this man is highly uninformed. for example, where are the mother***king snakes on the mother***king plane on this list. comon dude step it up.

maraxusofk

I have informed lord Cthulhu, and he is pleased.

Placentasaurus

Leprechauns at the "pansy-ass" level? I call Shenanigans

Sparx

Hey Everyone. Ya that is my site. I guess a godaddy account can't handle the kotaku bum rush. If I could log in to my own site I might be able to post that picture to my flickr page.

I made the chart in response to an early scene from God of War II in which Kratos jumps aboard a pegasus after escaping from Hell.

It seemed jarring that the god of destruction would jump on something as stupid looking as a Pegasus. The chart just tries to put into context how lame a Pegasus really is when Barlog could have put him on any other mythical creature. I mean really, don't you think a velecoraptor would have been much better creature when inflicting vengeance across Greece. Much better than a flying pony anyway.

zukalous

@ManjiKengo: Or maybe you could just look at the giant "PANSY-ASS" at the top of the chart and the giant "BAD-ASS" at the bottom of the chart.

Jeff Paine

His chart grossly misrepresents the badass-ness of the Leprechaun. They're not all pot o' gold and cutesey- they're mean, spiteful, pernicious fuckers that, despite their small size, will totally beat your ass. Even one-on-one.

They should be at least a -0.5. Besides, other than the velociraptor, the Leprechaun is the only non-fictional creature represented on the chart.

And before you get all up in arms about it: They are too.

stranger

Badass at the bottommmmm

Megan Fox iz Hot ^-^ -ph15h

@idkmybffgreg: Perhaps it should be changed to pie chart form.

Wolfers

Most of you would fail the science (read: graph-reading) section of the ACT if these comments are any indication.

idkmybffgreg

Holy crap, a friend of mine quit FFXII at that same spot as mentioned in Totilo's article.

Wolfers

@ecurtz:

I understood that, not so sure about other people, but I got that.

I was applauding the man's taste, etc. What, I didn't sound serious?

Keldan

@StephenTotilo: You are become Death, the destroyer of your friend's website.

wild homes likes followers, loves to comment

Dark unicorns would be badass, to be fair.

Bernard McGraw

LOL site got Kotakowned. Chart is pretty funny.

malio

The site crashed!

MOP88

@bobtheduck: So in other words, you're saying raptors are Ninja Gaiden, but chimaeras are Painkiller, right?

wild homes likes followers, loves to comment

Cthulhu at the bottom? WTF?
Yes I know he is still sleeping in R'lyeh but when he wakes up he and the other Great Old Ones will turn this planet into hell! /rant

Garo

Yeah, a lot of people are reading this chart backwards, but Chimera's are a lot more bad ass than raptors... Raptor's can just rip. Chimera's can strike lightning and breath fire and rip you to shreds...

bobtheduck

Crap! I wielded my power foolishly. I'm sorry, Chris!

StephenTotilo

Unicorn power!

[sonobovich.wordpress.com]

Barts

@ecurtz: Yeah, it's definitely backwards-ish-- or the crucial stuff is at the unreadable bottom. Too bad his site's crashed from the traffic, I guess. we'll find out later on.

wild homes likes followers, loves to comment

@Jeff Paine: uhm...if the small print was UNREADABLE...perhaps we'd get it.

Besides, chinese dragons kick ass. they are like lions on long snakes.

ManjiKengo

Did we kill the site already?

Hassun

@Keldan:
Part of the problem is it's not a chart of badass-ness (as advertised) it's a chart of pansy-assness (hence the unicorns and pegasi at the top).

Also, he doesn't appear to understand how exponential notation works, but perhaps that error is explained in the unreadable footnotes.

ecurtz

Why does a leprachaun appear near the top? Surely when a creature promises a pot of gold, and doesn't deliver, he should be docked points.

Prejudice

chtulhu at the bottom?

I understand not wanting your destruction but cmon.....the old god in hellboy certainly made the movie.

ManjiKengo

But he needs a comprehensive means for scoring the badassness of any potential hybrids that might occur-- because the resulting creatures definitely wouldn't simply slot somewhere in between the progenitors. For instance, a raptor is pretty low, and a leprechaun is relatively high (call it a 2 and a 7.5 respectively)... but a LEPROCIRAPTOR would almost certainly chart much, much higher than a unicorn. So do hybrids simply wind up as not the AVERAGE of the parents, but the PRODUCT?

wild homes likes followers, loves to comment

We need one that includes different VG characters!

Or at least a Pokémon one, could be awesome.

(俗・ ) Grey Gecko

now we've done it. The site is dead!

kingmanic

You guys are reading the chart wrong. The bottom of the chart is where the badass stuff goes. The top of the chart is where the pansy-ass stuff goes.

Jeff Paine

Well, I have to agree with them. Who wouldn't want a unicorn? Those things are awesome! Second to mermaids they're the coolest mythological creatures out there.

TheDollHouse

Oh lawd! that's full of lulz!

(俗・ ) Grey Gecko

Cthulhu and velociraptors at the bottom? I do approve of this man's taste.

Keldan

@StephenTotilo: Same here. I get pumped up for them every now and then but I lose the momentum pretty fast. Thats what sucks about not being a kid anymore, now I really just don't have time for games like that; no matter how much I want to play them. (Chrono Trigger is the exception, maybe cause I can play on an emulator and save whenever I want)

liquid_kore

Good times...

Talleh

@Gypse-scum: *something Curse the lack of an edit button

Gypse-scum

well although the chart was surprising close to my own tastes when it comes to "bad ass" mounts. normally i write some else to explain some thing wrong with some involved with this guy i feel far too lazy right now so..... i'll just say that i liked ff12

Gypse-scum

The unicorns from Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends would beg to differ.

Cyrian

Any chart of creature bad-assness is useless without Trogdor.

MeanMF

Lol, yeah. Most everyone was reading this chart wrong.

Granted, it took me a while to figure it out myself. It's a two way scale. Everything below the Zero-point is "badass" whereas everything above it is "pansy ass."

I must admire the creativity and time put into that curve, even if it is a bit strange.

DugDawg

@liquid_kore: I tried to go back about a month ago. And I couldn't even remember what I was supposed to be doing. So I bailed back out. JRPGs and I don't get along very well very often.

StephenTotilo

@StephenTotilo: Sounds like a funny guy, I'll remember to check out the site when it's not being beaten to death.

I just read your FF12 Golomore Jungle post, that was good stuff. It's funny because that is the exact area I stopped playing. I quit on my own free will, hadn't even read anywhere that it gets worse after that part, but I just couldn't play that anymore. It was not fun and I remember that it was a huge leap in the enemy level that I didn't anticipate so I kept dying. I'm not against a difficult game but that jungle was too much of something that shouldn't have even been in the game.

So did you ever finish the game?

liquid_kore

I gotta feel sorry for the unicorn. I mean, hey, it's a horse that can impale. It just happens to like the ladies, and somehow it gets a reputation as girly.

Also, where does the western dragon fit in?

Tiber

@idkmybffgreg: Oh thank god. I thought I was the only one reading the graph correctly.

GunSavior

@idkmybffgreg: yes, after taking it three times, i officially approve of this comment.

xoforoct

Those guys are so underrating leprechauns. You don't want to piss off a leprechaun. Trust me, bad idea.

arstal

Confirmed: Unicorns in GoWIII.

Sabre_Justice: Okay, no more long name.

Aside from pansy-ass on top and bad-ass on the bottom--call me pedantic, but what units are the X and Y axis of the graph measured in? It's driving me crazy.

Petezah

I want to dissect this graph, because I'm a physicist and I have free time.

1. The "zero point" is at 10^4. These are very different numbers. Which is it?

2. The scale is supposedly logarithmic. If that were true, the powers of ten would be evenly spaced. However, if the scale were not logarithmic, 10^9 would be at the top, 10^8 would be at 1/10th that distance, 10^7 at 1/100, and so on. We certainly wouldn't be able to see anything smaller than that. So the scale we do see is some linear-logarithmic hybrid without any clear trend.

3. Evidently the dependence of pansiness on the unidentified-x-axis-unit is a double exponential, e^e^x. We know this because (assuming the scale is logarithmic, see above) a single exponential would show up as a line. We do not see a line, we see an exponential, so even after taking the log we have an exponential left.

4. Cthulu? Seriously? Weaksauce.

jflav

@jflav: Don't tell anyone but that graph is a remodeled Richter scale. Good eye that it is logarithmic. Just note that an 8.9 Unicorn is a whole lot worse than a -1 Cthulu. For the record Cthulu is the badest-ass there ever was in all of creation and in elder creation.

zukalous

@StephenTotilo: I'm surprised that either of you could get that far. I bailed on FFXII after hour seven. I thought it was absolute garbage. It was sad because I thought I was a JRPG fan. I guess only SNES era ones...

Mr. Fluffykins

@ecurtz:
No, apparently not, or he wouldn't have written exponents and called them logarithmic.

Purple Dave

Eh...his site is only moderately funny, if that. It's a nice gimmick, I suppose. I guess the next evolutionary step would be to remove all the punctuation from it.

Anyway, as I mentioned on his site, people forget that Pegasus was the son of Medusa. People don't comb My Little Pony's ass hairs because they want to. It's because his mom will seriously fuck up anyone who doesn't. That's R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

jsf49

Why are people always jizzing all over Cthulu? He's just a big, stupid mollusk that doesn't anything in his own damn story besides get hit by a boat.

Superawesomerad

Epic. When the site is back i'll give it a look.

Sharkz