Army of Two: The Devil’s Cartel drifts in a Lagrangian point of video game mediocrity. No force pulls it toward being a contemptible or even bad effort, but nothing budges it into the orbit of entertainment, even as a guilty pleasure either. Its experiences are the most indistinct I’ve ever had in the wide world of shooters, whether third person or first person, to the point I can’t even call the game derivative, because I’m not sure from what it is specifically derived, other than a bad action movie aired on a UHF station on a Saturday afternoon. Army of Two is a photocopy of a photocopy of a photocopy of a funny picture that lost all of its humour in the process.