Bayonetta’s Got It, Flaunts It:
Without a doubt, Bayonetta was the high-amp vamp of gaming in 2009, and she hasn’t even hit North America yet. In Japan, the ass-kicking, pistol-packing, hair-whipping witch with the naughty librarian look earned critical acclaim from no less than the Japanese director of the cinematic tour de force “Would You Like To Get An Enema Until You Poop?” Stateside and elsewhere, she emerged from relentless early comparisons to another gun enthusiast MILF, Sarah Palin, to become the undisputed cosplaying rookie of the year.

GTA: The Schlong and the Damned
The year’s first major NSFW story came out of Rockstar, which broke new ground in Grand Theft Auto: The Lost and Damned by becoming the first video game to show flaccid congressman dong. Fahey then bravely examined the historical importance of this depiction by providing a recap of nudity in games, “the good, the bad and the ugly.” Hey, two out of three is bad.

Cussing-Outs and Swearing-Ins:
NSFW doesn’t just mean T&A. Bad language also qualifies, and we had hilarious highlights for that, too. Grandma Hardcore, the game-playing senior citizen, spewed filth-flarn-flarn-filth-flarn over Brütal Legend. Ice-T (in a video featuring his NSFW wife, Coco) went apeshit playing Modern Warfare before demanding a Snapple to quench his thirst. And Ozzy Osbourne, talking to Fahey at Blizzcon, was just, well, Ozzy.

Just Two Words: Demon Tits
BioWare RPG’s are eminently serious affairs, but the sex factor in Dragon Age: Origins’ pre-release publicity got a little silly. The game gave us gay hookups with elves, brothel encounters with livestock, and everyone doing it with their underpants still attached. And, of course, Demon Tits.

Sheva-va-voom
Bayonetta and Dragon Age were far from the only titles ramping up the sex appeal. Resident Evil 5 opened the year with Sheva, and enabled gamers to instantly centre the camera on her chest. This is especially useful once you unlock her secret tribal costume.

Boob! Headshot!
In October, two elite Counter Strike teams from Russia face off, but the event’s promoter throws in a little “force multiplier” – a room full of strippers, disrobing and gyrating beside, over and on their monitors. The team forZe kept its focus and defeated rival Virtus.pro.

Attachments and Oddities
A product called the “Joydick” needs zero introduction, and I’ll spare you from the description. And a tiny title offered over the Xbox Indie Games channel, which turns your controller into a rumbling vibrator, added console peripherals to the list of hiding-in-plain-sight sex toys. Slightly less sexy: The handcrafted Pokémon menstrual pad for $US8 whose up-side I couldn’t correctly identify. Finally, a lawsuit over virtual sex toys in Second Life gave us a darkhorse candidate for the Oxford English Dictionary’s word of the year: “Fuck Coffins.”

Things Seen and Never Unseen
Mario and Peach made a tape that, like much of porn, has sex but is soooooo far from sexy. The Mushroom Kingdom’s top plumber also laid some pipe with Lara Croft in this unaccountably weird video from, where else, Germany, which also featured Pong sex. In that vein, have you ever wanted to see a Tetris piece masturbate? No? Too bad, here it is.

The Second Sexiest Game of 2009
Left 4 Dead instantly spun off a robust modding community; too bad it chose to use its powers for evil, giving us the Nude Zoey Mod. Because, hey, nothing’s hotter than blasting apart the leprous undead with a saucy deshabille look. It wasn’t L4D’s only brush with the naughty-naughty. Horny infected took to the personal ads for our Valentine’s Day prank, where they hooked up with a horde even more mindlessly disgusting – the Craigslist casual encounter lurkers. Finally, porn gave the zombie FPS the ultimate compliment, a sex flick punning the title, named “Left 4 Head.”

Munn’s the Word
G4’s “Attack of the Show” co-host took (most of) it all off for Playboy in June, despite a relentless haranguing from a Playboy stylist to try going commando under imaginary pants. Munn refused, saying the outfits they had in mind would have made her vadge “look like a Honeybaked Ham.” Way to work it, Olivia! Geeks were in high dudgeon, because there is no other kind of dudgeon, over Playboy’s beyond-the-pale exploitation of their hormones. Or just that it was a Tuesday. Many made the shocking declaration that she just wasn’t hot enough, although Munn, as of press time, had no plans to do any of them.

Porn O’Plenty
In September, Vivid Entertainment’s CEO says his firm is interested in getting its seminal works (ha ha, get it?) available for download over the PlayStation Network, an offer Sony ignored discreetly (in a plain brown wrapper.) But he’s far from the only figure in adult entertainment to make the games crossover in 2009. Bobbi Starr, the X-Rated Critics Organization’s regining “Superslut” finds work at E3 as a booth babe for Dirt 2. Porn legend Ron Jeremy joins actresses Krissy Lynn and Andy San Dimas (taking the whole use-your-address-as-a-porn-name motif a little seriously) in Fairytale Fights trailer promos of a viral nature, but not the one that sends you down to the free clinic. Finally, adult star Raven Alexis, an avowed World of Warcraft enthusiast, closes out the year with her five-step plan to winning the heart of a gamer girl – provided, of course, you know one in real life.

While I know Parry from his time with Nerf Herder, with songs like “New Jersey Girl” and “Van Halen” holding special places in my heart, the slightly younger generation knows him as the man behind countless ridiculously catchy YouTube jingles, from “Do You Life Waffles?” to my personal favourite, “Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom”. In the video for “The Girl at the Video Game Store”, Parry is joined by AotS female host Olivia Munn as the titular girl, with a rather impressive turn at the drums by the show’s male host, Kevin Pereira. I am extremely glad they didn’t mix those two up, though I am sure Kevin has a very attractive midriff.

The song itself? Despite some painfully forced lines (“At Tekken she’ll kick your ass?” Thanks, Yoda), Gripp’s signature infectious melodies are firmly in place, and I’ve been humming the damn thing all day. I hate you, Parry Gripp.

Video Game Girl: Nerf Herder’s Parry Gripp Music Video [G4TV.com]

The stylist, whom she impersonated with a swishy, faux-frenchy accent, kept suggesting she try outfits that were plenty evocative of the oops-I-forgot-my-panties style of glamour photography. Then he reached into his costume trunk and pulled out the deal-breaker, a black fishnet number that was a swimsuit in name only. It left zilch to anyone’s imagination, least of all what was in his.

She wasn’t going there. “My vagina would have looked like a Honeybaked Ham,” Munn said, sitting in a makeup chair and talking to Kotaku before Thursday’s taping of G4’s Attack of the Show, which she co-hosts. Despite the browbeating to Take! It! All! Off!! Munn’s decision not to reveal her charms remained as final at the end of her shoot as it was when she rebuffed Playboy’s original request.

Munn thinks she knows now why Playboy came back to say, no prob, a clothes-on pictorial was OK. “I’m convinced the photographer and the stylist were in cahoots to get me naked,” Munn said. Hey, never let it be said Playboy doesn’t have its readers’ number one interest foremost in mind.

“They were showing me all these things to put on and saying, ‘And you can just see everything! And it’s just gorge,’ and I’m thinking, ‘You guys are out of your mind,” Munn said. “It ended with my publicist and the stylist screaming at each other.”

Becoming one of the few women ever to do a Playboy cover and pictorial without nudity has certainly bolstered Munn’s profile as the hottie with Geek Goddess approachability – the gamers’ Athena, if you will, thanks largely to her three years with G4. But it’s led to plenty of speculation that her choice of a fully functional wardrobe was only a business decision. That now isn’t the right time for her to get naked, but one day that right time will come, and we’ll both know it, and when it happens it will be tender and magical.

Yeah, forget it.

“It’ll never happen,” Munn said. “It would never happen. I think there’s nothing wrong with Playboy – there’s nothing wrong with women who want to be in the magazine, if they’re comfortable being naked and showing everything. But I’m looking through it like, ‘Holy shit, that’s a lot of vadge.’ I mean, it’s filled with that stuff. There’s nothing wrong with it, it’s just not something I’d do.”

Not only did Munn turn away trained professionals with graduate degrees in coaxing hot women out of their clothes, she showed them less than she did to Complex back in April. “My underboob’s in that shoot,” she said. “You can’t see anything like that in what I did for Playboy. I did the same amount of nudity, for them, that I did in a bathing suit for Surf magazine.”

You can get a look at what she did show for Playboy in this online pictorial. “It’s not like I’m the pizza guy in some porno,” Munn said. But even though she’d never go half as far as that, Playboy or what it represents isn’t intimidating to her. “It’s just naked pictures, and they’re all of hot girls,” she said, “except there’s one in there with big bush, that’s not really good.”

Munn’s knows that part of why Playboy came calling, and was cool with her not doing nudity, is she has a fan base that’s highly coveted by advertisers. Gamers are easily separated from their dough, after all. But the positive response she’s gotten for not taking it off tells her that her fans do care. “They’re not going to say, ‘Oh, titty! Oh, that’s Olivia’s vagina, let’s go buy it!’” she said. “They’re supportive, not just because it gets them off.”

But she doesn’t worry about being typecast for the geek demographic. To the contrary, it gets her plenty of work. She’s just finished up a role in Iron Man II, and got an offer for another from producers who said they wanted someone who isn’t the kind of pedestalized-hot that Megan Fox represents.

“I love this world I am in,” Munn said. “If I could stay in this world forever, the nerd world, I’d be happy. I’ve been here for three years, and I can confidently say this is a world I feel comfortable and welcomed in.”

Unpublished picture courtesy Playboy.

On tonight’s ATOS, Munn revealed the cover: Her in a red bikini.

Pretty sure we’ve seen her in a bikini, though maybe not red and definitely not on the cover of Playboy. So this is new, right?

Munn is one of the few to appear on the cover without doing nude pictorial — a short list that includes the likes of Peter Sellers and Steve Martin.

Olivia Munn’s Playboy Cover Reveal [Attack of the Show!]

Here’s a video teasing the Attack of the Show host’s shoot in the next edition, so, yeah, this is basically a big free ad for Playboy. And G4, I guess. And since she’s not gonna be nekkid, this is also a tease of a tease, which makes it a hall of mirrors of frustration, like blue balls in infinite regression.

Video Game – E3 2009 – Attack of the Show People are making a big deal about Olivia being one of the few to do a cover shoot without a nude layout, a list that also includes Steve Martin, thankfully. She’s just showing solid business acumen – you can only take it off the first time, one time, after all. And she’s also not being a skank.

Olivia Munn is Playboy’s Next Cover Girl [thebbps, image from OliviaMunn.com

And by “Top 99″, they don’t mean the most eminent minds in their respective fields. So, with 2008’s list all done, did any games types make it? And by games types, we mean real people.

Short answer is…yes. And sorry Nintendo fans, the Smile Machine didn’t make it. But these two did.

Seems lonely men on the internet have still not forgotten 2007, Ubisoft’s Jade Raymond coming in at #82, while on a more flimsy premise, Attack of the Show’s Olivia Munn also earned some votes (well, more votes), finishing up at #62.

Jade Raymond [AskMen]
Olivia Munn [AskMen]

Seriously, can’t a gal suck on six inches of beef without the Internet getting into a tizzy? I don’t get what’s so great about G4’s Olivia Munn deep-throating a hot dog—

Wait. I think I just got it.

Olivia Munn’s Hot Beef Injection [Fleshbot]