In addition to the sarcastic double-quoting of words like “press” and “reviews,” clearly indicating that both are naught but pale imitations of the real thing, Halverson says that the “review events” at which he thinks Golden Axe: Beast Rider was measured are an indication that of the “game industry going down the wrong path.”

He also complains that Beast Rider’s well below average scores “for the most part echo the opposite opinions of real gamers.”

We can’t speak to the final quality of Golden Axe: Beast Rider yet, as our hands-on time with the title has been limited to time at the Leipzig Games Convention and a few hours with the retail build. (Fahey picked it up before the weekend.)

Who out there has the game, has played it and either agrees or disagrees with Halverson’s glowing review and subsequent rant?

Dave Talks Golden Axe [Play]

I mean, even the purple chicken things are brown.

That’s not to say Golden Axe: Beast Rider is a bad game, from our hands on time with it. Just a bit uninspired, lacking in some tangible oomph, in the graphics department and the swordplay.

Beast Rider star Tyris Flare looks fantastic though. Whomever is responsible for her model and those perfectly modeled lower back dimples deserves a raise. The PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360 game does have its moments, visually. Hopping on a ridable beast that can camouflage itself with a Predator like effect looks pretty snazzy too.

The hand-to-hand action though, feels like a sludgier take on Heavenly Sword’s combat system. Prior to attacks, Death Adder’s minions will glow blue or orange, indicating whether you should parry or evade. If they glow green, it’s ladies’ choice. Respond accordingly and your next attack will be of the flaming sword variety.

Golden Axe: Beast Rider definitely gets some things right. The inclusion of throwback elements like the green and blue gnomes that drop refreshing meat ad magic potions return, as do the multi-tiered magic spells.

But many of the series’ main draws — bright environments, co-op multiplayer and dazzling, increasingly ridiculous spells, metal bikinis — have been overlooked. And Flare’s magic abilities just ooze boring. Where are the giant, fire puking dragon heads, guys? It’s a game that appears to be full of good intentions — middling, road to Hell paving stuff.

We’re not quite writing it off yet. Golden Axe: Beast Rider may have been only a semi-enjoyable slog, but we can see ourselves playing through a good portion of it, if only wanting for a thrill. Who knows if we’ll leave the experience disappointed, because the game showed at least promise, even if it was a bit bland around the edges.

Remember all those lovely blue and pink dragons and purple chicken beaked things, those brightly coloured characters from the original Golden Axe? You won’t see much of that in the debut trailer for Sega’s Golden Axe: Beast Rider, the adventure game that features a playable Tyris Flare who has traded in bikini and boots for something a bit more extreme. If we’re sounding a bit down on the Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 franchise reboot, it’s because there’s not a single purple chicken beaked thing in sight.

On the other hand, it’s Sega. They could’ve have decided to divert resources to what would essentially be Golden Axe: The Ride at one of its SegaWorks arcade locations. We’ll bug them and try to find out more.

Sega recently announced plans to release another Nordic themed property, licensing Marvel’s Thor for a multi-year agreement and has also long talked of a Golden Axe game for the above mentioned consoles. Wondering if Viking: Battle of Asgard has something to do with either of those titles? Me, too.

Retail Radar: Sega’s Viking, Rock Band release date? [Gamespot]