Kotaku Australia » craigslist

Fifty Bucks And A Meal Spins Your Wedding Reception, DJ Hero-Style

Owen Good — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 02:40:00 +0000

It’s hilarious this dude’s in North Carolina, because every Baptist wedding reception I ever attended in my home state involved “Electric Slide”, which is not included in DJ Hero. Nor, for that matter, is the small dish of butter mints.

Anyway, a Mr. “serv-27zb4-1438184361@craigslist.org” is offering his services and his DJ Hero kit to rotate some tracks for your wedding party, using “‘ACTIVISION DJ HERO and XBOX360′ to mix blends and mash-ups of DANCE – CLASSIC ROCK – HIP HOP” – aka the usual shit you hear in the waiting lounge of a Jiffy Lube down in Fuquay.

The guy then quotes 21 songs off the DJ Hero tracklist. “Host must provide STANDARD TELEVISION SET and SPEAKERS!!” Thass right, bitches!!! No Hi-Def!!! We talkin’ STANDARD. Also: “My setup is state of the art,” even though you could tune a boom box to 107.5 out of Winston-Salem, Rock 92 from Asheboro or 102 Jamz (”It really, really does!”) from Greensboro for the same effect.

His fee? Three hours for just $US50 and the beef or chicken. But for $US25 more, he’ll close down the joint, be it Masonic lodge or Jaycee hut. Luckily, “Don’t Cha” is also not on the tracklist, so you don’t have to endure a bunch of 55-year-old broads pretending to be MILFs before the cake-cutting.

L@@K DJ for parties, weddings, business eventTAKE URPARTY2THE NEXT LVL (RTP, NC) [OH YEAH, via Destructoid.]

Help Wanted: Arena Healer/Death Knight, 20 Hrs/wk, Apply Within

Owen Good — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 22:30:00 +0000

Someone on San Francisco Craigslist is seeking to employ a Warcraft player 20 hours per week to help him get his sorry arse to a supermacho arena rating of 2000 or greater.

Interested? Well your prospective employer also demands that you be able to play a Death Knight to “farm honour for items”. Reward is $US50 per hour while he’s sub-1850 in arena rating, $US100 an hour when he’s past that, and a big fat $US5000 bonus if he hits 2350.

I’ll admit, half of this is going well the f–k over my head, but it sounds a lot like the time back in sixth grade when I paid Jones Holcomb $US20 to let me roll a 16th level fighter in D&D — in the basic set. That’s right, I didn’t even get to buy an artifact with that. No Mace of St. Cuthbert, no Celestian’s Mantle, no Libram of Ineffable Damnation. Not even a sword +4 vorpal. And I was certainly more gracious and less bitchy about the transactional relationship than this clown:

“You *MUST* be trustworthy, helpful, have vent WITH MIC, and not have an holy-then-tho attitude,” the advertiser writes. Christ, if I was getting paid to go into Warcraft and stand around healing some schmoe with more money than sense for 20 hours a week, I might not have a high opinion of my employer, but I’d definitely have a lower opinion of myself.

Oh, and, “Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.” Just in case you’re a headhunter for arena-healing death knights.

Looking For WOW ARENA Healer Who Can Also Play a DK…(Laurel Hts / Presidio) [Craigslist, thanks Jeffrey S.]

Casting Call For “Contra Bros.” Bomberman, Tetris Pieces…

Owen Good — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 22:40:00 +0000

Someone’s doing a shoot in LA “for a commercial that will show all over the internet on game related sites”, and their list of needs includes everything but the kitchen sink. Not that there’s anything wrong with kitchen sink cosplay.

“Do you have a passion for acting AND gaming? Do you have a costume emulating your favourite video game hero?” the ad asks. Me, my answers were no, yes and no. But if yours are yes, yes and YES!!!! they’d love to have you, especially if you can play as one of 67 (really) character types.

Here’s a sampling (all of this is sic’d):

5. Canadian Mountie
14. Killer Fish
15. Evil Russian
17. Princess (a la “Super Mario”…but ruined party girl feel to her….also “Fat Princess”)
18. Hand & Forearm (FPS gag)
19. Contra Bros.
22. Laura Croft (with “white trash” inspiration thrown in there)
23. Protoype/Assasin’s Creed guy with hoodie hiding his face
25. Indian guy from Mike Tyson’s PUNCH OUT
28. Asteroid/Space Invaders
32. Pitfall/Indian Jones/Nathan Drake (Uncharted)
41. Russian Mafia/Leisure Suit Larry (sleeze-ball look)
44. Bomberman/Dig-dig
47. Tetris piece
49. Little creepy girl (FEAR, BioShock, Silent Hill)
51. Nazi
61. DDR/Singstar pop-people
66. Fairy tale inspired/Cooking Mama cuteness

Can I cosplay a hand and forearm? Let me think about that for a second. Pulling off cosplay as a vector-graphics asteroid would be a smidge difficult. I’m also guessing that’s not one of the speaking roles. And Contra Bros., I don’t know when that game is releasing, but here’s $U5, mark me down for a preorder.

Actor? Gamer? Both? Casting for a Commercial ((west LA)) [Craigslist via Superannuation]

Are You In LA? Are You Male? Bald? Naked?

Brian Ashcraft — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 09:00:00 +0000

If so, does Craigslist have a j-o-b for you. Here’s the job listing:

Seeking (3) CAUCASIAN MALE MODEL/ACTORS for video game shoot. We’re looking for thin, lean guys who are willing to be BALD and shave all body hair for a shoot on August 1st. The pay will be $US500/flat rate for about 6 hours. You will be shooting in a nude coloured thong and posed close to other men, so you must be comfortable with this. Thanks. Auditions will be Tuesday July 21st.

So remember, “no hair” means “no hair”. Eyebrows too, baby, we guess, snip, snip.

What game could this be? Oh, the suspense!

Male models: must be BALD, THIN [Craigslist via superannuation via Joystiq]

Game Characters Looking For Love In All The Creepy Places

Owen Good — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 23:30:00 +0000

Game characters putting ads on Craigslist personals? Why, that idea sounds familiar. Asylum wrote ads from Solid Snake, GLaDOS and others, trolling for replies. Wait til you see what someone wrote to the Little Sister.

Posting on Craigslist in Aruba, Little Sis writes that she doesn’t have any Adam in her – but she sure would like to!!! wink nudge thats-what-she-said rimshot.

Hi guys!!! I just turned 18 and I’m looking for a hunk to bring me Rapture! No fatties! I want a musculer guy with a big “drill” (*winkwink*) who knows his way around the bedroom. I’m up for anything (except water sports — ewww!). Teach me please!!! ;)

And the IRL reply:

u for real? 30+ experienced/mature big stick for you…you local on aruba??

You can also see Mario, who straight up says he’s from the Mushroom Kingdom, get a rise out of a Texas dude, and Snake gets a spambot reply. Leon S. Kennedy from Resident Evil 4 has by far the most titillating response. Another grand memorial to the power of the Internet to connect the desperate and horny.

Personals from Video Game Characters [Asylum via GoNintendo]

Tetris Lessons Available, 2 Hours For $40

Owen Good — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 23:00:00 +0000

Shawn Elliott (2K Boston) tweeted this this past week. Some wit up in Vancouver is offering Tetris lessons “at affordable rates,” one of those things the un- or underemployed will now rush out to imitate.

According to the Craigslist poster (and if it gets flagged and removed, you may read it here and here) the “patient and nonjudgmental coach” will give you 90 minutes of Tetris fundamentals for $US30, half of which will be spent watching him play. However, you will have “gained the confidence to play Tetris by yourself or against friends, strangers, and family members.”

If you’re an advanced student, or feel like delving a little more deeply into Tetris theory, he offers a two-hour “Intermediate Tetris” for $US40 to $US55. This involves all of the above modules but includes getting liquored up. The advertisement said the fee includes “provision of batteries” (so I assume this is on a GameBoy?) and “light refreshments,” so I guess the booze is on him.

I’m now considering one upping this guy and offering a Madden 09 fantasy camp – creating my clients as players in the NFL and then guiding them through a few frivolous exhibition games against other fantasy camp players. Or maybe opening an “open-world crime getaway driving school.” We’ve gotta make money somehow, it’s not like the man is getting around to hiring lots of people any time soon.

Tetris Lessons Offered at Affordable Rates [Craigslist]

w4m? m4w? … L4D …

Owen Good — Sun, 15 Feb 2009 18:00:00 +0000

After a lonely Valentine’s Day, let’s head over to the infamous Craigslist Casual Encounters, see if we can find some zombies to join some hot w4mmm action. I’m clean and real, you be too.

As you can see, these ads were still active on the S.F. Bay craigslist as of 1 pm Crecente time. Here they are commingled with other lonely (and creepy) hearts seeking some nsa companionship.

Hmmm … that one with the long tongue sounds … tantalising … doesn’t it? Go ahead. Hit him/her/it up. You know you want to, baby.

OK, you know what’s really disturbing? SOMEONE ACTUALLY REPLIED TO THAT.

Gah. That guy’ll probably flake once he sees me.

How Much Would You Pay For This Broken Xbox 360?

Luke Plunkett — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 09:00:00 +0000

Some guy in Wasilla is selling an Xbox 360. He’s selling it for US$250. That’s a steep price at the best of times, but when you read his pitch, it reads a little steeper.

Aim high, Wasilla Xbox Craigslist seller [Boing Boing]

These Pacman Costumes Will Make You The Life Of The Party

Kotaku US Edition — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 15:00:00 +0000

Trying to think of a last minute Halloween outfit? Craigslist has all sorts of costumes, including these one size fits all Pacman ghost costumes, featuring Inky, Pinky, and Clyde. Pacman, Ms. Pacman, and Blinky do not exist, however. Made out of foamcore and paint, these costumes are light-weight and customisable, complete with arm holes. They’re $US30 each, which isn’t too bad. There’s just one catch. You have to live near Bushwick, NY (it’s somewhere in Brookyln, I think). Bigger pics after the jump!

Check them out here.

Pacman Ghosts Halloween Costumes (Thanks, Bill!)

Gamestop Girl, If You Only Knew

Owen Good — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 20:00:00 +0000

From the Best of Craigslist in Raleigh, N.C., here’s an ode to true love that, to non-gamers sounds about like Survivor’s “The Search is Over.” But this should melt the heart of any girl who has taken controller in hand and crusaded against unrelenting hordes of enemies, wondering if there ever was a boy out there who considered her just as worthy of the fight.

“Oh GameStop Girl, how you make my heart meter skip a beat. If you were being held captive in a mountain fortress by a ruthless mutant mafia gangboss and I had to fight my way through 16 levels of fire-breathing undead ninjas with swords the size of small ponies, I would find a way, even if, after every level, a small man continued to taunt me by saying that you were in another castle. EVEN IF.”

There’s more at the link. Someone tell me if this guy got the girl. Or, if anyone knows a GameStop clerk at University Mall in Chapel Hill, N.C., forward along. This encounter was from March 11, but it sounds so visceral — well for him anyway — she may remember the guy.

GameStop Girl, I want to kill robotic zombie terrorists with you – m4w [Best of Craigslist]