they're using a bounty hunter named Jango Crecente to create a clone army!

Kcet

Im still in a state of freakyness, because I have discovered the Minister for Social Security of Portugal is an exact genetic copy of me!

This is Me:
[images.roosterteeth.com]

This is the Minister:
[www.mtss.gov.pt]

I had no clue the "Les Enfant Terrible" project was this far on ahead. Still, he clearly shows signs of accelerated genetic degradation for someone only 2 years older then me...

..yeah, he was born in 76... does that mean that I am the clone!? /o\

Mom and Dad got A LOT to explain...

Shiryu

@liquid_kore: I bet Fahey knows how to duct-tape a flash light to his guns too.

Skunky

THIS
IS
SO
LAME...

it is ridiculous.

Ariel_Wollinger

@beantastic!: Pack it in, everyone. Vakero killed the fun. :(

Aye Mak Sicur

Now they'll be able to send you junk mail telepathically.

StopTheOncoming

New concept for Doom 4: Attack of the Crecentes. Humanities only hope rests on one mountain, Mountain Man Fahey.

liquid_kore

Oh man, i'm going to invest in garlic, pronto.

KenogaBrave

Swap the DNA of a frog so you can make a Krogan army.

kojirodensetsu

@Burguois of Arabia: Infinitely better chances than if they don't put DNA up there.

dowingba

@Patient: The cat people are already here! Who do you think crashed into Roswell? They walk amongst us, apathetically watching us, searching out cozy squares of sunlight, and shed on our stuff.

Skunky

Crecente = Big Boss

and we all know how that turned out!

Solid Crecente
Liquid crecente
Solidus Crecente

Wolf_Dog

@VakeroRokero: Wow. Just... kinda went for it there, eh?

beantastic!

The only thing scarier than a Crecente Clone Army would be a Fahey Clone Army! We all saw the damage a single Fahey could do with his vocals and even in his sleep, just imagine an army... Maybe a genetically altered Fahey army, one that could sing in it's sleep... oh the HORROR!

JP05

You unlock this door with the key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension: a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. You're moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. You've just crossed over into... the Twilight Zone.

DarkHavoc99

I shot DNA into space last night huh huh.

Ew, I grossed myself out.

gaijira

@Skunky: awesome.

geekgrrl

It's as if a million voices cried out "GOOD DAY! MY NAME IS... BRIAN CRECENTE!" and were NOT silenced, for they were all of humanity.

Aye Mak Sicur

Brian, I beg of you. Do not do this!
Please swipe the DNA of a Cat instead.

In the future... there will be half Cat people because of you.

Think about that for a moment....

A Half Cat, Half Human. Race. Walking the streets of a futuristic city, speaking Half Cat Half Human language, all because of you.

Cooool.

Patient

@Burguois of Arabia:
More than likely aliens will find it and try to recreate Crecente beings for it's interglactic zoo and or arena of death.

enewtabie

@beantastic!: actually he has to send two gallons of semen.

VakeroRokero

I would send DNA from a nasty dog and a evil cat so they mix it by mistake and a monster pet appears that will eat the last remnants of civilization just because God wanted humans to end, not to keep living someplace new.

VakeroRokero

this is awesome. How cool did it feel to write "Crecentient"?

NES8bt

I wish I could get hold of one of these kits so I can secretly swap out someone's DNA with the DNA of Rick Astley.

Skunky

Brian, don't start eating poison for lunch again and do this kind of crazy stuff ;)

JN64Lover

I wonder if your clone will win a game show like on "The Island". May people may want the famous Crecente locks and pay big money for clones to farm them out.

peacefuloutrage

At least they don't want you to draw blood, provide a urine sample, or certain... "other" bodily fluids.

beantastic!

oh lordy, the top pic is the stuff nightmares are made of.

Norellicus

Creepy, in a milk and cookies kind of way.

Zombie999

Swab a pet just to really freak em out

kidko

Please, please, please do not let the shoulder length mullet survive into the future. The future is supposed to be about hope. Hope, people.

Mohican

And you thought the ID theft problem was bad before, now copies of DNA will be floating around for someone to make a clone of you to go empty your bank account.

(Eight Crecentetroopers!!)

Justin42

look at all the pirate moustaches...god help us.

SteveIsRad

I am worried if the world is destroyed, that we'll use all these DNA samples for luminaries of the gaming world to repopulate the Earth.

If that comes to pass, Crecente will obviously rule the ocean waves...

Meldy

Oh Great so if humanity gets wiped out (I'm looking at you Mc Cain) we can just repopulate the earth with brian crescente and richard gariott, that ought to be fun, half of the population would be making "ground breaking MMOs" and the other half would be reviewing saying it's the same grind formula that has been around for years, we have a global economy right there!

Ragarnok

Very creepy indeed.

SolidEyeSystem

And here I was expecting a cup.

Tom133t

Shove them in your butt and send it back. If they want you, they'll have to accept all of you.

solidblur

Yup, this about sums it up.

Tyber_Zann

holy crap, Crecente, you've been taking cues from Richard D. James again...*shudder*

to play devil's advocate: what with being a Kotaku hot dog, do you even get to play that much? ;)

geekgrrl

It a barrage of white, shiny teeth!

RUN AWAY!

xAnarChisTx

So in the incredibly unlikely event that humanity gets wiped out what are the chances of someone surviving who can get into space and knows how to build a fully operational human being from a non-organic source

Burguois of Arabia

Wow....that's pretty creepy

Erode

What man among us doesn't want to spread their DNA around? :D

rezlow

That is easily the creepiest picture I've seen all day.

chuffhoncho

WOW! just wow

Why the hell do they want gamer DNA though? I mean what gonna happen we all die and they bring back all these gamers from hundreds of years ago who are to amazed by "TEH GRAHPICS!!!" to do anything, plus were are you gonna find the chicks???

darktoad450

Everytime I close my eyes.. I will see the Crecentes lurking towards me..

Project Thanatos

Wow @ that pic. "The Fertile Crecente: Cradle of Earth Civilization."

@Skunky: That's all we need.....to start an interstellar war because we Rickroll'd some alien civilization!

@liquid_kore: A winnar is you.

An army of Crecentes would be cool, but I still think an army of Jovoviches would more practical. Well, for us guys anyway......

Billkwando

I for one welcome our new Overlords!

Wolf_Dog

A Crecente clone army does pose many threats - what with their flowing hair and fiery passion. Though I think I saw some special where I learned they could be tamed by offering them garlic. After that, it's just figuring out how to devide the chores among your new group of slaves.

AngryEddy

The Crecente Wars!

and "Operation Immortality" has a nice ring to it. :)

frank0127

@Mohican: Shut it, Obama. And I wonder what female Crecentes look like. Nevermind, no I don't... *shudder* :)

Omnimon

@liquid_kore: wow thats amzing

@crecente....do it for the love of god...but please...just know i love you and when your clones come to kill all humans...please have that thought implanted in them so they dont kill me just enslave me

bobdisgea

Look, everybody- I think we're all missing the one, greatest lesson that we should be taking away from this.

Crecente looks good in a dress.

I Think We're Property

@kidko:

LOL

tooji

@liquid_kore:

FUND IT!

MagicPipe

@Billkwando: But as the orbital bombardment devastates all the major metropoliseses, I'll be in a bomb shelter somewhere, laughing my butt off.

"Oh man, you shoulda seen the looks on their faces...least I think that was their face...hard to tell with all the tentacles."

Skunky

Did they happen to need a strand of your hair? That would guarantee a clone army.

LucasKane

@JRB: If you can create a fully functioning person from nothing but a digitized sample of DNA then we don't need women.

Lessthan_tom

WooWhoo! The humans will return as space pirates!

Trip42

I keep sending them semen samples, but no-one ever calls me!

n8rz

are they taking into account genetic history? Why don't we shoot for individuals with no diabetes, high blood pressure, cancer, etc. histories in their family? What about you, Crecente? Any family medical history you care to share before you repopulate the earth?

dArk_stAr

Collecting just from gamers? How do you repopulate the earth without any women?

JRB

@liquid_kore: LOL

Wow, fantastic work good sir.

Norellicus

"This is all being done in case humanity gets wiped out and we need a human race reboot."

But if humanity gets wiped out, who's going to reboot the human race? ;>_>

Doshi

@Skunky: I LOL'd IRL.

Billkwando

Be sure to brush before you swab, I'd hate to think the Crecente clone army ends up being Cheese Burgers.

Pezdispenser

They don't want to clone you. They wanted to get a hold of your genetic sequence to figure out which genes control the amazing hair. All that will come of this is a bunch of scientist and Richard Garriot with Crecente hair. Beware they might patent your genes and start selling Crecente Hair in a bottle.

AndroidKing

@n8rz:
Thats funny because my friend told me he keeps getting semen samples arriving at his house in the mail. Might be a wrong address.

DarkHavoc99

lmao

mbx

Great, now you will be in CODIS when shit hits the fan in outer space.

PsycheE

Do they know that HDDs don't store data longer than approximately 50-250 years?

Scherzkeks

Jason Ocampo on the IGN PC team commented on their podcast about the shiny purple envelope that included all the documents and the cotton swab.

It's a bit freaky when you think about it. Let's just hope that after the spider revolution of 2021 that whatever space race discovers the DNA database won't just overwrite it with some future games. Or eat it.

nick.soapdish

"Crecetient"

How long have you been waiting to use that joke :-)

Edge of Blade

@JRB: The team with Richard Garriot was doing this at Comic-Con if you matched up a button they gave you with someone else at the convention. They didn't just send it out; a number of people at Comic-Con got to do it as well. Including myself, a female. So there's at least one being sent into space!

TheKat

Why do they want gamer DNA? A future world with gamer clones would have to be....interesting to say the least.

Super Bunny Princess

@Skunky: You win. I'm not even gonna give you up, never gonna let you doooooooown.

A mid sentence-roll, that's how I do it.

Amsterdaam

I want a mini-bash clone just so i can record him say funny things.

angry_gamer

@JRB: bite me. :P

geekgrrl

"who I can't help but notice don't make any promises about not raising a Crecente Clone army or not populating mars with thousands of Crecetient beings".

I don't see a problem....?

NeVeRMoRe666

How about passing around that swab to the entire Kotaku community?

boopadoo

Goddammit. In too late to capitalize on a timely semen joke.

Jonaconda

Hmm. If humanity needed said reboot, who would actually do the rebooting? LOL

Zookey

@geekgrrl:
Saucy

JRB

@Skunky: Haha! EPIC ROLL on the entire human race!

Brilliant!

yashichi8bit

I really wanna see the bigger version of this pic:

Billkwando

I was selected to have my DNA sent to space as well. So it's not just going to be your clone army but a few different people's as well.
At least our army's will be allies since, you know, you write for Kotaku and I read it.

Neo1337

@boopadoo: Space bukkake?

Billkwando

I think Immortality Drive include the storage of humanity's most important things, so I assume that "Never Gonna Give You Up" is going to be stored in space.

Anyway, found on the papers regarding the DNA samples:

"NCSoft owns the right to your DNA, your pets, your children, your wife, your house, and any material item you own. We reserve the right to use your DNA to create an evil cloned human of you and kill you, a la Sixth Day"

michaelleung

Hey...who HASN'T shot their DNA into space? AMIRIGHT?!

Mal-Content

ZOMG one of those people doesn't have a Crecente face stuck on. I think it might be a young short haired non-pirate edition of Crecente. My guess is the long locks were not business appropriate. He's on the left and apparently doesn't know where the camera is.

BEHOLD THE PROTO CRECENTE!

AndroidKing

"now I better not see this on ebay!"

cluster1990

@Mal-Content: I haven't, stupid ceiling got in the way :(

Kenny

More like operation immorality.

SomethingClever

Crecente many years from now approaches the gates of heavan. God says sorry buddy but your DNA is still alive you will have to wait until it is destroyed. Our projections have the sun expanding and blowing up that satelite in about 2 million years. You will have to wait in the lobby. but dont worry although we don't have any computers or a tv you can sit around and talk with the other 39 gamers for the next 2000 years.

onepoker

This is one of those things that people joke, saying wouldn't that be awesome ha ha ha, but knowing all along that they can't really do that, well these people are crazy enough to actually try, but they have a problem, the type of people that they are trying to get the DNA from are just the type of people that would freak out about a clone army, and think they need to start some rebel interstellar resistance group to combat the clone army that will try to take over the universe, all the while looking for their prophesied child hero that will save The Repub...I mean Earth, from the evil...Game Publisher, yeah(not the Empire) and restore balance to the...Economy, yeah(ha ha ha)

TOAsT

FallingToast

I'm surprised noone has pointed out that the ISS would crash in-with a couple of years without the routine boosts from the shuttles or cargo drones.

razorace

As long as they steer clear from EA's DNA samples, the future gamer-based dna pool will do ok.

PsyComa

It's completely bizarre and pointless, but damn, is it cool or what?

As for the Crecente Clone army? How would they find enough bird shirts?

Ad-hominem

@Burguois of Arabia: That explanation did make this seem kinda silly...

mackincheese