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Happy Birthday Chuck Norris
Posted by Mike Fahey at 12:13 PM on March 11, 2008
Some babies are born head first....others feet first...but only one was born beard first. 68 years ago today in Oklahoma a legend was born. Carlos Ray Norris was once a shy, non-athletic boy, who was often tormented by his classmates for his mixed native-American heritage, but he used his lust for revenge to help him become the most powerful being on the face of the earth. As an Air Policeman (I'd assume sans plane, just flying round and arresting people) in the US Air Force he would earn the nickname Chuck and started studying the martial arts so hard that he had to create his own - Chun Kuk Do - because nothing else was good enough. Actor, arse kicker, inventor of the roundhouse kick, and star of the Atari 2600 game Chuck Norris Superkicks, without Chuck's influence the video game industry would just be a bunch of cutesy pet sims. Let it ring across Barrens chat on every server - Happy Birthday Chuck Norris! He might be 68-years-old, but he could still kick all of our asses at once without even blinking.
Special thanks to Kevin for reminding us of this special day!
Comments (AU Comments · US Comments)
Chuck
Posted March 11, 2008 1:29 PM
So.......
Chuck Norris has his birthday on the same day as me.........
And we've never been seen in the same place together................
And I am called "Chuck"............................
hmmmmmmm
Kakansho
Posted March 11, 2008 5:20 PM
March 11?
Damn, my mate thought it was March 10th, sharing a birthday with another friend of mine.
Ah well...
Next year, he'll be 69!
Mr.SithNinja
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
I can't belive I asked for this story and didn't notice it till now! That will teach me to only be on Kotaku while @ work..... Had to make sure proper respect was given to everyone's favorite super-badass. Thanks Mike!
@Leathersoup: Chuck Norris is not a religious fanatic... he IS a religion!!
Mr.SithNinja
Leathersoup
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Chuck Norris is a religious whack job. As far as I'm concerned this is a day to be mourned. Not celebrated.
Leathersoup
teh_joe
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
it was also my birthday
teh_joe
TickleMeElmo
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Xonox double-ended cartridges FTW. Twice the shitty in one box!
TickleMeElmo
Hylian
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
Hylian
cactaur
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
I'm about ready to upchuck.
cactaur
R3nko
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Good'ol Chuck. He does not eat honey, he chews bees.
Happy Birthday.
R3nko
Phaelog
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Guess you got to take the bad with the good. Oh well.
Happy birthday, Mr. N.
+ Watch video
Phaelog
stormcrow85
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
there is only one person who ever survived a round-house kick to the face by Chuck Norris... That was Gary Coleman and he hasn't grown since.
Happy B-day Chuck
stormcrow85
LizzLovesGames
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Chuck norris doesn't need a wii remote, he uses his mind to control meta knight.
LizzLovesGames
wisconsinista
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
@Eltigro: Leno did a bit on it last week too. And to think I took all those french classes in HS and college.
/doh
wisconsinista
lanion
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
@frank0127:
The puff is tough.
lanion
Trowble (XBL/PSN)
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
You're messing with the wrong guy!
+ Watch video
Happy Birthday Chuck!
Trowble (XBL/PSN)
Naia
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
... Now I know why there were so much Chuck Norris jokes in my MMO chat tonight!
I read this one: When Chuck Norris does push ups, he does not push himself up. He pushes the ground down. I thought it was hilarious and told my husband to read it. He said it was old and called me a dork for laughing at it. :")
Naia
frank0127
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Chuck Norris can beat Tabuu with Jigglypuff.
frank0127
frank0127
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Chewbacca only exists when Chuck Norris forgets to shave.
frank0127
DismantleRepair
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Nonono, Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands.
DismantleRepair
rzac30
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Chuck Norris doesn't worry about time, time worries about Chuck Norris... Happy Birthday man!
rzac30
TheFsm
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
lol i went to the barrens, and they were talking about bruce lee, maby it was just firetree, but anyway happy b-day Chuck
TheFsm
Lijik
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Chuck Norris once Roundhouse Kicked Mr. T the same time Mr. T punched Chuck Norris in the face. The result was the '80s.
Lijik
mada_chap
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
I hear every year for his birthday, Chuck eats 1,000 ninja hearts. That might just be hearsay, but I believe it.
mada_chap
eponym
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
@Audioblack:
If you look at the URL you'll notice it's a site replicating google's appearance.
eponym
Oyn
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Chuck Norris was so enraged by the shittiness of that Atari 2600 game that he single-handedly caused the video game crash of the early 80's.
Oyn
ThisCharmingMan
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Ok, Someone HAS TO make a Walker Texas Ranger game...haha.
ThisCharmingMan
peAr_nectAr
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
I FREAKING HATE CHUCK NORRIS.
peAr_nectAr
kcorbo
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Reading all of these comments made me realize why I will never travel through Crossroads again. Damn you and god bless you Mr. Carlos Norris.
kcorbo
relic1980
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
So for his birthday, instead of a cake, he'll have a
Chuck Roast (my head hurts ^_^).
relic1980
armchairnixon: wishes he had Xbox Live...
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Oh yeah, Happy Birthday, Chuck!
armchairnixon: wishes he had Xbox Live...
mariospants
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
@Audioblack: "Thats just awesome! How does one figure that out?"
It's Chuck's birthday (or should I have said "Mr. Norris"?) so google made a new rule for today. Entering just "Chuck Norris" gives you the same result.
mariospants
Malevolentburrito
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Chuck Norris is actually older than humanity. The grim reaper is just afraid to collect his soul.
Malevolentburrito
Audioblack
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
@Simpsons-Movie-ruled:
Thats just awesome! How does one figure that out?
Audioblack
Simpsons-Movie-ruled
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
it's even better when you:
1. go to: [www.google.com]
2. type in "find chuck norris"
3. click the "i'm feeling lucky" button.
sit back and obsssseeeerrrvvveee the creepiness! ;)
Simpsons-Movie-ruled
DaiMacculate
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
@wisconsinista: Yeah, gotta be careful there man, you may have just inadvertently taken Brett's name in vain there with that Typo, which can be considered a stoning offense in parts of your state. I recommend either Firefox or Safari, they both have Spell Check functions. ;)
DaiMacculate
WGSXFrank
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
"Chuck Norris does not age. Every birthday, it's just another year added to his existence, which sucks for you."
This fact is proven by his looks compared to his age. Seriously, look at the man.
Happy Birthday Chuck!
WGSXFrank
Timsobuff74
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Happy Birthday Chuck.
Chuck Norris was going to be the main character of Duke Nukem Forever. The world is not ready for a next-gen Chuck until Sunday, December 23, 2011. The Aztecs would stop it but Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked their civilization into all nine of their hells.
Timsobuff74
phalanges
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
I'm gonna go masturbate to Sidekick. Peace.
phalanges
BloggyMcBlogBlog
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
There isn't a chin underneath Chuck's beard, but another fist.
BloggyMcBlogBlog
Eltigro
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
@wisconsinista: Favre, not Farve. I will always remember how to spell that thanks to Ben Stiller.
Eltigro
kotakufan
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
kotakufan
NoStyle
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Those "jokes" are the bane of the internet, but it's incredible he is almost 70 and still looks around 45.
NoStyle
CyberG4
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
The Olympics actually have 4 medals, Chuck always gets platinum.
CyberG4
mAaron
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
@buttpwner:
Bruce Lee fights Chuck Norris to the death at the end of "Return of the Dragon", or "Way of the Dragon" outside the US...
...he rips his chest hair out too ;)
mAaron
Lyrai
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Chuck Norris can beat Battletoads on one life.
Lyrai
wisconsinista
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
God took a rib from Brett Farve and created Chuck Norris.
wisconsinista
Eltigro
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
My best friend's brother-in-law was a cameraman on Walker Texas Ranger.
No, really.
Eltigro
ichibanmitsuru
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Dude I hope you people who love Chuck Norris Jokes know that he is Neo Conservative. Meaning he would make the world safe by limiting our freedoms and banning things obscene like games.
But so would Hillary Clinton.
ichibanmitsuru
GordieHoweHatTrick: Roll Up The Rim Free Car #0
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
pfff, fuckin Chuck Norris.
Lee Marvin is the man. *Goes to watch Delta Force... and Sidekicks*
GordieHoweHatTrick: Roll Up The Rim Free Car #0
Llelewyn
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
Llelewyn
Jambolia
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Chuck Norris would have had his face carved into Mt.Rushmore, but the granite wasn't hard enought for his beard.
Jambolia
GammaPoweredSuperApe
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
If you have 5 dollars, and Chuck Norris has 5 dollars, then Chuck Norris has more money than you.
GammaPoweredSuperApe
Witzbold
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Happy birthday Chuck!
Witzbold
Hyperlite
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting. The word hunting would imply that there is a chance of not getting anything. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris' push-ups are called push-downs. Chuck does not push himself up, he pushes the Earth down.
Hyperlite
Messer
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
The only thing older than the jokes is the man himself, but not by much.
Messer
buttpwner
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
bruce lee killed chuck norris in the first scene of Game of Death
buttpwner
banana-3
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
banana-3
zanzibarlegend
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
@neoguyver: post of the day.. haahahhahaha
zanzibarlegend
ostartero
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
It's actually my birthday too. :)
1992 to be exact.
ostartero
Americo
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Mike, I salute you for your awesome article. Lots of lawls and roffles.
Americo
WFROSE_Ex_Alpha
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Chuck Norris grinds coffee with his teeth and boils water with his rage.
Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick through all six degrees of separation, meaning he can kill anyone, anywhere, at any time.
WFROSE_Ex_Alpha
huginn - No I will not give you a hug!
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
He's 68, but of course, he should be older, but time doesn't want anything to do with him any more
huginn - No I will not give you a hug!
Akmed
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
if chuck norris were to get in a battle with himself, he would win.
Happy Birthday!
Akmed
strobefx
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Chuck Norris is so powerful he can make anything unfunny!
strobefx
splines
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
splines
Sherlock_the_Barbarian
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Chuck Norris is the new Shatner--and I mean that as a compliment.
Sherlock_the_Barbarian
BassForever
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
If Chuck Norris had been in the movie 300, they would have simply called it 1. Happy B-day Chuck, its amazing that at 68 he is still looks really good.
BassForever
thelken
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Jesus walks on water... Chuck Norris walks on Jesus...
thelken
Adrock4
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Did you guys know that Chuck Norris was the original main character of God Hand?
Believe it!
Adrock4
Chewbenator
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Jeese, not even level 70 yet and he's kicking everyone's ass!
Chewbenator
Han Daimond
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Jesus can walk over water, Chuck Norris can swim under dry ground.
Happy Birthday!
Han Daimond
KM91
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Happy b-day chuck, amid the storm of Norris invincibility jokes.
KM91
armchairnixon: wishes he had Xbox Live...
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Why are these stories and pictures taking so long to load? Also, the main page will not fully load. This is really annoying.
armchairnixon: wishes he had Xbox Live...
KeroseneClimax
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Let me just post this and get it out of the way. [www.chucknorrisfacts.com]
Happy Birthday to Chuck Norris. When his time comes, lets pray he doesn't have a rematch with Bruce Lee in heaven. Even Goku shutters at the thought of what consequences such a battle would have on the universe.
KeroseneClimax
Daniel Páez
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
@neoguyver: well,It was initially planned that Brawl would have Chuck Norris as the final boss, but noone would've finished it...
Happy b/day Chuck!
Daniel Páez
Eli Reusch
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Chuck Norris stopped mattering to me when he endorsed Huckabee.
Actually, Chuck Norris never mattered to me.
Eli Reusch
emuc64
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Remember folks...
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
emuc64
onomeister
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Chuck Norris would have come over to kick some butt at Kotaku Towers, but luckily they remembered his one weakness: referring to his Atari 2600 game Chuck Norris Superkicks
onomeister
DaiMacculate
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Invasion U.S.A.
If you haven't seen it, you can't call yourself a TRUE Chuck Norris fan.
Its on DVD. Go. Go Now.
[www.imdb.com]
Happy Birthday Chuck!
DaiMacculate
featherblade360
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
and happy bday :P
featherblade360
featherblade360
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
featherblade360
Strider-No.9
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Chuck Norris was 69 yesterday.
Strider-No.9
DigitalHero
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Happy Birthday, Protector of the Earth! =P
DigitalHero
GammaPoweredSuperApe
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Chuck Norris once drank a gallon of expired milk from Abraham Lincoln's stovepipe hat.
GammaPoweredSuperApe
Moonshadow101
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Kinda cool how the Chuck Norris thing is old enough now that you can say it without coming off as a complete and utter idiot.
Moonshadow101
Ichidou
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
How much Norris could a Norris Chuck chuck if a Norris Chuck could Chuck Norris?
Oh, and Happy Birthday you beast of a man.
Ichidou
niall077
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
68 in Chuck Norris years is around 5 billion earth years
niall077
neoguyver
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Initally brawl was going to be release today.
neoguyver
GammaPoweredSuperApe
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Chuck Norris has developed a new brand of low- calorie salad dressing that comes in three delicious flavors- Spicy, Cool Ranch, and Roundhouse Kick to the Face!
GammaPoweredSuperApe
Gunwave
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Chuck Norris doesn't blow out out his birthday candles, he stares them down.
Gunwave
Tzero7
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
I think this should become national Roundhouse Kick someone in the face day. A magical day where everyone runs through town and gives roundhouse kicks to total strangers, I think it would be pretty fun until we all get arrested but then Chuck would just roundhouse kick the jailhouse wall and bust us out.
Tzero7
Bruticus
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
The Holocaust denies Chuck Norris ever existed.
Bruticus
remanance
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
The Chuck Norris jokes cometh.
Symphonycometh shall have a witty comment as well...soon.
remanance
Skitzoap
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
God bless Walker Texas Ranger...and if he doesnt, hes getting a swift roundhouse to the face.
Skitzoap
_Ted_
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
God said let there be light Chuck Norris said "say please."
_Ted_
tehbighead
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
most people calculate their birthdays by the earth's orbit around the sun. chuck norris considers himself to be a year older every 10 billion roundhouse kicks.
tehbighead
niall077
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Chuck Norris was not born since Chuck Norris has always been.
niall077
2NinjasTapedTogether
Posted 10:38 PM 19/3/08
Absolutely ridiculous!
2NinjasTapedTogether