Brownback Blog Late To Handheld Dangers Party

dsdanger.jpgWith their candidate on the brink of no longer being a candidate, the unofficial Sam Brownback blog has found some time to try and generate some anti-gaming hysteria, dredging up two relatively ancient stories in the name of ruining Christmas for children across the country. The main gist of the article is the Nintendo DS as a tool for child molesters. It includes video of the news story I dissected back in February and some extremely entertaining propaganda speech.

Introduced in 2004, the Nintendo DS (for Dual Screen or Devil Screen), this game machine has sold some 700 million or so units. That's an epidemic. It's undeniable that it has been a "success" for its Japanese manufacturer, Nintendo (makers of Donkey Kong aka Monkey Donkey, a game in which a monkey kidnaps a young girl to satisfy his bestial desires). It's also been a tremendous success for pedophiles everywhere.

In retrospect, I would have bought my DS even sooner had it actually stood for Devil Screen, and I was in line the day before the first model came out. The writer seems to have a lot of repressed sexual feelings stirring in their loins, as evidenced by the 'satisfy his bestial desires' bit.

The article then goes on to present a completely made up story as a matter of fact.

I have been notified by one parent whose child was solicited to "come to the mall and we can go shopping and do other fun stuff. Don't tell your mum because she might spoil our fun. Parents are such a drag. LOL." Fortunately her parent was watching Susie (a pseudonym) that day, as all parents should, and reacted the way any good, loving, responsible parent would. She deftly ripped the offending device out of her hands, sent the reply "stay away from my baby, you psycho" and triumphantly snapped the unit in half. Nintendo TP (two pieces). It's garbage now.

I mean, I suppose it is possible that some fictional guy was driving by this fictional person's house with Pictochat open on the car seat next to him, hunting for fictional children, and just happened to find one of these fictional children idly sitting with the Pictochat program open, hoping to have some new special friends wander by, but seeing as everyone involved so far has been fictional this more than likely didn't happen.

Perhaps the writer is trying to create a fictional role model for parents to look up to. After all, Betty Crocker wasn't real but she is the champion of baked goods that come in boxes and tubs of frosting, so I suppose Susie could be the champion of symbolically tearing child molesters in half to keep them away from her baby, you psycho.

To round out the article, the writer dredges up the old PlayStation Pornable video from ages past, in which the mainstream media warns us that there are dirty pictures on the internet, no matter how small the screen is. As icing on the cake, they throw in a video of JT talking about Grand Theft Auto.

With supporters like these it is no wonder than Sam Brownback is pulling out of the running for Republican presidential candidate. Either there are too many sensible people who would never support him in a million years just to avoid association with these idiots, or the man realised that being a presidential candidate representing people like this would only encourage them.

Early Christmas Alert: Nintendo DS [Blogs 4 Brownback via Game Politics]


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