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A “Real” Girlfriend Whose Nose You Can Poke

Brian Ashcraft — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 06:00:00 +0000

There are traditional selling points for erotic games. You know, things like boobs and boobs and also boobs. “Real Kanojo” (”Real Girlfriend”) has boobs, sure, but it also has face poking and cheek squeezing.

This is innocent enough.

This just seems painful.

And cruel! Sadness.

The game also offers widespread, 3-D and even webcam face tracking. Check out the game’s real time trailer, but note that it’s probably NSFW. You’ve been warned.

イリュージョン『リアル彼女』プロモーション動画 [オレ的ゲーム速報＠刃]

Yes, There Is A Blow-Up Doll In Modern Warfare 2

Brian Ashcraft — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 11:30:00 +0000

As seen in the upstairs shower in the cabin in MW2 by reader Adam.

Explore The Tender Side Of Manhood With Dragon Age

Luke Plunkett — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 05:30:00 +0000

Lots of gruff talk around here tonight. High-fives, gunfire, manly things. It’s all that Modern Warfare 2. So let’s take a break from all the HOO-RAH with something a little gentler, brought to you by BioWare’s Dragon Age.

With Fahey posting that lady-elf-on-lady clip, it’s only fair I post this one. Of man-elf-on-man action. Complete with a Spanish lisp. Funny how sex with a blue alien can land a company in hot water, yet in the shadow of the biggest game of the year, this goes by with naught but a smile and some YouTube captures.

Oh, and for the record, this post was in no way brought to you by the Fight Against Grenade Spam.

2010’s Indie Games Lineup Full Of Promise (And…Other Things)

Luke Plunkett — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 10:30:00 +0000

For all their inventiveness and innovation, many indie games can also be, well, a little much. A fact serving as the inspiration for Something Awful’s list of 2010’s “Most Promising Bullshit Indie Games”.

Some of the shame-they’re-not-real-games we have to look forward to include tranScEEnD:

You are a seed, the manifestation of potential. The wind is your means of transportation – and the deliverer of your fate.

Embark on a relaxing journey through a visionary world unlike anything you’ve ever seen before.

tranScEEnD features a one-of-a-kind gameplay experience that blends time manipulation with gravity. In the end it turns out you weren’t really a seed at all, but an alien ship and the whole thing was a metaphor for sexual abuse.

Little much? You may prefer the more down-to-earth inspiration behind Cosmope:

I woke up. The dawn had scrubbed her scent away. All these mistakes, all these regrets were as nothing and somehow… I knew they were everything.

When lives take different directions, it is as a starling bursting forth from infinite realities. Each different. Only one way back to her.

Best part? Were this not a list put together by Something Awful, you’d be forgiven for thinking these were actual, real, upcoming games.

2010’s Most Promising Bullshit Indie Games [Something Awful, via GameSetWatch] [image: listen to me]

NSFW: Surely This Should Have Been Rated Adults Only?

Brian Ashcraft — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 08:00:00 +0000

Too cute cat-eared game Tayutama -Kiss On My Diety- was released today in Japan. The Xbox 360 visual novel was given Japan’s 17-years-old-and-up CERO D rating. Should it have been rated higher?

This image here is raising eyebrows (raising cat ears?), and making some on the Japanese internet note that the game is pushing the boundaries of CERO D and wonder if the game should have been released as CERO Z — the equivalent of the OFLC’s R18+ rating. Here’s why:

More screenshots on the game’s Xbox 360 site. Some NSFW.

『タユタマ』におけるXbox360のCEROレーティングDの限界 [オレ的ゲーム速報＠刃]

Here Are Some More King Of Fighters Promo Images

Brian Ashcraft — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 09:00:00 +0000

These images from the upcoming King of Fighters movie aren’t new new, but are new to us. And they show more than fighting — there’s sexual tension, too!

The movie also has an official website (warning: music) and a Twitter account — which I’m currently following for shits and giggles.

is directed by Gordon Chan, who helmed the Jet Li martial arts classic Fist of Legend. This KOF movie doesn’t have Jet Li, but it does have Sean Faris (Pearl Harbor) as Kyo Kusanagi, Wii Yun Lee (Witchblade) as Iori Yagami, Ray Park (Darth Maul) as boss Rugal, Maggie Q (Live Free or Die Hard) as Mai, Françoise Yip (Rumble in the Bronx) as Chizuru and some other people we haven’t really heard of.

It will apparently have some sort of sci-fi spin on the fighting series. Apparently.

King Of Fighters’s Photos [Facebook]

Dragon Age Girls Do It With Their Undies On [NSFW]

Mike Fahey — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 16:20:00 +0000

After getting unfairly reamed in the press over Mass Effect’s brief flash of nudity, BioWare plays it a bit safer in Dragon Age: Origins, with characters having sex the old-fashioned way — in their underwear.

You have the option to click play on the video below and completely spoil your sexual experience in Dragon Age: Origins, or you can simply turn away and go about your business. The scene below came after hours of my City Elf rogue wooing and coddling the human rogue Leliana.

Considering the amount of crap BioWare caught for Mass Effect’s sex scene, one can’t blame them for leaving the tops on. Besides, once the PC version hits tomorrow I’m sure some enterprising modder will figure out how to get their tops off, as it’s probably easier than removing a real bra. That’s why I keep scissors on my bedside table.

Again, spoiler! Don’t blame us if you click the shiny, candy-flavoured button. And if you want more Dragon Age: Origins, be sure to stop by tomorrow for our full review of the PlayStation 3 version.

Watch Grandma Hardcore Cuss Up A Storm In Brütal Legend

Owen Good — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 01:00:00 +0000

We’ve featured her on Kotaku before, but years ago. So to reintroduce her, Old Grandma Hardcore lives in Cleveland (there’s just no way she could live anywhere else) and she loves playing games.

She’s also got the potty-mouth of a 19-year-old, but the F-bombs she drops are terms of endearment, explains her grandson:over at OGH. “I’d say never so much before has a game made Grandma squeal with joy whilst simultaneously pissing her off, but you know that’s not true. That describes pretty much every goddamn game she likes. She absolutely adored it.”

Video 24: Grandma Plays Brütal Legend [Old Grandma Hardcore]

Strippers Or Counter-Strike — Which Gets A Gamer’s Attention?

Owen Good — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 22:00:00 +0000

Over in Moscow, two top Counter-Strike teams met in a LAN contest. As soon as they started runnin’ and gunnin’ however, the promoter threw in a surprise to test the team’s focus: Strippers. Russian strippers. Let’s get to the NSFW!

English Russia reports that:

“it was impossible to put an attention of those hopeless men off. The game was drawing to a close and the ladies were sweating as much as they could, but the eyes of the tough players were nailed to the screens tight.”

In the matchup, the team forZe bested rival Virtus.pro.

I pulled ten pics from English Russia, galleried below. There are tons more at the link.

Hot Gaming [English Russia, thanks to Kevin!]

Cole Hamels Reminds You That Grenades Are “For Pussies”

Owen Good — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 02:20:00 +0000

Well. This is edgy as all get-out. Phillies pitcher Cole Hamels comes to Modern Warfare 2 to tell us that mindlessly hucking grenades is a dickbag cop-out. And then there’s “Fight Against Grenade Spam,” which makes a cheerful acronym.

It looks like this video (NSFW language), posted by Infinity Ward, just went up. I’m not sure if Hamels is one of the celeb voices in the game or if they’re just being timely with his appearance in the World Series (pitching Game Three tomorrow, no less). That is his voice however. And he tosses in a “what the fuck” for good measure, I guess because Chase Utley wasn’t available.

Fighting Against Grenade Spam PSA [YouTube]