To: Crecente
From: Bash
RE: Healthy Living

The first movie I saw in a theatre? The Empire Strikes Back. I was three or four. Today, I watched the movie with my kid. He had these two very important questions:

1. Why doesn't Luke's hand bleed?
2. Why does Luke have "sorta long" hair?

Hrm. I already provided the "because, you know, it's a movie" response.

What you missed last night
Sony confirms GTA IV bundle for Australia
Soul Calibur IV CE
BBFC says MGSIV has "implied child rape"
Xbox 360 needs to sort out storage
GTA IV leaked

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Look, we knew it was coming. Retailers, especially big retailers like Harvey Norman, don't muck around with these kind of things. But it's nice to know that we've now got new pictures of the GTA IV/PlayStation 3 bundle, as well as an officially-endorsed recommended retail price. It'll go for $749.95 but while the game's due on April 29, this bundle won't be ready until May 1. Can you stand the wait, Australia?

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At around 11:50am Greenwich Mean Time, the PAL version of Grand Theft Auto IV for the Xbox 360 was ripped and leaked to various torrent sites by a ground called iCON. This would of course enable burning a copy for the home console. Meanwhile, the NTSC version is expected within the next 48 hours. YouTube clips have been popping up online of the game's opening and early missions — but as of posting, many of the clips have been taken down. The retail release is a mere six days away. This isn't the first GTA game leaked as San Andreas was as well. And it was leaked a week before, too.

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Former 90210 heartthrob Jason Priestley isn't just a former heartthrob. He's a part owner in an Indy 500 race team. No wonder Nintendo dragged it out to promote Mario Kart Wii. This Saturday, normal folks can test drive Mario Kart Wii at the Nintendo World Store with Priestley and hit him with your technical questions about the finer points of race car driving and writing Shannon Doherty out of network TV.

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It's blurry, yes, and they're all yammering on in Japanese, but you get the gist. It's Metal Gear Online. And it's Metal Gear Online not in some pre-prepared trailer, but how it'll look when you're actually allowed into the beta on Friday (fingers crossed, touching wood upon a crossed heart). Looks...well, it certainly looks different.

What does gaming need? Bobbleheads. Gamestop is here to help: Pre-order Command & Conquer 3: Kane's Wrath online and get a Kane Bobblehead. Wait, even better, get a talking Kane Bobblehead. Did you know that Crecente has a Bobblehead of himself? He does, he really does.
Command & Conquer 3 [Gamestop]

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Like its PS3 predecessor, the PC version of Assassin's Creed has launched with a few...problems. As in, it constantly crashes. Good news is a patch is on the way, which will fix the "majority of issues reported by fans". Bad news (for graphics whores) is that Ubisoft had to cut DirectX 10.1 support in order to get it working. Which, you know, isn't bad at all, since actually being able to play the game surely outweighs whatever minuscule advantages you were enjoying with 10.1. Doesn't it?
Assassin's Creed PC patch comes at the cost of DX10.1 support [Ars Technica]

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No surprises here. Today, Sony Computer Entertainment Europe confirmed the long rumoured (with pictures!) Grand Theft Auto IV bundle. Going on sale April 29th, it's packed with a 40GB PS3, a SIXAXIS and copy of Grand Theft Auto IV. Says David Reeves, SCEE president:

We are delighted to offer the millions of PS3 and GTA fans the ultimate gaming package.

That's not a very exciting quote, now is it? While SCEE is confirming this for, well, Europe, we image that the same will be true for the US. Hit the jump for the press release in full. It's THRILLING.

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id are getting their con on once again this year. Expect LAN parties, expect demo booths (from 60 exhibitors), expect competitive gaming and expect large, balding men in tight-fitting, id-related black t-shirts. It'll be held between July 31 and August 3, at the Hilton Anatole Hotel in Dallas, Texas. Entry is, as always, free, but accommodation isn't, with a cot at the Anatole setting you back $150 a night. More details in the presser that dutifully follows.

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First half of 2008? Mega. Second half? Um... Goldman Sachs analyst Robert Higginbotham says game sales are likely to decrease. There's no huge games says Hiigginbotham. According to him:

While the much anticipated release of GTA IV at the end of April is expected to produce record sales, and Wii Fit, slated for May, is also expected to be a blockbuster, the remainder of the year lacks any big releases, and comparisons get tougher throughout the year as we lap titles such as Halo 3 and Guitar Hero 3.

Post GTA IV will see Killzone 2, Metal Gear Solid 4, LittleBigPlanet, Gears of War 2, Halo Wars, Star Wars The Force Unleashed, Resident Evil 5, Far Cry 2 and Fallout 3. There's some big games there, but GTA IV big?
Sales To Drop [CVG]

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What happens when you need to put together an instructional video on how to play Okami on the Wii, and either budgetary restraints or international licensing rights mean your first choice for host - Dr. Steve Brule - isn't available? Easy. You get this guy to do his best Brule impersonation, and hope for the best.

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Japan hasn't been so lucky with Grand Theft Auto releases. Either the games come years later, heavily censored or both. Well, this time is different. Today, Capcom announced it is bringing a localised version of the multi-platform title Grand Theft IV to The Land of the Rising Sun sometime this year. Though, we're pretty sure CERO (Japan's ESRB) will censor it pretty heavily. Japan doesn't take kindly to random human killing!
GTA IV in Japan [Game Watch Impress]

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In case you weren't put off by the myriad of problems facing the PS3 and 360 versions of Rainbow Six Vegas 2, and went and picked it up on PC, there's something you should know. If the game crashes (and, like most PC games, it will probably crash sooner or later), don't just go and restart it. Just...don't. You may want to do some housecleaning first. Seems that whenever the game does die in your arms (must have been some kind of kiss...), the CrashReport file it leaves behind clocks in at an awesomely-ridiculous 850mb-1gb. That's an awfully long way of saying "Error, Error, Error".
PC-EACH GAME CRASH TAKE UP ALMOST 900 MB!! [Official Boards]

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Just because porn starlet Sasha Grey is into puking, that doesn't mean she's one dimensional. She's into gaming as well! Sasha is the proud owner of a Coleco Vision and enjoys playing games on her iPod when not doing other things. She adds:

It would be pretty dope to be a Tomb Raider, or Resident Evil type-character. Fuck it, let's go all the way: they put Jenna in GTA VC, why not put me in the GTA universe somewhere? But I'd have to be able to kick some ass...strapped with two MP5K's and a black and grey skintight outfit.

You hear that Rockstar? Sasha Grey is ready, willing and able. :/
Sasha Grey Talks Games [Giant Realm]

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Let's put two and two together. Australia, despite its geographic isolation, is normally considered a European territory when it comes to games (thanks, PAL video standard). Europe is the PlayStation brand's #1 fan. So it shouldn't surprise you as much as it probably will that EB Games, by far Australia's biggest games retailer, have said this re GTA IV preorders:

We are happy to tell you it's neck and neck, but at the moment, PlayStation 3 is currently in the lead.

Second-string retailer GameTraders are also reporting more PS3 sales, saying that they're pre-selling two copies on PS3 for every one on 360. What's this mean for overall, global sales? Probably nothing! What's it mean for Australia? Something.
PS3 GTA IV presales outpace 360 version down under [GameSpot AU]

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Pirates have brought gaming some good things. Make that, some interesting things. Take this unlicensed Famicom Harry Potter... shmup? Yep! Young Harry rides about on his broom, shooting floating dog heads and bats. According to game site Siliconera:

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Wii Fit is not a game. Really, it's not. Even if it is in Miyamoto's mind it is, Wii Fit ain't. No wonder many game-playing folks are dismissing it. Not so fast! Nintendo's Shigeru Miyamoto says not to be so quickly to judge. Wii Fit is making things better, building bridges. According to Miyamoto:

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Going by the packaging alone, one would certainly get this impression. Upon closer inspection of the controller itself, this impression would disappear much like, well, an Xbox 360 guide button on a Wii peripheral.

Thankfully for Activision, the mistake is only a point on a bulleted list and the accompanying image of the guitar is correct. I've blown up the photo our tipster sent in and added some sharpening so it's more visible. Shame, I got a little excited by the idea of turning on my Xbox 360 with a Wii guitar.

[Thanks Stephen]

Here's the contents of the Soul Calibur IV Collectors Edition! The box, it's big and colourful. The book, it's black, and book-like. That other thing? That's the "Tournament Kit", which is the most overblown term for a card with a blank tournament tree on it I've yet to come across. The shirts? While different in colour and subject (white with Yoda for 360, black with Vader for PS3), they only come in XL. Sorry skinnies. And fatties. I leave it up to you to decide whether these contents of questionable worth warrant an $US80 price-tag.
Tournament kit in Soulcalibur IV special edition explained [Siliconera]

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It's out in June and Atari has organised our Limited Edition bundle. I couldn't be happier - I've been waiting for this game since I saw it back at E3 2006. You know, when it was still worth going to.

Perhaps the most exciting inclusion in the LE is the Edward Carnby figurine. Okay, it will be the most exciting inclusion as long as it doesn't turn out to be made by the same company that does toys for McDonalds' Happy Meals.

Also tossed in the box is the soundtrack, art book, documentary and game (duh).

Hit the jump for the full release.

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Metal Gear Solid 4 violent? Let's hear what the British Board of Film Classification says:

METAL GEAR SOLID 4 is a third person tactical/stealth game. The player takes on the role of an aging soldier, Snake who can be armed with knives, guns and grenades. The game has been classified '15' for strong violence.

During battles enemy soldiers die with small puffs of blood. The weaponry includes petrol bombs, however there is no detailed portrayal of injuries. During cut scenes slightly more detailed violence is portrayed, such as enemy creatures spearing friendly soldiers and one protracted fist fight.

More BBFC-on-MGS4-violence after the jump! Some *might* consider this spoilers. Most will considered it effed up.

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You know that rumour about an Australian PS3 GTA IV bundle we heard not so long ago? Well, this promo page at Playstation.com.au confirms it as true.

Just to go over the essentials, the pack will be available from May 1 with an RRP of $749.95. It'll come with a 40GB PS3, SixAxis controller (I know, I know) and a copy of GTA IV

According to the page, it's available for a "strictly limited time" so if the bundle intrigues you, best check it out now.

Limited Edition Playstation 3 GTA IV pack [Playstation.com.au, thanks Simon]

Xbox Live Status Watch: Day 125 - Didn't think we'd be running one of these again so soon. We'd gotten a few emails over the past day or two about people being unable to sign into Xbox Live, but things seem to have taken a turn for the worse today, with Xbox.com's support page now displaying the familiar "Users may experience difficulties..." message. I can't sign in, you guys having any luck?

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You've seen it before, but not like this. Not in such agonising detail. With the standalone version's Japanese box. And shots from various angles, with the wheel and Wii Remote in various states of undress. And probing. And penetrating. And the soft, longing caress of...an old man with lady's fingers but a man's hairy knuckles. Hit the gallery for more. It's safer for work than it has any right to be.

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We got a tip a few days ago that said this bundle would be arriving shortly. No sooner did we get this whiff, online retailer dStore provided confirmation.

The pack will retail for $499.95 and include everything mentioned in the title. If you ask me, it's an excellent deal. And it could be the deal for you, as long as you're happy to play the Oz version of GTA IV.

Xbox 360 Console Bundle (Arcade Con + Halo 3 + GTA 4) (Xbox 360) [dStore.com.au, thanks anonymous]

Clusterfuck and all, Konami cares. Konami wants you to have a good Metal Gear Online experience. But before you can have a good MGO, it would be nice if getting a Konami ID wasn't such a pain in the arse. Well! Konami has streamlined its website and made getting an ID somewhat less of a pain in the arse. Bravo. Now, if they can get their servers up and running for the *planned* Friday Beta, things would be just grand.
Quick Registration [Konami via PS3 Fanboy]

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Sorry to be the bearer of bad news guys, but it looks like Mario Kart Wii has been pushed back to April 30 in NZ, though this date is just an estimate from Gameplanet. It's quite possible the game could be delayed for longer.

Here's the relevant info from the news post on GP's site:

The local Nintendo distributors have informed us that the New Zealand release of Mario Kart on Wii has been delayed.

The distributors have not given a reason for the delay, nor are they able to provide a new ETA at this stage. Rest assured that as soon as we have an updated NZ release date we will update our web site and everyone who has pre-ordered.

What's worse than a delay? No reason being provided for said delay.

As for the April 30 date? It's from an email GP sent out to its customers.

Mario Kart (Wii) NZ release delayed [Gameplanet Store, thanks everyone!]

As a kid, deep down, you know Street Fighter II's not real. Fireballs, tiger uppercuts, sonic booms, it's all ridiculous. And yet...a small part of you holds out hope that, perhaps with the right training, perhaps with the right opponent, you could recreate at least some of Capcom's arse-kicking in real life. Here's the proof that says no. You can not.
[Mega64]

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1UP recently interviewed Rockstar's Sam Houser. You should probably go read the whole thing, as it touches on some interesting stuff, but one thing's probably more interesting than the rest. It's where Houser says what we've been saying for a long time now: the 360 needs to sort out the issue of its non-compulsory HDD usage:

One of the problems with the 360, and it affects games like Grand Theft Auto if you think about how much content we put in the actual machine, is the fact that they don't have a significantly larger storage medium than the previous systems.

You're damn right, and-oh. You're not done.

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Too cute. Must. Be. Stopped. Here's a fan created reworking on the Clannad anime. Originally a PC point and click visual novel, the smash hit Clannad has been spun off into anime and manga. Above, the ending of the Clannad has been given an unbelievably cute reworking. That, like we said, must be stopped. For those who have never seen the original saccharine-heavy ending theme, hit the jump. It's subtitled, too. Let the singalong commence!

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We're certainly not above giggling profusely at some retitled Atari 2600 box art. While the cover artwork on Atari published titles was nothing short of spectacular stuff—the Defender and Haunted House paintings expertly tricking my young mind—it's clear that some of these games were given unspectacular titles. I've Wasted My Life, however, is brilliant. And Tim Curry's Magic Board? I'd have played that.

These more accurately titled and described Atari 2600 classics are possibly the best box art jokes you'll see all week. Unless there's a Photoshop Phriday on the matter...

Fun From Yesterday! [MightyGodKing via Boing Boing Gadgets]

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Aged between, lemme see, around 22-40? Like spacemen and earthworms? Let's dance. Because Douglas TenNapel, the creator of Earthworm Jim, has just signed a deal whereby he'll act as creative consultant on not only a new Earthworm Jim game (Earthworm Jim 4), but also a new animated series and feature film as well. No details on timeframes or anything like that - for the game or cartoons - but publisher Interplay will no doubt have something to say about that come E3.

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Witness Mortal Kombat kreator Ed Boon trying to explain how the whole Mortal Kombat Vs. DC Universe things is supposed to make sense. Apparently it is all about magic! Every thing will make sense when you play the story mode! No. There is no way in hell you can make this pairing make sense. Maybe, just maybe if DC runs a mini-series before the game comes out they could make the concept slightly less than laughable. My hopes got up when Boon said the words shattering...I thought he was going to say jaws, but no. Shattering masks. Woot. I think he neatly sums things up at the end of the interview. It's all about the novelty.

Sure, we heard the gory story details of David Jaffe and Incognito's cancelled PSP game Heartland about this time last year. The super emo tale of a Chinese invasion of U.S. soil was said to rip our hearts out. In a fun way! You know, in a burning a Chinese-American family alive way, according to new revelations about the nixed game in the latest Escapist.

Jaffe explains how Heartland came to be and came to not be, as the game was a bad fit with the Warhawk developer from the get go. The intended follow up to God of War was planned as an emotional response to the Bush administration, but at the core, Jaffe says "what we really wanted to do was create the definitive shooter for the PlayStation Portable." That, obviously, didn't happen, and it doesn't sound like it ever will.

Inside David Jaffe's Heartland [The Escapist]

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Well now you've seen my first, so I am letting you guys choose my next. I've narrowed it down to a few choices, sticking with the Final Fantasy I theme of things. Black Mage is lonely, and he needs a friend. The thing to keep in mind here is that white ink does not do well in a tattoo. Some people take to it well, depending on pH balances and such, but for the most part white won't last. This means that what might have been the most popular choice - White Mage - wouldn't end up looking all that great. In the end I'd like to get a full party of four going, and then maybe do enemies on the upper arms. This one is going on the same spot on my right wrist, so I can pretend to be praying while making them talk to each other. My appointment is Sunday, so you'll see the results come Monday. Hit the jump to see the choices and have your say in the mostly permanent modification of my skin. Voting shall end on Friday!

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Grand Theft Auto, the massively multiplayer version, seems like an inevitability. With downloadable content coming for the Xbox 360 version and a game so stuffed with data that it pushes DVD size limitations, an MMO take on the game with digitally delivered content sounds like the next logical step. Sam Houser, one of the founders of Rockstar Games, agrees, telling EGM/1UP that "a subscription-based Grand Theft Auto-type game...is very, very doable and is a very, very compelling proposition."

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After last month's resignation of Linden Labs founder and CEO Philip Rosedale, Kotaku readers have had only one question on their minds - is there any way I can get Grand Theft Auto IV early? The answer, of course, is no, but the knowledge that the Second Life company shall soon be in good hands will help massage the disappointment out of your collective furrowed brow. Former CEO of digital communications agency Organic Inc., Mark Kingdon is only one alphabetical space away from having an awesome last name. What he does have is an MBA from the Wharton School of Business and a BA in economics from UCLA, and he's just thrilled to be here.

"To me, the CEO role at Linden Lab combines perfectly my passions for art and design, business and technology. Until Second Life, we experienced the digital world passively in two dimensions. By enabling users to create a rich and immersive virtual world, Second Life is transforming the way we connect, collaborate, learn and transact online.

Kingdon will assure the role of CEO on the 15th of May, spontaneously appearing in the office with his hair attached to his arse and a boot sticking out of his chest, his clothing still loading. It's an SL thing.

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Maybe we're not doomed, but the financial future of retailer GameStop may be less rosy, less "recession proof" if analyst Robert Higginbotham of Goldman Sachs is right. He wrote in an investor note—which I'm so pissed that I missed—that after the release of Grand Theft Auto IV and Wii Fit, "the remainder of the year lacks any big releases, and comparisons get tougher throughout the year as we lap titles such as Halo 3 and Guitar Hero III."

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When we learned that The Collective—now Double Helix—had been tasked with Silent Hill V development at E3 last year, we wondered "What about Harker, that original vampire kicking game they're working on?" Since we've heard just shy of nothing on Harker for nearly a year and Silent Hill V was just recently rechristened Silent Hill: Homecoming, a report from GameSpot that the team has essentially killed the game doesn't surprise.

"Killed" is more politically correctly described as being put on "permanent hiatus", but it's rare for these projects to be resurrected. As long as they don't muck up the next Silent Hill, we'll forgive this cancellation of a game that we weren't particularly interested in anyway.

Foundation 9 buries Harker [GameSpot]