A Week In Comments

Does Brain Age Actually Work? No, Apparently. Comment by Kuraudo Nominated by geekgrrl

This is why there's no class division in high school between the intelligent and the sporty.

The Cake Goes to Portal's Commentary Comment by BolognaFire Nominated by sethmad

Imagine: BABIES - Commentary

"A big issue we had with starting off development was deciding who our target audience would be."

360 Plans On Sticking Around for YEARS Comment by InsomniaBob Nominated by REDFIELD

The next gen console will have so much computational power, it will be able to float off 7 inches off the ground.

It will use a proprietary download format, requiring not only that you maintain a fiber optic connection, but also re-buy all your media in the new, all digital, discless format.

Not only will the next gen console's LAUNCH games suck, ALL of it's games will suck. Hard. And they'll be so expensive to make, there will only be 20 of them, spaced out one every 3 months. On top of that, there will be frequent delays, and every 4th game will be either a Madden, Tony Hawk, or Need for Speed title.

The next generation console will be bigger than your television. But, because it's floating seven feet off the ground, you can attack the underside for MASSIVE DAMAGE.

The only good game on the next gen console will be Super Smash Bros Brawl. It won't be a port. That's how far the game will be pushed back. On the positive side, fighter not only include every fighting game character in history, Gordon Freeman, Megaman, the guys from Contra, the Tetris L Block, and Tron, but also every major animal mascot character (Bubsy! Blinx! Acro the Bat!), and every United States President, with an Assist Trophy each for the VPs. Lincoln fires missiles out of his hat.

The next-gen console will look exactly like a Weighted Companion Cube.

The next-gen console will be released in Japan in 2010, America in early 2011, and Australia in Dec 12, 2012, signaling the end of the Mayan calendar, and the apocalypse. When asked about the European release, Jade Raymond, the company's PR rep, told Europe it could "get fucked".

Ads for the next-generation console will be extreme. VERY extreme. Taglines include: "Games so dark and gritty, you'll be spitting asphault! The future is 5-D! Yeah, that's right! Suck it! Graphics so sweet, you'll kick your mum in the HEAD. NEXT GEN CONSOLE! It's gonna RAPE your FACE."

The Next Gen Console will come in 28 differnt models. Each model will have fewer and fewer features. The 28th and final version, released on the eve on man's extinction, will resemble a Colecovision deck. Regardless of features, all models will cost $1200 and a kidney.

Forum trolls, defending the Next Gen Console, becoming increasingly rabid in the face of posters who haven't bought one yet. Eventually, they organize into a rampaging troll army, and scour the hillside, looking for those who do not 'bear the mark'. (The next gen console imprints it's legal ownder with a barcode, so that units can not be traded in to Gamestop.) Gamers who do not own the Next Gen Console will be forced to buy one. If the gamer in question cannot afford the Next Gen Console, he will be killed. And eaten.

NEXT GEN CONSOLE. OBEY.

At E3 2009, the activation sequence of the Next Gen Console will kill Regie Fils-Aime from three rooms away.

NiGHTS Using Wii Weather Channel Comment by Dr.Chocobo Nominated by TitillatedOcelot

I wonder how playable this game would be the day Katrina hit the states...

Game start!

Your character drowned

Game start!

Your character drowned

Game start!

Your character got beheaded by a flying piece of wood

Improving Story Telling in Games Comment by badasscat Nominated by Essonse

The problem with being "allergic" to more academic discussions of the subject is that they're what's required to really improve the situation.

How do you think the best novelists, playwrights and screenwriters learned to do what they do? They didn't wake up one day and suddenly know how to write a good story. They studied it. Whether they did so formally or on their own, they mentally deconstructed what makes good stories successful, and they did so repeatedly and over a long period of time until they felt confident that they knew how to tell a story of their own. And then they practiced and practiced and practiced; it's rare for anyone to hit a home run with their first book or script.

There are no shortcuts to good storytelling. It's not about fewer cutscenes, it's about better stories and the people who know how to tell them. That requires actual knowledge, actual experience, and actual work on the part of game developers. We should be encouraging that rather than the reading of superficial essays that barely scratch the surface of the problem.

Mental Health Alliance Blasts Manhunt 2 Comment by doubtful Nominated by BtwonDesignGuy

I think Willy Wonka gives people the wrong idea about chocolate factories. In real life, the Oompa Loompa are overworked, underpaid, and all of their efforts to unionize have been squashed by 'the man.'

The movie portray's chocolate factories as a sing-songy wonderland of imagination and perpetuates the idea that chocolate factories are a great place to visit and work.

End the insanity. Ban Willy Wonka!

Want to nominate comments? Send to tips any insightful or funny comments you read from other commenters. (Read: NOT YOURSELF). Be sure to include the post's URL, the commenter's page, the actual comment and your commenter page.

Also know: Dip into tool territory and we'll ban yer ass. And quick!


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