WIN! A Mass Effect 2 PC Collectors Edition

WIN! A Mass Effect 2 PC Collectors Edition

Commander Shepard’s space opera continues on January 28 when Mass Effect 2 launches on Xbox 360 and PC. You’ll have ten chances to win a copy over the next week. Here’s how.

UPDATE: This draw is now closed.

We’ve got ten copies of Mass Effect 2 to give away. Specifically:

* 2 x Mass Effect 2 Collectors Edition (Xbox 360) * 5 x Mass Effect 2 (Xbox 360) * 1 x Mass Effect 2 Collectors Edition (PC) * 2 x Mass Effect 2 (PC)

Between now and Tuesday I’ll be offering up one or more of these to win each day. Today and tomorrow we have one PC Collectors Edition up for grabs, the last of the three PC copies we’re giving away.

In Mass Effect 2, Shepard recruits a squad of the galaxy’s most elite soldiers and assassins to undertake the most dangerous mission of all. To win a copy of Mass Effect 2, we want to know which six people (real, fictional or possibly not even people – we’ll be flexible here) you would recruit to join you on the most dangerous mission of all. Tell us which six people you’d pick and why they’re right for the job.

Leave your entry in the comments below. Multiple entries will be discarded and only your first entry will count. You have until midnight Sunday to enter. The winner will be announced on Monday morning.

Good luck!

And congratulations to the brilliantly insane Andrew Hobbs and the lust-filled Kelly for taking out Friday’s Xbox 360 copies.

Andrew Hobbs 1. A turtle. 2. Another turtle. 3. A cat. 4. A piece of toast. 5. Butter 6. Duct tape.

It is a well known fact that once a turtle is on its back, it cannot get up again. To solve this, I would duct tape the two turtles together, back to back. In this configuration, they would be unstoppable.

It is also well know that a cat always lands feet first, and toast always lands butter side down. With this in mind, a similar scenario to the afore-mentioned turtles plays out. I butter the toast, and duct tape it to the cats back, butter side up. Combined, these two forces will create something unnatural, and totally invincible.

With these six items combined, I would then duct tape the whole thing together. With the newly-created Caturtletoast, it would be almost too easy to rule the galaxy.

Kelly My team would consist entirely of buff men. (Or buff men in training.) This will help me get over the emotional scarring I recieved from Mass Effect 1, where my (I thought) heterosexual, female Shepherd had lesbian sex without my permission, when talking to the Consort. I mean, one minute we’re talking, and the next, wham, we’re doing it in cut scene. And when I played with a male Shepherd, there was unfortunately no reciprocal hot male/male scenes available. I was miffed that Bioware catered to the fantasies of its male/lesbian player demographic, but didn’t do anything for women (or gay dudes). Choosing between Kaidan, and a stupid Asari is not a choice. Even if Kaidan was awesome.

One guy is not a choice. So here’s six to choose from:

1) An alien of the, uh, Farari, species. These look like green, totally buff men. They’re like the Asari, but they’re men. Or like men. And hotter. Y’know. 2) Kaidan. He had a lovely, gravelly voice. 3) Carth. From Knights of the Old Republic 1. He had a lovely, gravelly voice. 4) Raphael Sbarge. He has a lovely, gravelly voice. 5) Sephiroth. The first of all my video game crushes. So beautiful and yet so tormented. Hug. 6) My ex-boyfriend. The World of Warcraft addict, who couldn’t make dinner dates because of his emotional over -committment to his guild. He needs to get into shape and there’s nothing like saving the universe to help him with that. He can carry all the luggage.

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Comments

  • 1. A

    2. B.

    3. Up.

    4. Down.

    5. Select.

    6. Start.

    With these guys in the right combination, I will have a ton of lives, and that’s enough for me.

    • I don’t know if you needed start or select in the original (Contra??)

      (The removal of start and select would allow you to have left and right)

      Unless you happen to be referencing something entirely different, or your two posts are one joke?

  • I’m tempted to repost my original list, but I am feeling whimsical.

    1) A Kaminoan engineer.
    2) A kaminoan scientist specialising in cloning.
    2) A male Ewok.
    3) Another male Ewok.
    4) A female Ewok.
    5) Another female Ewok.

    The engineer to construct a reasonable facsimile of kaminoan cloning vats. The ewoks to provide some a more random and diverse genetic sample. The scientist to mix me up an army of Ewoks. If a tribe of the mobile throw-rugs can take on a technologically superior force and win, an army of them should have the Reapers and Geth running like little girls inside a month.

  • 1. David Attenborough – the dulcet tones of everyone’s favourite nature documentary narrator would be a welcome distraction from mercenaries, aliens, ancient unstoppable machines and other galactic baddies. Plus, he’d be handy on uncharted worlds, excitedly describing the territorial instincts of wild Geth or the feeding habits of thresher maws (best not to wonder).
    2: An Internet Meme
    3. Wii Play
    4. A piece of toast.
    5) Sephiroth. The first of all my video game crushes. So beautiful and yet so tormented. Hug.
    6. there hasnt been a sixth winner yet. So God probably with god mode turned on

  • My stalwart defenders of the universe would be:

    1) The redshirt!
    Decked out in several extra red shirts under (and over) his armour, he will gallantly sacrifice himself to enemy henchmen to ratchet up the tension. This will also add to the plot armour of the rest of my party, for the rules of pulp sci-fi state that only one party member can die per heroic mission!

    2) The scientist!
    She hold an omni-disciplinary doctorate with a focus on plot-relevant technology. Able to speak any language, hack any security system, and basically be a reliable source of exposition for any situation that requires more knowledge than “Big scary thing, five rounds rapid!” Also, she’ll have cute nerdy glasses, because you can’t be a scientist without them.

    3) The easy-going big guy. Perpetually friendly in outlook, he does not know fear. This is probably because his biceps are the size of Uluru. Useful guy to have around in a scrap, though no one will be able to muster up the courage to find out where he acquired the (supposedly) vehicle-mounted cannon that he wields with ease.

    4) The Snarker. No one is quite sure how he has survived so far, seeing as he points out every single nonsensical thing from the appearance of ones uniform to questioning why we can’t just jump the waist-high fence over there. Luckily for him, he does it in a relatively amusing fashion.

    5) The Token Evil guy. This guy isn’t “I’ve downloaded a couple movies off bit-torrent evil”, he’d quite happily swap a kids pop-rocks with a live hand grenade to see if anyone would notice. Naturally, he was picked over many other qualified and (presumably) sane people to join the squad.

    6) The “Most Definitely Not A Wizard”. The psionic girl who seems to be able to do everything Gandalf could do, but makes sure you know that she’s not using magic, because that isn’t sci-fi enough. She may or not be mentally-disturbed, young, and (if Joss Whedon is involved) walk around barefoot while bearing an uncanny resemblence to Summer Glau.

  • MY TEAM IS EPIC
    1) GOKU
    2)God Zilla
    3)Super MAN (EPIC CANT DIE)
    4)CHUCK NORRIS (BECAUSE IF U HAVE $5 AND CHUCK NORRIS HAS $5 HE HAS MORE THEN U)
    5)MR.T (JUST TO EPIC)

  • 1. Casey Hudson (Executive Producer of ME 2): This guy holds all the answers, if I do get stuck or finds some difficulty in the game, all I have to do is ask him.

    2. A psychologist or psychiatrist: These guys are there to help my break of my inevitable addiction to Mass Effect 2. Furthermore, they could also console me if Shepard or my whole team gets obliterated at the end of the game, as I got really upset when Wrex (Best Sidekick ever) was shot on Virmire.

    3. A Computer Savvy Guy: To help me find the problems that may cause Mass Effect 2 to slow down on my (relatively) capable computer or cause it to crash. *Mass Effect 1 was full of bugs, took ages to fix, clashed with a bunch of Drivers and AVG Free Anti-Virus. Ugh, What a Nightmare, Got A couple of BSODs.

    4. My Mum: To convince me to eat, shower, go to the toilet, go out and everything else needed to stay alive until I finish the game at least once.

    5. Friends who are also obsessed with the Mass Effect Universe: So that we can gossip and chat like girls, but about the many different possible paths in the game that we all took, not about clothes and make up and stuff.

    6. An Assasin: To Kill all reviewers who chastise this game and those in Europe and The US and everywhere else who get the game earlier than Australia who ruin the plot for me

  • – Cl4P TP. Hes an interplanetary ninja assassin. Move other Thane!

    – The Cake. This would be our negotiator. Its a deceptive little bugger. Tricky to figure out.. unsure of its OWN existence.

    – DEFCON AI. Ability to drop nukes the second a certain timer reaches zero? Check. Able to do it mercilessly? Check. Complete disregard for the life of its given nation? Uh.. check? Can win wars with a nice games of chess? Check. Check? Check.

    – Bum fluff. Will come in handy. Polishing, induced vomiting, soft and warm.. you get the picture.

    – Vegimite. Combined with the bum fluff this is able to be smeared all over cat-toast thingys weighing them down, making them chunder yet still giving them a warm and fuzzy feeling thus rendering them useless!

    – Sticky notepad/post its. If im tasked with saving the universe then thats adds up to a lot of stress. Stress makes me forget things. Just slap ’em all through the ship, inside my helmet on my team and y’know.. with a spot of luck i wont forget to save the universe!

    Goooooo team! *Cheering*

  • 1. Bruce Cambpell – Bruce has shown that he can win against any type of adversary, be it zombies, spies or the Chinese God of War and Bean Curd

    2. Sherlock Holmes – If I can’t solve a puzzle in the game, I can just use old Holmes as my go to guy…hell, with him on the case I’ll probably be able to confront and defeat the main bad guy before the narrative tells me who he is.

    3. Doom Guy – He single-handedly defeated Hell..I mean, who else would you take? Also, I can still remember all of his cheat codes. (Note: If Doom Guy is unavailable due to being in Hell, Duke Nukem will be a capable substitute)

    4. Hot-Chick – Every team needs one of these, I’m pretty sure its actually a law…

    5. The Luggage – It can carry everything, withstand anything, and eat whatever gets in our way.

    6. Admiral Ackbar – Who else has a 100% chance to detect traps?

  • All these dumb entries – mine is legit and destined to win.

    1) Lindsay Lohan = Meat sheild (There will be a silence clause on her invite though)
    2) R2-D2 for sas from a non-black character.
    3) A clone of Bernie Mac for additional sas.
    4) Blanka from Street Fighter for any kind of interaction that Lindsay cant handle.
    5) The guy from Aliens who screams “Game over man, game over!” to add to the extreme nature of situations.
    6) My girlfriend cos she says we dont take enough trips together.

  • Thomas Edison
    Einstein
    Schrödinger’s cat, Dora
    Stephen Hawkings
    Regnidörhcs’ cat, Frank
    Element Zero

    Thomas Edison invented the first light bulb, which lit up Einstein’s thinking cap and thus allowed him to single-handedly create space-time.
    The sudden birth of space-time sparked Schrödinger’s brilliant mind to create a devious little box within which he placed his cat and then Edison’s light bulb borrowed from Einstein.

    As soon discovered, the box wasn’t all it was cracked up to be and Schrödinger’s cat ended up being both dead and alive. Schrödinger’s cat, Dora, travelled through several dimensions of reality before Stephen Hawkings caught up with her. He had a little peak to see whether Dora was indeed still dead-alive, but alas Dora had succummed to the dark energies of the universe and was finally declared truly dead once and for all.

    However, on her explorations, Dora had met Regnidörhcs’ little cat, Frank, and together they had irresistably made sweet mass effect. Hawkings searched for years for the source of this residual mass effect found within the box until he finally discovered Element Zero – Eezo – as the source of Edison’s ever-lit light bulb. Together with Eezo, Hawkings was able to use Edison’s Eezo-powered light bulb to propel Schrödinger’s box across Einstein’s space-time to rally them all together.

    Together this impossibly perfect team of six are able to conquer any hardships, non-death, interdimensional love or impossibilities the universe can throw at them.

  • Richard Dean Anderson: Taking skills from McGuyver and Jack O’Neill gives him alround viability. His elite army specialisation, experience on multiple worlds, and ability fighting galactic tyrants, mixed wtih the ability to turn anything into something useful.

    Allan Shaw: Being caught amongst a pile of bodies never looks good, and a lawyer with experience getting out of the hardest of cases as well as an ability to articulate anything into a plausible arguement will come in handy, so boston legal’s finest will come in handy

    Inspector Rex: Finding the bad guys requires skills, and this dog knows just how to sniff them out good. Plus making your party happy isnt easy, but animals are always easy to please and highly loyal. Dont bother with long conversations keeping this member in your party.

    Bloodrayne: Someone needs the looks on the team, and bloodrayne is the choice. This vampire can take them out at range or get in close for some nice melee action with her blades, making her useful in all situations as well as providing the looks.

    Chev Chelios (Jason Statham in crank): this man has put his body through a bit of everything, making him the perfect tank. even falling from a plane didnt kill this man, and clearly immune to poisons and electricity. Crank 3 may just yet see him have to set himself alight constantly or not breath until he finds a cure, but either way, his body is going to provide a unique tanking formula that no enemy is getting by easily.

    Vin Diesel: This man no actions. Every group needs an anti-hero helping out, and experience with riddick is going to provide multiple uses in this situation. Plus, someone needs to lead, and vin diesels experience from the pacifier is going to give him the edge in keeping this group on mission.

  • 1. USS Enterprise A
    2. USS Enterprise B
    3. USS Enterprise C
    4. USS Enterprise D
    5. Normandy (Enterprise E got blown up bloody quick anyway)
    6. USS Enterprise F (Was there an F? I haven’t watched a Star Trek movie after First Contact… I assume there is an F).
    While all of my 6 ships would either get destroyed in various installments or retired, or Spock would die, or Khan would get mad and Kirk would be like “KHAN!!!” I would still be part of the most explosive space tour in history!!!

    BOOM BABY!!!

  • 1. a xbox 360 – to play the game
    2. a xbox 360 controller – to play the game
    3. another 360 controller if multiplayer is required. a person would have to come with the controller its a bundle.
    4. 50 pack of red bull to stay alert
    5. a nice big ass recliner with a mini fridge built in on the side to keep the red bull cold. no one likes to drink warm red bull its just disgusting.
    6. a HD TV to get even better picture quality than real life

  • 1. The Hot girl (stereotypical white super model)
    2. The Annoying side-kick (black. really black. so black that every second word is Damn, shit, or that is wack!)
    3. The Big muscly quiet dude. (white with added steroids)
    4. The Sassy pilot (black and sassy. and a woman)
    5. The Teeky technician (pale white. also fills role of comic relief.)
    6. The Unnamed extra. (unimportant since he dies in the first ten minutes anyway)

    I’ve noticed that in all stereotypical science fiction movies, the good guys win. From this hunch, I conducted analysis of classic films and games and derived a direct and exponential relationship between a teams stereotypical…ness and it’s success. Given this mathematical evidence, I have thus chosen the the most stereotypical team possible, thereby ensuring near certain success.

  • Samantha Stephens (Bewitched)
    casting any standard variant of ‘silence’ or ‘entangle’ would barely phase this sassy sorcerous housewife; with just a wriggle of her nose she is capable of immediately dispelling or teleporting any corporeal form! Not to mention that anyone who gets on her bad side would likely suffer the wrath of her mother. Woe be to anything that pisses off Endora and isn’t capable of rolling a save higher than 22!

    Jeannie (I Dream of Jeannie)
    see above, only far more co-dependent and conveniently portable!

    Elminster (D&D Forgotten Realms campaign setting)
    Gandalf could do some tricks, but I somehow doubt he could pull a cancel move on the apocalypse with just a snap of his fingers. When some meddling kids during the Time of Troubles (one of whom eventually ascended to godhood I believe) accidentally set off a potential armageddon, good old minster El just popped over and plugged the leak in the chaos rift like a rare, punctual, arcane tradesman.
    Also to illustrate consistency with the aforementioned female witch demographic: he did spend some time during his youth as a woman.. but lacking the gender timeshare conflicts of Ranma.

    * honourable mention to Sabrina the Teenage Witch: her powers were never well enough developed for practical combat purposes, but damn Melissa Joan Hart didn’t look half bad in her princess Leia outfit O.o

    Core Commander (Total Annihilation)
    In a moral debate I would prefer to side with the Arm contingent, however anyone who has ever witnessed a force of 25 krogoth lumbering across the surface of a wartorn planet appreciated having them on side, as anyone else to witness so many as one most likely died in all manner of incendiary pain shortly thereafter. Methinks missions tend to prove marginally less dangerous when one’s ally only needs scrap metal and sunlight to build a functional base capable of manufacturing gargantuan robots capable of withstanding three and a half direct nuclear strikes apiece!

    Daniel Garner (Painkiller)
    The man is technically already dead, transforms into an invulnerable floating instagib assault cannon every 66 frags (or 50 with the right upgrade), and can use tarot cards to mix and match combat superpowers like damage amps and Matrix time! Also his arsenal already includes guns that shoot shuriken and lightning, 4ft wooden stakes, and with his expanded set can fire volleys of iron bolts and clusters of ping-pong grenades! (not to mention the anti-tank submachinegun with underslung flamethrower)
    ..oh plus the man KILLED SATAN WHILST HE WAS INVISIBLE AND ON ANOTHER PLANE OF HELL!!!

    Lord Nibbler (Futurama)
    I was originally going to continue the demon-transform theme with Illidan Stormrage (Warcraft III), but was convinced otherwise by a friend who said of Nibbler: “He can eat anything and poop it into a black hole!”. And I’m sure we can all appreciate the inherent usefulness of a cute sidekick critter with superintelligence, the ability to eat something the size of a Stargate, fecal matter that at various times can be used as propulsion or paperweight for starships and sheet metal respectively, and eye beams that can switch between neuralyzer and heat ray.

    An additional advantage to this particular selection is that, due to the ratings and standards of their respective source media, at least half of them are incapable of being injured beyond light bruising, but to avoid graphical violence double standards may also dematerialise (or consume) the remnant corpses of their fellows’ victims.

  • 1) Christian Bale’s voice – It’s f**king distracting.
    2) Megan Fox’s club thumb – It’s f**king… God! Just look at it!
    3) Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Mr Olympia body – It’s f**king imposing.
    4) MacGyver’s intelligence – It’s f**king amazing.
    5) The Predator – It’s f**cking deadly and f**cking hard to see.
    6) Bruce, the Rabbit – Test Subject – It’s the f**cking vessel.

    By combining parts 1 through 5 with part 6, I shall have created a gestalt entity in the vein of the Power Rangers, Captain Planet and Voltron (Lion-Force, not that crappy car one). With the ability of being f**cking distracting, imposing, deadly, hard to see and with the magic of Megan Fox’s club thumb, none shall prevail against my MegaF**cker (TM).

  • A mix of brains, beauty, brawn – fiction, & fact. Hard to say without knowing what “the most dangerous mission of all” is supposed to be; but I like to think that this team can handle anything:

    1 – Michael Crichton – the modern day Leonardo Da Vinci has been in seclusion preparing for this dangerous mission since the media reported his tragic death in 2008
    2 – Bean (aka Julian Delphiki) – a genetically modified tactical genius with a brain that knows no limits
    3 – Alyx Vance – the smartest, toughest, prettiest theoretical physicist I know
    4 – D0g – a walking tank always comes in handy
    5 – Iron Man / Tony Stark – the money could help; not to mention the suit and Tony’s brains.
    6 – Bear Grylls (Man vs. Wild) – ex-special forces, survivalist, TV personality

  • Sylvester Stallone
    Arnold Schwarzenegger
    Dolph Lundgren
    Mickey Rourke
    Jet Li
    Bruce Willis

    You see there’s a movie being made about this mission, it’s the called Expendables and comes out later this year

  • 1) Kamina Jeeha (Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann) – Leader of the pack.
    ANIKI! He will help us do the impossible, break the unbreakable. (Not to mention his raw ROWING potential should we encounter some body of water). Skilled at piloting a mecha and in pushing the potential of fellow teammates. Has a way with the ladies, should the need arise.

    2) Samuel L Jackson – Observant civilian. Provides comedic interludes, normally with various animals (snakes) in various confined spaces (mother-trucking planes).
    Of course, given his various other roles, he will be an adept fighter as well.

    3) Michael Jackson. – Who else could defuse situations with music? Plus he can mother-trucking MOON WALK. He would be awesome in space.

    4) Streex (Street Sharks) – A talking shark. Only made moar awesomesauce by putting him in space.
    A close combat expert.

    5) ???
    (Take this to be an entry of some sort of ninja)

    6) PROFIT.
    Need to pay for the expedition somehow.

  • Death: The Discworld Death, the best Death

    Pug, The Black Sorcerer: As the most power magic practitioner within many many worlds, explosion.

    Wedge Antilles: At the very least, even in the worst case scenario, he will survive anything. Also, a good pilot.

    FitzChivalry Farseer: Trained as an assassin, with the ability to Skill and the talents of a Witted one, he can confuse, obsfucate and kill even the most protected enemies.

    Belgarion: As the holder of the Orb of Aldur, the Child of Light and the Godslayer, he’s one warrior that can bull through the galaxy.

    Mara of the Acoma: With her political savvy, and her reputation for radical ideas that depart from tradition, her skills would smooth the wheels of diplomacy and bureaucracy with the ease of a hot knife through butter.

  • The first Mass Effect had the right people for the job, but the sequel is a very different beast:

    1. An Elevator Mechanic – ME2 has no more elevators… I’m guessing they’re broken. Who knows what we’ll find if we fix them.

    2. An Alleyway Gambler – ME2 has no more dice roll-based combat. We haven’t figured out what use it is yet, but it’s an RPG so somebody has to be rolling dice for something.

    3. A Therapist – Shepard’s gone all dark and brooding on us, even resorting to punching nearly every person he has a dialogue with. He needs therapy.

    4. A Bland Human Soldier – ME2’s characters are all really interesting, who’s going to be the throwaway human soldier with no real effect on the plot? I already killed off Alenko.

    5. Reggie Fils-Aime – To help me take breaks from the game every few hours by telling me that some good Wii games are going to come out… sometime?

    6. My Xbox Live Avatar – Seriously, I payed real money to give him N7 armour and he never gets to use it. Starting to feel ripped off…

  • 1. Obi-Wan Kenobi – for the quiet, Force-guided negotiation. That’s step one.
    2. Kratos – to look daggers at whoever resists or does not agree with Obi-Wan’s negotiations. Step two.
    3. GlaDOS – to promise huge amounts of cake. Step three.
    4. Dash – for pulling fast punches. Step four.
    5. The Joker – just because. Step five.
    6. TF2 Heavy Weapons Guy – for when all else fails, punching out all the blood.

  • 1. Kaylee- With all the intergalactic travel I’m going to embark on seems I should recruit the best and female-est engineer I can. The ability to pay her in strawberries is a bonus.

    2. Mal- I can’t imagine a scenario where traveling around for extended periods of time with Mal wouldn’t be the best trip ever. He would love the new interrupt system too, as long as he was interrogating someone near the ship’s engines of course.

    3. Jayne- Who knows how many planets this man has been Robin Hood to? I prefer to talk things out where possible and with Jayne on board I can only assume that finding peace with the colonies I come across will be much easier.

    4. Simon- In the off chance that Jayne isn’t hero to the people on one or two planets I can only assume a doctor would come in handy. Someone who cares for River could add some emotional drama too and who doesn’t love a bit of drama.

    5. Inara- Space is a big place, a place where it’s easy to feel alone. I’m sure Inara knows a thing or two about helping you overcome this loneliness if you know what I mean.

    6. River- Pretty obvious choice here. No power in the ‘verse can stop her, for one. Who even needs Jayne’s public relations when you have River at your disposal? A little crazy, sure, but with Simon at her side I’m sure the majority of that can be sorted out. She also doubles as a backup pilot and with Joker’s brittle bones this may be more important than most people think.

    We’d be big damn heroes, saving the universe and things. It was hard to exclude certain key members but Wash isn’t the leaf on the wind he used to be so I believe Joker may be the pilot of choice for now.

  • Having been an animal trainer for many years now (note: a lie), I have built up my own personal army of the night, consisting mainly of possums and feral cats. But if I had to choose six:
    1.A picture of a seven-legged spider. If David Thorne has taught us anything, it can be used as a form of universal currency.
    2.My dog. This one time she was chewing on something, which I figured was one of her toys. I pass by here a little later, and find the beheaded corpse of a small, plastic doll. She had cleanly beheaded the doll, and I couldn’t find the head. Her response? To look up happily and wag her tail. I would have asked her about it, but I have limited experience dealing with psychotic, possibly homicidal dogs.
    3.A velociraptor. If they can get over electrified fences, they can get through anything.
    4.Roger Jr. Quite seriously the only reason I picked up a copy of Tekken 6, which was to play as a kangaroo. Also involves a heartwarming tale of mother and son competing in a fighting tournament to earn an absurd amount of money and live very comfortably for the rest of their lives, much like Roger Sr, the deadbeat dad. Awwwwww.
    5.A Salmon. I figure: Case A, I meet someone with a seafood allergy, throw the salmon in their face, and I win. Case B: I meet a Canadian Brown Bear, throw the salmon somewhere not near me, the bear gets distracted by food, I run away. Between those two cases, I think that’s pretty much the entire galaxy accounted for.
    6.Speaking of bears, a Drop Bear. Such elusive and dangerous creatures, that’s for sure. It’s even thought the aquatic variant took Harold Holt. Serious stuff.

  • Six of the largest sumo wrestlers that the sport can spare me.

    The single-player focus of the game is a timely reminder that anyone who comes along for the ride with me is a glorified meat shield. With this in mind, I’m looking for colleagues who offer a very large “personal surface area” in order to maximise their performance as an absorber of energy bursts, small aimed projectiles and other miscellaneous shrapnel.

    The personal discipline inherent in sumo training should also be useful to stop them from acting on the understandable urge to run away when I tell them what happened to Kaidan last time I was in charge…

    (Side note: finding armor could be a problem. We might have to make use of some of the Normandy’s spare hull plating until we can get to a reputable armor dealer.)

  • 6 Lawyers

    Either a) they’d red tape everything, supoena/sue anyhing that stands in their way … imagine how much could be accomplished when 6 lawyers wark together!

    OR b) I’d be doing the world a favour when the mission fails

  • I would choose:

    – Jason Bourne: the ultimate assassin…except when kids are involved. But still superb hand-to-hand and weapons skills.

    – Spock: the best that science has to offer. Offering up the best advice that money can buy

    – Sam Kekovich: he’s Australian, and would make a fantastic lambassador and chef for Shepard and the crew

    – Bob Brown (Scott Foley’s character in ‘The Unit’): he looks like default Shepard, he’s elite special forces…well he might actually be Shaprd. The key is that two Shepards are better than one

    – Ben “Yahtzee” Croshaw (Zero Punctuation): we’ll call him Aussie, and he’d provide comic relief with a scathing review of enemies, missions, the crew…pretty much everything in the game. And he has a sweet hat

    – Jessica Alba: everyone needs a love interest! Please?? 😀

  • 1) Dr Who (Patrick Troughton)
    2) Dr Who (Jon Pertwee)
    3) Dr Who (Tom Baker)
    4) Leela
    5) Davros
    6) Tiger Woods (All that money and nothing to loose)

    This team has everything! For half of them you just need to check their pockets to see how well equiped they are. And the other half are time lords!

  • 1 – MacGyver
    2 – Duct Tape
    3 – A Spoon
    4 – A Knife
    5 – A Fork
    6 – Ball of String

    Macgyver, plus this combination of items means my team will be completely unstoppable. Actually, to be fair the Spoon/Knife/Fork is so I can have something to eat while old Macgyver is doing his thing; solving all of the galaxies problems is hungry work!

  • Oh Sam could also help get the crew to celebrate Intergalactic Australia Day. Especially important given the release date for Mass Effect 2 in the USA (Jan 26th) 😉

  • 1. The sex robot (Scary as hell to any living creature)

    2. MacGruber (SNL, experienced guy)

    3. A guy with a whole bunch of home supplies which aid MacGruber (making explosives and weapons)

    4. Toilet paper (some people would rather die then wipe without these)

    5. DVD’s with a cover of alien porn but with a disc of jonas brothers concert (to compell each of the aliens to rape each other, with the power of the jonas brothers shooting foam from hoses attached to their crotch)

    6. Bomb difusal robot (to hand the DVD’s to the aliens safely)

    An odd bunch, but they get the job done.

  • 1) Number 2 from Austin powers
    2) John Rambo
    3) Jay
    4) Silent Bob
    5) Hideo Kojima
    6) Yoda

    Number 2 will either stay on the Normandy or at the Citadel and cleverly invest all the currency that we know we are going to make, while Rambo will go and do all the missions by himself (just the way he likes it)
    Jay and Silent Bob will stay with me while we have the time of our lives while doing god knows what, (probably trying to follow indepth political conversations between Yoda and Kojima).
    Mr Kojima will chronicle our adventures and turn it into a series of video games that no one will understand but will love buying.
    And finally Yoda so we have a sense of credibility and so someone can translate for Rambo in a blind leading the blind kind of fashion.

  • 6)Crowbar – Half Life: There will always be crates. You will always need a crowbar. Sometimes you will get power-ups.

    5)Lightsaber – Star Wars (any): When a crowbar just won’t do… and those rare moments when storm troopers can aim.

    4)Gravity Gun – Half Life 2: You know… if you can’t be bothered finding Golden Power Gauntlets.

    3)M6D – Halo 1: Like a tiny sniper. How CUTE!

    2)Reaper(s) – Mass Effect 1: I may soon be indoctrinated, but all your base are belong to me.

    1)Ocarina of Time – Zelda: Kind of like Ctrl+Z (or the Sands of Time), but also handy for emulating a string orchestra.

  • As we won’t be going on the mission for some centuries, we must clone the ‘cream of the crop’ and use their clones in the great space wars.

    Also, because Australians will be revered in the future, due to excellent foreign policy decisions by all of our prime ministers, The team will be entirely Australian.

    Shaun Micallef (before he went on channel 10, although I don’t blame him. SBS probably told him to piss off. Plus, 10 probably actually pays him with money. This explanation is probably going to longer than why I want him.) – Shaun will be the brains of my team and the primary maker of pessimistic, satirical and ironic comments, all of which will make me lol.

    George Negus – Because he will say ‘ciao’ and then chuckle after every meeting/enemy he kills.

    Junglist – Because Junglist “IS THE FUTURE”.

    Helen Clark – Because I feel sorry for her and I don’t even know the name of the dude that replaced her. – Just for the record, this IS* a carefully planned, hilarious joke.

    David Wildgoose – He has a lovely, gravelly voice and an awesome talent for writing and humour. Plus, I don’t think I have the time to write all those entries in my journal.

    My mum – Because I won’t win anyway, so I shouldn’t bother doing a sixth one. Plus, she can’t drive or play videogames, so flying spaceships and shooting people/aliens should come naturally.

    People who didn’t make the cut, but deserve a mention:

    David Stratton was going to be the brains and the joker humour, but Micallef already got the job.

    Silvio Rivier (From global village) – Because you can read almost anything and imagine it in his voice. Didn’t make the cut because there was already too much SBS. He can narrate the movie.

    *meant to be

  • 1. Death.
    2. More death.
    3. Even more death.
    4. A slightly greater amount of death.
    5. Atomic powered death.
    6. Plus the maximum amount of death possible.

    In space ballads they shall know me as death wielder, the man with copious amounts of death, my enemies will experience unspeakable levels of death. I will surge through the galaxy riding a wave of glorious and fatal death which all who witness shall recognize my complete mastery of… I’m lost for a word here…

    Ask yourself. How could I lose?

  • 1. Gordon Brown – considered the most boring public speaker in the UK according to a recent-ish poll
    2. Harry Connick Jr (in the movie Copycat) – I have never successfully stayed awake during that movie
    3. Solid Snake (MGS4) – for having a cut scenes so long I fell asleep while watching them
    4. Queensland Rail – had a very boring train trip today
    5. King Henry VIII documentary narator – they always have such a smooth, calm voice that I usually end up falling asleep
    6. One of the learning and development team members from my work – they can take the most interesting subject and still have a room full of people struggling to keep their eyes open.

    How this team works – I send them in as an advance group while I stay behind and do something worthwhile (like playing Mass Effect 2). When they give the all clear I just carefully make my way through the sleeping enemies and complete the mission objective.

  • 1.Dr McNinja
    Both a doctor and a ninja how can you go wrong
    2.Sue Storm
    She can turn invisible and based on Mass Effect attractive women are essential
    3.Spiderman
    He already knows how to wear a skin tight suit
    4.Yogendra Singh Yadav
    http://www.cracked.com/article_17019_5-real-life-soldiers-who-make-rambo-look-like-pussy.html
    dude was tough
    5.HK-47
    a killer droid for killer droids plus you know he will be good for some banter
    6.squall
    he has attached a gun to a blade and called it a gunblade. That is the kind of creativity we need to win this.

  • 1. Someone Dumb
    2. Someone Smart
    3. Somone ugly
    4. someone hot
    5. somone super Tall
    6. somsone super small

    The smart one gets the dumb one to carry out all their plans even if they are suicidal.

    The ugly one gets rid of the unwanted attention
    The hot one gets the wanted attention

    The super Tall gets to all those high places
    The super small fits in those tight places

    These 6 simple people make the ultimate get anywhere you want, how you want, Team.

  • 1) Kirby (Any kirby game)

    Kirby is most likely the single coolest hero in all of gameworld. His power is the ablity to eat things, which, aside from being awesome to begin with has the positive side effect of allowing kirby to gain the powers of anything it eats. In this case, kirby could eat the collectors and shoot bees out of his mouth as he flies around trying to stop them.

    2) Halloween Motherfucking Harry. (Halloween Harry)

    This guy knows how it goes man, fighting through hoards of bad zombies with a myriad of weapons to save the girls in distress. Due to the trailer showing that ashley gets hurt at the start, Halloween harry obviously has a damsel to save, and will do so before completing the level. This makes him invaluable.

    3) The Core Commander (Total Annihilation)
    Okay, I dont know about you… but I think an RPG is about the struggle of a few people versing many. What if you could remove that obsticle in one foul move? The core commander would allow me to build an RTS style base on any map, and being core, allow me to build the mighty krogoth, a fiend I believe would be more then capable of taking out a reaper.

    4) Nina (Breath of fire)
    Nina is a princess with black wings. So not only does she look awesome and would play the perfect role as a love interest… she also has the ability to turn into a bird. This priceless ability would allow for us to get deep into the backlines where the normandy couldnt reach without the need for a bulky mako.

    5) Raz (Psychonauts)
    Forget bionics, with a Psychonaut on my team I wouldnt need any fancy element zero powers. This guy could go into the minds of perspective members and basically force them to join from inside. With the power to light things on fire, create an impenetrable shield just being the tip of his arsonel. This little camper would be handy in both offensive and defensive sides of the test.

    6) Guybrush Threepwood (Monkey Island)

    Now while it may not seem smart to enlist a sword wielding, wise cracking pirate onto the team.. it is moreso then you think. Guybrush is known to have SUPER deep pockets that can store basically ANYTHING. His pockets would allow the team to carry all armour and weapons into battle, without the need for storage lockers on the normandy. just put your hand deep into Guybrush’s Pants.

    Apart from this, we all know he is selling these fine leather jackets. Which means that there is an instant source of income for the group.

    So, there you have it, we have copycating, raw firepower, a hoard of allies on command, transportation, mental manipulation AND storage. All in the one team. This group of ragtag game charectors could beat ANY opposition

  • okay here goes

    1. R2D2
    2. Clap-trap
    3. Dalek
    4. Wall-E
    5. Bicentinal Man
    6. Robo Cop

    if not ill be happy with a can opener and some golden circle pineapple rings :)kthnx

  • Simon the Killer Ewok (Star Wars Galactic Battlegrounds) – A nearly invincible Ewok armed with a powerful blaster that could destroy anything he fired at. Would be the muscle of the team, and the closest thing we’d have to a midget.

    T-X (Terminator): A very sexy robot that had the ability to hack into, and take control of any machine she came across.She would be able to take control of any Reapers that appeared. Did I mention that she was sexy?

    Cheato (Banjo-Kazooie): Should killer Ewoks or sexy killing machines be unable to defeat our enemies, we’d just cheat. This flying book of cheats and unlockable would provide us eggs every morning, allow us to fly and make us invincible.

    Pyramid Head (Silent Hill 2): He has a giant sword and a head the shape of pyramid. Need I say more?

    Peppy (Star Fox): While fighting against hordes of Collectors there might just come a time where we’re under heavy fire and defeat seems certain. Luckily for us, we’ll have Peppy who will allow us to barrel roll our way to victory.

    John Cleese (Comedian): To provide entertainment just in case Bioware forgot to fix some of the horrible lift loading times.

  • 1 – Tyler Durden – excels at f**king shit up
    2 – Batman – hes batman damnit
    3 – Sam Fisher – king of steath
    4 – Jason Bourne – better than bond
    5 – Gordon Freeman – who knows what crazy ass aliens will show up
    6 – Serious Sam – for firing the really big guns, a lot.

  • 1. Claude Speed – Can steal cars
    2. Tommy Vercetti – Can break into cars
    3. Carl Johnson – Can hotwire cars
    4. Johnny Klebitz – Can boost cars
    5. Luis Fernando Lopez – Can swipe cars
    6. Niko Bellic – Tells us drugs aren’t cool in a subtle way, while lifting cars.

    Grand Theft Auto, I did say I’d been playing it this weekend.

  • 1. Pikachu – who doesn’t like the idea of taking a shot at the electric rat? great for diversions, or cannon fodder, or cannon ammo for that matter.

    2. A being comprised of duct tape and Twinkies – cause everyone knows duct tape can do anything, while a Family Guy says Twinkies can survive a nuclear holocaust, TV wouldn’t like about things like that…would it?

    3. Andrew Hobbs – Seriously 2 turtles duct taped back to back and a buttered toast cat hybrid, reality rending thinking like that could come in handy.

    4. The being known as “The Button”, every one has heard of “The Button” and “The Button”‘s supposed great powers, few have reportedly seen “The Button” so we also have surprise, we can’t lose, unless “The Button” turns out to be just some button…Nah.

    5. The prerequisite ‘hot survivor chick’ – they are seemingly nigh on invulnerable, yet their clothes are as fragile as a plastic bio-bag left degrading in the sun.

    6. Stereotypical black soldier – if the movies have taught me anything it is that in outer space conflicts the black guy always goes first giving me a higher chance of being the “other survivor”, along with hot survivor chick 🙂

  • My Six

    1. Fire
    2. Wind
    3. Water
    4. Earth
    5. Heart
    6. Goku

    1-5 can summon captain planet.
    If captain planet fails Goku can go super sayan 1 million and kick everyones asses.

  • 1. Geddy Lee
    2. Alex Lifeson
    3. Neil Peart
    4. A clone of Geddy Lee
    5. A clone of Alex Lifeson
    6. A clone of Neil Peart
    …DOUBLE RUSH!

  • Hadouken
    Shoryuken
    Tatsumaki Senpuukyaku
    Arcade stick
    12 year old child
    Creaming soda

    Instructions: teach child combos, feed child creaming soda, release now hyperactive child with arcade stick upon your enemies. (results may vary)

  • Here’s my own made up but ideal assortment of characters:

    1. Jack, the hot headed nano machine infused test tube made psychotic melee fighter with a specialty for killing enemies as gruesomely as possible with his bare hands.

    2. Reena, the gun obsessed ‘tough chick’ with more available firepower to her than one would realistically ever require. Specialty in big guns that make the biggest explosions.

    3. Mariah, the technological expert capable of remotely controlling any robotic enemy or computer based defense system and sending them to kill their owners. She’d have a high degree of hacking skill too naturally, good for looting.

    4. Sid, the jerk robot who serves no real purpose other than being a good distraction. He’s really sick of being Reena’s portable cover.

    5. Xi, the mysterious big silent alien. While generally a pacifist when he feels it is required for him to enter combat he will do so without question or mercy. Despite being blind his biotic powers and remaining senses are unrivaled. A favorite technique of his would be to drive his enemies insane with a unique ‘mind break’ biotic power often causing them to shoot themselves in the head.

    6.Ami, a rescued slave android who developed a specialty for infiltration, stealth and spying. Good for recon or for taking out a few enemies before the rest of the guys move in for some easy killing.

  • 1. Miyamoto Musashi, but armed with two energy bladed swords.
    One of the best swordsmen in history armed with future tech and his keen strategist mind would be pretty brutal to have on your side.

    2. Stephen Hawking’s brain in a gigantic robot body.
    the 20th and 21st century’s mind in the body of a battle droid. He can calculate all the astro-psychics stuff and still be able to back you up in a firefight.

    3. Monkey Magic/Sun Wukong
    a magic using immortal primate who is a Great Sage Equal to Heaven who has a staff that changes sizes, can summon and control many demons and fairies and has a cloud to fly around on.
    of course you’d want him on your team

    4. Eric Draven (the Crow)
    a regenerative supernatural being who can absorb great punishment and weapons abuse and is a good fighter.

    5. a specialised tac-nuke
    a planet destroying super weapon to be used just in case everything goes pear shaped.

    6. God
    who wanted want the All Powerful backing them up in a bad situation and depending on who you talk to, he may just be one of the ancient all powerful aliens whom you are looking for. If not, he can still go all Old Testament on our enemies.

  • 1. CPU: Core i7-980X Extreme Edition
    2. Graphics Card: 4x GeForce GTX 395
    3. Motherboard: Gigabyte GA-X58A-UD7
    4. RAM: Corsair DOMINATOR, 24GB (6x4GB) 2000MHz with Airflow fan
    5. Monitor: 2x Eizo Colouredge CG221
    6. Case: Custom Advanced FrozenCPU Dual Loop Extreme Liquid Cooled Corsair Obsidian 800D Full Tower Chassis

    The most important things to game with MAXIMUM POWERRRR

  • 1. Samus Aran – A real no-brainer. Supplied with own armor, ammo, etc. Speedy morph ball transport negates need for clunky Mako.

    2. Arthur Dent – This well-travelled hitchhiker is a powerful ally. Aways equipped with multi-purpose towel. Sexual tension with Samus inevitable.

    3. Cyborg Jesus – Doesn’t exist? Pfft. He’d kick your ass….

    4. Carth Onasi – Is there anyone better to replace the blander-than-cardboard Kaiden from the first game?

    5. Guybrush Threepwood – No matter the situation, this resourceful pirate will overcome any situation with his sharp wit and rubber chickens.

    6. Amy Winehouse – This ‘troubled singer’ is my first pick for cannon fodder duty.

  • 1. John McClane (Yippie-kai-yay mutha effer)
    2. Dizzy Rascal (According to one Triple J announcer at Friday’s BDO he’s “a bit of a beefcake”)
    3. Sookie Stackhouse (Or Anna Paquin, as long as she can read minds too.)
    4. Penn Gillette (He’ll expose all the BS)
    5. CLINT HOCKING (He’ll design our way out of tight spots all while quoting passages from Conrad and Nietzsche)
    6. An Inanimate Carbon Rod (Space is a dangerous place, that’s why we need an Inanimate Carbon Rod)

  • For today’s entry, I’ll be taking a team comprised of characters who, for one reason or other, have never seen the closing credits of a game in my experience.

    (Possible spoiler(s) alert)

    Wrex (Mass Effect) – I’m sorry dude, I spent all my talent points on shooting straight, and didn’t have the persuasion skills to stop Ashleigh putting a bullet in your skull. It’s lucky the bad guys don’t get that same type of bullet, or we’d pretty much all be permadeath’d every time we went on a mission. I vow that if I win this comp, I will replay Mass Effect and keep you alive so we can go through ME2 and rule the galaxy as father and son (no, wait, that doesn’t seem right).

    Carmine family (Gears of War 1 & 2). I know you were merely nameless (hang on, you had names… named) plot devices, but we’ll get you to the end of a game one day. The first thing I would do is give you a nickname and take off your helmet, as studies show you have a 73% higher chance of surviving a sci-fi mission if you have a unique character model and personality.

    Shale – (DA:O)I know you were pissed that I told that dwarf lady she could keep making golems, but come on, if it weren’t for me, you’d still be standing in the middle of that town with birds cr@pping on your head. That’s gotta count for something. Hey, don’t walk away when I’m talking to you!

    Wheresdabeef (World of Warcraft, level 48 Tauren Hunter) – Ah, Beefy, the times we had… Waiting hours for Humar the Pridelord to respawn, naming your pet ape “thelibrarian”, being kicked out of the guild for repeated Leeroy Jenkinsing. We would have seen endgame content one day, but I got a job which meant I couldn’t play “at lunchtime” (dang they were some long lunches) anymore, so you had to go.

    Gorfang Eat’elbow (Blood Bowl) – Gorfang, we could have been contenders. You were my star blitzer. What are the odds of being killed on a re-roll, against a bloody Skaven team in the match before the Championship (seriously, what are the odds? Any Games Workshop statisticians in the house?)

    Aeris (Final Fantasy VII) – What can I say? If you were given a second chance, myself and the Krogan, Marine, Golem, Tauren and Orc above would form a flying V around you, Mighty Ducks style, and defend you with our very (reinstated for the purposes of this competition) lives, for if anyone deserves to hear the bittersweet music of the closing credits of a video game, it be you.

    *wipes tear, hits submit

    Note to Ed: Also, apologies if this appears twice with slightly different wording, browser crashed on submit and I didn’t hit copy the first time. If it is here twice, please select the one you like better and delete the other one, cheers.

  • 1 Velociraptor
    2 Giant ACME slingshot
    3 Raptor shaped space suit
    4 Nachos
    5 Beer
    6 Strippers

    Essentially my plan is to put a freaking Velociraptor in a space suit and then slingshot it at the enemy. The obvious Voltron-like level of awesome devastation which this would create will be easily enough to win any battle. The remaining places on my squad will be taken up by the Nachos and beer which I will enjoy while supervising the carnage, and strippers in case I get bored by the futile struggles of my enemies (unlikely). Ps. It seems reasonable that if an undisclosed amount of beer and nachos can each count as a single squad member, then so should an undisclosed number of strippers. At least 4.

  • 1) Jade Raymond (Assassin’s Creed)

    2) Shigeru Miyamoto (Zelda)

    2) Casey Hudson (Mass Effect)

    4) Kudo Tsunoda (BAM!)

    5) Ken Levine (Who knows?)

    6) EA (The rest.)

  • 1. A gun
    2. A second gun
    3. Morgan Freeman
    4. Gabe Newell
    5. A jar of Nutella
    6. A spoon

    The two guns would be used for tactical elimination of enemies and in some cases, allies.

    Morgan Freeman would lift spirits with his beautiful speeches on hope and his smooth, arousing voice.

    Gabe Newell would provide insightful critique, forcing the game to adapt with new ideas and community input.

    Nutella would provide nutrition on and off the battlefield.

    The Spoon would allow for excavation, lockpicking and would help acquire nutrients from the Nutella.

  • 1. The Pilot – Hoban “Wash” Washburne: This guy and his toy dinosaurs can fly like no other, and is also hilarious.

    2. The Strategist – Genghis Khan: Sure, his strategies were simply ‘kick their butts and desesecrate their lands’, but they worked, didn’t they?

    3. The Overpowered Force – Kal “Superman” El: Sometimes nothing can beat the simplicity of pure strength. And this is the movie version, so he can also shoot hiss logo at the enemies and turn back time.

    4. The Interrogator – Mr. Blonde: Need info? Whether you do or not, Mr. Blonde will torture any prisoners you have by cutting off their appendages to the sweet sounds of the eighties.

    5. The Merc with a Mouth – Wade “Deadpool” Wilson: Hilarious, Healing and Hopelessly ‘Romantic’, no team could be complete without the 4th wall breaking powerhouse of wit and explosions.

    6. The Mascot – Me: Among these geniuses and great men, I’m just a little nerdy white kid. Which, for some reason, makes me the perfect mascot of the team! 

  • Rather than pick out the best of the best in the field of combat for my squad, I’ve decided to choose six characters that will remove the flaws of the first Mass Effect.

    God
    Flat planets wearing you down? bored of driving through samey locations for every side-quest? Then the almighty maker can solve your problems! Using his super unproven techniques, God will be able to forge interesting environments in just six days. After which he will take a day off, (as required by his union), and get back to work the next day.

    Joseph Stalin
    Inventory management in Mass Effect can be a troubling affair. Trying to divide up the loot between six squad mates usually ends up with somebody missing out on their share. Thats where the King of Communism, Mr Stalin hiself comes in! This strong leader has spent years perfecting his system of government to ensure each individual is treated as an equal. He will be required to hand the squad’s equipment so that each member is given their fair rations of guns and armour.

    Beyonce
    What’s that? You want a relationship with a tentacle haired Asari? We at least need a more appealing alien to “do it” with.

    Seek.com.au
    Having trouble with the same old sidequests? Losing interest in saving the universe? Then the personification of Seek.com has the perfect job for you. Seek will take your job preferences and search for the occupation for you and your crew. Will also give information on wages, times and the fastest relay to take.

    A Vending Machine
    As far as I can tell, John Shepherd never consumed any food in the original ME so it’s safe to assume he would slowly die of malnutrition or thirst. The solution? A VENDING MACHINE WITH LEGS. This juggernaut would be able to have it output light snacks for a reasonable price and also stomp onto the battlefield to assist my squadmates in their time of hunger.

    Crash Test Dummy
    You may think that an inanimate object has no place in my crew, but put this fellow inside the Mako and we can finally convince the Alliance to get us a better vehicle. (also doubles as powerful biotic)

  • I think I’ve been going about this all wrong. The question says ‘dangerous’ mission. It doesn’t say that it’s an important mission. Maybe we’re digging latrines under enemy fire, or making sure grenade pins are securely fastened. With this in mind, I present 6 easily expendable people that you wouldn’t want wasted on important missions.

    1. That kid that eats glue. You know the one, he’s got it coming out his nose and everything. Get him out of there so he can take a bullet for someone more important.

    2. That guy with 2 days left before retirement. His super is crappy, you’re probably doing him a favor so he doesn’t end up watching daytime tv and eating chum.

    3. Terminally ill cancer man. Sure, he brought it on himself by smoking 3 packs a day since he was 6. Why not let him contribute something, seeing as otherwise he’s just gonna suck away health spending. Plus no one will see him coming through the thick cloud of smoke that surrounds him.

    4. A politician. Come on, I don’t need to explain why this lot is a dime a dozen do I? In these economically difficult times, removing another one from the payroll is only going to be beneficial.

    5. A previous Melbourne Cup winning horse. Sure, they’re put out to pasture or stud or something, but this guy craves action and excitement. There’s only so much filly he can steak, if you know what I mean. Save him from his inevitable fate of ending up as a glue meal for guy number 1.

    6. That guy that got the promotion you were going for. You might have to, I don’t know, chloroform him and put him in a uniform, but think about how easy it will be to get that promotion you knew you deserved more. To make sure he gets selected, douse him in a bottle of gin. No one will believe his story then.

  • 1. Sock Puppet resembling Winston Churchill.
    2. Pirate YuGiOh cards.
    3. Space Condoms.
    4. Komodo Dragon.
    5. Another Komodo Dragon.
    6. Someone to do all the work.

    A fairly self explanitory list.

  • 1.Chuck Norris’ Right Arm of the Forbidden One
    2.Chuck Norris’ Left Arm of the Forbidden One
    3.Chuck Norris’ Right Leg, AKA “Law” &
    4.Chuck Norris’ Left Leg, AKA “Order”
    5.Chuck Norris’ Fifth Testacle.
    And Last but not least,
    6.A Drop of Chuck Norris’ Tears (To heal the injuries that seldom come)

    Even though I only need to dispatch Chuck’s breath to blow people’s minds, I like to be thorough.

  • SIX PIKACHUS!

    No contest. All will fall before our chain lightning strikes, and should a Pikachu be injured? The cartoon has *clearly* shown that electricity to the cheeks can speed recovery, so we’ll be able to get an adorable face-to-face thing going on.

    I’m pretty sure even the reapers would give up and go home on seeing how cute that is.

  • 1. Colonel Sanders- he’s a colonel, he makes kfc and i like kfc

    2. Lady Gaga – token weirdo,with that hair and that poker face, cause poker face is always a must for srs bsns and srs kfc

    3. Ramirez – he does everything already , he might be useful and get me kfc when i tell him to

    4.that mexican guy from land of the dead with the harpoon guns, self explanatory like he shoots harpoons and stuff with a gun, it’s like firing knives as bullets, i can prolly use the harpoons for cutlery too

    5. companion cube <3 everyone loves cubeeeyyyyyyyy
    also he wouldnt eat my kfc cause hes a cube and he doesnt have tasting glands

    6.a black guy, cause every team needs one but im not sure now cause i got colonel sanders with me and everything and i sorta want kfc all to myself
    but if they have one on L4D, L4D2, TF2 and all em other movies and stuff, I pick Samuel L Jackson so he can use his mighty CAPSLOCK voice to aid us on our journey

  • 1. Puss in boots from “Sherk” because come on who can attack that cute kitten. Once he uses his eyes in battle, he can never lose

    2. Soap Mactavish (COD modern warfare 2) i believe we all know why captain mactavish is the perfect squad mate. For one he knows how to use a gun. And two..well he’s completely bad ass for any dangerous mission.

    3. Cloud Strife the lonely warrior from final fantasy VII. If any one can handle the loss of some one dear and close, its him. Losing the love of his life made makes cloud the perfect choice. And lets not forget his arsenal, a bike full of guns inside it.

    4. Solid Snake the smoke addict, and not to mention the most fit old man on the planet would also be a squad mate. Since he can handle and name every gun known to man, who wouldn’t take the 100 year old with them on a suicide mission. I only hope he constantly doesn’t repeat “im no hero” on the mission. Mactavish just might knock him out.

    5. Megan Fox. Only because the guys need to take a break once in a while. And when saving the galaxy maybe they can learn to take turns.

    6. Dug from the Disney movie UP. Lets face it he is the picture perfect dog that everyone would love to have in their life. And lets not mention his excellent locating skills.

    With this team the entire galaxy better watch out.

  • 1. My room mates girlfriends boobs.
    2. A snorkel
    3. Seth (Last boss SFIV)
    4. Bob (Tekken 6)
    5. Katie Perry
    6. The Monopoly Guy

    Pretty much this team of unstoppable forces would distract, button mash and stop whatever we encountered from passing go… thus f#@king their christmas. Oh and the snorkel is just incase the mission requires us to swim in shallow water and collect various shells…. fingers crossed, a wet Katie Perry = win.

  • 1. My Mum – Nothing can be more dangerous, fearsome and invincible then a woman scorn.

    2. My Dad – To make the woman scorn, you need a husband that pushes her over the edge.

    3. My Younger Brother – To make a husband angry you need a son who doesn’t live up to his expectations.

    4. My Older Sister – To continually harass and manipulate her younger brother, due to pent up rage, so that he doesn’t live up to his father’s expectations.

    5. My Dog – To eat, poop and having that yucky dog smell that Older Sister’s don’t like. Oh and because he will keep my company.. He is a good boy!

    6. My Youngest Sister, To eat, poop,(sound familiar?) cry and whinge. This upon all the other things will tip my Mum over the edge and unleash the beast within.

    So you see with my Mum as my weapon against all sentient life forms i will control the world, solar system and whatever else is out there. The other people in my family are there just to tick my mum off!

  • 1. Herodotus the father of history. As an ethnographer, geographer, philosopher and historiographer he’s more than qualified to document my journey to far off lands and contact with strange peoples, no need to find codex entries with him. Also he’s apparently the father of lies, useful in negotiating situations, he opens up more dialogue options.

    2.Harrison Ford, what do I need to say? he’s quick on the draw with laser pistol, an archaeologist (for deciphering prothean remains). He performs his own fight scenes (he doesn’t even refer to them as “stunts”) and his family is constantly be kidnapped or threatened, giving him persistent motivation. He can also spout action-hero wisecracks like nobody’s business.

    3. Alexander the great. As mentioned before, mass effect 1 was seriously lacking in the homo-erotica department, this guy should quickly remedy the situation. He’s also experienced in invading foreign lands and trying to unify disparate people, and he leads from the front lines in battle being both an excellent fighter and tactician. He also likes to party in between battles bringing a lighter touch to the boring in-between spaceship parts of the game. And he’s very good at rock climbing, I dunno that might come in handy at some point.

    4.Agent 47. He kills swiftly and effectively, a master of disguise and both short and long range combat. He’s stylish, although having to go back for his suit after every mission may become tiresome. Best of all he’s quiet both in his killing style and personally, he listens to classical music and won’t be waking me up at 4am blasting miley cyrus from his space-stereo. He can also speak many foreign languages and he has love of animals, one of those being useful and the other just nice. Lastly despite what the movies would have you think he never falls in love so he’ll be keeping his mind on the job. His aversion from killing civilians will also help in avoiding unnecessary collateral damage.

    5. Iron-man
    Space suit? check
    Lasers? check
    Rocket boosters? check
    Armour? check
    Biotic powers? (repulser rays) check
    This guy is pretty much pre-made for the mass effect universe. And with the vast improvements in energy technology, he’ll no longer have to recharge his suit every dam 5 minutes. Plus he’s already faced super-villains way more devious and powerful than Sarren or the reapers, including The Mandarin, the Grey gargoyle, the black knight, titanium-man, prince namor (the sub-mariner), whiplash, the crusher and more. And with charming looks and his playboy attitude he’s sure to attract a crowd of the finest 1950’s style women in every space-port.

    6. Major Kusanagi (ghost in the shell). I really need a women on this team to to keep Alexander in check but she’s far more than a token female. Like iron-man she’s practically designed for mass effect. Well trained in variety of firarms, (although she favors a pistol). And like most anime characters she’s excellent at jumping of really high things, this should combine well with Alexander’s ability at climbing high things. She’s an android and so she doesn’t really require a space-suit (or any suit for that matter) and she’s unbeatable at interfacing with other machines, even hacking into the extra-net so opening containers or using terminals shouldn’t be a problem. And she has experience leading other androids and robots which is infinitely useful in a sci-fi universe. Best of all she’s an excellent detective and great at finding seemingly invisible people (the laughing man) and should have no trouble in finding the shadow broker or even the elusive man.

    With this diverse team of specialists in their fields, bringing with them an extremely wide range of abilities which I can draw upon, the most dangerous mission of all just became the easiest mission of all.

  • 1. Line Block from Tetris

    While not usually what one would refer to as a character, this tall tetromino can help the team out of a tight situation. Confronted by a geth army attacking in formation? Not a problem – this blocky pseudo-character can swiftly approach the hostiles, get into position, then all of a sudden :
    BAM! TETRIS! ANNOYING GAMEBOY SOUND EFFECT!
    All opponents vanish (that is, provided the enemies are neatly lined up in exactly four rows). Without a doubt, a useful squad member; but sadly our four-faceted friend is rarely around when you need him (her? It? … Whatever).

    2. The Paddle Pop Lion

    Not only is he a ferocious, carnivorous beast capable of taking down a crazed Krogan in a single blow [citation needed] but also has the ability to dispatch frozen dairy-based confectionary. O hairy corporate mascot, lead us to sweet victory.

    3. A Good ol’ Fashion D6 Die

    Yeah, yeah, I know, also not an actual ‘character’, but this IS an RPG right? As we know, dangerous missions call for some tough decision making and what better way to make those decisions than the guilt-free randomised approach? Make those pesky hard moral decisions without even exercising a single neuron! Perfect for heroes with only 6 dialogue options.

    4. Meursault from The Stranger/ The Outsdier

    If you know the book, you’ll know Meursault shoots people (ok, person) without remorse or even a second thought. A lovely quality for a warrior – Shoot first, then think (or don’t). He will be perfect for dealing with those inconvenient alien races and appears unfazed by death. Imagine this situation: it’s a bright sunny day and you decide via the roll of a die that you need to kill off that cantankerous squad member who’s holding everyone back, well then Meursault’s your man. In fact, he’s probably killed them already.

    5. Tank Man

    With the power to stop numerous tanks just by standing in front of them, he would make for an invaluable squad member. If this is what he can do with a several tanks then just imagine what he can do to a bunch of synthetics! Immobilising scores of enemies could really come in handy, especially if you want to line up that perfect Tetris shot. And who knows what else this guy is capable of, maybe he can read codec entries whilst taking a nap or even explore entire uncharted planets whilst getting his groove on with voluses (Volii?) in Flux.

    6. #FF00FF – Pure Magenta

    Even less of a character than the Line Block or the D6, but hear me out. It may seem like just a colour (or four letters, two numbers and a hash), but this is no ordinary colour, oh no it is not. This colour has the power to blind those who stare at it for extended periods of time (Don’t try this at home!). This colour is a deadly weapon and with its help the fuchsia will be ours! WARNING: possible side effects of prolonged exposure may include emasculation of male party members; do not be surprised if your John Shepard turns Jane mid-game.

  • Before I choose my team I need to explain the theory behind it. The average lifespan of a party member is, being a sub-main character, up to 25 hours of culmative gameplay this being the maximum. Where as the lifespan of your average redshirt has a maximum lifespan of perhaps 20 seconds if he was extremely lucky. Thus one party member is equal to ((25x60x60)/20) 4,500 Redshirts.

    Since I am allowed to choose the worth of 6 party member characters I would rather take the equal value of 27,000 Redshirts. By doing so I gain many benefits:

    * I save a fortune by not having to outfit the redshirts with anything close to decent equipment.

    * I get to keep all the best loot for my self.

    * Redshirts are alot cheaper to employ.

    * Instead of engaging in the usual single party member romance sex scene I get to engage in 4,501 person orgy (possibly not that great a thing now that I think about it).

    * And most importantly so long as a single red shirt is alive I can not be killed because said redshirt would have to die first.

    With 27,000 Redshirts at my disposal I can ensure my survival throughout my adventure as although a main character will always outlive Redshirt he is not always guaranteed to outlive his party of sub-main characters.

  • Yesterdays efforts of using a “draft system” to establish my team failed. Hippies and peace protesters got their way. Not to worry though as I will now incoporate a campaign that implies a threat fear and terror from external sources. This will induce a great sense of nationalsism and flag waving and open the doors to 6 recruits ready to die for my cause.

  • 1.A cat, for you know, zero-gravity, much lolz to be had there.
    2.CATS, that way my enemy will be on the way to destruction in no time!
    3.At least one fleet of ZIGs, for CATS to move.
    4.Nomad, i need a faceless hero on mah team! and if he dies i score a badass nanosuit.
    5.Happles 😀
    6.1.5TB External HDD, you never know what por-… secret files those aliens will have!

  • 1:Kronk – The Emperors New Grove
    2:Sir Robin minstrels – Monty Python
    3:Boo – Baldur’s Gate
    4:Minsk – Baldur’s Gate
    5:The Rabbit – Monty Python
    6:Brick – Anchorman

    My ultimate team consists of this unlikely brand of brothers for the following reasons.

    Kronk and Sir Robin minstrels will take shifts at providing round the clock theme music because of the lack of the awesome elevator loading screens.
    I feel that this is a necessary to keep moral at a high.

    Boo, who is a “miniature giant space hamster” will clearly come in handy in a fight being miniature he can crawl through a small vent and then proceed to destroy the enemy on the other side because he is a giant.

    Also if I was to falter and not complete the whole game in one sitting he would miss me and I’ll be forced to reconsider.

    Minsk is needed because boo comes with him. Plus he is insane and he normally makes stuff become dead.

    Here is where it gets tricky. The rabbit is needed to destroy the countless henchmen we will encounter on the way. But the rabbit will just kill anything it can see. This is where brick comes in. He is so crazy that he will run at the enemy with the rabbit and whist yelling “loud noises”, he will proceed to lob the rabbit into the enemy horde.

    And then there will be feasting.

    its_all_good_60@hotmail.com

  • 1. Your Mum.
    2. His Mum.
    3. Her Mum.
    4. Their Mum.
    5. Our Mum?

    Everyone knows the most offensive weapon in the universe is the dreaded insult ‘Ya Mum’, and with all the powers combined of having control over everyones mum, well, I would be pretty much unstoppable. I imagine it would work something like this.

    a) Massive hoard of aliens advance on our position.

    b) I call the Mums up, they arrive.

    c) They give their sons a lecture on etiquette for guests, and make them make me waffles.

    d) I eat waffles, hoard is sent to their bedroom.

    e) I play MASS EFFECT 2 PC COLLECTORS EDITION.

    f) Oh, and then I go and do whatever I was meant to be doing when I arrived.

    Then maybe some more waffles.

    Sorry, couldn’t help myself,
    Luke

  • 1. John Mellencamp
    2. John Mellencamp’s guitar
    The first two are so John can play “This Is Our Country” repeatedly during battles. My hope would be that the putridity of that song would distract people so the rest of the team can take them out. And if the bad guys decide to just shoot Mr. Mellencamp instead…well, let’s just say that wouldn’t be so bad either.

    3. Mrs. Fields
    When I was little and got upset about something, my mom would occasionally give me a cookie, and I would immediately calm down. I don’t see why this can’t extend to universe-threatening aliens. Everyone loves cookies.

    4. Harrison Ford
    Not only could he disarm female opponents with that grin of his, but he already works around the clock. I can’t ask for much more. He also has extensive previous experience in saving the galaxy. Just a perfect resume, really.

    5. God
    6. Puppies
    Kurt Warner had them on his side during the 2009 playoffs when he got to the Super Bowl by promising his kids a puppy if he got to the big game and constantly thanking God and so on…then he reneged on the puppy thing and his team lost. I think the benefits of getting those two to sign up are pretty clear – as many people said, “Don’t bet against God and puppies!”. Also, the omnipotence thing seems like a good fallback option if the first four fail.

  • Ronnie Coleman
    Michael Skiladellis
    Brock Lesnar
    Mark Henry
    Arnold Schwarzenegger
    Megan Fox

    They are the DREAM TEAM. They are TEAM MUSCLE and TEAM SEXY (Megan Fox) !!!!

    Ronnie who holds the equal record for 8 straight Mr Olympia Titles! He is also a police officer so he knows how to kick some ass!!

    Michael Skiladellis who is the current MR Australia for the ANB Teen and under 80-kg divisions! He also likes to play ps3 and dig into yeeros! You dont wanna mess with Skilla or you will get skillarised!

    Brock Lesnar sure knows how to fight! He is the current UFC Heavyweight champion and used to wrestle in Japan and WWE. Brock would finish his opponents off with the Facebuster (F5)!

    Mark Henry is big, bad and mean!! He does not take crap from anyone and sure as hell loves to fight and WIN!!! He is a former weightlifter, a current wrestler and is a previous winner of the Arnold Classic Worlds Strongest Man.

    Arnold Schwarzenegger. Illll be bacccck. Arnie is a guy who everyone should know. He has won the Mr Olympia 7 times and was awarded the title of “Mr Universe at 22” Arnie is also from plenty of classic movies including “Terminator”, “Predator”, “Pumping Iron” and is now the governor of California. HE IS DAMN STRONG! HE IS ARNOLD!!!

    Megan Fox would be a damn good asset to the team as she is damn sexy, aussie and she would flash her boobs to distract the elites. 🙂

  • 1. Kane, immortal mastermind and bald messiah of the Brotherhood of Nod.
    2. Jean-Luc Picard, beloved and bald captain of the USS Enterprise.
    3. Morpheus, bald trenchcoat wearing freedom fighter and general badass.
    4. Agent 47, bald and ruthlessly efficient clone assassin.
    5. Razor.
    6. Mirror.

    Only a team completely unimpaired by hair can hope to survive on the most dangerous mission of all.

    Money saved from not having to purchase hair care products or haircuts (the razor takes care of this) can be spent on valuable armour and weapons, leaving the team better equipped and that much more deadly.

    The team’s uniquely shaped and contoured shining chromedomes are capable of reflecting the light of a multitude of deadly alien suns right into the compound eyes of hostile sentient bugs, effectively blinding them. For especially powerful enemies, their shining heads can combine focus onto the mirror which can then be reflected onto the desired target to utterly destroy it.

  • 1. Max (from Sam and Max) – because I want someone that laughs when I accidentally run over a monkey.

    2. Little Gray (The Moneky from mgs4)… just in case I can’t find any other monkeys…

    3. The ‘Will it blend’ guy – I would obviously need someone with the skill and creative genius to question and test the destructibility of… everything.

    4. Rain man – kotor taught me that gambling is a great way to make the required funds to save the galaxy.

    5. Frank Zappa (1975) – the man who wrote don’t eat the yellow snow obviously has survival know-how and would open up new dialogue pathways using his unmatched level of sarcasm.

    6. Major Payne – to make sure we actually do our mission and aren’t just a bunch of social misfits sitting around betting, jamming and blending away into the night with a nicotine addicted monkey and psychotic rabbit.

  • 1. Geohot: if he can hack the PS3, he can hack anything in Mass Effect 2
    2. Duke Nukem: he’s tough, he keeps evolving over time, and you know he’ll never be finished … Forever
    3. Belladonna: there’s sex in Mass Effect 2, and she’s a porn star who likes video games … enough said
    4. Gandalf: he brings magic to the table, he’s batsh’t crazy, and he just … won’t … die
    5. The Joker: the comic relief (obviously), he laughs in the face of death … of which there will be plenty in Mass Effect 2
    6. James Bond: to sneak us into secured locations, distract female enemies with his irresistible British charm, and amuse us with his cringe-worthy one-liners (“I thought Christmas only came once a year”) **cringe**

  • Well lets see here… I need to assemble the most kick ass team of all time to save the Universe? Well in that case its simple, I’ll need:

    Jesus: Pretty cool bloke all around, makes great waffles and handy to have when food supplies get low and the alcohol runs out!

    Sherlock Holmes and Watson: Okay, I’m cheating a little here but they are inseparable. One’s a doctor the other a detective. Puzzles and danger abounds in outer-space and I’ll need them both. Including them was just “elementary, my dear Kotaku.”

    Vlad Tepes aka Dracula: Impaling, torturing, burning, skinning, roasting, and boiling people. Whats not to like!? He’ll provide much needed humour the crew was so far lacking and I’m sure he’ll come in handy during fights. Oh and I’m pretty sure he’s a vampire.
    Note: Pack more sunscreen.

    Jessica Rabbit: Sultry minx. Singer. Former Disney character and most importantly female! Useful for wooing her way past male security guards and… uhh… singing?

    Christopher Columbus: I get lost often and asking for directions on the inter-space highway is just asking for trouble. You also run the risk of picking up a lot of dangerous hitch-hikers with their ‘towel’ and their fancy ‘book’.

    Confucius: Because Confucius says “Wise man never play leapfrog with unicorn.” And everyone knows you don’t want to play leapfrog with unicorns. His wisdom will be needed on this voyage.

    Yup… sounds like an unstoppable force!

  • 1. Jean Claude Van Damme
    2-6. Any five random schmoes.

    Why? No mission is too dangerous to be defeated, no average Joe too lacking in courage or ability when JCVD’s around. Skill, strength, grace, good looks – he has it all. Oh, and most importantly, leadership ability: “Who wants to go home, and who wants TO GO WITH ME!”

  • 1) Myself
    2) Scary Spice
    3) Baby Spice
    4) Ginger Spice
    5) Posh Spice
    6) Sporty Spice

    Haha, now /that/ would be a party. Wait, what? A party for the most dangerous mission ever? Uh.. yeah. No change.

    Myself – I begin my adventure by oversleeping. I wake up, and have no idea who I am. Whilst walking the streets aimlessly, I just so happen to meet the Spice Girls. Then my town is destroyed whilst I barely escape with my new allies. I experience a lot of self doubt and apathy, then suddenly remember that I am the hero that is referred to in some legend so cliche’d and excessive that it can’t possibly be true. Except, surprise surprise, it is.

    Ginger Spice – Orange hair. ORANGE. HAIR.

    Scary Spice – She’s not *really* scary, she’s just.. opinionated. Alright, alright, I lie. Scary Spice is very much the matriach of the group. She stands back, ‘letting’ the others do the fighting, only joining in when either victory is assured, or when everyone else has collapsed from exhaustion/wounds. Some ‘friend’ she is.

    Baby Spice – *Just* cute enough to look like a teenager, and yet still old enough to whip out the claws and rip your heart out. Everyone knows all children in RPGs have immunity! Sure, their towns may be burned down, and their parents killed, but I think Baby Spice should be able to distract enemies just long enough for..

    Posh Spice – ..Posh Spice to insult their fashion sense! Pfft, brown claws with that green scaly skin of yours? That is *so* last year. Is she actually helping the cause? I don’t really know. But surely her fashion knowledge will help arm us with the strongest armor available.. assuming it’s fashion trend compatible.. Ahem.

    Sporty Spice – Probably the only useful one in the group, she gets straight to business by kicking butt and chewing bubblegum.. Did I mention she’s all out of gum? Awww, yeah..

    Of course, if all else fails, they’ll just break out into a chorus of “If you wanna be my lover” while I sneak behind the enemy and dispatch them one by one. Hooray, I’m helping!

  • I’m a little confused of whether we’re supposed to really mean our choices or just put down ridculous sets of 6 and be a little humourous with the reasons as well. I do see the “we’ll be flexible” but I really thought I should enter who I’d really recruit to join me on the “most dangerous mission of all”, instead of trying to be real unique and smart-assed.

    Darth Vader (Star Wars) – I really wanna watch him kickass but he doesn’t even need to do that. He’s pure intimidating just being there.

    Legolas (Lord of the Rings) – Everyone needs an elf in their party. Bringing him and his slick combat skills into a futuristic sci-fi setting just seem right.

    T-X “Terminatrix” (Terminator series) – I’m pretty sure it’ll own extraterrestrials and their robotics as well. Also it’ll go to the end of the universe if it had to to complete a mission.

    Jean Grey (X-Men) – No wrong bringing an Omega-level mutant and some Phoenix Force onboard. Plus she’s such a nice and powerful lady.

    Gordon Freeman (Half Life) – The silent saviour. If all else goes wrong, we all know he’ll save the day.

    Bonta-kun armour suit (Full Metal Panic!) – An extra for Freeman and anyone else who wants to wear it (me >_>). A teddy bear mascot might help the team and who knows, maybe it’ll let Gordon speak for once… “Fumoffu !!!”. Also, it’s actually useful.

  • I give you the most feared collection of characters we have ever produced. Watch our enemies cower in fear when their names are uttered. There is no god, not when they exist.

    1. Edward Cullen

    2. Bella Swan

    3. DRM

    4. Chad Kroeger

    5. Jar Jar Binks

    6. IE6

    If they manage to pull it off and save the universe then great, they’ve gone part-way to redeeming themselves to humanity. If they all die trying, we can all enjoy the time we have left without them. It’s a win-win situation!

  • Kaylee- Every ship needs a good engineer and being able to pay her in strawberries is a bonus.

    Mal- The man has clearly mastered the new interrupt system and I can’t imagine a trip with him being anything but fun.

    Jayne- Who knows how many towns Jayne has played Robin Hood to.

    Inara- She would help make space seem less lonely if you know what I mean.

    River- No power in the ‘verse can stop her.

    Simon- With my run and gun approach a doctor is a necessity.

    It was hard to exclude some members but Wash isn’t the leaf on the wind he used to be so I believe Joker may be the pilot of choice for now.

  • 1. Paradise

    2. All the essentials I need

    3. All the luxuries I want

    4. God

    5. Immortality

    6. Control over everything

    what mission?

  • Based on the ulimate destruction force

    1 – Leonidas – pray that our enemies are that stupid to kill him so the entire nation of Sparta can go to war. and/or he has 300 bonus bodyguards that are happy to follow him into death

    2 – River Tam – because every good ship needs a crazy chick

    3 – Tim the tool man taylor – because everything he touches blows up, also useful as a human sacrifice

    4 – Mr T – need I say more

    5 – Keith Richards – because if there was a nuclear war the only survivors would be coakroaches and Keith Richards “I think I snorted your uncle..Alrriiight”

    6 – Brock Samson – the most batman guy I know

  • 1.Horny Teenager
    2.a long Stick (broom handle would be ideal)
    3.A very large amount of lard
    4.A photo of a very attractive woman playing gears of war
    5.one man band outfit

    Ok what i have here is the most effective distraction in existence basically put the teenager into the one man band outfit you grease up the teenager with it still on, attach the photo to the stick, then tell him the woman will go out with him if he can grab the photo, aim towards the enemy viola the most perfect distraction in existence
    just walk past while all the enemies are like wtf and chasing him so they can provide him with some of the greatest wtf stares in existence

  • damnit accidently entered it undone, damn sleep deprivation

    Hear are the six Items I would take with me, becuase with them I wouldn’t need people

    1 – a Copy of the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy – when your travelling the universie on a dangerous mission you will need some sort of database that has information on all kind of things you are likely to face. Plus the guide has the added benifit of having “DON’T PANIC” written on it to help in those tough situations

    2 – the Necronomicon – with all the information on the Old ones and the knowledge to summon them I would be a force to be reckoned with

    3 – Sun Tzu’s Art of War – by studying this I would become a techical genius (well atleast better than I am now) and will dominate in combat

    4 – Karma Sutra – so I can teach alein women to Luuve

    5 – The Anarchist Cookbook – helping young people blow thier hands off since 1971. with this I would be able to using locally obtained materails to help blow things up, hopefully not my self.

    6 – A towel – because no one wants to mess with someone “whon knows where thier towel is”

  • Damn auto-reformatting! Can this comment be ignored or deleted and I try again? I didn’t know that it would do that.

  • Heyo,

    My deadly six would be:

    1) A Banana named Steve
    2) A Monkey named Bananas
    3) A Sheep named Baabra
    4) A Rat named Splinter
    5) A gonad named Nuts-Ma’gee
    6) And finally, a Pig named Spider-Pig

  • It’s not midnight here in Perth yet, so I hope this still counts.

    My team would be:
    1. A zergling
    2. A zergling
    3. A zergling
    4. A zergling
    5. A zergling
    6. A zerg drone

    With this team, we can get anywhere before the enemy even has any troops ready. We will then establish a colony and set up a mining operation. By the time anyone knows we’re there, they’re trampled by an endless swarm of ‘lings.

    Kekekeke!

  • Kirby – Who doesn’t want to see Geth Kirby, Krogan Kirby, Turian Kirby and Asari Kirby?

    Tingle – A useful team member when exploring, Tingle can fly ahead of the group with his balloon and map out the environment. If that’s not enough, he can even drop bombs on your enemies (he’s also a master quasar player).

    Mr Resetti – In a tight spot? Call on Mr Resetti’s “Yell” ability. Before you know it he’ll pop out of the ground in front of your enemies and give them a tongue lashing like never before. Your foe’s will be crying and begging for forgiveness within seconds.

    Barbarella – Miss the sex scenes from Mass Effect 1? Well in the sequel Barbarella will help you to unwind……AFTER EVERY MISSION…….FOR EVERY CREW MEMBER. That’s right, Barbarella will have your entire crew in such a state of elation that they couldn’t care less if the Reapers wiped out the entire Universe.
    Magikarp – He can splash water on enemies?………….just you wait till he evolves, then you’ll be sorry. Magikarp’s inventory consists of only one item…..EXP Share.

  • Ok, so we need 6 dudes to save the world. I’m leading the mission expedition thing. Well, first things first, we’re screwed. Completely, utterly screwed. Any expedition with myself in charge is doomed to disaster. Not a general ‘Oh well, we lost, you did your best, now we have to sit back and try and deal with the fact we are going to become extinct’, but a more “Oh my god, that is even worse than us all becoming extinct, how did you even do that??” kind of disaster. To try and counter this, or at least mitigate the damage somewhat, my group would be formed of the following:

    1) A Poncho. The reason for this is simple. A man wearing a poncho inspires confidence. This simple garment says to his followers, I am wearing a Poncho. It is comfortable and keeps me warm, and gives me a certain flair that every leader needs. Think Lando Calrissian. His main problem was that unlike Han, who had a natural, roguish charm, Lando sucked. No natural flair whatsoever. So what did he do? He wore a cape, then destroyed the Death Star. A poncho is very much like that. It is kind of two small capes, one on the front, and one on the back. Or a big cape, with a hole in the middle. Anyway, I figure if I have a poncho I will at least have a fighting chance, against Death Stars anyway.

    2) Conan O’Brien. Dude needs a job, I need a sidekick, win win situation. He can make witty jokes while I kick arse. Or he give encouragement while I am having my arse beaten. He would be a mood setter, the comic relief, the guy that makes witty jokes to cover up the fact that he is wickedly bitter and crazy jealous of all the spectacular things that I do. I like my sidekicks with a hard, bitter dose of reality.

    3) Miranda Kerr, made up to try and not look that attractive, ala the steretypical make-up job that serves to try and convince a viewer that the hero is interested in her personality too, but she takes off her glasses and lets down her hair, and BAM! super attractive heroine. Oh, and lets give her some decent combat skills to make up for my complete lack of them. And science skills, so she can work things out and look cute in her glasses. And Cooking skills, so we don’t get hungry.

    4) The Triforce. I’ve never really worked out what the triforce does, except that I need to find it and it will help me find Zelda. But its some super sacred force of power that people are always stealing/using for their nefarious plots/leaving it alone in the hopes that it won’t burn their eyes off in about 14 games now, so it must be pretty useful.

    5)Falcor the Luck Dragon for transport. Might not be practical for deep-space-travel, but hey, he’s lucky, he might get us a good deal on cheap spaceflights and things, or we could stumble upon a wormhole just as we are about to give up. Because he is lucky, and stuff.

    6) Batman. Because, he’s well, Batman. He’l discover the source of the threat, identify it’s weakness, then beat the living crap out of it with his fists.

  • Bioware’s companion trailers have played up the “unstable” elements of the subjects and how they will be a liability in a best case scenario and that Shepard must be desperate if he’s willing to be in the same room as his team. I just sort of took that idea and rolled with it.

    1) Khârn the Betrayer. The most ax crazy warrior in an army made up of ax crazy warriors.
    “KILL!!! MAIM!!! BURN!!!”

    2) Oghren. Drunkenness.
    “Heh Heh Heeh Asschabs!”

    3) Richard. Fire and ice spells, and inappropriate jokes.
    “FOR PONY!”

    4) Conina. Looks and figure of her temple dancer mother, and… “sinews you can moor a boat with, reflexes like a snake on a hot tin roof, a terrible urge to steal thing and this dreadful sensation every time I meet someone I should be throwing a knife through their eye at ninety feet (Which she can do)” from her father Cohen the Barbarian (who was last seen stealing a Valkyries horse)

    5) Belkar Bitterleaf. He’s a psychotic halfling with two sholder demons.
    “I AM A SEXY SHOELESS GOD OF WAR!”

    6)Dr McNinja. Born to a family of ninja. Trained in the medical and surgical arts. He kills with one hand and heals with the other.
    “I just surfed Robo Dracula from the moon, so all yalls can just take it!”

    Khârn comes from the tabletop game Warhammer 40000

    Oghren is a recuitable character from Bioware’s Dragon Age: Origins

    Richard stars as one of the main characters of Looking for Group, a fantasy webcomic

    Conina appears in the novel Sourcery by Terry Prachett

    Belkar Bitterleaf also appears in a webcomic, The Order of the Stick based loosely on D&D

    Dr McNinja, while not as insane as the rest of my group is from The Adventures of Doctor McNinja webcomic.
    (and yes he really did surf a robotic Dracula from the moon)

  • Six lemmings.
    Six customizable lemmings to do my dirty work. I could conquer the tallest mountains with bridge builders and umbrellas. Escape from the strongest jails with miners and diggers. Defeat my greatest foes by trapping them in tight corridors with two blockers. Entertain thousands by making them self destruct…Better leave that one till after I’ve completed the mission.

  • 1. Admiral Akbar, so i know if ITS A TRAP/TARP~!
    2. Altair, I don’t think ANYONE can beat his counter attacks…
    3. Morshu, MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
    4. Light Yagami, Deathnote would be pretty handy.
    5. Lucy (Elfen Lied)
    6. Cthulhu!

  • 1. Robert Downey Jr. – Due to His Mastery of being a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude.
    2. Gandhi – The most peaceful man in the world, great for negotiating with hostiles.
    3. Gordon Freeman – The guy’s got a crowbar and a gravity gun, nuff said.
    4. Neil Patrick Harris – With this man any mission becomes Legendary!
    5. Misa Campo – If all else fails, throw her at em and run.
    6. Chuck Norris – Chuck Norris is so tough his Beard has the power of 14 Grizzly Bears on Joker’s Titan chemical + A mom who’s kid is being attacked by a cougar.

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