Alcohol Use to Benefit Sales of Poor Quality Games

an-example-of-the-effects-of-gaming-under-the-influenceAustralia gamers are more likely to purchase and play poor quality videogames when under the influence of alcohol, a recent study revealed.

The study showed that gamers who regularly consumer two or more standard drinks of an evening are 20% more likely to invest time and their hard earned dollars in games that have received lower than average review scores from gaming media.

Chief Medical Officer Miguel Kold-Labia, chairing the research project into alcohol use in gaming believes that alcohol impacts the gamers sensory perception, making it more difficult to discern between good and bad elements of a video game.

“The gamer can develop a type of double vision and numbing of the overall senses through prolonged alcohol use, said Dr Kold-Labia. “We used a number of different titles and videogame platforms in our research. The clear standout product that benefitted from effects of alcohol use was the 2007 release Vampire Rain.”

Dr Kold-Labia claims that alcohol fuelled gamers were 20% more likely to purchase the critically slammed Vampire Rain (achieving a dismal 38.98% average review score on – and 30% were more likely to repeat play the following session.

Dr Kold-Labia had a clear message to gamers thinking about continuing alcohol use while gaming or prior to purchasing products at retail “The message is clear, alcohol and games don’t mix – don’t drink and game or you may end up with a copy of Vampire Rain”

This post was reader Miguel's entry in our Heineken Keg competition. Stay tuned for more.


    This is hilarious.

    Has anyone played Vampire Rain? I never thought twice about it with that coverart.

    doctor cold labia? bahahhahahaha

    While the idea that people get wasted and stumble into EB to buy crap games, I don't really buy it.

    I'd be willing to bet that 'hardcore' gamers- the ones who research their game purchases to ensure quality purchases, are heavily committed to their favourite games etc, probably drink less than 'casual' gamers- the ones who fork out for turdburger games- due to their lifestyles. "Regular Joes" probably spend a lot more time out socialising in pubs/clubs/parties, so will naturally consume more alcohol on a regular basis than their shut-in-playing-wow brethren.

      Er... and now I realise it was fake. Nice writing, Miguel.

      (Though really, it's probably entirely true anyway)

    In other news, JB Hifi has recently applied for a liquor license, citing gamer demand for the service.

    Good, I guess.

    Professional format, but the abundance of typos/grammatical errors, as well as lack of links, throw me off believing this is a story. Just the first two paragraphs made me stop reading...

    More than I could do, as fair as a story off the top of my head, so you at least get some points for that. :P

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