Jizz Mopping Through The Dildo Wonderland

Jizz Mopping Through The Dildo Wonderland

Postal III ups the Postal bar. And that’s not easy! Sure, the upcoming third-person Postal title features franchise standards like setting people on fire and shooting the crap outta everything. Postal III offers new weapons like the Badger Saw. (Instead of simply carrying around a chainsaw, the Postal Dude packs a large badger, which he uses to shred people to bits.)

This time around, the Postal Dude gets his first job in a porn shop/strip club, working as a jizz mopper with a vacuum cleaner strapped to his back. The Postal Dude sucks up drenched tissues and can fire them at things like portly soccer mums who are protesting porn or pole dancing strippers, drenching both in, um, white goo. However! It’s not possible to suck up porn shop dildos or butt-plugs or fists with the vacuum cleaner. Running With Scissors honcho Vince Desi says:

We’re confident the game will get a Mature rating and not an Adults Only.

Apparently, Running with Scissors has been having the game checked to see if it meets the Entertainment Software Rating Board’s Mature rating standard. And according to Running with Scissors, it’s okay to show a porn shop stacked with adult novelty goods, but it is not okay to use them as weapons. Doing so would make the game Adults Only. But sucking up soiled tissues in a vacuum cleaner and shooting white glop all over dancing girls is apparently totally kosher for Mature. Kooky!

The E3 build still looks and feels very early. The AI isn’t quite there yet, but the other stuff certainly is. Oh! The game features celebrity cameos like the Village People’s original cowboy Randy Jones who leads up a gay biker gang. Desi says there will be more cameos from well-known actors and politicians as well. The game is using the Valve Source Engine and is being co-developed by Running With Scissors and Russian developer Akella. Currently, the plan is to release the game first in Russia on the PC sometime next year and then in North America.


  • Not every game can be Psychonauts. Just like with films & books, there’s room (and a market) for complete trash.

  • @Mascott:

    By 2003, you really mean end of 2004 – as that is when the first source engine game was released. I love number fudging.

    And I think when Portal, Team Fortress 2 and HL2 episode 2 came out, it was clear that not only was source still completely adequate for current games, it also showed that you don’t need bleeding edge graphics to make an excellent game. Crytek further emphasised this point in Crysis by showing that great graphics do not make a good game.

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