Five Steps To Total Pwnage Of A Gamer Girl’s Heart

Five Steps To Total Pwnage Of A Gamer Girl’s Heart

So you’re at your local LAN tournament and you’re totally stoked about playing World of Warcraft, Unreal Tournament or Halo for the next 48 hours straight.

You’ve got your modded out gaming system, your supply of guarana-infused energy drinks, and even your USB drink cooler. The nearest pizza joint is number one on your speed dial, and you are ready to kick some major arse.

You get all set up, when all of a sudden, out of the corner of your eye, you see a super hot chick standing by a really sick gaming system. Some guy’s babe of a girlfriend must be dropping him off before she heads to the department store to go shopping, you think to yourself. Then you realise, holy shit, that water cooled, dream machine is hers, and she’s here to game.

Over the next couple of hours you find it hard to focus on bashing and raiding. How do you get her to notice you over the havoc she is creating online?

Unfortunately, many guys will give up without ever trying. Much like WoW, dating is a game – a game which requires strategy and patience.

Think about your possible moves and think about the positive and negatives. Pick up lines are generally a negative. For example: “Mind if I run a sniffer to see if your ports are open?” or, “Hey sweetie, you know, I’m hung like a Tauren”. While I would definitely laugh my arse off, these lines would not elicit the necessary amount of swoon to get my number.

Quitting without trying is not an option! You’ve actually got to do something and do it with confidence. As Charles Kettering said, “Believe and act as if it were impossible to fail.” This is the number one key to picking up girls – you have to act like you are the perfect man for them, they just don’t know it yet. So for those of you that are ready to claim the prize, here’s my top five suggestions for picking up a sexy geek goddess at a LAN tournament:

1) Go talk to her about her system and ask plenty of questions so she has a chance to explain. Don’t assume that she doesn’t know her stuff – she could probably describe the differences in AGP vs PCI slot architecture better than most guys you know. If there’s one thing to know about female gamers, it’s the fact that they have honed their craft meticulously to be able to hang with the guys. Asking questions shows your interest and gives her a chance to talk while you try to keep your shit together.

2) Offer her some of your energy drinks or pizza. There is nothing more romantic than offering a girl a nice, refreshing taste of your Bawls… or Red Bull. Just don’t shove your own face with five pieces of pizza while attempting to carry on a stimulating conversation with her, of course. Remember your manners and use a serviette, please. Even if she has her own food, this shows that you are interested and thoughtful.

3) Try messaging her in game if you can’t quite work up to actually going over and chatting her up. This is especially effective if she is so cute that you need a chance to get your thoughts together. It also allows you to filter some of the things that nerves may otherwise shoot out of your mouth. Just make sure that you know without a doubt that you’re messaging her, and not some dude. That could be bad.

4) Plant a fake virus on your friend’s computer, and then come to the “rescue” very loudly and triumphantly as she looks on. Appear to save his computer from sheer and utter demise, and then hope that she is attracted to your knightly tendencies. Just make sure that while you’re saving your friend’s computer, he doesn’t go over and talk to her first.

5) There is one more option that I’ve left until last. This is only for the true risk takers – the champions of their own destiny. Are you sitting down? Because here it is: You actually go over and tell her what’s on your mind. Tell her that you noticed her and that you think she’s intriguing, or interesting, or just plain hot. Let her know that you want to chat with her, or just play with her (notice my pun). Yes, guys, this strategy actually works. Letting a girl know that you’re interested, and the fact that you had the balls to actually say it, will make you highly exciting and sexy to her. Please note that the difference between this and a pick-up line is honesty. Once you’ve opened the airways of communication, maybe then you can make her giggle with the Tauren line.

So there it is, the five steps to complete and total pwnage of a gamer girl’s heart. Follow these suggestions and I guarantee that you’ll find a long lasting relationship. Well, I can’t actually guarantee anything, but hey, if it doesn’t work, you still have me and online porn at and to keep you company!

Self-proclaimed nerd Raven Alexis is a huge sci-fi gadget and gaming fan. Raven also spends hours online maintaining her web pages, interacting with fans, and levelling her World of Warcraft characters. The owner of the original websites and, Raven signed on with Digital Playground earlier this year.

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