WIN! Dawn Of War II And Limited Edition T-Shirt

dawn of war 2 artwork 20090218.jpg

To celebrate the release of Warhammer 40K: Dawn Of War II today, the kind folks at THQ have handed me five copies of the PC game and five limited edition 40K t-shirts. Rather than keeping them for myself, I figured it'd work best to give them away.

DoWII tee.JPG

That's the t-shirt, btw. And when we say "limited edition", we mean there were only 400 made. And we've got five of them. Not too shabby at all. So, how do you enter this thing? In the comments below, you will finish this joke:
"So, a Space Marine, an Ork and a Tyranid walk into a bar..."

Got it? The five entries to raise the loudest laugh from the Kotaku judges will win. You've got until Wednesday next week to demonstrate your comic genius.

[Terms and Conditions]


Comments

    So, a Space Marine, an Ork and a Tyranid walk into a bar all looking a bit embarassed. After an inquiry from the bartender they explain that 'Little Sister' got a hold of the paints and now they are know as the 'Rainbow 3'.

    So, a Space Marine, an Ork and a Tyranid walk into a bar... as they all got up they red the Sign "watch head, Low lying objects ahead"

    So, a Space Marine, an Ork and a Tyranid walk into a bar, the Barman seeing trouble quickly gets on the phone "This looks like job for the A - team"

    So, a Space Marine, an Ork and a Tyranid walk into a bar. The bartender asks the space marine "what's your poison?". The space marine bursts into tears and screams "MY UNDYING LOVE AND GRATITUDE FOR THE ALL MIGHTY EMPEROR" whilst firing his heavy bolter into the air. Perplexed by the response, the bartender hands the space marine a beer and pushes him out the door. He moves on to the ork and asks "what's your poison ork?". The ork begins to shake with rage and then screams "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" whilst lobbing choppas at the other bar patrons. Once again perplexed, the bartender hands the ork a beer and pushes him out the door. Finally the bartender moves on to the towering tyranid that stood at the end of the bench, eyeing hungrily everything that moved within the bar. Petrified the bartender stammers out "what's your poison, tyranid?". The tyranid stares the bartender directly in the eyes and says "nothing for me thanks, im driving those two".
    Wakka wakka.

    So, a Space Marine, an Ork and a Tyranid walk into a bar... but the Ork randomly gets disconnected from "Games for Windows Live" and they are all booted back to the main menu. :(

    So, a Space Marine, an Ork and a Tyranid walk into a bar...at that exact same moment Ripley, a Predator and a Xenomorph walked into the bar from the opposite door...
    It was love at first sight!

    So, a Space Marine, an Ork and a Tyranid walk into a bar and notice there is one stool left. The Space marine suggests to play rock, paper, scissors but then Ork says, "Stop all this nonsense. Lets just flip the stool over."

    So, a Space Marine, an Ork and a Tyranid walk into a bar in Alice Springs.
    The bartender goes "Get out of here, we don't serve your kind here" and throws the black space marine out.

    Poor Salamander Chapter. No

    So, a Space Marine, an Ork and a Tyranid walk into a bar, i forgot the rest of the joke but your mums a whore.

    So, a Space Marine, an Ork and a Tyranid walk into a bar... The bartender goes "we've got drinks named after you"

    The Tyranid replies "What Trevor?"

    So, a Space Marine, an Ork and a Tyranid walk into a bar...
    Tyranid: Grnkkkragh!
    Ork: He doesn't like you.
    Space Marine: Sorry.
    Ork: I don't like you either! You just watch yourself! We're wanted men. I have the death sentence on twelve systems.
    SpaceMarine: Hang on...isn't that from...
    Ork: You'll be dead!
    Spacemarine: But.. I didn't, I...
    Tyranid: Ha ha! man, I've been waiting years to do that one!

    So, a Space Marine, an Ork and a Tyranid walk into a bar.
    The Tyranid quickly asks the bartender where the power outlets are then runs off. The Ork demands to know where the peanut resources are kept. The Marine calmly orders three drinks, slams them down, then smiles saying "I win".

    So, a Space Marine, an Ork and a Tyranid walk into a bar. The bartender, thankful that he paid his insurance last month, goes up to the Space Marine, who shouts, "Hurry man, give me a beer before the problems start!" The bartender turns pale, casts frightened glances at the Ork and Tyranid, quickly pushes a beer in front of him and leaves without even asking for money.

    He then approaches the Ork, who snarls, "Oi! Gimme dat beer before dem problemz start!" The barkeep looks nervously at the Space Marine and Tyranid, and serves him straight away, gratis.

    Lastly he goes to the Tyranid, who hisses, "Beeeeerrrrsssss! Before the problemsss!". The bartender checks the other two, but they're sipping their beers and sitting quietly, showing no signs of violence. So the bartender relaxes a little, and says, "Alright, but who's going to pay for all these beers?"

    The Tyranid rolls his glowing eyes and says, "Sso, now the problemss sstart."

    ...and the bar tender asks 'Why the long faces?', and the Tyranid holds of the faces of the space marine and the orc and says, 'yeah, they got all stretched when I pulled them off, that plus the screaming, still taste okay though'.

    So, a Space Marine, an Ork and a Tyranid walk into a bar. The Space Marine asked the bartender, "Hail! Do you serve Orks here?" The bartender said, "Yes, we do!"

    "Excellent," replied the Space Marine. "I'll requisition a beer, and another Ork for my Tyranid over there."

    So, a Space Marine, an Ork and a Tyranid walk into a bar. They all slump dejectedly into seats together, looking beaten down and weary.

    The Space Marine motions to the barkeep and speaks in a broken voice,

    “I speak on behalf of the three of us when I say this. For months we have known nothing but war. I have seen close friends throw down their lives by the Emperor’s will. I am four days without sleep.”

    He motions to the Ork beside him.

    “My friend here is the last of his clan, having seen his whole family massacred and his home razed. He is a broken creature”

    The Ork nods glumly, as the Space Marine motions to the Tyranid.

    “…and our friend over here is frightfully ugly.”

    The Tyranid looks down in dismay, the Ork patting him on the upper posterior thorax.

    All this time the barkeep has said nothing, but remained quiet and observant. The Space Marine continues,

    “All we ask is for a beverage for each of us - gratis, as we have no money to speak of. Is this possible good sir?”

    The barkeep clears his throat and speaks,

    “Your tale is a sad one, but I cannot grant your request. I work for Midway, and things are pretty screwed around here, so pay up or get out.”

    So, a Space Marine, an Ork and a Tyranid walk into a bar...
    BLOOD for the BLOOD GOD!

    So, a Space Marine, an Ork and a Tyranid walk into a bar and order some beers.
    The Bartender thinks to himself easy money here and prompty charges them 60 credits.
    Bartender: We dont get many Orks, Tyranids or Marines in here.
    Space Marine: Im not surprised with these flaming prices!

    So, a Space Marine, an Ork and a Tyranid walk into a bar and it all plays out with a tedious enevitability.

    "So, a Space Marine, an Ork and a Tyranid walk into a bar..."

    They all sit down disgruntled.

    The Space Marine says:
    "I'm the smartest Commander out of all the chapters! How do I show that darn emperor that I have the skill?"

    The Ork turns to the Marine and says:
    "I'z da strongest Ork dere iz! How do I show that warboss without killin' 'im?!"

    The Tyranid angrily shouts:
    "You guys think you have trouble! I'm the most popular alien race around, massing in huge numbers, also being super pretty, We're way more awesome than Kroot & Vespids! We have claws everywhere and have the

    coolest paint scheme, no matter the colour! But no one seems to to think so, There's no equal to our awesome!"

    A few moments later, a shady looking Eldar Farseer with a worn out cloak, ragged hair and a bad smell, walks over to their table.
    "I have just the thing for all of you!"

    "We'll not fall for your potions and tricks witch!" -says Space Marine.

    "Oh no no no, No elixirs here my friends, Take... Take one of these mirrors each, and when the clock strikes midnight and a new day is beginning, ask the mirror who is the smartest, or the strongest, or the

    most awesome in ALL the lands!"

    So they each take their mirror and continue on the night.

    A few nights later, they are in the bar again with smiles all upon their faces, nearly.

    The Space Marine breaks out first excitedly "IT WORKED! I am the smartest Force Commander of them all!"

    Cracking his knuckles, The Ork pipes in "WAAAARGH! I'm the STRONGEST in the lands, no one's gonna lay a finger on me and if they try, they're dead!"

    ...and then a pause...

    "So Tyranid? What did you find out?"

    The Tyranid says dismally, with a frown on his face... "What the hell is a Zerg?"

    So, a Space Marine, an Ork and a Tyranid walk into a bar. The bartender says, "No, not after last week. Get out you three."

    So, a Space Marine, an Ork and a Tyranid walk into a bar...
    the Bartender asks "WHY THE LONG FACE?"
    To which they all reply, "OUR LIKENESS CHEQUES FOR 'SPACE CRUSADE' BOUNCED.

    So, a Space Marine, an Ork and a Tyranid walk into a bar... and cry because they hurt their legs. Pussies.

    "So, a Space Marine, an Ork and a Tyranid walk into a bar...The Space Marine orders a dry martini but before he can even touch it the Tyranid drinks it all. The Tyranid shrugs and says, “What do you expect? I’m a gin-stealer.”

    And are all killed by the inquisition.

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