Great news! Shining Force II for the Genesis (800 points) has made the leap from last week's Euro Virtual Console releases to this week's North American ones, but where's Earthworm Jim? They left together...what happened? Knocked out of the air over the Atlantic by an errant golf ball, no doubt. Stealing EWJ's spot this week is Mario Golf, one of those rare Nintendo 64 releases for the VC (1,000 points), which is nice and all, but I'd still prefer Earthworm platforming. Oh well, maybe next week?

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I'm not usually one for posting about the European Wii Shop Channel releases, but this week's offerings have me completely jealous and it's just not fair at all. Today sees the release of two of the best games the Sega Genesis (or Mega Drive, if you prefer) had to offer, and I am going to hold my breath until the come to North America. Not only do you Europeans get the Shiny classic platformer Earthworm Jim, they're also getting Shining Force II, Sega's tactical role-playing gem, possibly the sweet spot in the entire series. Dammit. Both are going for 800 Wii points, and they're both eventually coming here, but still.

And yes, I do own both cartridges for my Genesis, but that's hardly the point. You guys have better food, better women (with notable exceptions!), and better VC games. Next World War we're staying home.

Unless of course we start it.

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Unfortunately, it's the NEC SuperGrafx, a souped up version of the PC Engine (nee TurboGrafx-16) that was never released outside of Japan and has a meager seven titles in its library. Even less exciting is that the first SuperGrafx release is Daimakaimura, known as Ghouls 'n' Ghosts on these shores. That particular title has been available on Japan's Virtual Console service in its Genesis form since July of last year — and for 200 yen less!

But hey, at least things are expanding. Any chance we can start getting some Game Boy Advance games from the VC? Pretty please?

Virtual Console Line Up [Nintendo Japan via Wii Fanboy]

It's Monday again? When will we break out of this vicious cycle? As long as we stay shackled to this weekly calendar we are doomed to repeat history every seven days. Luckily for us, Nintendo has gone and spiced things up in this week's WiiWare and Virtual Console update, giving us one of the most...colourful...shooters of all time to play with. Along with the musical puzzle action of Empty Clip's Groovin' Blocks for WiiWare (800 points) and the third game in the classic Star Soldier series, Final Soldier for the TurboGrafx16 (700 points), Nintendo has graced us with Cho Aniki, the first installment of the manliest shooter ever.

Originally released in Japan on the PC Engine (TurboGrafx16 CD-ROM), Cho Aniki features heroes Idaten and Benten, who use giant, nearly naked muscle-men Adon and Samson as weapons against the evil emperor of Planet Builder, who is invading neighbouring star systems in search of the protein he needs to bulk up. It may cost 900 Wii Points, but trust me - you aren't a real man until you've played Cho Aniki.

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Japan and our pals in the PAL regions have been enjoying the glistening and rippling Cho Aniki on their Virtual Console services for many moons now. North America finally gets the homoerotic tinged side-scrolling shooter this Monday, as the title has been rated by rated by the ESRB — E-10+ for "mild suggestive themes" — and tentatively dated for September 8.

It will join its TurboGrafx-16 sibling Final Soldier, prepping us for the upcoming PSP remake of the same game and confusing the masses with its overly bizarre everything. Start your posing now.

Did you think a 13 hour layover in Frankfurt followed by a 10 hour flight to Atlanta, 45 minutes in customs, and then an hour train ride home would keep me from posting this week's Wii downloadable update? Maybe if this had been one of those normal, crappy updates, but this week sees the release of Ys! Ys Book I & II for the TurboGrafx 16 CD-ROM to be exact, the redone version of the originals upgraded with excellent voice acting, a stunning orchestral soundtrack, and all-new special effects, all for a paltry 800 Wii points! As if that weren't enough, we also finally get Samurai Showdown 2 for the NEOGEO (900 points), officially making this one of the best weeks on the Virtual Console in ages.

There's also Helix from Ghostfire Games on the WiiWare side of things, a rhythm game that uses motion sensing to determine how well you move to the music of 26 different songs. While I've not heard much about the title, it isn't from Gameloft, so it at least has that going for it.

There you have it! Passing out in 3...2...1... *thud*

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To recap: the PAL Virtual Consoles sometimes run a little thing called the Hanabi Festival. Means a bunch of rare, usually Japan-only games get made available for a limited time. Well, they've kicked off another one this week, and the update's a cracker. While one of the games has already made an appearance - Mario 2 - the other is a sight for sore eyes. It's Super Mario RPG. Yeah, Super Mario RPG. Which never, ever graced these southern shores, so if you'll excuse me, I'm off to catch up with my good friend 1996.

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When the whole Virtual Console thing was first announced, there was one game above all others I wanted to play again. Ducks Ahoy. Telling myself "come on, that's never going to happen", I settled on a backup choice. Bionic Commando. Looks like that's never going to happen, either, as Capcom's Ben Judd has told 1UP that Nintendo totally cock-blocked moves for the game to be released on the VC:

We couldn't get it approved for the Virtual Console...I can't say why. I can just say that we tried to get it to work.

Say what you will about "new" Nintendo, there's one area they're just like the "old" Nintendo: they still can't stand those damn Nazis.

Capcom's Ben Judd Interview [1UP]

Well this is certainly a pleasant change of pace after several weeks of relative crap with a side order of Beer Pong. Not only does the Wii get the first episode of Strong Bad's Cool Game For Attractive People on WiiWare (1,000 Points) this week, we also get the formerly Japan-only Star Parodier for the TurboGrafx 16 CD-ROM (900 Points). Star Parodier is a Hudson game that pokes fun at traditional shooter conventions, giving players a choice between playing as the Paro Ceaser from Star Soldier, a giant flying Bomberman, or a living PC Engine Console that fires HuCards and CDs at the enemy.

The first episode of SBCGAP, Homestar Ruiner, follows Strong Bad's efforts to crush Homestar's spirit, and subsequent rebuilding of said spirit once the crushing goes awry.

Rounding things off is another TurboGrafx title, the pool title Break In (700 points), ruining what could have been a stellar crop while looking that much better for the company it's keeping.

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As pointed out by Wired, over the past week or so, a number of publishers made announcements regarding today's Virtual Console lineup. Capcom said we'd get Mega Man 1, SNK said we'd get Samurai Shodown II and Hudson said we'd be getting Ys Book I & II. Instead, we got the shitty Mega Drive version of Sonic and Splatterhouse. Not the worst update, sure, but nowhere near as awesome as the one we were promised. So what gives? Nintendo say:

A number of variables can affect a game's release date. Therefore, the Wii-kly Update is the only authority for confirmed release dates of Virtual Console games.

Thanks for the surprise! Here's a hint: when the publishers themselves announce a release date, and you go and yank it, it's not a surprise. It's a disappointment.

Nintendo releases statement concerning Virtual Console release dates [Go Nintendo]