A Week In Comments

Sid Meier To Get GDC Lifetime Achievement Award
Comment by: Maximus9
Nominated by: MaxS

He doesn't want no stinking plaque or trophy! Send the man to space for God's sake...that's what he really wants! What Richard Garriott can go, but we can't afford to send him? The guy is inspiring millions of kids to want to be astronauts and build things instead of destroy them.

Zero Punctuation Doesn't Hate Crysis
Comment by: dowingba
Nominated by: geekgrrl

RE5 is racist because you kill black people. San Andreas was racist because you play a black person. Basically, if a game has any black people in it, it's automatically racist.

Mass Effect Political Dickery "Corrected"
Comment by: SuperPope
Nominated by: Witzbold

I sent him this letter:
I am a 32 year old conservative Christian. I've been happily married to my high school sweetheart for 10 years now and have a smart, well-behaved six year old son. I have a degree in fine art and am a successful Flash animator and web graphics designer. I have also been an avid fan of videogames since the age of three, so despite all of these stated facts and what they may imply about my intelligence and character, I suppose you would simply lump me in with your invented "Gamer-Nerd" stereotype.
My wife gave me Mass Effect for Christmas. It is a fantastic game from start to finish. I had been slightly concerned about the "sexual content" which I had heard about on the Internet as people discussed this developing game. As it turns out, all the controversy amounts to nothing more than an optional 30 second footnote to a 60 hour epic story.
The developers of Mass Effect have gone to great lengths to create a believable world full of moral decisions and their resulting consequences. It is unfair of you to paint it as an intergalactic orgy simulation. In fact, without a correct retraction of your almost wholesale misrepresentation of the game's content I can think of no reason why Bioware would not win a lawsuit against you. So in an effort to help you correct yourself once more — this time armed with objective truth — I will attempt to explain plainly why your statements have no basis in fact.
First of all, you spend your entire article "Life Lessons: GAMER Nerds' 'Rights' to Lesbo-Alien Sex!" making ad hominem attacks on the people who responded to your initial article. Let me make something plain: You know nothing about this game and are guilty of libel. This statement is true no matter how ineloquent and childish the person who points it out is.
You said, "I still concur, to me these acts are the most realistic put in video games - that I have seen."
While this is clearly a true statement (since you have limited your videogame experience to what you've seen on YouTube), it is misleading. If this is the most graphic sex that videogames have to offer, then the videogame world must not be sliding down that slippery slope of unbridled debauchery just yet, as any moviegoer since the early 1960s has seen more graphic depictions of nudity and sexuality in the first five minutes of a James Bond film. Those movies were rated PG, by the way.
You wrote this: "2. 'One can custom design the shape, form, bodies, race, hair style, breast size of the images...' Evidently the only thing I got wrong on this was the breast size, though I would like someone to explain to me how the female characters end up having different sizes again on the YouTube footage I witnessed with my own eyes... But the rest of it was true. race, hair style, color - etc."
Wrong. The only thing you got RIGHT was that you could choose a hair style, and that ONLY OF YOUR OWN CHARACTER at the very beginning of the game.
Next, you wrote this: 3. "...the video game "persons" hump in every form, format, multiple, gender-oriented possibility they can think of."
Wrong again. The imaginary game you describe would be rated Adult Only and would not be sold at any Wal-Mart, Target, GameStop, or Best Buy on the planet.
If you begin the game as a male you can, through conversation choices, foster a friendship with either a human female or a blue-skinned alien. If you begin the game as a female you can form a relationship with a human male crew member or the same blue-skinned alien. Then, if you so choose (once again through careful conversation choices throughout the 60 hours or more of playing through adventure after adventure and working to unravel the problems facing the galaxy) you may share the brief moment that you witnessed on YouTube. That's it. There is no "humping" as you so rashly put it. There is merely a stylized, out-of-focus scene which implies that some form of sexual intercourse has taken place. You make it sound like it is an important game dynamic, or even the ONLY aspect of the game, and that you have actual "creative" control of the event.
I am not so naive as to assume that this letter has persuaded you to start caring for the truth or to admit your grievous error. There's clearly not much money in that for a "journalist" such as yourself. But I supposed there is a small part of me that hopes that any reasonable person who claims to be defending our society's very moral fiber would realize that lies and a blind allegiance to our own beliefs born of ignorance are what will eventually destroy America.
Here's hoping that you'll decide to stop being part of the problem.

Can Game Companies Learn from Apple?
Comment by: IronsUK
Nominated by: swirldude

The Xbox 360 blades are not difficult for anyone. My cat was sniffing around my controller the other day and before I know it she had started downloading "Small Arms" and had messaged all my friends with "Meow".

More Mass Effect Political Dickery
Comment by: Jmontilla2786
Nominated by: LuisRM

I sometimes wish the banhammer existed for these kind of people....

Hyper Multi-Tap: A Week In Comments
Comment by: Kirbytheslayer: (insert post-commenting name phrase here)
Nominated by: indiemike

My aim is to get onto Multi-Tap by one of my Multi-Tap Comments.

So here is my classic Article:
"Handle Prejudice"

Hello, this is Kotaku Regular KirbytheSlayer
I was recently on Kotaku, and came upon an article regarding a young
man named "xxxGayboyxxx" who went on Xbox Live in Pink Halo 3 armor to
record the bias and hatred directed against homosexuals on gaming
networks.
Inspired by his dark struggles, I decided to attempt a similar
experiment to expose any prejudices that gamers might be holding
inside of them. To do so, on a popular gaming blog, I changed my
username for comments to
"Kirbytheslayer: Is 16 years old, male, enjoys video games, is
heterosexual, enjoys doing absurd things to prove a point, and has a
ridiculously long user name's profile", and posted as usual on the
site for 24 hours.
The results were shocking. I was insulted, demeaned, my ideas were
ignored,many people refused to respect me based off of my merits, but
instead chose to hate me simply because of my username, and some went
as far as demanding that I get my username off of "their" website.
Keep in mind, this was in a small, 24 hour period, on a site reputed
for being tolerable, and I received such horrible bigotry against me.

Here are the comments about me in question(Included in their entirety
for authenticity):

1. BY DAVEKAP AT 10:29 PM

Oh man... and here I am, never wondering if my clothes go together
because I just don't care.

This explains a lot... :(

@Kirbytheslayer: Is 16 years old, male, enjoys video games, ...:
Why-the-hell-are-you-making-your-name-so-damn-long-in-order-to-prove-a-point-when-you-could-have-easily-sent-an-e-mail-to-the-webmaster-of-the-site-instead?

2. BY JESSE7150 AT 08:03 PM

@Kirbytheslayer: Is 16 years old, male, enjoys video games, ...: I
just wanter to @ your name.

3. BY CHAINLINK13 AT 08:14 PM

@Kirbytheslayer: Is 16 years old, male, enjoys video games, ...:
Wasn't that the point of changing your username to a ridiculously long
username? Attention-whore!

4. BY THERETURNOFTHEUFO AT 09:59 PM

@Kirbytheslayer: Is 16 years old, male, enjoys video games, ...: I
wanted to reply to your username simply to see if it would explode the
comment box :]

5. BY VIZION AT 07:15 PM

@Kirbytheslayer: Is 16 years old, male, enjoys video games, ...:

Pretty sure you're going to have to change your name

6. BY EMERALDDRAGON AT 12:39 AM

Okay, odd...

@Kirbytheslayer: Is 16 years old, male, enjoys video games, ...:

I feel as if I am missing something on this one, but I'm not sure I
want to know what it is.

7. BY SPAINLAND AT 01:01 AM

@Kirbytheslayer: Is 16 years old, male, enjoys video games, ...: I
just finished reading the comments, and then i see this, and couldnt
stop laughing

8. BY KUZUBOSHII AT 01:24 AM

@Kirbytheslayer: Is 16 years old, male, enjoys video games, ...: Dude
you have a really long username. Like a silly long, no wait, what is
the word I am looking for? Amazingly long? No, ludicrously long? No,
splendorously long? No, man I can't find the right word to describe
how long your username is. Wait, I know! r-, r-, yes that's it!
Retarded! That's the word I was looking for!

9. BY NIGHTSSTUDIO AT 02:10 AM

@Kirbytheslayer: Is 16 years old, male, enjoys video games, ...:

What the heck is up with your name?

10. BY FURIOUS_LIVER AT 12:34 AM

@Kirbytheslayer: Is 16 years old, male, enjoys video games, ...: HAY
KIRBYTHESLAYER: IS 16 YEARS OLD, MALE, ENJOYS VIDEO GAMES, IS
HETEROSEXUAL, ENJOYS DOING ABSURD THINGS TO PROVE A POINT, AND HAS A
RIDICULOUSLY LONG USER NAME, I HERD UR ONE OF THOSE DUMBFACES WITH
LONG LOSER NAMES LOLL! R U GONA STUPIDFACE US TO DEATH WIF UR LONG
NAME AND HETEROSEXUALITY LMAO!

11.Y JULIUSMODE AT 02:12 AM

@Kirbytheslayer: Is 16 years old, male, enjoys video games, ...: For
all I know you could still be a 16-year-old heterosexual homicidal
Irish pink blob. And I can't believe I just typed that sentence.

12. BY CEILINGFANBOY AT 10:59 PM

I have a feeling that this may be the beginning of a length limit to
our Kotaku usernames.

13. BY SQWERELL AT 11:19 PM

@Kirbytheslayer: Is 16 years old, male, enjoys video games, ...:
Long username is looooooooong.

Also, Pachter is the Nostradamus of gaming. Only accurate.

14. BY CLARKE AT 11:31 PM

@Kirbytheslayer: Is 16 years old, male, enjoys video games, ...: I've
seen longer names.

Want to nominate comments? Send to tips any insightful or funny comments you read from other commenters. (Read: NOT YOURSELF). Be sure to include the post's URL, the commenter's page, the actual comment and your commenter page. Failure to include them means we won't either!

Also know: Dip into tool territory and we'll ban yer ass. And quick!


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