior software engineer Mark Haigh-Hutchinson succumbed to pancreatic cancer. Haigh-Hutchinson's 23-year career spanned stints at both LucasArts and Retro, where he specialised in camera systems and controls. He helped to create beloved games such as Star Wars: Rogue Squadron, Sam 'n' Max Hit the Road, Zombies Ate My Neighbors and the Metroid Prime series. He was also the author of the book Real-Time Cameras, published in 2008.

He leaves behind a wife and two daughters. Mark Haigh-Hutchinson was 43.

Famed Industry Veteran, Retro Studios Programmer Dies [IGN]

It's a good thing that Capcom finally got around to announcing Street Fighter IV, because if they hadn't, today's revelation of Street Fighter Online: Mouse Generation may have sent some fighting fans over the edge, never to return. The Capcom-licensed, Daletto-developed game for Windows drops six-button and joystick controls for something simpler—mouse gestures and clicks. Street Fighter Online: Mouse Generation is played entirely with mouse controls, with left-clicks for punches, right-clicks for kicks and special attacks performed by mouse movement.

Oz Kotakuite Jordan wrote in recently to express his disappointment with the attitudes of online gamers. Specifically, after being defeated in a game of Halo 3, Jordan and his team mates were met with less-than-jovial commiserations from the victors:

As we returned to the lobby, and I had just started saying my routine Good Game and congratulations (I don't like petty arguments online, so am always as friendly as I can be) when I was interrupted by the winning teams cocky and snide remarks. As my team attempted to congratulate them on the victory, as we had many other teams, all they could do was refer to vulgar jokes and insults at our expense. It's as if they'd expected to win as they had long ago sized us up!

I can't say I've ever made negative remarks against another player while online. I get frustrated, sure, but usually it's at myself or my team mates for game-losing mistakes. However in these situations you just accept the fact that everyone's human and shit happens.

You can read the rest of Jordan's story after the jump, and I encourage you to add your own thoughts about the topic.

Xbox.com let slip abnormally early the upcoming downloadable content for Harmonix's Rock Band, giving us a look at the rest of January's add-on tracks. First up are a trio of tracks from Oasis, "Don't Look Back in Anger," "Live Forever," and "Wonderwall." They'll be available the week of January 22nd to Rock Band owners, bringing familial strife and Manchester pop-rock to fans. Gotta start working on my Liam!

For the following week, Harmonix brings us the "Progressive Pack", featuring "Siva" by Smashing Pumpkins, "Working Man" as made famous by Rush, and "Ten Speed (Of God's Blood and Burial)" as made famous by Coheed and Cambria.

The overworked web staff at Xbox.com has since pulled the listings (someone goofed), but those who demand screenshot proof can find it right here.

Rock Band January Song Track Releases [Xbox.com - Image Credit]

It looks like the shoe is on the other foot, or maybe it just dropped, I always confuse my metaphors. Game Politics is reporting that Take-Two is suing Jack Thompson claiming, among other things, that his previous actions have essentially set Jack up as a "private attorney general on behalf of the State of Florida."

The suit is seeking to preemptively stop Thompson's likely complaint against Take-Two's upcoming Grand Theft Auto. It also seeks to recover their attorney fees and other costs incurred in the pending legal action. That's right, they're suing Jack and they want him to pay for it. Nice.

I'm still shocked Jack hasn't been sued for defamation or harassment. I hear his family, aka wife, has super deep pockets.

BREAKING: Take Two Sues Jack Thompson over Manhunt 2, GTA4 [Game Politics]

We don't think you'll be seeing ShocKWav3 or OGRE2 appearing on SportsCenter any time soon, but it would appear that ESPN is taking Major League Gaming at least as seriously as lumberjack competitions, as the outlet has struck a deal with the pro gaming league for coverage. Sure, watching sports reporting on other people playing video games very well may not be your bag—or even a considerable alternative to actually playing games yourself—but it's a big deal for the MLG, we think.

ESPN will be on hand at all of this year's MLG Pro Circuit Competitions, with coverage appearing online at ESPN360.com at the very least. Thrilling, no? The prospect of hearing from your favorite wispy virtual athletes with extremely toned thumbs? Sign us up!

Additionally, we've signed a content agreement with the press release. Our contractual obligation is after the jump.