Fool. Didn't she know that such a powerful, priding beast could never be domesticated to the life of our lowly existence?

Besides, it would never work out, them being different species and such. They'd need a surrogate lion to carry her fetus and his semen. Conflict would rise, sexual arousal would occur, and one day, BAM! He's doing that surrogate like they do it on the discovery channel.

Damn animals...

GDW1017

i'm gonna have to read that 4 more times before it makes sense + isnt it usually dudes that do this crazy kind of shit? oh... she's a postal worker >_>

FenderMaster

@XeroKool:

Haha, I was just about to say the very same thing.

dead_red_eyes

I guess a phone call explaining why was too much to ask for?

ray89

It says a lot about the current state of things when people pull this kind of shit.

PsyComa

This is like something straight out of The Onion.

XeroKool

Lol furries. :X

GM08

See?

this proves it! video games are bad for people, we should all stop playing video games and virtually killing, stealing cars, and having virtual relationships.

hey, if they were in a relationship, that would be technically bestiality (woman on lion action).

arionfrost

@Mr.DuckSauce: wow dude thanx for shedding some light on this, coz i didnt understand shit .. :/ still i find it kind of confusing

Sexy.KOT69

I'm trying really hard not to start giggling like crazy right now. Because then I'd feel guilty about laughing at stupid people. Oh well.

LMAO

Aethyr

Oh man, how have I never seen that penis helicopter clip before? That is fantastic.

Also, crazy people on the internet? Yep.

Chagrin

My faith in humanity is further shattered...

Davesumoto

@EVIL_V2: OK, here it is, Crazy lay had boyfriend in second life that was a lion, after awhile they stopped talking or something, so crazy lady in real life tried to kidnap him 2 times but didn't work, so third time was the charm and she brought her dog with her, she found his house, waited for him and then the dog was noisy so she duct taped her dog and had a laser pointer for some reason and then got scared and left the dog at the guy's house.

Mr.DuckSauce

what

Mr. Mastodon Farm

That...um....

...ah...

Christ what can I say to that?

I guess the moral of the story is don't date crazy people, and DEFINITELY don't date crazy people online.

Mesren_Makai

kidko, EVIL_V2, hero imprisoned: "Jernigan, say the cops, tried to kidnap her virtual ex/real-world nothing, a 52-year-old guy who played a lion in SL (she was human)."

how does I reed werds?

Đipic

Hey, lady. If you want to try to kidnap your pretend love interest, that's your business. But when you involve the dog? That's just too much, man.

As a gamer, I never believe games are the catalyst for craziness or stupidity, but these social simulator type games are beginning to scare me.

CajunGuy

And I just added lion-obsessed,laser-guided handcuff wielding women to my grand list of reasons not to play Second-Life.

wandering_nomad

people scare me.

Sihaya

I think I speak for most people when I say...

lolwut?

Shykin

Now THAT is a story!

damatman

Wow.

It never ceases to amaze me the sheer volume of absurdity that is directly enabled by the internet.

tzaketh

What the fuck is this story even talking about?

hero imprisoned

@Mr.DuckSauce: Crazy lady with dog is all I am going to say.

Mr.DuckSauce

yea ima bit lost here as well, is this about 2 women and a dog??

EVIL_V2

That was more challenging to read than all of Leigh's essays combined

kidko

Wow.....

...just wow.

StagnatedLives

Just... wow.

@Mr.DuckSauce: I'm still trying to figure out what she was planning to do with the laser.

Đipic

Oh my..

Ahsayuni

I am so confused.

Mr.DuckSauce

Uh, what was the laser for?

Was it to make him think there was a sniper on him?

Because a person, standing in front you pointing the laser, would detract from the illusion.

urutapu

You lost me at "dog"

Sandldan

And people blame GTA for the decay of society.

Nedge

Since some people didn't understand the story, I'll explain it, but without all the humor of Owen's.

Kimberley Jernigan is an average woman. She's a postal worker in North Georgia, and plays the popular MMO Second Life. In the game, she was dating a man who played as a Lion.
However, he broke up with her.
Angry that he broke up with her, she decided to kidnap him and make him love her (or at least become a sex slave).
So, she sets out on her epic quest to kidnap her one true love. The first time she sets out to do this, she fails completely, gives up, and heads home, with him none the wise.
Then, she once again plans to go kidnap him. She goes out, travels around a while, and then realizes that she doesn't even know where he lives. She gives up and heads home.

On her third try, however, she decides "No more goofing around. I've got to crack down, make a plan, and stick with it". And she does. She gathers all the materials she needs: His address, wire cutters, handcufffs, a laser pointer, duct tape, and her pet dog.
She goes to his house, breaks in, bringing her dog with her, and goes to wait for him.
However, her dog won't stop barking. She knows that it'll ruin her masterfully orchestrated plan. Frustrated, she wraps the dog in duct tape, and locks it in the bathroom.
Finally! Her one true love comes home. She jumps out, holds up the handcuffs, and aims the laser pointer at him, so he won't move. Unfortunately, it appears the laser isn't working right, as he makes a run for it. She knows the jig is up.
She's forced to flee the scene, leaving behind her beloved dog. She's caught a few miles from the scene.

Ad-hominem

Now THAT is just bizarre. Definitely sounds like she has some sort of mental illness.

GhostWhoWalks

Oh jeeze.....my brain just committed suicide. Crazy, Crazy story.

OddOne

Geez, not sure why he ran, seeing she is so attractive and all...:

[cmsimg.delawareonline.com]

*throws up in mouth a little*

Cell9song

Woah that was difficult to read.

Too many commas.

Now, about the story:

lolwut?

JuanMontoya

In love with lion.

Tied up dog and left in bathroom.

She's obviously a cat person.

Eltigro

I know this is going to seem like a sick question, but was he a regular lion, or one of those bipedal furry man-lions? It makes a world of difference in how weird this gets.

Pezdispenser

Shows up at his house with a laser and a dog. Oh? Thats a new one, and i have heard many strange stories.

Strong Arm

@DamnProud13: Second Life is not the first attempt at that. Active Worlds is. www.activeworlds.com

Doomstink

For the record Second Life isn't a game. Its a way of life...

Actually its a terrible first attempt at creating a virtual world in which everyone can create content. Thought this would be the perfect story to show how sick the world can be.

DamnProud13

I'm glad the dog is okay. It's unfortunate that people like this have pets.

BluFire

@Đipic:

I swear this is a real sniper rifle

fishbonez

If I saw her too I'd run away, even without the laser.

Firemane

This makes absolutely no sense to me. To compensate for my confusion, I'll rep my state--yay, Maryland for some reason!

Lainface

@Ad-hominem: Thanks for the explanation. All I could tell before was there was a Lion, a Human, and a dog and someone kidnapped the dog or something.

jamosthefifth

"If you kidnap me, I can't play a lion in second life and enact weird pseudo-sexual animations with you!"

"oh, you should have explained that sooner, before I tied my dog up and locked him in your bathroom."

"Why the laser pointer?"

"Well, it's not like I was actually going to *shoot you* so it's just a laser pointer. Besides, they said if I stalked you again with an offensive weapon I'd go to jail for a lonnnnnnng time..."

Mr Butterscotch

And this is why not everyone should be allowed to be Internet.

Granted, lack of Internet doesn't make crazy people less crazy, but it does make it harder for them to interact with others.

BPMΣ

gives new meaning to going postal.

yeah, I said it.

everyoneisstupid

Ok, was she going to kidnap him, or do weird things to him?

Why did she bring the dog? How was that going to help? Nothing like sex with a dog staring at me.

everyoneisstupid

The female individual cannot grasp basic fundamental morals in reality, it must have been a 100% projection in the virtual world..

PsycheE

I know someone with the last name of Jernigan...And he has an older sister. I'll ask if it was his sister.

Chanthas

A possible explanation could be that she intended to laser "tag" the guy. The dog, being a playful one, will pounce the red dot, thus pouncing the man and rendering him unconscious! Unfortunately the crazy lady realized she tied her dog up.. This explanation could work if you want the kidnapper woman to be slightly less crazy than she already is.

ScYze

I think because it was written in heavy Owen-prose

kidko

Is this confusing because it was a complicated story... or because of the the way it was written? Uhm?

topogigio

And somewhere deep in second life as we speak, some enterprising teenager is making a laser pointer, handcuffs, and duct-taped dog set of accessories for sale for linden dollars.

raiseplease

Wacky SL!

flashadams

This doesn't make any sense.

Gam3r

Those damn lions. Always playing hard to get.

Furious_Liver

So the guy that she was trying to kidnap had a lion avatar in the game or was actually a lion :S ?

tooji

You are looking at an industrial laser, which emits an extraordinary light, unknown in nature. It can project a spot on the moon. Or at closer range, cut through solid metal. I will show you....

Do you expect me to talk?

No Mr Furry, I expect you to DATE ME!

WTF?

Kuromimi

A romance with a lion? Even online, that's a mistake.

Metal_Slug_Solid

That was a terrible article. I don't understand what is written.

I CAN HAS WRITING CLASS?

SolInvictus

>:3 *ROAR!*

ELUNO

Someone should make a tv movie out of this. It'd be both hilarious and "wtf?" at the same time.

kylo4

A laser?

Lame, I would have brought a lightsaber

KaliKOtt

I thought all this happened in Second Life until I clicked on the actual article.

M

Poor dog.

Bakeroo

Well if this isn't viral marketing for Second Life, I don't know what is...

hagridore

@GhostWhoWalks: we knew that the second SL was mentoned. The crazy cross-country dog and laser show is icing on the cake.

"What's the laser for?"
"You WILL date me, or I'll....attempt to scar your retinas and shine it in your eyes!"
"YOU BITCH!"

Mal-Content

@kidko:

Jesus, thank god I'm not the only one. That was quite a jilted read.

LanciePants

Postal workers are nuts. They definitely shouldn't be allowed on the net.

Here's easier to read stories from the local TV stations:

[www.nbc10.com]

[cbs3.com]

BTW, dog is an Irish setter/lab mix.

Evil Tortie's Mom

She was dating a virtual lion. Are we sure she tied up the dog to quiet it? Maybe it was a little light bondage while they waited.

mwoody

XD

Trailnutz

Holy shit, it's my ex!

I kid, I kid, but she very easily could fit the profile. Just one more reason I avoid even the mere mention of Deconsay Eilfay.

Jayl3w

She's easily the craziest woman to hit the news since that NASA astronaut wore diapers to try and attack/kill/whatever her rival in that affair she was having.

mitch079

the important question is whether she is hot or not. if she is, the 52 year old dude jsut missed out on some wild freaky sex.

maraxusofk

So she was fat and ugly right? I mean, why else would the man run away?

Kenny

@Jayl3w: What an interesting take on pig-latin you have.

Bakeroo

That dog looks very suspicious. I call conspiracy!

Littlefields

You lost me at "Cops".

sandwiches

Im warning all of you if you flirt with me I could show up with a laser and a duck taped dog hiding in your closet.

onepoker

@onepoker:

Wanna Cyber?

BigWyrm

Man, I've been to the Chesapeake house so many times, and I've never caught a crazed Second Lifer there! Of course, I feel like the phrase "crazed Second Lifer" is redundant, but that's neither here nor there.

kicking222

Well, at least it's Postal Workers that are going crazy again. I know I started to panic when Astronauts started going nuts...

This, this I expect and it comforts me. God is in his Heaven and all is right with the world. ^_^

PEWPEWGreenLaser

This is why Second Life is one loud bell tolling that you probably lost or never had a First Life.

Mohican

I've been to the Chesapeake house! Man, I never thought that run away furry lovers would be stopping there I'm going to have to rememeber to bring my taser from now on...

trogam

fo
fo
fo
fo
fo
fo
fo
fo
fo
fo

Shikome

I need to see her RL picture NOW

MeanMillz

I'd imagine when she surprised him, she exclaimed, "ah HA! I have you NOW! Stand still so I can lightly blind you for a very short period of time with this red dot while I struggle to get both of your arms together and somehow put these handcuffs on your wrists! Resisting is USELESS!" ... "Hey..wh..where'd you go?"

Clark_Gable

So you're not allowed to kidnap people from the internet?

Whoops.

Severyo

OK I know I'm not the best when it comes to spelling and grammar but, Dude where you drunk or high when you wrote this? Because when I read this I have no clue what the hell you are trying to write. I had to read Ad-hominen's comment just make sense of it.

Retorrent