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Riding the Vomit Elevator
Posted by Brian Ashcraft at 11:40 PM on May 8, 2008
To: Crecente
From: Ashcraft
RE: Hello? Helloooooo?
Ah, E3! Can't wait.
Every day when I go pick up my kid at school, I go to a bus stop near my house. There's only one other kid who gets off at that stop — a younger kid who lives in the same apartment. His mother is always waiting there, and we usually shoot the shit. She's quite nice and likes to chit-chat. Since Mini-Bash didn't go to school on Wednesday, she was wondering if he was sick. So, yeah, over Golden Week here in Japan, my kid kept barfing. It was pretty bad! We had to go to the hospital and everything, I told her. One day, he upchucked maybe 12 times? On Tuesday evening, he started to feel better, I continued. And at about 7 or 8pm, we decided to go to the supermarket so I could buy some soba noodles to make for him for dinner. After a technicolor afternoon of him not being able to keep anything down, he seemed much better and was very much ready to eat something.
So, we went to the elevator, pressed the button, the elevator pinged! and the doors open, revealing an elevator covered in puke. Someone else had thrown up all over the elevator! It was the worst thing I have ever seen, I told this to the mother. There was an inch of vomit on the floor and it was on the walls and everywhere. It was like an alien was slaughtered there, I said. Truly, truly, truly disgusting. Like why didn't the person who puked everywhere clean it up, you know? Since my kid was still feeling ill, we couldn't take the stairs, and just decided to make do with whatever we had in the house (instant ramen). Worse of all, the elevator is still stinky, days later. Her reply? "So sorry, it was my son who threw up in the elevator." My reply? "Oh."
Can't wait for tomorrow at the bus stop!
What you missed last night
Yahtzee vs. insane fanboys
Sony thinking about external HDDs?
Yamauchi has lots of money
Looking forward to that Dan movie
Gates talks Japan
Sony have been putting out the official Formula 1 racing games for years now. But if rumours at TG Daily are to be believed, they've turned down an offer to renew the partnership, after a disagreement with the sport's governing body over costs. According to TG Daily, Formula 1 boss Bernie Ecclestone asked Sony for a "hefty increase" to the estimated $US 75 million deal they agreed to for the 2003-2007 seasons. Sony won't pay, and have walked away from the deal, leaving EA, Ubisoft and Codemasters to fight it out. Can't really blame Sony for this: F1 games have always had a dedicated, hardcore following, but the games have more often than not been a bit shit, and have never translated into the kind of sales Sony would expect from a sport so popular across many parts of the world.
Forget what you've heard! EA does not think The Sims is a casual game. No, way, no how. Just listen to what EA's dedicated Sims division boss, Nancy Smith has to say:
MotorStorm dev Evolution was acquired by Sony. Have things changed after going from indie to corporate monolith? Says Evolution's Paul Hollywood:
Worst. 
Chip rumour time! Word is that Microsoft is moblising IBM and Taiwan Semiconductor Manufacturing Co to roll out the rumoured Jasper chipset for the Xbox 360. Compared to the current Falcon chip, Jasper uses less noise and simpler cooling systems. Not confirmed, but the chip apparently drops in August, the dead of summer. Fitting!
SingStar news! First item: SingStar producer Paulina Bozek has told PS3F that unlike certain other music titles available at the moment, the SingStar team have "no interest" in locking certain songs to certain regions of the world. Good news, that comes with a catch: they won't do it on purpose; stuff like licensing issues can still split the stores. Second item: the ultra-cheesy "My SingStar" video repository, which displays 30-second vids of your SingStar performances, is about to move online. Presently, it's available only within the game, but you'll soon be able to view it via a browser, so anyone who does post on it, think twice: your chances of being seen by a friend/loved one are about to go up 100x. 
Thought we were kidding when we said Peter Moore bleed neon green? Nope! After getting some strange Wii analogies, Moore's back to moan and groan about Sony's Home. Says the former Xbox employee:
Did you know that there are many different languages in Europe? Not everyone speaks English! Mind officially blown. That means localising games for Europe is a gianormous pain in the arse. Says Sony Computer Entertainment of Europe honcho David Reeves:
Certainly! By now you must have seen the credit sequence for anime The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya. Catchy, huh? No wonder the Wii Haruhi game is going to be a dancing game. Well, not a straight up dancing game as it'll have a "Story Mode" (with dancing) and a "Free Mode" (with dancing). The game's about half done and slated for this year. Hum~ming!
Artist Peter Gronquist's currently holding an exhibition in LA, where he takes famous designer labels and associates them with weapons. Think a Chanel RPG, Gucci AK-47, etc, and you're on the right track. One of his exhibits are these delightful, golden Pac-Man grenades. I've no idea which label they're meant to be, but at $US 350 a pop, the more affluent amongst you could do a lot worse if you were in the market for an expensive executive paperweight.
Once again proving that the Xbox 360 is the console for discerning consumers, 3D computer erotic game 
Got $US 10,000 handy? Love horse-riding? Hate horses? Well is this the deal for you. This is the Ridemaster, perhaps the most overblown horse-riding adventure we've seen this side of Barbie Horse Adventures. For your 10gs you get a fake horse (which is full of sensors, so you can kick it for being stubborn) and a TV display, but sadly, no jodpers. You'll have to get those on your own. Vid's after the link, for anyone who enjoyed watching
Japan loves many things. For example, Louis Vuitton. Japan loves Louis Vuitton. iPods, Japan loves iPods. Japan does not love the Xbox 360. What does Bill Gates think about that? While visiting Japan, Microsoft founder Bill Gates did offer this:
Wii Fit's a guaranteed hit. In no way will it not sell millions of copies. So competitors (or imitators, if you're not feeling so kind) are bound to spring up. First off the bat? EA, of course, with EA Sports' boss Peter Moore identifying a gap in the market Wii Fit may not be addressing: bored women.
Needs more pink! Some Japanese lady thought a MG Gyan Gundam figure wasn't girly enough, so she was "inspired" to give it a more "feminine air." The customised model has been covered with faux jewels, and the plastic surface has been treated and lacquered. The attention to detail is astounding (like on the dress, for example), sure, we're just enthralled with GLOWING SWORD.
NVIDIA's Roy Taylor is not, as you can probably hazard a guess, a fan of piracy in the PC games market. So much so that, while speaking with Eurogamer, he's made an impassioned plea, employing the language of the youth of today in order to get his point across: 
Hrm, thought we'd seen the last of this topic. Seems a British TV commercial for PC World has been taken off the air by the Advertising Standards Authority. Why? It contained "misleading" information about the PS3, claiming the 60GB unit "plays your PS2 games as well", even though it, well, does not. It plays most of them, yes, but not all. I'm sure they meant to say "plays most of your PS2 games as well", but hey, maybe they were paying by the word.
EBGames may 
Upcoming, PS3 creepy game Siren: New Translation has the "New Translation" subtitle for Japan. But what about for the UK? It's different! The game is being re-titled Sire: Blood Curse. New Translation or Blood Curse? Hrm. Hello pedestrian localisation! No word whether the game is getting a US release or an equally dull subtitle.
According to 
If you're a Barack Obama fan/supporter/whatever, and you want to get your political point across at this minute in time, you've got two ways of getting people's attention. One's 
They're still making the Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li flick, and yet, there's already talks of sequels! The film's scribe Justin Marks, who's also adapting Voltron and HE-MAN for the silver screen, says:
You want a single man's fortunes by which you can gauge the current success of Nintendo? Look no further than former chairman Hiroshi Yamauchi, who in the past three years has gone from being Japan's 11th-richest man, to it's 3rd-richest man, to now it's richest man. That's what happens when you own mountains of Nintendo stock, and said stock goes through the roof. While there's been no reports of Yamauchi smashing any marble tables over the news, he is expected to spend at least some of his winnings on a new leather face.
What's the new Nintendo Channel do? It lets you download DS demos. It lets you check out stuff like trailers. Oh, and, if you let it, it'll quietly take stock of your Wii and your gaming setup, then report back to Nintendo HQ with its findings. Some of the information it will share includes your net connection speed, WiiConnect24 settings, TV preferences, daily play habits and even how many Miis you've got saved on your system, all in the hopes of providing you, dear consumer, "with game recommendations and improved future services". Any of you choosing to opt out of the service should be aware that if you do, you won't be able to download those DS demos, which are being kept only for those customers participating in this grand "information exchange".
The newly launched in North America Nintendo Channel shows off the first batch of WiiWare titles to hit Western shores, revealing potential pricing on at least one of the debut games. The initial quintet of potential WiiWare releases—revealed by way of the "What Is WiiWare?" video—includes the following.
New legislation has been introduced in the U.S. House of Representatives that aims to enforce ESRB ratings with required age identification checks, reports Variety. The "Video Games Ratings Enforcement Act"—a bill introduced by Republican representative Lee Terry and Democratic representative Jim Matheson—would require video game retailers to display ESRB ratings and verify a customer's age when buying an M or AO rated title. Now that all our other problems are solved, we can finally ensure that kids will never get their hands on a copy of Manhunt or Pony Friends ever again. The final solution?
Europe is already knee deep in Haze demo enjoyment, but North Americans will get their fill of Ubisoft's first person shooter starting tomorrow. That is, provided that your fill of Haze is the game's first level and a sampling of drop-in, drop-out four-player co-op. It may have the most hyphens of any PS3 game to date. The official PlayStation.blog brings word on what to expect, including voice chat—noteworthy that it's off by default—and the ability to set up private co-op games. Welcome shielding against internet douchebaggery!
Hot numbers! We got hot numbers, folks, fresh from the Microsoft sales and marketing team! The company's Gamerscore Blog is stuffed with statistics, revealing that Xbox 360 console sales were up 54% during the week of Grand Theft Auto IV's release. Of the millions of copies of GTA IV sold, MS says that 60% of those were of the 360 persuasion. Take that, friendly competition!
For those of you who missed out on the Official PlayStation Blog's free 
We got our 
PlayStation boss man Kaz Hirai has been a chatty fellow this week, talking about the PlayStation 3's bumpy start and its association with Grand Theft Auto IV. He also sat down with the BBC, giving his totally unbiased opinion about where the PS3 will rank against its peers. The news? Good! Well, maybe. We'll have to check back next decade, as Kaz says "The true test of the console, in terms of the install base race, is really when you look back at the end of the life cycle."
