What 8-Bit Characters Would Really Look Like

Cracked takes a thoughtful look at what five iconic v8-bit video game characters would look like if their sprites were magically granted life. The results are just a wee bit disturbing.

If archaeologists in the far future unearthed a blocky, sprite image of Mega Man, what would they think? How would they translate the 8-bit into a real-life creature? Cracked's Robert Brockway uses deductive reasoning to determine just that, with often hilarious results.

Its facial features are roughly 70 percent eyes. Being a visually oriented hunter, this is clearly a valuable asset. We can also see the relative size of the mouth is greatly exaggerated. This suggests the Mega Man robot was likely powered on some sort of bioreactor, where the gaping mouth would allow the maximum flexibility in consuming energy sources. Look at the size of the energy containers, for example: They are roughly the width of his entire body. In order to consume power-ups like these, the Mega Man must have had the ability to unhinge its jaw, much like a snake, to accommodate the largest possible energy refills.

See? It makes perfect sense, sort of. Robert also takes on Q-Bert, a Space Invader, Pac-Man and Link. Let's see how Link turned out.

Well now I'm terrified.

Video Game Zoology: How 5 8-Bit Characters Would Really Look [Cracked - Thanks Irixyu!]


    Is that a penis on Mega Mans head?

    I dont understand where they are seeing the exaggerated mouth. Its just a single line of pixels?

    Well Lance, maybe if you read the article instead of simply looking at the pictures that would make sense.

    Its because of the fact hes a robot and has a mouth at all, they attribute it to being the way he recharges, and then because the power ups are so large that he would require a jaw that dislodges like that of a snake.

      I presume he was referring to this:
      "We can also see the relative size of the mouth is greatly exaggerated", which the author also uses as justification.

      But he may have been talking about the width of it, since it almost reaches around from one side of the face to the other.

      Anyway, weird article. That Pacman is going to give me nightmares.

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