You spend your days playing with them. Maybe they’re your backup in a first-person shooter. Perhaps they heal your World of Warcraft guild raids. You count on them, and they count on you, but do you count them as friends?
In May of 1998 I grabbed my primitive digital camera, hopped on a MARTA train, and took my first stumbling steps as a video game journalist. A year later I wanted nothing to do with video games.
The original The Legend of Zelda made quite an impact on BioShock designer Ken Levine — so much so that it cost him his first serious girlfriend.
It’s no secret I peek at Reddit when I’m working weekends. But last week its contributors made something too hilarious not to share: An extremely dark view of relationships, in the context of Super Mario Bros.
Around Wednesday a user kicked it all off with “Mario Explains It: Lesson 001.” (Above) The guy was clearly going all Mr. Bitterpants over the state of a just-friends relationship with some girl who is probably never, ever going to give it up for him. It was then followed up with many pictures and revisions. Here are the ones that were the funniest while still forming a logical progression:
Here’s a “Fixed that for you” from someone even more bitter.
The third picture shows the OP how to git ‘er done.
Uh, staying “just friends” now sounds like a pretty good idea, doesn’t it?
Smoker!!!!! Reloading!
Of course, there’s always this path. I’d probably make supersize Bullet Bob into a divorce lawyer.
And finally, for those who hate counseling, the Scott Peterson option.
And so we learned an important lesson today, didn’t we kids? That’s right. Never ever never have sex with anyone you care about…
Mario Explains It [Reddit]
