You are reading Kotaku’s once-weekly (sort of) journey back to yesteryear.

I direct you to the June 24, 1990 edition of The Oregonian. The headline: “Video Games Capitalise On Popularity Of Movies.” But past reports of Who Framed Roger Rabbit and Dick Tracy games is a bit on something called Final Fantasy.

Tom Sarris, a spokesman for the Nintendo empire, said that the company expects about 70 new game titles out between now and the beginning of the year.

“Basically, you can expect something for everybody,” he said. “One of the most eagerly anticipated titles here is ‘Final Fantasy,’ which is very, very big in Japan, and that is very much geared to the adult market.”
Final Fantasy is a role playing-adventure fantasy game that will come with two maps and, Sarris said, the biggest instruction manual ever to accompany a Nintendo game — 84 pages long.

“It will be the most sophisticated game yet,” said Sarris. “We estimate the serious player can get through it in 60 hours. Casual players may take twice as long.”

I never played that first Final Fantasy. I never counted the pages of its manual. I couldn’t even say it’s not for adults, though I didn’t think it was geared for the adult market. But it certainly was big in Japan. Still is!

[PIC]

I was introduced to Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles: The Crystal Bearers last week, discovering quickly that this was not the kind of Crystal Chronicles game I had expected. It is, you see, a single-player game, the first in a splinter line of Final Fantasy games made for Wii platforms and previously designed for four players.

The Crystal Bearers is different, set 1000 years after Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles and putting the player in control of a single hero, a mercenary named Layle. The series’ dwarf race, the Lilty Tribe, have risen to power. The mechanical race, the Yuke, have seemingly been wiped out.

I was told by a Square-Enix representative that this game would feel like a “true Final Fantasy” for the Wii. It will have a deep storyline. But it also has real-time combat and was described to me as 75 per cent mini-games.

What I saw and played clarified things. I was shown Lilty running through a farm, getting pulled into a challenge to pluck all of the vegetables from a field before a clock ran out. A scarecrow was the opponent, shooting at Lilty to try to mess him up. So don’t think of “mini-games” in terms of a Mario Party, I realised. Think of them is mid-game challenges.

Next, I was shown some combat. Lilty ventured to a dusty desert area and enemies attacked. The game is played with a Wii Remote and Nunchuk. The control stick moves the character. The Remote’s pointer is used for telekinesis, to pick up objects and enemies, then toss them. The d-pad on the Remote is used to swivel the camera, the only element of the controls I found hard to handle in the few minutes I played the game.

I was told that conversations with non-player-characters will be less than typical for an FF game. Instead, the interactions the player tries to get are “reactions”. You get these from enemies by encountering them. For example, out in that desert area, Lilty fought some dog enemies. Once he had a Reaction associated with them, he could get them to stop fighting, run over and, uh, urinate on him. Other Reactions are equally comical, sending enemies into a daze because they’ve had their heads knocked off, for example. It’s all cartoony, done for laughs.

Also, somehow, some way, you can take a cow, hold it over Lilty’s head and shoot enemies with its udders.

I’m a sucker for the absurd in my games, so, as little as I saw of the Crystal Bearers, I was encouraged. It’s hard to see it as being a “true” Final Fantasy game, but only a longer play session that presents more of the story can verify that claim.

The game plays swiftly, action-first. It is colourful and has fun visuals, as you can see in these shots. Crystal Bearers may be off some people’s radar, but it will indeed be out this year in North America, the day after Christmas, for the Wii.

So big. The magazine also has Hope’s summon, Alexander, and brings word that Final Fantasy XIII will come with Final Fantasy XIV beta codes when it goes on sale in Japan.

The news post dated Friday – no link, nothing further – said simply: “A puzzle for FINAL FANTASY XIII fans! Solve this anagram to find out what lies ahead: A Henchmen Inventor Tent Unto. Check back Monday for the answer!”

We can check back on Friday, actually, because a couple users on the finalfantasy-xiii.net forums unscrambled it to say “Announcement Nov Thirteenth.” No word if that’s to reveal the game’s long-awaited North American release date. Guess you’ll have to check back then.

Square-Enix Anagram Solved, Final Fantasy XIII Announcement Coming November 13th [ripten]

The latest Japanese television ads for Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: The Crystal Bearers features the music stylings of New Jersey rockers Bon Jovi. The ads are short (16 seconds or so), and there are three of them so far.

They’re so short that it’s hard to make out the Bon Jovi song. I checked out after that Young Guns soundtrack, so I’m not the best person to ask! Maybe there’s a longer version of this ad — hopefully. The tune, however, is “We Weren’t Born to Follow”, which is off the band’s latest album.

Square Enix could’ve used any sample from pretty much any rock song to the same effect. But, hey, Bon Jovi, no?

Know what does add to this Final Fantasy Wii game? Three words: Laser cow udders.

All you have to do is dust off your Wii and update the Shop channel. A little button saying “One Free Title” should appear after you’ve done so and then you’ll get the goods. Hurry up though, the offer expires on 11.59pm PST (6pm AEST) on December 31, 2009.

So now, after updating my Wii for what feels like the first time ever, the only question is which NES game should I get? I was thinking to get a game I haven’t played before like Kirby’s Adventure or the original Final Fantasy. But half the fun of Virtual Console is nostalgia, right? So maybe I want Galaga or Donkey Kong…

Thanks for the tip, Nightwheeldot!

On the fence about upcoming Wii title Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles, The Crystal Bearers? Not sure if you should pick up the game and worried that Square Enix is simply milking the franchise.

Here’s at least one reason why the game is worth a closer look — make that four reasons: laser shooting teats.

So all this week, I’m going to try to play games with earthquakes in them. I guess I could widen that to include games with bridge collapses, since part of the Bay Bridge fell during the quake. And if I was feeling really desperate for something to do, I could go find a copy of R.B.I. Baseball since I was probably playing that instead of watching the real ballgame that day.

Here’s what I’ve got:

Fracture
Bad Day L.A.
Incredible Crisis
Any SimCity game
Cities XL
The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask – if you let the moon crash into the planet
Any Final Fantasy game where enemies keep casting Earthquake
Quake – even though there aren’t any earthquakes in it

Anybody got any other games I can add to this obscure list?

I hope I didn’t just spoil a major plot point of Final Fantasy for you guys, but after playing it on the Nintendo DS, PlayStation, NES, PSP and Gameboy Advance, I’m prepared to burn a few bridges, secure in the knowledge that the king will just rebuild them when the next set of nameless orphans wanders through town. That’s part of the charm of the original Final Fantasy, which is available today for the Wii Virtual Console (500 points). The Four Warriors of Light are coming. Everybody look busy.

Two unfortunate titles share Final Fantasy’s spotlight this week. Big John Games brings a horde of Thorium beasts to the DSi in Thorium Wars (1000 points,) a first and third-person shooter for Nintendo’s handheld, while Digital Leisure delivers Word Searcher to WiiWare (500 points), with 100 themed word-search puzzles. Check out the official descriptions below while we wait to purchase Final Fantasy for the umpteenth time.

FINAL FANTASY
Original platform: NES
Publisher: SQUARE ENIX
Players: 1
ESRB Rating: E (Everyone) – Mild Fantasy Violence
Price: 500 Wii Points™
Description: The world lies shrouded in darkness. The winds die. The sea rages. The earth decays. But the people believe in a prophecy, patiently awaiting its fulfillment. “When darkness veils the earth, four Warriors of Light shall come….” After a long journey, four young travelers did at last appear, and in the hand of each was clutched a crystal.

Nintendo DSiWare

Thorium Wars
Publisher: Big John Games
Players: 1
ESRB Rating: E10+ (Everyone 10 and Older) – Fantasy Violence
Price: 1000 Nintendo DSi Points
Description: In Thorium Wars, you must stop the Thorions, a super species of Thorium-based machines, from destroying mankind. Blast through waves of Thorions by controlling an arsenal of tanks, skyfighters, hovercrafts, gunboats and starfighters with either the standard or touch-screen controls. In 12 exciting missions, navigate through a variety of combat environments while viewing 360 degrees of the battlefield, fully rendered in 3-D. Toggle between first- and third-person views to destroy the terrifying army of Thorium beasts, from swarms of Redeye Drones to the bone-crushing Manticore Walker. This man-versus-machine battle proves to be the ultimate test for the survival of the fittest.

WiiWare

Word Searcher
Publisher: Digital Leisure Inc.
Players: 1
ESRB Rating: E (Everyone)
Price: 500 Wii Points
Description: You’ll need a sharp eye and a quick mind to complete 100 themed word-search puzzles. Word Searcher contains fun words from multiple categories including anatomy, world cities and U.S. presidents. With a huge assortment of subjects to choose from, there’s sure to be a puzzle for everyone to enjoy. Help improve your vocabulary, memory and problem-solving skills with these engaging puzzles. Track and try to beat your own play-through times again and again-words are scrambled every time you play.