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Six Video Game Reviewers Team Up To Take On Dragon’s Dogma

It takes a strong party of adventurers to take down a dragon, but an even stronger party to dissect a game as massive as Capcom’s ambitious action role-playing game Dragon’s Dogma. Do these six brave heroes have what it takes?

May 15, 2012
PC

Max Payne 3 Unloads Both Barrels Into Game Critics And They Just Won’t Die

Just when he thought he could lose his tragic past in a booze and pill-addled haze, Rockstar Games drags Max Payne out of retirement for a third series of unfortunate events. If I were him, I’d go after them first.

May 9, 2012
PlayStation

Starhawk Reviewers Wisely Avoid Neopaganism, Focus On Shooting People

You know what would be awesome? Warhawk, only in space. And we can name it after one of the most notable figures of the Neopagan movement! I can just imagine the game reviews now.

April 19, 2012
In Real Life

The Witcher 2 Kicks Reviewer Ass No Matter What Platform It Shows Up On

It would take a lot to ruin game powerful enough to make me write what is essentially fan fiction in my review of the PC version. Looks like CD Projekt just didn’t apply themselves enough to failing. Jerks.

April 4, 2012
Xbox

Kinect Star Wars Lures Game Critics To The Dark Side

What a ridiculous, attention-grabbing headline! Everybody knows game reviewers have already succumbed to the dark side; it’s a job requirement. Looking at the scores Kinect Star Wars is pulling in I’m beginning to wonder if there’s an even darker side.

March 22, 2012
PlayStation

Armored Core V Has Reviewers Scratching Their Massive Metal Heads

I’ve been staring at this chart for hours, and I just can’t make sense of it. Isn’t Armored Core V about giant robots shooting at each other?

March 21, 2012
PC

Game Critics Raid The Garbage Of Resident Evil: Operation Raccoon City

For decades those pesky raccoons have been sneaking about at night, digging through our trash cans and generally making a mess of things. It’s time the game reviewers of the internet strike back. To Raccoon City!

Nintendo

Game Critics Punish Ninja Gaiden 3 For A Change

For years, the folks at Team Ninja have been making poor game reviewers battle their way through some of the most ninja battles in gaming history. With the release of Ninja Gaiden 3 the tables are finally turned.

March 20, 2012
Nintendo

Kid Icarus: Uprising Flies In The Face Of Game Critics’ Expectations

It’s been 21 years since the release of the last original Kid Icarus game. That makes hero Pit old enough to drink. Let’s see if the assembled game reviewers gave him reason to start.

March 7, 2012
PC

Seven Game Reviewers Fail To Label Mass Effect 3 A Steaming Pile Of Crap

You honestly expect me to believe that seven completely different individuals gave Mass Effect 3 generally positive to excellent review scores simply because it’s a good game?

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