for some reason i think Witz is gonna ban people like this ......

[www.buzzhumor.com]

or at least he should :p

look-up-in-the-sky-its-baby-jesus

Liked stabbing people in Turok a bit much there Ashcraft?
I know you did. I watched you do it.

Danj3ris

I loved the sickening sound of splat with the Ban Hammer better. I'll miss it so much.

KM91

Wait I figured it out this whole post was a set-up and to thin out the herd they would ban everyone posting here. Wait I just posted here no... nooooo.

I have to admit the Ban Dagger is cool but I think the Ban-Hammer is much cooler.

Tzero7

@Irenicus-the one and only: What the hell? That scenerio is so wrong.

yashichi8bit

And I'd like to introduce our new mods, Kratos, Ryu Hayabusa, and Shiki Tohno!

...from 12:00am to 12:15am every Sunday, bans will NOT be in effect (as much.) Have a nice day! :D

fuchikoma

@dunetiger:
Nope, I meant "Shank" but thank you. I assure you my time in lock down was well spent ;)

prison shank

Definition: A handmade weapon made out of the only stuff you receive in prison, sharpened to perfection. Usually made out of toothbrushes and spoons.

"When we was rioting in the joint and the pigs came to stop us, I busted out my prison shank and killed those mo' fuckin 5-0's"

Shiv

Definition: A Home Made Knife made out of Anything but metal. Not to be confused with a Shank (a home made knife made of metal).

Shivs are usually made of Glass, Wood, or Scrap Plastic.

"When we was rioting in the joint and the pigs came to stop us, I busted out my prison shiv and broke that shit off in those mo' fuckin 5-0's"

-EDGE-

I think "Ban Hammer" had a better ring to it, and, also, the image of someone being smited with a giant hammer is much more powerful than someone being shanked in the back. Just my opinion.

@Hyperlite:

Wu-tang Financial. "Smith-Barney? Bunch of bitches."

StrangeLove

...I really hope Witz doesn't decide to use other prinnies as the 'sploding ban knife...;_;

verrius

I think it should be the ban "spoon."
Screw the death by dagger...
Death by spoon!
/--\
| |
\--/
||
||
||

LittlestLamshi

Very very well done Witz. I was about to make a long and drawn out Assassins Creed/BanDagger joke but I realised that next Monday could come sooner that I think...

Communist_Gamer

@Insomnia Bob: Brilliance! I always wanted that picture from the game. I should open up my Disgaea artbooks and look for it lol.

Witzbold

Well i know what the biggest knifes are for but i fear what do the smaller ones do. cause those can get into the nooks and crannys that i don't want a knife to go into.

MURDERFACE

@-EDGE-:

If I am not mistaken, you are thinking of a Ban Shiv, with which to shank others with.

dunetiger

Daggers, eh? Go for the hamstrings!

天人

@HurdyGertie: not if you put spikes or a bunch of nails on the bat it will still strike fear into the masses. LOL

MURDERFACE

"Knives are good, because they don't make any noise, and the less noise they make, the more likely we are to use them. Shit 'em right up. Makes it look like we're serious. Guns for show, knives for a pro." -Soap

tk.

Melee weapons! Banning weapons should probably always be closest range possible, and thus inescapable. Though personally I think the "Ban Bat" has sort of a humiliating ring to it.

HurdyGertie

@SumDum_Guy: Indeed!

---

I wanted to throw urinals and toilets at folks cept I think a certian Mr. Freeman beat me to the idea.

Sharp objects are always a good quick second choice though!

@zenpoet: We could just drop my brethren on folks too. You know impact + prinny = crater and all.

---

If anything lets look foward to a brighter tommorow for all!

Well those left standing anyways.

Witzbold

@dead_red_eyes:

y2julio

@Chesu: I would say the latter.

y2julio

"The Ban Dagger" has a nice ring to it...

Though why not the "Ban Shank" so you could do these bitches prison style! ;)

-EDGE-

Ban Hammer must be in for repairs then. Hopefully it comes back biggger, faster, stronger.

n/a

WTS [Ring of Ban Protection +2] 900g PST

rainofwalrus [XBL]

@All About Lily Chou-Chou: American, but I thought that first thing as well. Was kind of uncomfortable actually.

deVious

culling the herd. I hope the hammer isn't gone for any kind of extended time because whoever thought that knives is a suitable and cool replacement for the banhammer was off. Way off. It sounds retarded, something I would expect from say....Joystiq, not Kotaku.

Sadkermit: THIS SPACE FOR RENT

@Witzbold: Use your powers to keep it a hammer. Hammers are funny.

I cannot help but think of a little crazy bird playing wack-a-mole with hapless douchenozzels, and I laugh.

With a dagger, it makes me picture a SVU scene, with some poor avatar laying in a pool of its own blood, panties around the ankles, ala the Robert Williams painting from the G 'n' R banned cover. Let us not go there.

zenpoet

Prinny's are frightening enough without terrifying cutlery.

Machete_Bear

I was going to produce the ban torpedo, and genetically altered land sharks (ban-land sharks) if I were to get the King of Komments job. Since I didn't (Witzbold was the obvious suck up... I mean "shoe in,") I destroyed all my research.

Have fun with your "daggers." Just wallow in your sadness dreaming about "what might have been."

PapaBear434

Wait a minute! Who gave Witzbold KNIVES?

Eeeeeekkkkkkkkk

Chilly Hollow

Remember to twist sharpy after the initial stab to rip the wound open more and to keep the dagger from acting as a plug. There's also more blood that way.

And there is no such thing as too much blood,

Zero_Beat

Second from the right, please. >=D

Raynre

There can be only one weapon infused with the KOTAKU FORCE at one time, so I suggest y'all just pick one blade for the task, lest you risk tearing open the fabric of space-time (not to mention the Gawker servers) by trying to have too many Ban Weapons active at one time ;)

DaiMacculate

@All About Lily Chou-Chou: I'm HUGE in Japan.

Insomnia Bob

@Insomnia Bob: "I'm constantly shocked by how big a dick I am.

Yeah, yeah, keep braggin'.

... Oh, it's "am". Forget I said anything.

All About Lily Chou-Chou

Particle effectz please mmkay?.

Seriously though, "Kotaku" stenciled in to keep it exclusive.

Fyren

@Insomnia Bob: no, both my accounts were non-activated, and i was all gung-ho about "applying" to be a kotaku commenter. for both, i made an enthusiastic but completely benign statement. i got the "takes awhile to process" message, then a day later, "account banned."

i think what luke said is probably what happened. don't get me wrong, i'm a complete asshole. but as of then, not yet.

blaked569

old TSR manual or 4th? some inspiration you got there.

GogolCoats

"Night of knives", WTF?! Am I the only one who instantly thought of the Night of the Long Knives? Maybe it's because, as a European, it's much closer to home. And grim. Well, I s'pose it is a purge, after all.

All About Lily Chou-Chou

@Luke Plunkett: Ooh. Great minds.

Insomnia Bob

@blaked567: If you've been banned twice, I suggest you invest in some introspection. Nobody gets banned for saying "Man, I can't wait to play this game".

Take a look at your own comments from time to time. I'm constantly shocked by how big a dick I am. But I'm still on account #1.

If you're on #3, you must be doing something wrong.

Insomnia Bob

@blaked567: We went through a period where some people were banned automatically. Mechanical problems. Might have been that. If not, check your OTHER comments for trolling, put-downs or general unpleasantness.

@withaneight: Read what you've posted. Imagine someone else saying it. If you do that, and you think "man, what a douche bag", chances are itll get you banned.

Luke Plunkett

i thought this because my first two accounts were banned, simply because i said stuff like "yeah, i can't wait to play that when it's released."

Seriously? That's a pretty excessive penalty for simply expressing an interest in something...it doesn't seem like one should have to write an encyclopedia on the matter.

Nightshift_Nurse

okay so i have a legit question, don't ban me pl0x just because this sounds sort of like a complaint (which it sorta is, but i truly would like to know the answer). what exactly does one have to write in order to get banned? i used to think it was just anything that was simply comment fodder, fluff if you will. stuff along the lines of "FIRST" or "awesome game." i thought this because my first two accounts were banned, simply because i said stuff like "yeah, i can't wait to play that when it's released." however, now i see people saying crap like that all the time. so what is it that unleashes the wrath of the ban hammer/dagger/teledildonic device?

blaked567

@Insomnia Bob: Christmas decoration.

Sabre_Justice: Look, I have a long name too! Yay! I'm such a trend whore!

@ SumDum_Guy: the glove fits on witz when the fools come out of hiding, that i like.

ineffectmode

I wonder... If there's a way to earn immunity from banning.

'Course, I guess if you're never a douchebag/troll/etc. you really don't have to worry about being banned... Heheh.

d00d.

BPM 6th Mix MAX

Knife Crime: Bringin' The Hurt Since BanHammer Monday

GMC

@Insomnia Bob: Also if you post too much weird shit like this -[www.youtube.com]

Irenicus-the one and only

@withaneight: Swearing, no. Being a massive douchebag for no reason, yes. The line, as always, subjective. Hell, I've said things on this blog that would cause projectile vomiting if heard by human ears, but I'm still here.
Basically, if you can justify your argument, you're safe. If you're posting "PS3/360/Wii SUX!", you're doomed.

Also, "First".

Insomnia Bob

@Balance_In_Life (PSN): I Prefer these *points at hands* These can pierce through plastic.

Shindokie: Kotaku's Whore

@withaneight: Asking is also a ban! You fell in the trap :P

Irenicus-the one and only

@Balance_In_Life (PSN): I like your tastes.

Eirias

I'm not even quite sure what it takes to get banned. I'm assuming swearing? and being off topic? is being overly argumentative on there too? I ask: where is the line?

... don't ban me for asking. I don't do any of those things.

withaneight

Ichigeki Hissatsu, Ban Knife! (to quote SRW)

Eirias

Screw knives...

[www.trueswords.com]

Balance_In_Life (PSN)

@Father ColdCuts: Which is a shame :( I feel it is very apt to this situation >.<

Irenicus-the one and only

Like the dagger picture for the announcement and I like them so much in fact I am going to see if I can buy anything that looks like them for my collection since they would be neat to add.

ocalot

@Witzbold: Well you know the saying in the Specter community: "You can run, but you'll just die tired"

SumDum_Guy

Witz, were these daggers your idea? lol.

DigiMish

@ineffectmode: Well, if "the glove fits" ...

SumDum_Guy

@Luke Plunkett: Which one of the 9 is your favourite?

Retropants screams about KFC

@Irenicus-the one and only: MY GOD! i don't think social services would allow that kind of thing these days! I love the lawless '50s where parents could throw knives at their kids, and get away with it.

Father ColdCuts

@Insomnia Bob:

You rock!

LOL!

EnigmaNemesis

If the ban-hammer must fall to the ban-dagger, I nominate Sting. Why?

Because it glows blue in the presence of troll-kind. Oh yeah.
And also, [www.magickrituals.com]

Insomnia Bob

You wanna live, get a shiv!

EnigmaNemesis

@Insomnia Bob: My mistake. I was trying to quickly induce it through easy-to-take caplet form.

dv8godd

@Witzbold: [youtube.com]

Irenicus-the one and only

I'm not sure what to think.

But I like it.

splines

If I am to be cut, I should like to be cut by the weapon second from the right. I fancy the shape, including the slight hook at the bottom.

Though the piece whose butt resembles an eagle's head is also quite appealing.

Decisions, decisions.

Xiatter

@Snake726: I picture Kotaku using the Blades of Athena and then pressing square square square triangle on anyone who dare say "FIRST!"

Furious_Liver

@Insomnia Bob: I believe.
The Chosen One has come to purge the earth of evil.

Erwin

@dv8godd: You're supposed to give that Stockholm Syndrome a while to kick in, Max.

@Witzbold: Funny story, I've been building a ten seater guillotine in my back yard for a long time now, to protest the rise of the new American aristocracy. But I guess it'll help here, too.

...I'm a man of many projects.

Insomnia Bob

@dv8godd: Its so secret nobody knows!

Witzbold

Oooh. Which ridiculous fantasy blade will they choose?

Snake726

@Yeux de nouilles: Indeed my good sir, indeed.

Witzbold

Some awesome user over at Deviantart who goes by the name Kuro69 has made an excellent piece of work.

[kuro69.deviantart.com]

If you are registered at deviantart head on over and give him some props for that brilliant masterpiece!

Witzbold

So we've gone from bludgeoning jerks to fileting them?

Hot piss.

Krackatoa

@Witzbold: Is this the new "feature" that's been in development? Mass hysteria? Where do I click??? :D

dv8godd

@Insomnia Bob: That was the greatest thing I've ever seen in my life. I can die happy. Thank you Bob, thank you.

Furious_Liver

@Balance_In_Life (PSN): If I was Witz I would ban everyone and anyone playing a game of chance like rock paper scissors or have everyone pick a number then let people play "Ban Lottery" or "ban bingo-lottery".

Well that or that he prints a screen with all members of Kotaku and then throw a knife at it to pick who gets banned :D

(don't ban me witz >.<)

Irenicus-the one and only

@Yeux de nouilles: It's a work in progress.

Insomnia Bob

I click "reload" just prior to going to sleep... and THIS is what I see? Stealth slaughter in the middle of the night?
 
How am I supposed to doze off now?!?!?
 
Not that I feel personally threatened (although, one never knows for sure)... but, damn, this might be fun to watch. :/

dv8godd

@Witzbold: Ah. That explains the change. I forgot the Prinny's almost unnatural love of bladed weaponry. In all my days, I've never seen one willingly use a hammer... even one with the awesome power of Ban, Norse God of STFU.

Insomnia Bob

But... but... I fear change. How will I live in this new, banhammer-less world? How can I ever feel safe again?!

baberg

@Insomnia Bob: I'm noticing a distinct lack of nukes, lasers, sharks, and sharks with lasers.

Yeux de nouilles

@Rurik: Soemthing like this: [d00d.ytmnd.com]

Insomnia Bob

@Witzbold: Go easy on me man. I try to help, I really do! /cry Something about a shit ton of sharp knives drop from a C-130 just sent shivers down my back. Very nice Witz!

Balance_In_Life (PSN)

La mort aux infidèles !

Yeux de nouilles

as long as it doesn't include upskirt game videos.. and being alone w/ them.

indigo

my leg is asleep... so, any special valentines section planned? Hmmm? It would be called, "A Gamers Valentines" and it would be awesome.

indigo

*starts the engines on the AC-130*

Sharp things from the sky people, sharp things from the sky~

Witzbold

@Luke Plunkett:

You'll love the visual diagram:

[jetlagonline.com]

dead_red_eyes

@Hyperlite:

He's not going to ban you for saying Fuck. C'mon man, we're not prudes around here. Just search Kotaku for "Fuck" and you'll see it everywhere in posts.

@Luke Plunkett:

Let's hope this pic works ...

dead_red_eyes

@Luke Plunkett: Wu-Tang Clan ain't nothing to F*ck with!

I only put that * because i thought the full on F U C * might get me a ban dagger...

Hyperlite

@Luke Plunkett: lol

Irenicus-the one and only

i'll surely miss saying "Stop, Hammer Time!" when i wake up on mondays. i guess i'll have to make a new theme song as well... but i'm sure using OJ Simpson is in bad taste.

ineffectmode

@Black-Dog-Howls: haha the Naginata of banning

Rurik

Watch your step kid

Watch your step kid

Protect your neck

Luke Plunkett

Witzbold's gonna hit you with two other prinnies w/ daggers on either side for the combo link.

n/a

It looks like Rambo and Conan's junk drawer. Will they be stab-banned or slit-banned? And personally, I think it should be spoons.

MJDeviant

@Insomnia Bob: so 1:5 of Giant Wtiz? how much bigger is giant Witz then regular Witz.

Rurik

You're in Japan Ash, why not go for a weapon that hails from the land? Like something Ninja use... Or maybe... something that shows up in all those anime. Makes pretty chops.

Banned members certainly will remember being dismembered.

On that note, screw the reds! Blue for the win! (Mostly TF2 related)

Black-Dog-Howls

Damn... It was swift like an assassin. Sharp and pointy. The bigger the better, with saws. Like Rambo's knife. Yeah that will work.

Balance_In_Life (PSN)

Is this permanently replacing Ban Monday? Or is there just an abundance of.. unnecessary, people on Kotaku?

Chesu

Firs...!

Wait, that's probably not a good idea.

Not a good idea at all :)

Aimless

What? WHAT?

While I'm all in favor of the pleasantly disturbing gurgle that accompanies giving someone a Columbian necktie, what the hell am I going to do with the 1:5 scale model of a giant mecha Witzbold holding the Goldion Hammer I've been building in my basement?

Insomnia Bob

It's a dagger this time because it's a stealth kill. Not like the obvious hammer which everyone knows about and fears. The dagger kill is quiet and lethal. You might not even know you were hit until it's too late.

Anyway, if I'm on the layoff list, I'd like to say it was good commenting here for the past while and I've been quite thrilled with the "community" feel of this site compared to most any other weblog I've ever seen. Congrats on cultivating such a great atmosphere, Kotaku. (And one of the reasons it's such a great atmosphere is that the bannings come swift and often, unlike most sites.)

dowingba