Game or film would be bad enough. Both together would be like multiplying zeroes. The Movie Blog drops word of Boll’s latest ambition, which is confusingly titled Bloodrayne 3: Warhammer. Yeah, I have no idea what that means, either, except maybe a C&D in the mail from Mythic Entertainment? Kristanna Loken is said to be back in the lead role.

I couldn’t track down what The Movie Blog was sourcing but this post says this movie will begin filming in January. Which means it’ll be finished in February. Or at least look like it.

Uwe Boll to Bring Us Bloodrayne 3: Warhammer [The Movie Blog via Joystiq]

If you want to see it for yourself, sit tight — it runs with the premiere of 2012 on November 13. Also I’m sure it’ll hit the interwebs well before then. If you want to know how I felt about what I saw, read on. But know that I still haven’t forgiven Ben Kingsley for BloodRayne.

Now I realise that once you’ve played Gandhi on the silver screen (and won an Oscar for it), everything else must pale in comparison. But seriously, Sir Kingsley, would it have killed you to show up for fencing lessons in preparation for filming BloodRayne? Just because the director sucks doesn’t mean you have to.

As it turns out, Sir Kingsley only has two lines in the trailer (which is still twice as much as what comic relief character Alfred Molina gets) — so I can’t judge his performance based entirely on that. The majority of the trailer is Jake Gyllenhaal leaping off of things while Gemma Arterton narrates in a quasi-mystical voice about the Dagger of Time and its powers.

Like all action trailers, there’s a lot of quick cutting between unrelated sequences. Someone opens a door, the Prince looks around like he’s confused and the Princess—called Tamina, not Farah—walks around looking pretty and exchanges PG-rated flirts with the Prince. Some dudes in black robes show up, looking like they just walked off the set of The Scorpion King and there’s a lot of sand and gold stuff.

An interesting scene I noticed being repeated was a glowing fiery vortex within the Dagger of Time. You can see it in the trailer when the Prince activates it during a fight to rewind time. You see it again at the end of the trailer only somehow the Prince and some other person appear to be inside the Dagger, swirling around the vortex. Seems like a climactic boss fight to me. Also a temple-looking place collapses — it’s all very Indiana Jones.

Speaking of which, someone pointed out to me the irony in having Alfred Molina play a comic relief character in an Indiana Jones-esque film. I’d completely forgotten that he’s the guy in Raiders of the Lost Ark with the famous line, “Throw me idol, I’ll throw you the whip.” How about that.

After the screening of the trailer, we were given a little bit of Q&A time with Jordan Mechner, but you’ll have to sit tight for that as well.

Be honest — how many of you are going to go see the film 2012 just so you can watch the Prince of Persia trailer on the big screen? I totally did that with Scooby-Doo for a Harry Potter trailer and again with some other terrible film for a Two Towers trailer.

Image Cred
Image Cred

While the folks at Nintendo may not approve of Princess Peach and Samus Aran getting on-stage nude codes, clearly the throngs of nerds in attendance did. The LA Weekly was in attendance for this twice-in-a-lifetime baring all, capturing the event at which lady Link got down to little more than a Hyrulian shield. Other characters dressed up as, then down as, include Street Fighter’s Chun-Li and… Bloodrayne’s Rayne.

Obviously, this is not at all safe for work, as it heavily features pasties. If this sort of thing sounds like something you’d like to see in person, a repeat performance will be held on June 3rd at the Bordello bar in LA. Just in time for E3!

Video Game Girls Burlesque @ Bordello [LA Weekly]

I will stop here before I start writing about totally overpaid agents, managers, agents, and studio executives in L.A. living in airballoons as long they can rip money out of the world outside of L.A. or the major companies. If I would run a studio I would do the same movies for half of the production costs in throwing the cokeheads out and cutting the bullshit of breakfast, lunch, and dinner meetings with idiots who never made a movie in their life. I can shoot a movie like Fantastic Four 2 in half of the time for half of the money shot by shot.

Boll breaks down the problems with the film industry and what he can do to help. (And no, it’s not stop making movies. DAMMIT.)

• 20 years ago maybe three movies came out every week. Now 6 to 10.
• In earlier days you had 5 to 10 event movies per year. Now you have 40. And they destroy the medium movies. Not because they are good! Because they are so expensive and spending so much money in p&a to win their weekends and to win market share.
• In 1999 piracy maybe destroyed 5% of the revenues — now 40%. Why? Because tons of territories in Asia, Latin America, Eastern Europe are selling more pirated DVDs as legal DVDs. Illegal downloads taking 20% of theatrical and HV revenues of movies away everywhere. Legal downloads to rent or to own are not compensating anything ? people don’t want to pay for downloads. A $US 1 billion gross in downloads means a loss of $US 9 billion in DVD sales.
• In TV are less and less spaces for films. Every channel is showing casting and reality shows: Superstar, Idol, Cooking, Handyman shows are invading the channels.

If you head does not hurt (and really, why not), read Boll’s ways to fix-up Hollywood.

• It’s proven that actors are totally overpaid. Some beach boys getting hyped up and absurd amounts paid for saying five lines per day and letting the stuntguys doing the hard work. If the studios would in general not pay more as max. $US 3 million for a star per movie — the stars would work for that money if nobody offers more. It’s also absurd to pay medium names more as $US 250,000 per movie.
• Why not Pirates putting for 10 years in jail?
• Why SHOWTIME or HBO paying for independent movies $US 20,000 and for medium movies produced by the majors millions. TV channels must show more movies and pay also fair prices for independent product.
• Theatres must show also more trailers of smaller movies.
• TV and Radio channels must report more also about small movies.

Uwe Boll Explains Why “There Is No Money In Movies” [1up]

Uwe Boll sues Billy Zane [The Hollywood Reporter - Thanks MrPants!]

“In the future, I will focus on small films such as (the video game adaptation) ‘Postal’ or (the Vietnam war drama) ‘Tunnel Rats,’ ” he said. “These are films that represent my true passion, and they can be done with small budgets.”

Which is all I can afford, so it’s mighty convenient that they’re my true passion. If they really are where his heart lies, he should have just stuck with them in the first place, saving us all a lot of pain and suffering. Oh well, all’s well that ends well.

Boll ejected from big-budget ring [The Hollywood Reporter]

“Given the limited shelf space and relatively quick turn of titles at retail nowadays, we consider GameTap to be a valuable vehicle that can help extend the video game lifecycle,” said Ken Gold, vice president of Marketing, Majesco.

That’s the truth. I’ve been using the service lately to fill in a few gaps in my gaming portfolio. If you haven’t experienced the joy of Psychonauts, now would be an excellent time.

Majesco and GameTap Partner on New Digital Distribution Deal

Top titles now featured on leading broadband gaming network

EDISON, N.J. – Majesco Entertainment Company (NASDAQ: COOL), an innovative provider of video games and digital entertainment products for the mass market, announced today that several popular titles from its catalogue, including Psychonauts, BloodRayne 1 & 2, and JAWSâ„¢ Unleashed are now available for subscription play and digital download on GameTap, the first-of-its-kind broadband entertainment network from Turner Broadcasting System, Inc. (TBS, Inc.). The new agreement includes that Majesco titles will also be made available on GameTap’s recently launched ad-supported game play website.

“Given the limited shelf space and relatively quick turn of titles at retail nowadays, we consider GameTap to be a valuable vehicle that can help extend the video game lifecycle,” said Ken Gold, vice president of Marketing, Majesco.

Along with the critically-acclaimed Psychonauts from Double Fine Productions that is currently available for subscription play and online purchase, BloodRayne 1 & 2 are also prominently featured as part of GameTap’s ‘Bloodsucker Summer,’ an original content program that the 900+ game service utilises to bring both newer and older titles from their massive library to the attention of their subscribers.

GameTap is also inviting fans to ‘Hit the Beach’ today by offering the best-selling JAWSâ„¢ Unleashed to their Gold Level members for the first time.

“Majesco’s wide range of quality games are a great addition to our current product catalogue,” said Ricardo Sanchez, GameTap’s vice president of content and creative director. “Psychonauts is consistently one of our top titles and we’ve had a great response to the recent launch of BloodRayne on our service.”

Psychonauts is a unique, third-person psychic odyssey from the mind of Tim Schafer that received numerous accolades and awards, including the BAFTA (British Academy of Film and Television Arts) award for Best Screenplay.

JAWSâ„¢ Unleashed adapts the landmark film into a unique interactive experience that lets you play as one of Nature’s most powerful and fearsome creatures, the Great White Shark.

BloodRayne is an original action-horror franchise starring the super-sexy, super-lethal, supernatural heroine Rayne.