Last week, a job ad went up on Seek calling for biotic-powered super soldier recruits to save the human race. Despite obviously being some viral marketing for Mass Effect 2, it seems plenty of people replied. Wanna see who?
The ad was pulled by Seek for being a hoax after being live for around 24 hours. We've managed to get our hands on some of the cover letters sent in by over a hundred prospective super soldiers. You'll find a few of our favourites below.
Kotaku reader Matt was one of the applicants. He even got a reply back from Cerberus. You can read their email at the bottom of the post.
Chuck Norris. Enough said.
I'd like to apply for the position of Biotic-Powered Super-Soldier. I have well over 80 confirmed kills and can work in any environment. I am extremely flexible and can work in teams, and have an ability to improvise and adapt to any situation.
My accomplishments include destroying ring worlds and saving Earth and humankind. While I haven't used the MC-77 Missile Launcher or the X-8A Avenger Assault Rifle, I am extremely proficient with the MA5C ICWS Rifle, M41 SSR MAV/AW Rocket Launcher and SRS99D-S2 AM Sniper Rifle as well as other non-human weapons.
I will provide my own MJOLNIR MARK-V armour.
Please contact my personal assistant Cortana to arrange an interview time.
Master Chief John-117
I love to shoot shit and sci-fi rules, hook a brother up
I would like to submit my interest in your recently advertised position of 'Biotic-Powered Super-Soldier', as listed on Seek.com.au
While I am currently employed in a technical capacity within the real-estate sector, and have had no direct experience in the mercenary-for-hire field, I feel that the skills and work history I have acquired within an office environment provide me with a number of strengths that will translate well to a death & destruction oriented role.
While I have yet to work on an intergalactic-scale, I have demonstrated experience working with lawyers, sales staff and librarians - certainly the most wretched and dangerous scum found on the planet Earth. I feel this has prepared me to take the next step and work on an inter-planetary and inter-galactice level.
In a number of my previous roles, I was directly responsible for the planning and implementation of a number of small office pranks, in one case even bringing about the destruction of a whole coffee-mug. As enemy aliens and coffee-mugs are very similar in operation, I feel I could certainly be a valuable member of the team in this regard.
I have not yet saved the human race, but I have attended the course, and hope to take the exam within the next 3 months.
Key experience and skills: * 12 confirmed, 132 unconfirmed kills (and a fear of ever recieving another goldfish as a birthday present) * Extensive hands-on experience with the STN-36B Desk Drawer (and caddy attachment), PT-7 Office Chair, AND M1N3 Power Stapler. As you would be aware, these equipment certifications are directly transferrable to the MC-77 and X-8A * Well-documented hands-on approach to 'frowning slightly as if annoyed'. While certainly my weakest skill, I feel in the correct environment, and with the right guidance, I could certainly shine in the area of killing.
In summary, I am self-motivated individual with a goal-oriented approach, and would welcome the opportunity to transition into a successful role as a Biotic-Powered Super-Soldier with Cerberus. I bring a wealth and knowledge with me that would have an immense effect on the table, perhaps even on a massive scale.
I look forward to hearing from you in the near future.
To whom it may concern,
I am a hard and dedicated worker an I thrive in even the harshest of conditions. I don’t take no for an answer and I never back down. I am proficient with over 200 forms of weaponry and 5 styles of unarmed combat.
I don’t think I am perfect for the position you currently have open, I know it.
You have 3 standard days to reply with positive confirmation or I will find you and I will take my job from your cold dead hands.
Warmly yours, XXXXXX XXXXXX
And attached resume:
Objective To obtain the perfect headshot everytime
8 years of ‘customer service’
Excellent written and verbal communication skills, with an eye for detail
Extremely productive in a high volume, high stress, environment
Self starter with a can do attitude
1999 – Current – Casual Hitman
For the past decade I have been in and out of contracts constantly with a kill total now ranking around the 93 area. I have never missed a mark and my employers are always pleased with my work, often providing bonuses for a “job well done”.
1997-1999 – McDonalds – Counter hand
I was charged with serving customers and allocating orders. While I enjoyed my time with the Mc Donalds corporation, my employment came to a sudden halt when I shot my Manager in the heart at point blank range… and then once again in the head “just to be sure”.
J. Chan school of martial arts – 1999 – 2001 Graduate with honors
Sgt. Slaughters house of pain – 2000 – 2002 Graduate with honors
Advanced diploma of killing 2003-2006 Graduate with honors
Monash University – Occupational Health and Safety – 2003 – 2004 Graduate with honors
And here's the reply Matt received from Commander Shepard herself:
Thank you for your interest in the role with Cerberus to save all of human kind,
We are reviewing your application and will be in contact with you if there is interest.
580 kills eh? That's rather impressive. You wanna join me on my quest to fight for the lost? A noble cause you voice. But do you really have what it takes to battle a most heathen of enemy in some of the most rugged and unforgiving terrain? uh-huh I hear you say. Yeah, we'll see. The life of a mercenary is one of loneliness and self-dependence - you cant trust anyone, even me. Trust will get you killed boy. Should you be the successful applicant for our merc job, you will be issued with all you need to defeat the scum of the galaxy, including Terminus armour.
In the meantime please head to www.Masseffect2.com.au for more detail on the mission.
To view other applicants' responses, please go to http://fight-for-the-lost.blogspot.com/
Save Mankind - Fight For The Lost
Yours Sincerely, Commander Shepard
Yes, I know it's another publicity stunt we fell for. But kudos to EA for coming up with something creative and even more respect for everyone who applied in such good humour. Let's hope there's more to come.