@big_world: Like dual analog or analog buttons weren't big fat gimmicks when they dropped in the dualshock. Give me a break.

I'd love to see you replicate Metroid Prime 3, No more heroes or Zack & Wiki without this gimmicky controller you hate so much.

If you don't like it, stay away. It's not that complicated.

Sunjammer

@RaepGoblin: That is the funniest idea i've heard in a long time. Kudos.

Sunjammer

@big_world: someone's been drinkin' their haterade. With extra hate sauce.

phinehas

@big_world: At first I didn't like you (bad post).
You may have redeemed yourself.

Erwin

Do I see a Wii Powerglove in those patent designs :O

BassForever

My new plan for the weekend is take a trip to the Goodwill, get some supplies and some duct tape and borrow my friend's Wii. I will then have all the materials for hours of good ol' patent infringement.

Uglyshoe

@Terrorsaur.: QFT @ everything you said, minus the sarcasm part.

>.>

SmilingPolitely

Can you imagine the games that would have materialized from some of these patents?

Gun Handle Challenge - How perfectly aligned can you keep the handle of your gun?

Jacques Cousteau's Scuba Mask Nuisance - Explore the briny deep while balancing a remote on your mask!

Super Smashed TV Sets - Use the bat peripheral with a sweaty palm to demolish any televisions within a 40 foot radius! Up to 4 players!

Battling Grannie's Rockin' Chair: Crochet Edition - Rock out with your sewing kit out! Sway to and fro while knitting and explaining what's wrong with every generation but yours!

big_world

I want that bear.

Im super serious.

If nintendo doesnt deliver, I will give up on the company as a respectable gaming community.

/end sarcasm

Terrorsaur.

The fishing reel makes no sense. The Wiimote is in the reel, so tilting the rod and reeling in a little bit would register exactly the same motion.

Most of these patents are bizarre. It's not like they're really blocking anyone else from filing them - what's the point of making a bike peripheral if there aren't any games to use it? What company would make a game that relied on such a pointless (and expensive to manufacture) peripheral - all it does is measure the pedalling, you can't change direction. And the chair? WTF?

cdammers

Okay, you can't tell me it's any "coincidence" that Nintendo has the Elderly Gamer demographic in a stranglehold.

They patented a rocking chair. Elderly people LOVE that stuff!

big_world

lol, awesome chair. Can't wait for "Wii Sit!"

No Shark Controller, though...

Spiffyness

AG Bear OWNS Teddy Ruxpin.

gam3r

OH DAMN.

Sailorcancer

patent spam

buttpwner

oh god they are bringing the glove back

Cuban__B

Turning into a bunch of patent trolls.

hansamurai

I hope they patent a Wii mote cooler or alarm clock

I could use those

futurexrisen

Haha when I saw the teddy bear stuffed with a wii remote I almost pissed my pants.

Also they already made a golf club wii peripheral.

Triple07

LOL. This has to be an attempt to fend off bad third party stuff. I do really like the teddy bear though. XD

slacker164

@okenny :): The Wiimtoe in a teddy bear is better than a Baby doll...Jsut imagine a Baby shaking simulator...Man convicted of Brain damage to child due to baby shaking...He learnd this in the game Wii Shouldnt do this at Home

Sinnbox

@Erwin: Apologies. It was meant to illustrate the fact I was hitting him/her/smismar with a halibut.

Maldron

The bike is just stupid :)
The motorcycle helmet is a close second :)
The hand strapped Wiimote seems really pointless (get me a rubber band) O_o
The skateboard is just a lawsuit waiting to happen :(
The one that takes the cake is the teddy bear. Why on earth would you stuff a Wiimote in a teddy bear?!!

okenny :)

possibly attempting head off some more questionable add-ons

Oh dear God let's hope it's for that.

sanyo

@TKWarrior: I couldn't have said it better myself... or did I?

Erwin

Holy shit. O_O

GuardianEarth128

Well this is certainly an epic fail, no doubt. But the Wiimote helmet and goggle patent, might just suggest that Nintendo have tested something similar to Johnny Lee's virtual reality display at one point.

Green-clad Gamer Dude

@Erwin: Well, it's more like a strap than a glove. Don't skimp on profit possibility.
@Maldron: I'm trying to figure out this post. Something anti-troll, but I'm still confused. Sorry, my makers didn't install the latest software update.

Erwin

While these are hilariously bad, they must be doing it for the sake of preventing the likes of Mad Catz from making shitty Wii-bikes as Erwin's pointed out. Nothing better than horrid-looking peripherals to ruin a product's reputation...

...that's not a Wii-brator I see on the picture next to the Wii-met, is it?

muu

@Erwin: Damit! Great Minds.....

TKWarrior

@faradin: ya and sega had already been using the technology with the Neo Geo pocket color to Dreamcast connectivity, and nintnod was liek look what our new system can do..its revolutionary....

Sinnbox

Seems more like Nintendo was trying to cover all their bases in how the wiimote could be used in patent form. Not like they ever intended to release any of these products, but it makes sense to push the patents through before some douche tries to start a company with the sole purpose of suing them. Just a thought.

TKWarrior

@Ampillion : Now with 50% more LJ gaming blog.: They should make cornhole beanbags with a Wiimote slot, then people could just buy A Cornhole set and play corn hole, but Wii Play Cornhole would keep track off all stats and it woudl show your Mii playing corn hole(no not that cornhole you sick pervs...)

Sinnbox

ugh, was this way with the GBA link cables, and FF:Crystal Chronicles...

[www.vgcats.com]

Nintendo is a periferal whore.... :(

faradin

@big_world: *Halibut*

Maldron

While this is the funniest story this year, I have to bring you out of your laugh coma with this: They probably aren't serious. This seems like they're just covering all bases so no one patents it themselves.
Remember Super Mario Sisters? They're just grabbing it before someone else does, no matter how stupid.
I like the Neo-Power Glove. It's so bad.

Erwin

Where's the custom peripheral for 'Throw the Thing at the Thing'? I've been waiting for a true to life Thing throwing experience, and an awesome Thing add-on for the remote would make the whole Thing throwing experience complete.

Ampillion : Now with 50% more LJ gaming blog.

It's a shame they never patented a peripheral that places the Wii remote inside of a gaming controller that isn't a gimmick.

I would buy that.

big_world

At least the bike has a use, you could use it as one of those stationary bikes and participate in Tour De France without having to leave the safety of your four walls.

Ignatius

The fishing pole isn't to bad of an idea, the PS1 and dreamcast fishing controls were pretty popular they still run up to $50 on E-Bay!!

And as for the teddy bear....That brought back memories of the duck from the movie Click!!!

Sinnbox

What about the hotel courtesy phone accessory patent? I want to be able to play the Russell Crowe simulator game.

protoman

I hope Johnny Lee patented his Wii inventions.

Syril

When are they going to make a giant wiimote that you have to put the real wiimote inside of?

RaepGoblin

Teddy Bearz. The sequel to Dogz.

Len Bias Cocaine Surplus

Next time they'll have you insert the Wiimote directly into your... BRAIN!

You guys have dirty minds.

Krytha

They're just formulating more and more methods to get the controller broken so parents are forced to keep buying them! Another masterstroke Nintendo, you truly are more devious than MS + Sony put together.

Anthropomancer

Virtual Rocking Chair Action Fun Time Go!

Maldron

Let the pornography patents with wiimotes and girl begin!

Wyld

Fig 24 is obviously for spin-off games in the new "Sitting" genre, inspired by Wii Fit.

Thinker

Teddy Bear autopswii. What could be the cause of death?

Falconrith

Really Nintendo, WTF? Who thought of putting the Wiimote in a bike pedal or the wheel of a skate bored and every other design was either high or insane. on a side note, I want whatever drugs they had because that is ridicules.

deathsyth8888

They forgot the toothbrush wii-mote patent.

tamago007

This is from a thread on SA I believe. A forum member just made up some fake drawings. I'll try to confirm just to be sure, though.

Apollo

while riding the bike or skateboard, one might just say "wiiiiii!"

(I know, wii puns are so two years ago but I had to do it)

teraphony

@luisrm: Sold separately ;D

Witzbold

why would someone want to patent an x-ray of a teddy bear that swallowed a wiimote?

legacyed

I like the rocking chair the most. I mean, think of all the great rocking-chair-based games you could play with it.

For instance, a rousing game of "rock the chair forward", or perhaps "rock the chair backward" is more your style!

TalKeaton

@Aflack: Likes slushies: Damn it! Should've patented this post. :)

McWhertor

@Aflack: Likes slushies: He really did.

I said how much I love the teddy bear.
I really want one now.

Kirbytheslayer: Thinks AAA is a great term

@Heyyou27: It's a Mii transporter.

Aflack: Likes slushies

I'm wondering what the teddy bear is for...?

Heyyou27

That bike is awesome! Where is the basket and colored spokes though?

luisrm

This is just so sad indeed.

EnigmaNemesis

That made prinny sad.

Witzbold

The fishing pole made my fucking day.

madhotch

Sorry Mikey, but I posted this news before you. ;)

Aflack: Likes slushies

@chris401:

That seems like a pretty broad patent, furthermore proving all that is wrong with the patent process.

SnakeCL

The teddy bear is fascinating to me. I've already got at least two games in mind for me.

psudonym

And each one costs ONLY $20!!
aye... ¬.¬
Nintendo.... just stop...

MajorWedgie

I love the Power Glove. Takes it full circle- I've always said that the Wiimote is the Power Glove done right.

Sabre_Justice

i hate to be the patent geek here, but i am. the scope of a patent is governed by the claim language, not the embodiments depicted in the figures (although in this case, as in most, the figures are far more entertaining). if you take a look at the claim language, it's actually a pretty broad patent covering any controller receiver that (1) has a plurality of buttons on a top surface and (2) resembles something from the game being played (see independent claim 1).

chris401

Dammit, that first image made me mad... I want a NES style Wii Zapper!

Marios_shadow

@Sunjammer:

"If you don't like it, stay away."

They call that "The 3rd Party Strategy". ZING!

@phinehas: I thought the whole idea behind the post was to poke fun at Nintendo's silly controller patents. I apologize, I completely misinterpreted the post.

@Saith17(xbl): Your comments pwns ALL! Thanks, I seriously forgot they sold those. Think I'll buy one...

big_world

So where is the Wii blow up fun doll?

Appeals to casual and hardcore gamers alike.

Dmunkee

Man, I can't wait until they unveil the patent that lets you put the Wii controller inside of a television remote!

Double J

Seriously, how much room does the average person have in their homes, enough to be biking and skateboarding around in the living room playing wii? lol

thisbeatisbadass

@big_world: Classic Controller btw.

Saith17(xbl)

@Sunjammer: In all honesty, I loved Metroid Prime 3, I beat it on hyper mode twice now. But you really could have played that game with a dual analog controller, heck, even a GC controller.

Now No More Heroes or Zach & Wiki, I can't see being recreated well at all without the Wii controller.

Saith17(xbl)

dude I want a Wiimote skateboard lol

drizko

That right there is a RealBear! It will will register all of you movements and positions when you. Ehm.

Hmm.

Malmer

@Marlor:

Ya know I didn't think about it. But that goggle designs is dangerously similiar...

Slick-Rick

@Slick-Rick:

Or alternatively, another way to implement this:
[www.youtube.com]

Marlor

I want the bike, that would be hot.

jackusaralious

This is a fake, right?

CrispyCrunch

Oh hell yes. Finally I'll be able to wear a wii-mote on my forehead.

Spelunking Adventure!

Slick-Rick

actually, i really thought that was a prosthetic arm with wiimote inside =/

Jugger_Rebooted

@Falconrith:
I dunno, choked on a Wiimote the size of a Pringles can?

Purple Dave

Nintendo have a long history of securing patents merely so other companies can't make completely horrible ripoff products, even if they have no desire to actually make any of these. This is why the Nintendo Seal of Quality was made, to distinguish actual Nintendo products from the hordes of people that would make crappy games and try to pass them off as Nintendo creations.

Burguois

Wii power glove ftw!

Dukeman330

I can't wait til Nintendo announces "Wii Wear a Motorcycle Helmet" so the fans can pretend its very innovative and exciting.

creid

Looking at that gaming chair/wii remote contraption, I had visions of playing a game involving ball-turrets or cockpits and the angle at which you reclined in real life being reflected on the screen. Then I remembered Luke Skywalker and Han Solo blasting Tie fighters into pieces inside the Millennium Falcon's laser turrets.

Hey, they released Steel Battalion with a hellish peripheral, why not a gaming chair that rotated on a base, with a Wii Remote tucked in the headrest.

Somebody call Johnny Lee. I want an enclosed Wii Pod with those wraparound screens everyone raved about at CES, a pair of infrared-shades for head tracking, and game designed to exploit every facet of its design. Something like a new Iron Soldier (from the Atari Jaguar).

I think I need to lie down.

Dhurken

Those questioning the authenticity of these images should go to the this link: [v3.espacenet.com]

Rafalapso

before you know it, we'll all have closets full of old, full-size plastic renditions of real objects, guitars, bikes, skateboards, the likes.. all so that we can go in front of our tvs and pretend we're actually doing things.

...yep... what an exciting future Nintendo has envisioned.

joelface

No sex toys hollowed out for Wii remote insertion? I guess Nintendo has to throw the third-party accessory manufacturers a bone.

ViolentLee

I could see the teddy bear being used to emulate that excellent scene in Temple of Doom where that cult dude tears the heart out of that guy.

indiemike

no, not bad but pathetic...

Akmed

It seems the bike would be somekind of wii fit add-on like some kind of exercise bike thing that or some kind of bike racing and the helmet would be for if you wiped out and fell on your head it would actually hurt like that other helmet thing, I dont remember what it's called but...

Yay for realism.

Tzero7

These seem really fake. They don't even look functional. It's just a Wiimote inside of or tagged onto a bunch of random crap.

UltimatePancakeSensation

This begs for parodies

fuchikoma

A Wii Power Glove would make sense now.

Nabilac

Am I the only one who thinks that this could be Ninty being smart and filing these patents so that third party companies DON'T make them?
Given that Ninty said they wouldn't allow a baseball bat add-on due to violence indications, this wouldn't be too crazy an assumption would it? :-S

Scammeleon

Yeah.. nintendo is gettimg well smart.

ejacobsuk

@big_world

THAT MADE MY DAY!

Shia-Neko-Chan

@terrorsaur

just stab a hole in a random stuffed bear and tape the wiimote in it!

Much cheaper. :D

Shia-Neko-Chan

@TalKeaton: That is just way, WAY too hardcore for most of us to handle.

I for one enjoy the look of the Wii Remote atop the goggles, because they couldn't possibly be painful or cause indents in your forehead.

ChellABD

@jackusaralious:
Just remember that you need to clothespin your used Wii points cards to the spokes when you're playing a motorcycling game...

Purple Dave

If these patents prevent anyone from making these devices, I will be happy. :)
If Nintendo actually makes any of these devices, I will be sad.
:(

Odin