the onion
Culture
The Onion Reveals Modern Warfare 3
2:20AM Mike Fahey | Modern Warfare 2 is nice and all, but The Onion has the scoop on Modern Warfare 3 — the most realistic military experience ever created. More »
Culture
9:20AM Michael McWhertor | Bad news for robot football fans, as The Onion is reporting that the 2073 season of Cyberball may be in danger of not happening at all, according to the ICBL Robot Players Union. [The Onion]
Cyberball 2073 Season In Doubt, Says Robot Player’s Union
9:20AM Michael McWhertor | Bad news for robot football fans, as The Onion is reporting that the 2073 season of Cyberball may be in danger of not happening at all, according to the ICBL Robot Players Union. [The Onion]
Culture
10:20AM Kotaku US Edition | In the Onion version of the universe, the Consumer Electronics Show is happening right now. The show’s most important development? The announcement of new technology that can “render average-sized breasts on female video game characters.” More »
The Onion Announces “Smaller Breast” Rendering Tech
10:20AM Kotaku US Edition | In the Onion version of the universe, the Consumer Electronics Show is happening right now. The show’s most important development? The announcement of new technology that can “render average-sized breasts on female video game characters.” More »
Culture
Shooting People In The Face FPS
4:00PM Brian Ashcraft | The Onion, your news source, has a brand new clip up for the most inventive first-person-shooter we’ve ever seen. Ever. Called Close Range, the game has players shoot people in the face. More »
Culture
The Onion Previews Punch-Out!! Documentary We Wish Existed
10:20AM Michael McWhertor | Is there some special video game issue of The Onion currently in print? Because not only did the humour publication skewer game violence this week, it also poked at Super Mario Bros. and, now, Punch-Out!!.
Culture
The Onion Asks: Are Violent Video Games Adequately Preparing Our Kids For The Apocalypse?
9:20AM Michael McWhertor | Video games can be beneficial. They better our children’s hand-eye coordination, spatial relationship understanding and teach the basics of strategy. But are they doing enough to prepare them for a nuclear future and zombie infestations? More »Liberty City Citizens Demand Tougher Law Enforcement
2:20AM Mike Fahey | The Onion has been having a complete field day with Grand Theft Auto IV, producing some of the best material they’ve written in years since the game’s release in late April. Today they report on Liberty City citizens’ growing dissatisfaction with local law enforcement, citing not only their ineffectiveness in dealing with the recent crime wave, but also difficulties in keeping their priorities straight “I was buying a hot dog from a street vendor in Hove Beach yesterday when I saw someone run a red light, barrel down the sidewalk, careen into a garbage truck, exit his vehicle, steal a nearby convertible, and drive away,” one Broker resident reported. “A nearby police car didn’t even react. But when the car behind him nicked his fender, the officer shot the driver through the windshield and walked away.” “That is not the kind of law enforcement we want for our community,” he added. Speaking as a recent immigrant to Liberty City, I have to disagree. This is exactly the type of law enforcement we need. Someone go run over that resident for me. Liberty City Police Face Allegations Of Incompetence, Brutality [The Onion - Thanks Daria!] More »
The Onion Outlines GTA IV’s New Features
11:00AM Mike Fahey | When I say that every major news outlet had stories about Grand Theft Auto IV last week, I mean every major news outlet, including venerable parody news site and internet staple The Onion, who took some time to inform their readers of the new features in Rockstar’s latest entry in the series. My personal favourite, which hits quite close to home… Though it doesn’t affect the game at all, your character is severely afraid of spiders See, before I couldn’t identify with Nico, but now it’s like we were separated at birth or something. Also, great news for those of you who don’t enjoy all of the violent combat… You have the choice to stay in Liberty City or drive to the suburbs of New Jersey, where you can earn a degree or learn a trade See? GTA IV has something for everyone! Grand Theft Auto IV Hits Stores [The Onion via TBBPS] More »
Tribunal Finds Delta Squad Did Not Commit …
10:20AM Michael McWhertor | Tribunal Finds Delta Squad Did Not Commit Gears Of War Crimes. We can’t find this story anywhere other than The Onion for now, so consider it unconfirmed, but the Gears of War Crimes Tribunal has apparently found that Colonel Hoffman, Marcus Fenix, and Dominic Santiago did not use unjustifiable force in battling the Locust horde. Sure to be a controversial ruling, especially in light of those cheat code allegations. Gears Of War Crimes Court Finds 2006 Locust Horde Massacre Justified [The Onion] More »
