In the Onion version of the universe, the Consumer Electronics Show is happening right now. The show's most important development? The announcement of new technology that can "render average-sized breasts on female video game characters."
New advancements in boob-modeling middleware could potentially allow for digitally-sculpted cans "as small as B-cups," reports the respected news outlet. Sounds unbelievable to us, but if someone can managed to pull off something smaller than a pair of double-Ds in a game without the need for new hardware, we're all for it.
Unfortunately, the Onion says that the tech is hardware dependent, meaning that until widespread developer support hits, its huge, motorboating-worthy jugs for all digital females. *sigh*