We don’t expect celebrities to genuinely be good at the video games they appear in, but one would think that Metallica drummer Lars Ulrich could play his own band’s songs in Guitar Hero. But no…

Disappointingly, the Metallica founder, who will digitally appear in Guitar Hero Metallica in May doesn’t have the skills to unlock his own song. Lars tells music mag Blender the sad tale of proving to his kids that, you know, there are actually Metallica songs in Guitar Hero III.

“We were never good enough to earn our way to play ‘One.’” Ulrich says. “So after a couple of months, my kids didn’t actually believe there was a Metallica song in this fuckin’ game, so I had to call the guys: “Can we get the cheat codes, please?” And the same thing with ‘Enter Sandman’ on Rock Band.’”

But wait, it gets more disheartening.

“I’ll tell you a little secret about the gaming industry: You know who gave me the cheat codes to Rock Band? The guy at Guitar Hero! Isn’t it nice how they all sort of work together in a perverse way?” Ulrich said. Well, that shatters the illusion that Harmonix and Neversoft employees guard their secrets with ruthless abandon and that if either developer is seen on the other’s turf, a switchblade fight ensues.

Lars also recounts the harrowing tale of being wedged into a motion capture suit, which Guitar Hero Metallica tune is his sentimental favourite and how three Kill ‘Em All tracks almost didn’t make it into the game.

Lars Ulrich Reveals the Secrets Behind Guitar Hero Metallica [Blender]

“We had to make a decision, and it was one or the other, and we felt that Guitar Hero were more suited for what we were looking for,” Ulrich said. You know, Lars, we may not be thinking of the same reasons, but that actually makes perfect sense.

A handful of Metallica tracks have appeared in Harmonix’s band game, but it sounds like Lars is implying that the band may be “proprietary” to Activision and Red Octane’s brand, something CEO Bobby Kotick had warned us about.

Harmonix reps told us earlier this year that the stealth- announcement of Guitar Hero: Metallica doesn’t alter their own plans for more Metallica DLC. We’ve seen no new Metallica tracks added to Rock Band’s library, with the exception of “Battery” from Rock Band 2.

Ulrich also teases briefly about Guitar Hero: Metallica, the game that we all expect to see sometime in 2009.

Lars Ulrich Tells Why Metallica Went With ‘guitar Hero’ [KBS Radio]

You signed a lot of Guitar Hero controllers. Is that cool?

In response, I’d imagine Ulrich propped his leg up on a table and scratched his chin thoughtfully, pondering the level of coolness he’d experienced on that day.

It’s fucking way cool.

Whoa. You just don’t get that deep with People magazine…people. Then Lars went on to ruin the illusion by making a valid, heartwarming point.

Our kids love playing Guitar Hero and Rock Band. It’s awesome. There’s something really positive coming out of video games. It’s so cool to sit there and have your kids talk to you about Deep Purple and Black Sabbath and Soundgarden.

Wow, he’s right. That is fucking way cool.

Lars Ulrich: “We’ve Always Been Fiercely Independent and Controlling” [Rolling Stone via videogaming247]