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Why Robin Makes Batman Better Simon Cottee has once again stuck his girlfriend in front of his PC, this time for a bash at Funcom’s MMO Age of Conan. I say “once again”, because Simon’s previously coaxed his lady to play Team Fortress 2 and Bioshock.
My choice of classic line: “Can you actually make her have small boobs?” No, Simon’s girlfriend, it’s Conan.
GF AoC [Youtube, thanks Simon]
Girls, girls, girls. No, it’s not a Vegas review, it’s the target audience for EA’s Wii title Boogie SuperStar, which was announced yesterday. I swung by EA’s New York press event yesterday, too, where the game was on display, and I took a look at it.
I’m presuming that very few of you reading this are young females between the ages of six and 12 who love to karaoke to Leona Lewis’ Bleeding Love, or dance to the best of Fergie and Good Charlotte. The songlist is intimidatingly marquee, though, and one of the major takeaways from having the game demoed for me was just how far games have forged in getting the music biz to recognise their power in helping label artists stay relevant to a new audience.
And while Boogie SuperStar might not be a game specifically for you or for me, I think that’s pretty important – equally cool was the motion recognition tech.
Simon over at Lava Level has again put his talkative girlfriend through another game and recorded the result. This time its 2K’s Bioshock. As you’d expect, there are a couple of great lines, including my favourite: “I know you’re a bad guy, because everyone in this game’s a bad guy”. Prophetic, no?
Just be careful Simon. This sort of thing is great the first few times, but it can lose its appeal if you overdo it. I think it’s great right now though.
GF Bioshock [Lava Level, thanks Simon]
Girls play games. Of course they do! I know many people of the female persuasion who enjoy blasting with a shotgun or tank rushing noobs in C&C 3. They know exactly what they’re doing and how to do it.
But what if they don’t?
Take tipster Simon Cottee’s girlfriend, who was subjected to a rather long session of Valve’s Team Fortress 2. I imagine anyone who starts playing Team Fortress 2 without much knowledge of the game, or even games in general, would react in a similar way as Simon’s lady. But dudes just aren’t as cute or as funny as girls.
So press play and enjoy such classic lines as “How come I can’t go through doors?” and “What’s the point of being invisible if I can’t shoot you?” The best part? When she apologises for killing guys on the opposing team.
if you enjoyed this video, be sure to check out the rest of the “Girlfriend plays…” series:
More Girlfriend + Team Fortress 2 MadnessGirlfriend Plays Age of Conan, Wants Tiny BoobsGirlfriend Plays Bioshock, Says Funny Things
GF TF2 [Youtube, thanks Simon]
Even wonder what thoughts are churning through your significant other’s head as you spend hour umpteen in Halo 3‘s multiplayer? The always great McSweeney’s has posted one of its trademark lists that reads like the inner musings of a woman who’s inattentive boyfriend has become obsessed with the Xbox 360 game. I won’t quote, as they’re fantastic in context and might help salvage at least one relationship out there suffering from Master Chief addiction.
Halo 3 Cheat Codes As Explained by Neglected Girlfriend Janet Iverson [McSweeney's via negatendo]
Once upon a time, a Japanese variety program created a “human Tetris“ skit. It was funny. We laughed. Then a bunch of people ripped it off! They weren’t funny. We didn’t laugh. (In case you missed it, here are the lame Big Brother and Nadie es Perfecto versions.) Then somebody, we don’t know who, decided what “human Tetris” was missing was women in skimpy bathing suits. Whatever! Not funny, no laughing!! The original is still way better, and the above clip is sort of NSFW.
Bikini Girl [Zaeega via Japan Probe]
Hey girls! Are you tired of using the same computer peripherals we large, sweaty, boorish men do, but still crave the highest quality gaming gear when you are out spreading girl power to the unwashed masses? Well WOLFKING (What, not WOLFQUEEN?) has got something special for you! They’re taking their WARRIOR circular keyboard and TROOPER laser mouse and completely redesigned them from the ground up as part of their new Girl Gamer Gear line, to be available exclusively through Dell! “Female gamers have an incredibly high set of standards when it comes to quality as well as design,” said Bob Costlow, director of sales, WOLFKING. “You can’t just paint something pink and say it’s for girls. The Girl Gamer products give women access to fully functioning, hardcore gaming devices, but with an aesthetic touch.”
Changes include adding special pink coloring to the devices.
There’s a great piece up on Hawty McBloggy listing the top ten things said to female gamers on Xbox Live. The post may be a few months old, but its message still has resonance. I know a lot of girl gamers and upon reading over this list, saw many of the things they say they hear on a regular basis. “Are you playing on your brother’s/boyfriend’s account?”, “Dude. Dude! Are you a girl? Will you be my friend? Dude, accept my friend request! Let’s hook up!” and “Shouldn’t you be playing Barbie Horse Adventures?” are just a few of the ever so clever quips these online idiots think are their best material. Writer BS Angel sums it up best:
In case you missed the memo, we’ll bring you up to speed: Just because women don’t have penises, doesn’t mean they aren’t gamers. What’s more, women in college play video games. USC student paper Daily Trojan profiles some female co-eds who are totally into games, blah, blah. Swell! That’s ground we’ve covered before, so we’ll skip that. Instead, we bring you this nugget:
Celeste McWhorter could probably identify [fellow female player]Soriano in the middle of Trousdale. She said she has gamedar, like gaydar for gamers, she informed me with authority.
“Hey, it takes one to know one,” she said.
And so, just like that, “gamedar” enters the lexicon. (Note: Celeste McWhorter is a junior and not related to our own Michael McWhertor, who tipped us about this story.) Video Games Not Longer Old Boys Club [Daily Trojan]
Book time! British publisher Black Dog Media is releasing The Girl’s Guide to Gaming, which is apparently a girl’s guide to gaming. And because the book is a girl’s guide, it is pink! Didn’t you know that girls like pink? They do! And the DS Lite on the cover? So pink. Black Dog’s James Gale explains:
Nintendo didn’t want to fight over the same demographic as Sony, so they created a complete new one, a market in which it wasn’t only boys that played games… It’s hats off to Nintendo. Without their bravery to push the market away from the old boys’ club, I doubt we would now be part of a fresh marketplace, where female gamers have been given a long overdue voice.
Yeah, because before the DS, girls just sat around, stared at the wall and ate rocks, too. No way they could play something as complex as the PS2! Good thing there’s this guide — otherwise, we’re sure they’d be totally at a loss. Hey, we haven’t read this book and don’t want judge this literary work by its cover. But damn, it’s sure as shit hard not to. Girl’s Guide to Gaming [Digital Spy, Thanks shu!]
