WIN! A Mass Effect 2 Xbox 360 Collectors Edition

WIN! A Mass Effect 2 Xbox 360 Collectors Edition

We’ve hit the penultimate day of our week-long Mass Effect 2 giveaway. Here’s how you can win the Xbox 360 Collectors Edition of Bioware’s RPG.

UPDATE: This draw is now closed. If you left your entry on January 26, you’ll be eligible for today’s draw for one of three Xbox 360 copies.

We’ve still got four copies of Mass Effect 2 to give away. Specifically:

* 1 x Mass Effect 2 Collectors Edition (Xbox 360) * 3 x Mass Effect 2 (Xbox 360)

Today we’ve got one Xbox 360 Collectors Edition which comes with a “Making of…” DVD, a comic book, art book, Dragon’s Age Blood Armour unlock code, Cerberus Network card to access bonus in-game content and a tin case.

In Mass Effect 2, Shepard recruits a squad of the galaxy’s most elite soldiers and assassins to undertake the most dangerous mission of all. To win a copy of Mass Effect 2, we want to know which six people (real, fictional or possibly not even people – we’ll be flexible here) you would recruit to join you on the most dangerous mission of all. Tell us which six people you’d pick and why they’re right for the job.

Leave your entry in the comments below. Multiple entries will be discarded and only your first entry will count. You have until midnight tonight to enter. The winner will be announced tomorrow at 10am when we open the final draw to win the three remaining Xbox 360 copies.

Good luck!

And the winner of the weekend’s PC Collectors Edition is WaveOfMutilation, whose army of red shirts supplied irrefutable logic.

Before I choose my team I need to explain the theory behind it. The average lifespan of a party member is, being a sub-main character, up to 25 hours of culmative gameplay this being the maximum. Where as the lifespan of your average redshirt has a maximum lifespan of perhaps 20 seconds if he was extremely lucky. Thus one party member is equal to ((25x60x60)/20) 4,500 Redshirts.

Since I am allowed to choose the worth of 6 party member characters I would rather take the equal value of 27,000 Redshirts. By doing so I gain many benefits:

* I save a fortune by not having to outfit the redshirts with anything close to decent equipment.

* I get to keep all the best loot for my self.

* Redshirts are alot cheaper to employ.

* Instead of engaging in the usual single party member romance sex scene I get to engage in 4,501 person orgy (possibly not that great a thing now that I think about it).

* And most importantly so long as a single red shirt is alive I can not be killed because said redshirt would have to die first.

With 27,000 Redshirts at my disposal I can ensure my survival throughout my adventure as although a main character will always outlive Redshirt he is not always guaranteed to outlive his party of sub-main characters.

[Terms and Conditions]

Comments

    • Well lets see here… I need to assemble the most kick ass team of all time to save the Universe? Well in that case its simple, I’ll need:

      Jesus: Pretty cool bloke all around, makes great waffles and handy to have when food supplies get low and the alcohol runs out!

      Sherlock Holmes and Watson: Okay, I’m cheating a little here but they are inseparable. One’s a doctor the other a detective. Puzzles and danger abounds in outer-space and I’ll need them both. Including them was just “elementary, my dear Kotaku.”

      Vlad Tepes aka Dracula: Impaling, torturing, burning, skinning, roasting, and boiling people. Whats not to like!? He’ll provide much needed humour the crew was so far lacking and I’m sure he’ll come in handy during fights. Oh and I’m pretty sure he’s a vampire.
      Note: Pack more sunscreen.

      Jessica Rabbit: Sultry minx. Singer. Former Disney character and most importantly female! Useful for wooing her way past male security guards and… uhh… singing?

      Christopher Columbus: I get lost often and asking for directions on the inter-space highway is just asking for trouble. You also run the risk of picking up a lot of dangerous hitch-hikers with their ‘towel’ and their fancy ‘book’.

      Confucius: Because Confucius says “Wise man never play leapfrog with unicorn.” And everyone knows you don’t want to play leapfrog with unicorns. His wisdom will be needed on this voyage.

      Yup… sounds like an unstoppable force!

    • okays… the 6 people I would need to pull off the impossible suicide mission deep in the far reaches of the known galaxy with maximum awesome intact are:

      1. Ford Prefect – Betelgeusian, Galactic Hitch-hiker and editor – Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy – Lets face it, this guy knows his way around the place (and he can document the journey of awesomeness too)

      2. Chewbacca – Wookie, Pilot, mechanic and smuggler – Star Wars – Where gonna need a pilot that can rip off arms right? and perhaps fix things and umm.. smuggle things?

      3. 7 of 9 – Borg/Human female, Hotness and Science officer – Star Trek – Yer like you guys wouldnt pick her. bewbs

      4. Bender – Robot Bending unit, Futurama – Need a drinking buddy who isnt going to chase 7 of 9. Also who knows what bendables are going to exist out there..

      5. Legolas – Elven Male, Archer/Rogue – Lord of the Rings – Seriously who else do you want watching your back. Does space exist in middle-Earth.. hmmm

      6. Tiger Woods – Human Male, Golfer and Double Agent – Earth – Lets face it, 7 of 9 is never gonna go for me so who better to have help u pick up the interstellar ladies than the one man mojo machine, Tiger. Not to mention if we need to sneak action, who better to charm and lie his way out of a situation.

      Done.

  • Apple-event week themed team UNITE!

    1. Jon Ive – He would make space white and 10% slimmer
    2. Steve Ballmer – For muscle (or a distraction)
    3. Noah Wyle – To play Steve Jobs (again, see the movie)
    4. “1984” Guy on the Screen – To intimidate and entertain
    5. Lisa 2 – For extreme processing power (not a person, but has the name of a person)
    6. Apple Fanboy #486454 – Complete with FlameShield for defence

  • 1) Du Quois, Resistance Member
    2) Déjà Vu, Resistance Member
    3) Chocolate Mousse, Resistance Member
    4) Albert Potato, Resistance Member
    5) Latrine, Resistance Member
    6) That cow that wore the boots

    That movie reference is probably so old it is now ‘Top Secret’… … cough…

  • 1. Block of cheddar cheese
    2. Sirloin steak
    3. Red apples
    4. Cauliflower
    5. Broccoli
    6. Loaf of crusty bread

    Because with a balanced diet, I can handle anything.

  • Everyone from both of the left 4 speed videos except Zoey because she doesn’t do anything and… Rochelle for the same reason. I’d take them because they’re all so smart and helpful but the downside is they seem to have a lot of bad luck. I might end up doing quite a bit of work.

  • 1. Hitler – Moral choice guidance
    3. Elizabeth Bennett – Potential love interest.
    2. Mother Teressa – Opposing moral choice guidance and potential love interest.
    4. Marvin – Necessary Funny Robotic side character
    5. Selene (Kate Beckinsale) – Majored in Bad ass-ery and potential love interest that hooks up with Marvin.
    6. Dizzy Flores – Potential love interest that dies horribly.

  • 1 Benny Hill, plenty of ugly heads in Mass Effect to ‘bald slap’
    2 Saddam Hussein, why not… he was funny in South Park!
    3 Kato from the Pink Panther Movies. He could hide in lockers and jump out to attack you, keep you on your toes.
    4 Mel Gibson, he would get on with Saddam for sure.
    5 Gandalf, Thou shalt not fart!
    6 Bad Boy Bubby… if they taught sex with aliens was bad, what would he get up to!?!

  • Six drunken midgets, because anyone traveling with six drunken midgets won’t be messed with lest all kinds of arse-kickery should occur.

  • 1. Oprah- She can get things done behind the scenes.
    2.Stewie Griffin- Technological wizard who is funny as hell.
    3.The guy who randomly does the robot in Chapelles Show- Need i say more?
    4.Ahnuld- He’s a governor and an ass-kicker, if he was black Oprah’d be gone.
    5.Macguyver- Just in case.
    6.Barney Stinson- Awesome magic tricks!

  • 1) That deer from Tooheys
    2) That tiger thing from Cascade
    3) That Eagle from Wolf Blass
    4) The Big Polar Bear from Bundaberg Rum
    5) Those two old fellows from Guinness
    6) That big mob of monks from the Carlton Draught ad

    Maybe it’s the 4 day Australia Day weekend or all the brow beating I’m taking from the women or even all the beer I’ve drunk, but this is all I’ve seen all Weekend. Hell I can’t even remember what this post was about, but this is the group that I would spend my Australia day with.

  • Spock – It’s only logical.
    Scout Sergeant Cyrus – He’s Deathwatch. Mass Effect is full of aliens. Nuff said.
    Bear Grylls – Because giant ice worms have a weakness and some part of them is surely edible.
    Rosie O’Donnell – Because no good space expedition is complete without cannabalism.
    My girlfriend – On account of all the hot alien tail I won’t be getting.
    Luke Skywalker – Because there isn’t a space epic that can’t be fixed by a Jedi.

  • 1. Sylar (from Heroes)
    2. Akuma (Street fighter)
    3. Lara Croft (Tomb Raider)
    4. Wolverine (Xmen)
    5. E.D.209 (robocop)
    6. Megan Fox (Transformers movie)
    Sylar with all his powers would be great in almost any situation, Akuma for his martial arts skills, Lara Croft with her climbing,finding and adventure skills also she can pay for lunch and dinner, Wolverine with his combat and healing skills, E.D.209 everyone needs a robot of some sort, Megan Fox can use to gain info from enemies and entertainment for the crew.

  • 1. xzibit so he can put things in things so we can do things while we do things and pimp my ride

    2. stephen conroy, so he can censor our crew as a form of camouflage and invicibility

    3. samuel l. jackson and his booming voice that hits like the fist of an angry god

    4.my 5 cats that join forces to form as one big mecha cat, kinda like transformers, Optimus Feline and Bumblekitty lol

    5. colonel sanders cause i love dem chickens, and noonee can resist kfc

    6. edward cullen as the kamikaze member of our gang, the one who will slow me down in my mission and i’ll have to leave him behind as a sacrifice or something

    with these powers combined, we are captain planet

    • ro
      January 25, 2010 at 11:36 AM
      5. colonel sanders cause i love dem chickens, and noonee can resist kfc

      “Thats because the Colonel puts an addictive substance in his chicken which makes you crave it fortnightly, smartass!”

  • 1. The Great A’Tuin.
    2-5. Four giant elephants.
    6. Ankh-Morpork.

    Ankh-Morpork has never been successfully invaded, instead integrating invading armies into its tangled web of corruption, taxes and multiculturalism. Within a week of arriving, the Geth would simply be another minority group, petitioning for religious holidays, and with its own ethnic restaurants.

    Also, if it came to it, I reckon the Great A’Tuin could totally take out a reaper, presumably while trying to mate with it.

  • 1) Richard Hammond – his small stature would allow access to hard to reach places and his brilliant smile would blind and his awful hair would confuse…
    2) James May – his advanced intellect and floppy hair would be essential in any situation and in times of boredom he would serenade the team with his musical prowess.
    3) Jeremy Clarkson – That big oaf has got to be good in a fight…
    4) Sabine Schmitz’s – Strong heroine figure to fulfill the rules of equal opportunity.
    5) Top Gear Dog – This loyal hound would be indispensable as it would vomit on James May when ever he became tedious…
    6) The STIG – No explanation necessary, its the godamn STIG!

  • Subject Zero (because she kicks arse)
    Subject One (because he kicks MORE arse)
    Subject Two (even MORE)
    Subject Three (You get the idea..)
    Subject Four (The one with eight chainsaw-legs)
    aaaaand Subject Six (Subject Five was a… mishap)

  • 1. A “Big Boy” Nuke (Or similar bomb)
    2. Another “Big Boy” Nuke (Or Similar Bomb)
    3. Another “Big Boy” Nuke (Or Similar Bomb)
    4. Another “Big Boy” Nuke (Or Similar Bomb)
    5. A Spaceship with low-flying and bomb dropping abilities
    6. A Pilot capable of flying said spaceship.

    With the four bombs and Spaceship and pilot combo, Screw fighting and risking my life, I’ll just have the pilot fly low over the enemy and drop the bombs, I’ll be at the back manning a turret, although there won’t be much need, the bombs will pretty much annihilate the enemy. Fights over, and me and the pilot go to the local pub.

    Valid email: scottgardner23@gmail.com

  • 1) Marcus Fenix – He can channel the manly power of his muscles to heal himself
    2) A jigglypuff – It can sing and put the enemies to sleep, then draw on their face. They will all run from pure embarrassment (never fall asleep around your friends)
    3) MW2’s Ghost – Because his pure awesomeness would create a barrier preventing him from taking damage from anyone other then friendlies.
    4) A Towel – Because one should always know where his towel is.
    5) Johnny Walker – Because we can’t survive without our scotch ;).
    6) My mother – Because her anti-violence, drug and gaming policies would cause her to give lectures to all enemies, the ones she doesn’t “change for the better” would suicide after spending 15 minutes listening to her. Also, she can make sandwiches.

  • 1. Jeremy aka teh_pwnerer – greatest gamer in the world. you wouldnt have that name if you werent
    2. fps_doug – also great at games unless RTS he needs 5 minutes no rush
    3. Dave – great gamer, great cook and need a token asian guy
    4. Teh_Masterer – he teaches the guys how to use their micro to defeat enemies but never noobs for if there was no noobs there wouldnt be pros
    5. Anastasia – good at MMOs and also a chick dont want it to be a sausage fest on tour
    6. T-Bag (RIP) – his legend will live on forever and was friends with bill gates so free xboxes all round

  • 1: Everlasting Gobstopper
    2: Nerds
    3: Chewy Runt
    4: Nerdlicious Rope
    5:Oompa Loompa
    6:Willy Wonka

    surely if they can survive the chocolate factory they will be a successfull combination in my outer space adventures

    • forgot to add that Mass Effect and The Chocolate factory have alot in common namely the really long winded elevator rides 🙂 so Willy Wonka will have great skill in handeling those 😛

  • 1. Batman he always has a plan of some sort.
    2. Master Chief it’s not like he hasn’t done dangerous before.
    3. Deadpool he can’t die and makes good comic relief.
    4. Wolverine you always need a dangerous rouge.
    5. Jill Valentine there may be space zombies.
    6. Joanna Dark the best covert agent to take on aliens I can think of.

  • 1. Duke Nukem (I hear he’s out of a job right now anyway)
    2. Commander Keen (Man that kid was a genius! Oh and he’d be good to get into tight spaces)
    3. Buffy (Not sure how many vampires we would run across in this whole space adventure thingy, but that super strength would sure come in handy, and we always need someone with the witty remarks)
    4. Flippy (From Happy Tree Friend, he’s just so friendly, and then so outright f*ing insane!)
    5. Someone (anyone really, but someone easy to get along with would be best) who has the power to summon Cthulhu on demand. That would be ace.
    6. A really good cook, they say an army marches on it’s stomach, so a good cook would be a good idea! I mean I’ve never seen Shepard eat, and I suspect that could be a real downfall if he was fighting a lot. He was fighting a lot when I was playing him, but then I didn’t see him poo either, which is probably a good thing, but none the less I just don’t trust that boy (or girl) is looking after himself, and I suspect the others would be the same. So a good cook, maybe Maggie from the Cook and the Chef (that other dude would be quite annoying I think), or perhaps we could get Heston Blumenthal and he could whip up a Medievil feast for us each night, and we can sing songs until all hours of the morning while drinking wine and mead and savouring the spoils of war……… Mmmmmmmmmm

  • We’re the planeteers, you can be one too!

    Kwame – Because he has the power of earth

    Wheeler – Because he has the power of fire

    Linka – Because she has the power of wind

    Gi – Because she has the power of water

    Ma-Ti – Because he has the power of heart

    Captain Planet – Because by their powers combined, he is captain planet!

  • In order to prepare for the most dangerous mission of all – moving in with the mother-in-law because the lease on our rental property is up and we want to save some dollars to buy our own house – I would take the following:

    1) A second job: This works two fold, the more I’m working the less I’m at home and the quicker I have the dough to buy a house and exit stage left.

    2) Scott Pape: Working two jobs is all well and good but some solid investment advice will also expedite the visiting duration.

    3) My Xbox 360: Consider it my icy cave with penguins.

    4) Scott Cam: Currently whenever I’m over I’m destined to be replacing tap fittings or mowing lawns, if I’m to get any R & R I’m going to need a lackey to help with the heavy lifting.

    5) Egg Cartons, lots and lots of egg cartons: I’m going to need some serious sound proofing if I’m ever going to persuade the wife in to some monkey business under her mother’s roof.

    6) Risqué pictures of my mother-in-law and the neighbour’s son: I’m blocking out any mental projections but when push comes to shove I need a pair of aces up my sleeve; just in case!

  • I can’t believe it. It’s so obvious!

    1. Black Lion
    2. Blue Lion
    3. Red Lion
    4. Yellow Lion
    5. Green Lion
    6. As much LionCash as I can get my hands on >:3 RAWR!

    Well… I’ll use the LionCash to coax the Five Lions out of retirement, and then they can form Voltron… which would be handy… Crash around and stuff and hopefully endure the disc changes without losing formation. Invincible. Plus running around on a planet as Voltron has gotta be better than driving that boring Rover thing…

  • [Transcript from first meeting of the Citadel Globetrotters]

    — 8:35pm Globetrotter HQ —

    Me: Alright everyone, I’ve called you all in because I need you to help me on the most dangerous mission of all time. You are here because You are the best at what you do. We’ll start with a roll call, when I call your name, tell me what you bring to this team. Die Hard?

    Die Hard: It’s John McClane.

    Me: Whatever Die Hard.

    Die Hard: I’m a New York City Cop, I enjoy long walks on broken glass, Molotov cocktails and getting caught in explosive debris.

    Me: Bueller?

    [Silence]

    Me: Bueller? Bueller? Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?

    [Door opens, Ferris Bueller walks in]

    Ferris Bueller: Bueller, Ferris Bueller. Do you know how hard it is to have nine sick days at my school in one semester? I can deceive anyone, I’m incredible, even in the worst performance of my career they never doubted it for a second.

    Me: Doc?

    Dr. Emmett Brown: The way I see it, if you’re gonna build a time machine into a car and embark on a suicidal voyage across the stars, why not do it with some style?

    Ferris Bueller: Wait a minute, Doc, are you trying to tell me that if any of us dies we can just go back in time and stop it from happening?

    Dr. Emmett Brown: Precisely.

    Me: Gizmo?

    Gizmo: (mogwai-nese singing)

    Me: A cute little guy like this can turn into a thousand ugly monsters, all we need is a bottle of water and a few hundred after-midnight snacks, of course its hard to really know when midnight is in space…

    Gizmo: Uh-oh.

    Die Hard: Should be handy in a tight spot.

    Me: We’ll be seeing plenty of those. Moving on, Bowie?

    David Bowie: The cold space will make my nipples all pointy, which I’ll use as telescopic antennae to transmit data back to Earth. Plus I brought enough really freaky sequin space suits for you all.

    [Han Solo steps out of the shadows and takes a freaky sequin spacesuit]

    Gizmo: (mogwai-nese laughter)

    Han Solo: Laugh it up, fuzzball.

    Me: Why don’t you tell us what you bring Solo?

    Han Solo: I’m captain of the Millennium Falcon. I’ve outrun Imperial starships. Not the local bulk cruisers mind you, I’m talking about the big Corellian ships now. You know, sometimes I amaze even myself.

    Me: So we have the hardened cop on the verge of retirement,the obnoxious, vest wearing kid, the original inventor of time travel,the cute but deadly non-humanoid,the androgenous superstar- you know for the JRPG fans and the charismatic jerk. Seems we have covered all bases. This mission is going to be tough, we won’t all be coming back and it’s possible none of us will.

    Han Solo: I’ve got a bad feeling about this. Attacking this battle station is not my idea of courage. It’s more like, suicide.

    [Docking Bay door opens revealing the Normandy, The meeting room is bathed in white light]

    Gizmo: Bright light. Bright light. [Dives into clothes hamper]

    Dr. Emmett Brown: Great Scott!

    Ferris Bueller: Life moves pretty fast. You don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. [Pulls on Sunglasses]

    Die Hard: Yippie-ki-yay! [Cocks Shotgun]

    David Bowie: (singing) Oh we can beat them, for ever and ever, then we can be heroes, just for one day.

  • 1. My ex-girlfriend, Lynda
    2. Her ‘friend’ Chad, the athletic footballer
    3. Chad’s van that they spent every Wednesday night ‘just talking’ in
    4. Chad’s best friend Ben, amateur cameraman and producer of “Lynda and Chad’s Sex-tacular Adventure”
    5. A van-sized airlock
    6. The sun

  • me and my six heads. would allow for me to utilize a rainbow of thinking caps to overcome any situation.

  • 1. Shigeru Miyamoto – Makes the galaxy a happier place.
    2. Sylvester Stallone – Generic hardcore muscle man
    3. Tommy Lee Jones – Excels at communication with other galactic species.
    4. Claudia Black – Love interest, british accent
    5. Ben Browder – ‘Cos he’s a dreamboat.
    (NB: 4 and 5 auditioned as a team. Share many sci-fi experiences together)
    6. The fat guy from Space Jam – Comedy refief

  • SunTzu (Commander) – master tactician and genius behind the ‘Art of War’ doctrine – “Strategy without tactics is the slowest route to victory. Tactics without strategy is the noise before defeat.”

    Sergeant Bosco Albert “B.A.” (Bad Attitude) Baracus – Mechanic/Token black guy

    T-X aka Terminatrix – Token Woman and indestructible, tenacious and completely badass warrior.

    Predator (Infiltration and Espionage) – Expert and covert ops and hand to hand combat. Diverse array of weapons and tech make him a valuable asset.

    Apophis from Stargate SG1 (Medic) – has the Goa’uld healing device and advanced alien weaponry

    Chuck Norris – who wouldn’t have Chuck Norris on their crew!

  • 1: 1 and 1/4 cups plain flour
    2: 1 teaspoon bicarbonate of soda
    3: 1 heaped teaspoon baking powder
    4: 1/4 cups of suger and sunflower oil
    5: 1 egg
    6: 400mL buttermilk

    Sift flour of soda and baking powder into mixing bowel
    add suger egg oil buttermilk and dash of salt
    blend/mix together with a hardmixer until smooth
    melt butter or margerine over frying pan to a medium heat
    when pan is hot pour mixture into 15cm diameter
    pancake is ready to flip when bubbles form on upper surface
    flip and cook until brown

    simple. easy. and effective breakfast for any space ranger on the go.
    preperation time 15mins or less
    serves 10.

  • 1. Chuck Norris
    2. Big Daddy (Bioshock)
    3. Harrison Ford
    4. Kane (From C&C)
    5. Leilana the rogue from Dragon Age (For the sexuality)
    6. Cain from Diablos I, II and III (for the quests and his funny frail voice… And that staff)

  • 1. Casey Ryback (Under Siege)
    2. Lt. Jack Cole (Glimmer Man)
    3. Forrest Taft (On Deadly Ground)
    4. Dr. Wesley Maclaren (The Patriot)
    5. Prof. Robert Burns (Out For A Kill)
    and 6. The Were-Mummy (I made this up)

    Essentially I’m travelling through space with a series of Steven Seagal characters with ridiculous names. Nothing says elite soldier like a paunchy, balding sextagenarian.

    Also the cursed, mummified corpse of a werewolf, so I’ll have someone to talk to. (It was this or Robo-Dracula)

  • 1. Young naive protagonist who dreams about a better life away from the farm/terrible parents/terrible job, he is special in some way.
    2. Wise old man who will reveal in what manner #1 is special. Will probably die.
    3. Grizzled roguish adventurer with questionable past who will help #1 and #2 along their journey before saving them at the last minute.
    4. Some sort of minority character. Could be black or furry. Will make us seem somewhat PC, but will still act in an amusing manner and we shall laugh at his craziness. Will probably die first.
    5. Attractive girl, probably related to #1 or #3 for extra interpersonal conflict. If possible, they would not be aware of this.
    6. Attractive, roguish, minority woman with much life experience. Will be held in the wings until one of the party dies, at which point she will take on that role.

  • Star Wars Original Trilogy
    Your childhood memories
    Industrial Light & Magic
    George Lucas
    Greedo Shoots first (WTF?)
    Uncontrollable rage!

    Direct that rage at any adversary and you’re sure to come up trumps.

  • 1. Stephen Colbert

    2. Optimus Prime

    3. Nigella Lawson

    4. The Rock

    5. Chewbacca

    6. Rhonda Pearlman

    Why? Because it’s a big, stupid jellyfish!

  • 1. A person who hates number 3 but likes number 2.
    2. A person who hates numbers 4 and 3.
    3. A person who hates numbers 1 and 2.
    4. A person who hates himself, number 2 and number 6, but likes number 3 and number 1.
    5. A person who hates everybody.
    6. A cannon that can harness the energy of people fighting and shoot it.

    1 and 3 will begin fighting each other at the sametime 2 will begin fighting 4 AND 3. Number 3 will be then fighting numbers 1 and 2. Number 4 likes number 3 and so helps him fight his opponents but however cannot due to him liking number 1 and since this is only half-helping he decides not to help at all, then number 3 begins to hate number 4 and they begin fighting so number 4 and number 1 team up to fight number 3 and number 2 wants to help 4 but does not want to help number 1 fight 3. Number 5 then tries to join in the fight but noone hates him so nobody has any idea why he is fighting them and the resultant of all this is alot of fighting which i can then harness into my cannon and blow up everything.

  • 1. Jack Churchill – (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Churchill) Jack Churchill is a Soldier. He is the only known British soldier to have felled an enemy with a long bow during World War 2. He also carried a sword and played the bagpipes. Genius or madman, either way I don’t want to be going up against him, so he gets a spot on the team

    2. Naked Snake/Big Boss – (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Boss_(Metal_Gear)) Naked Snake is an Infiltrator. He’s got sneaking skills and is well trained in CQC. He knows how to hide himself and is pretty handy with both a pistol and sniper rifle.

    3. Vampire Hunter D – (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vampire_Hunter_D) Vampire Hunter D is a Vanguard. He’s deadly in close quarters and can back up his swordsmanship with a bit of magic if needed. He rides a cybernetic horse and has the symbiotic Left Hand.

    4. Pikachu – (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pikachu) Pikachu is an Adept. His cute charm will be helpful in defusing tense negotiations, and his ability to discharge bolts of electricity will be helpful when negotiations turn sour. Also for overriding electronic locks.

    5. Large Hadron Collider – (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Large_Hadron_Collider) LHC is a Sentinel. If Futurama can have Deep Blue playing D&D with Fry and Gary Gygax, then I can have LHC. Besides, if the Reapers come back and shut down the Mass Relays, I’ll have my own way of creating space-time rifts.

    6. BLU Spy (Disguised a RED Engineer) – (http://tf2wiki.net/wiki/Spy) The Engineer is a Spy! Yes, the Engineer is great a building things, things that help his team mates and things that shoot his enemies into bits, but what I’m really after is someone who’ll destroy my enemies things for me – and the spy’s got that in spades.

  • 1. Aidan Dullard
    2. Steven Bogos
    3. Adam Grabda
    4. Andrew Hobbs
    5. Kelly
    6. WaveOfMutilation

    These six names may seem unexceptional at first glance, but they all share an incredibly rare talent – the ability to pick perfect teams for dangerous missions. Having secretly worked in conjunction with David Wildgoose under the guise of offering up free copies of Mass Effect 2, I plan on gathering these six people together and revealing to them the true intentions of Kotaku AU. Since the site’s inception, the end goal has been to set up this seemingly legitimate competition to help me find people like them, so they can help me to assemble the greatest team of 36 adventurers ever assembled, at which point the true mission – which involves breaking into Bioware and making off with a pre-release beta of ‘Mass Effect 3: It’s Massively Effective!’, will begin. Congratulations competition winners, soon hired goons will be showing up at your respective houses sometime this week.

  • 1: Susan Boyle: We will need a riot shield won’t we?

    2: Michael Atkinson: A deadly mission hey, meaning not everyone will make it back alive right?

    3: A Predator: Stealth, brute strength, mounted plasma cannon, he makes up for my first two ‘expendable choices’.

    4: War: As one of the horseman of the apocalypse, who better to have on your side when battling the fierce enemies of the galaxy

    5: Commander Shepard: I’m certainly not the most skilled soldier, so I will delegate the combat duties to Shepard, and I’ll wait back at the Normandy. 🙂

    6: Karl Pilkington: The internet phenomenon will keep me entertained during space travel, with classic ‘monkey news’ stories. Check him out.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Fh4df1e2so

  • Meanwhile back at the hall of justice, our hero battles crippling depression knowing he has zero chance of winning the prize.
    Enter the superfriends!!

    1.Sigmund Freud- In depth analysis of mass effect and how it relates back to my relationship with my mother. Plus a funky pleather fainting couch!

    2.Prozac- the colours children! The colours!

    3.Jared Leto- because I feel like destroying something beautiful

    4.A Brick Wall- something to bang head against

    5.Jay Leno- something to bang head against. Your just not funny!!

    6. A Current Affair- after been strapped to a chair and forced to sit through episode after episode the dodgy builders, wonder cleaners, conmen, miracle foods and pointless fluff pieces posing as journalism eventually cause our hero’s head to explode Scanner’s style. Ah, the sweet release

  • 1. Baldrick – ‘Cause you always need a cunning plan
    2. Gordon Shumway – ‘Cause it’s ALF
    3. The Cat – He only needs five fish, OWWW! (Not to mention the hijinks that would ensue once ALF realises)
    4. Wile E. Coyote – He’s indestructible
    5. Tom Waits – ‘Cause without music what’s the point
    6. Scarlett Johansson – For after the day is saved

  • Wow, its kinda hard to choose a party, but ill do my best.

    1. An Unlikely Hero – Me:
    While i may not be space cowboy, or a inter galactic general, my dedication will help keep this group together, we shall not fail.

    If our party happens to fail, i have no one else to blame but myself.

    2. The Sexy Assassin – Bayonetta:
    A party always needs a person who you can rely on to get the dirty jobs done, and with this choice i get to assassinate my enemies with style.

    With her legs, they should die smiling.

    3. The Comic Relief – Simon Pegg:
    He has been in many movies from battling zombies to space battles. If i wanted anyone to give me a good laugh in the face of danger, it would be him.

    4. The Bad Ass – Reggie Fils-Aime:
    Who else would you want, with skills like “kicking ass” and “taking names” what boss would be able to stand up to us?

    And with a cash flow as big as his, we would always have money for upgrades.

    5. The Rock – The Rock:
    The Universe is under threat, the people needs a champion, and there is only one peoples champion.

    He has a Game Plan, Walking Tall, no one can stand up to us, not even the Tooth Fairy.

    6. The Spy – Sean Connery:
    In a universe where the lives are shaken, not stirred, the times need a smooth spy, one who laughs in the face of danger.

    No woman will be able to resist his charms, and able to get out of any situation, no matter how dire. He is the perfect choice.

  • 1.Conan the barbarian, who doesn’t want a kick ass barbarian to whip some ass
    2.Dr.Doom, Why should it be explained?
    3.Iron man, well….umm, either him or war machine im not picky.
    4.Darth Vader
    5.Ronald Mcdonald, Its gonna be a long ride, where gonna get REALLY hungry out there, and i hear space cash is hard to find,

  • 1 Peter Molyneux – I was going to pick caesar, but Molyneux had a little more ambition.
    2 Peter Garret – With abilities in multiple fields, including politics and insane dancing, he is perfect for saving the galaxy.
    3 Mace Windu – Specialises in making arrests of supervillians.
    4 Usain Bolt – I have no doubt that the fastest man alive would also be the best at saving the galaxy. Also he can pose with Shepard at the end.
    5 Andre Agassi – I’m talking about the non-mullet version.
    6 Seal – He looks like he has experience in galactic space saving combat. He also successfully completed the romance sub-plot with Heidi Klum.

    Thus my army of skin heads is complete! They shall join with Shepard, the greatest skin head in human history, and none will stop them! With improved aerodynamics, and reduced difficulty in digital rendering they will march towards victory against the reapers!

  • 1. Nero (from Devil May Cry), big revving sword, stretchy arm

    2. Nero (Romulan mining captain played by Eric Bana in Star Trek), knows how to get around the galaxy AND time travel.

    3. Nero (Roman emperor), legions of Roman Army at disposal, tonnes of cash, knows how to have a great party.

    4. Nero (Wolfe, the detective) Will know how to solve a puzzle/riddle and I won’t have to stand around for hours trying to figure them out myself

    5. Nero (supervillain from Green Lantern), supervillains are always to good to have around

    6. Nero (Burning ROM software).. Arhhh, I’ve run out of Nero’s, so this will have to do to make up the half dozen

  • 1- original xbox duke controller
    2- L block from tetris
    3- star pickup from mario kart
    4- a horse
    5- a banana
    6- an ipod

    the ipod is an unstoppable force which is taking over the world combine that with the duke controller for brute force the star pickup makes us untouchable every one needs a humble steed and an a banana is a nutritious snack full of energy how could that not succeed

  • Seeing as though Mass Effect is a space opera, who better else than to bring in the “experts”.

    Carl Sagan: His voice is more soothing than Keith David, as he explains our plan of attack – “In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe”

    Marvin the Martian: His inquisitve zest will no doubt help us. Plus he carries his Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator.

    Watto: The uncurruptable – Jedi mind tricks don’t work on him.

    Leeloo Dallas: She’s the supreme being, who knows not the meaning of war and love….but has a multipass, skimpy clothes and ornage hair.

    Bruce Willis’ character from Armageddon : The guy sacrifices his life so his daughter can live with douche Ben Affleck, by detonating an asteroid in space….bad ass demolitions !

    Cosmo G. Spacely, CEO of ‘Spacely Space Sprockets’: Supporting the cogs of war by firing uncommitted staff…George Jetson springs to mind.

  • 1. Bottomless bucket of KFC.
    2. Baseball cap that speeds up time very fast.
    3. Obese KFC addict.
    4. Portable cloning vat.
    5. Large cannon.
    6. Goggles.

    First of all I bought the ‘T’ model vat that also copies whatever items the uh, subject is holding.

    First, give the portly gentleman cap and bucket.
    Clone him.
    Turn on hat and set delay for about 5 seconds.
    Put him in cannon and fire in the general direction of enemy.
    Don goggles.

    The endless eating in a contained and sped up time field will quickly increase the subject’s mass to the point of creating its own intense gravitational well.
    This will suck any nearby foes into it until the time field collapses under the strain. Not being dense enough to create a true black hole, without the time field the subject will detonate in an explosion of 11 herbs and spices, decimating everything in range.

  • Again, I’ve been going about this all wrong. The common thread of winning entries has been to select something that is, in a word, unstoppable.

    I can’t think of anything as unstoppable as my mother in law, in her enraged state.

    So with this mind, please let me present 6 people who would accomplish this most dangerous of missions by provoking my mother in law into such a state of rage that she would be unstoppable.

    1. My skanky ex-girlfriend. I can just see the vein in her forehead pulsing when my skanky ex-girlfriend rocks up, resplendent in skinny leg jeans (holes in the knees of course), no bra, tight top and cigarette hanging out one corner of her mouth. She’ll say something that can only be construed as offensive, and that’s why she gets the number one spot in the line up.

    2. My dead beat brother. At this point her teeth will begin to grate together. See, the mother in law hates my dead beat brother, mainly because of the way he shows up at family events not having showered and proceeds to ask everyone if he can borrow some money.

    3. My mangy old cat. See, mother in law loves animals, but to her the only things classed as animals are small fluffy white dogs. My poor old cat Dogsworth (long story) has had this condition for years now where he can’t really clean himself as effectively as one would come to expect from a feline, and he sort of leaves a trail of fur and dead skin cells everywhere he goes. So when my mother in law sees him tracking towards her brand new suede couch, she’ll blow a gasket.

    4. My drunken mate Robbo. Robbo is a top bloke, but his problem is that he loves to let everyone know how much of a top bloke I am too. Mother in law hates hearing about how I honked my horn at a pack of ladies at Summernats until they blessed us with their God given blessings, or about how much money I lost the other night on the dogs. When she hears about exactly what we did last Saturday that led to us spending the wee hours in the local lock-up, her temperature will reach that point normally only reserved for experimental fusion reactors.

    5. My mum. Hey, you saw this one coming right? No one shirts off a mother in law like her opposing number, and my mother in law is no mistake. The thing is, the two of them used to get on really well, but at some point the two of them had some kind of falling out over some point of mother in law etiquette that my wife and I are still trying to decode. All I know is that everytime we have a family function my mum wears that necklace of hers that she’d wrapped around my mother in laws head and tried to choke her with, that time they had a bit of a punch on. It’s still got bits of my mother in laws hair in it, and my mum wears this massive grin on her face every time she puts it on. When my mother in law sees her, I expect the claws to come out in a way that could only be described as unstoppable.

    6. This ones a bit of a surprise really, because my mother in law doesn’t even know this person. Heck, I don’t really know this person, I only found out about them a couple of weeks ago, but I have a feeling that my mother in laws reaction to meeting them will be so strong that no Reaper, or any other kind of intergalactic unstoppable monstrosity, will want to get in her way. See, my skanky ex-ex-girlfriend turned up a couple of weeks ago towing along little Joel Junior with her. Turns out I owe a lot of backdated child support, and the only way my wife and I are going to be able to cough up is if we borrow some money from the mother in law.

    But only after she’s done wrecking the universe, or whatever we’re supposed to be doing on this dangerous mission.

  • My Ultimate solution to an impossible situation…

    1. The cupboard from “The Indian in the Cupboard.”

    2. The electro-magnetic shrink/enlarge ray from “Honey, I Shrunk the Kids/Honey, I Blew up the Kid.”

    3. The keys to the biggest toy store the Citadel has to offer.

    4. A Giant tub of LEGO©, including, but not limited to, a complete Millennium Falcon set.

    5. My favourite civil engineer, Hannskarl Bandel, who designed Madison Square Garden.

    6. A Magic 8 Ball.

    By the dark of night Hannskarl Bandel and I will use the keys to stealthily enter the leading Citadel Toy store. Once inside we’ll split up – Bandel will assemble the troops, grabbing as many elite action figures and advanced toy weaponry as he can fit into a standardised space trolley whilst I gather the supplies, stocking up on plastic food and doll’s house furniture. Once we have safely returned to the Normandy I will have the monotonous task of utlising the cupboard to transform the entire collection of toy soldiers, fake food, model furniture and phony weapons into living soldiers, real food, actual furniture and authentic weapons. Meanwhile Hannskarl Bandel, with his powers of civil engineering, will build the Millennium Falcon LEGO© set, amass an army of grotesque multi-headed LEGO© troops and construct innovative LEGO© fortifications. The cupboard will then be used to convert these new ‘recruits’ into completely functional entities. Again I will do the scud work, enlarging all converted toys except for a squad of vintage GI Joes that will be shrunk to the size of nanobots and sent off aboard miniature spaceships to attack the Geth from within. And at last we come to the Magic 8 Ball, my ace-in-the-hole. It will be my most trusted advisor once it has had its trip to the cupboard, it will be a prophet of our future, answering each of my questions with uncorrupted truth. I will know everything that will happen AND KNOWING IS HALF THE BATTLE!

  • 1. Nothing
    2. Nothing
    3. Noone
    4. Nothing
    5. Internet meme
    6. Noone

    Because the last however many winners already saved the everythingness.

  • 6. Col. John Casey from Chuck, cause he’s a badass who know his way around some impressive weapons.
    5. Jayne Cobb form Firefly, see above but in space and with an awesome hat. Also to see how identical Col. Casey and Jayne actually are.
    4. Cameron Phillips from Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, she’s a nigh invincible killing machine and she’s hot, ’nuff said.
    3. River Tam from Firefly, see above but not invincible and and in space. Also I like the same actor motif.
    2. Bayonetta, sexy, deadly with creepy suit/monster/fist/boot hair. Do I really need to explain my perversions?
    1. The Portal Gun, what wouldn’t it be good for?

  • Denny Crane – There are bound to be some, let’s call it collatoral damage, on the path of saving the universe. The ungrateful wretches who get in the way of said universe saving will more than likely blame us for their getting-in-the-way-of-ness. As a result we will need the best damn lawyer ever. Denny Crane.

    Captain Kirk – When Shepard runs out of awesome Kirk can step in and carry the baton to the finish line. He is also very good at knocking aliens out with a double fist punch. And having sex with blue aliens.

    Denny Crane: “And he has the added advantage of being quite handsome. Denny Crane.”

    Turanga Leela – Everyone knows that two eyes only get in the way of figuring out where things are in relation to others things. Let’s be serious here, getting two images – one from each eye – just confuses things and in high pressure situations there is not time to think, so instead of having to go to the trouble of having to poke someone’s eye out (“and the resultant lawsuit. Denny Crane.”) why not just get Turanga Leela. Not only does she have the advantage of only having one eye she is also an experienced pilot and an accomplished martial artist.

    Replicator – At 4am when you just finished with the black jack and hookers (Denny Crane: “Why are we finishing so early? Denny Crane.”) and you need food now and there are no kebab shops around, whip out the replicator and make a kebab. Why would you leave home without one? It also makes other things too. I think.

    A GoW Lancer – As good as the guns are in the future all of them fail in the key area of attached chainsaws and this is where the Lancer comes in. An Elcor not moving fast enough? Show them the lancer. Hanar getting all preachy? Show them the one true way: The Lancer. That Krogan resistant to bullets? How ’bout some lancer chainsaw action. That Asari you are chatting up not overly impressed with you? You know what to do, that’s right. Whip out the Lancer (“And if that doesn’t work just say my name. Denny Crane.”).

    Token Williams – He is good at what he does.

    Denny Crane: “Good idea. Denny Crane.”

  • 1. George W Bush
    2. John Howard
    3. Tony Blair
    4. Sol Trujilo
    5. Jack Thompson
    6. Michael Atkinson

    Why? Because they’re all expendable. Think of this as the ‘trial run’. You know, since it’s always best to gather intel before we go to war.

  • 1. Jethro Gibbs. He’s tough, Protective and loyal to his squad.

    2. Barret. Come on, The man has a GUN FOR AN ARM.

    3. Chev chelios. (Crank). Simply put, He’s hard to kill, He doesn’t give up and he’s not afraid to have sex right out there in front of everyone on the ship.

    4. Neo. Stops bullets. ’nuff said.

    5. Agent smith. Multiplies himself, Unlimited amounts. Technically still one guy =D

    6. Scarlet Johanson. Then we have the eye candy, And for and “Sex scenes” that need doing, Well, Doesn’t matter if she’s fully clothed or naked as a new born, She’s damned sexy.

  • 1. Liberty Prime, for the mini nukes, lasers and awesome catch phrases.
    2. The Terminator, for his bullet immunity, all round skills, awesome resolve and undying loyalty.
    3. Maxwell Edison, because the enemies will crumble beneath his mighty silver hammer, plus he is a doctor.
    4. Gordon Freeman, his gun skills, scientific knowledge and quiet personality are his great strengths.
    5. A Big Daddy, their hulking stature and metal plating would make them an ideal shield and also intimidate the enemy.
    6. Death, getting him to join would be difficult but once he joins our team would have immunity to dying.

  • The Sacrifices:

    Stephen Conjob
    Michael Atkinson
    Kevin Rudd

    The captains:

    Senator Ludlam
    Lionel Messi
    Kobe Bryant

  • 1. 200 tonnes of doughnuts
    2. 300 kilolitres of cola
    3. 400 tonnes of Twisties
    4. 500 tonnes of Worther’s Orininals
    5. 600 kilolitres flavoured milk
    6. The complete Star Wars soundtrack

    After eating all that, I should be the size, weight and sound like the Death Star hence scaring off any and all opposition.

  • 1. Rick Deckard from Blade Runner; Infiltrator
    2. Astro Boy; Soldier
    3. Darth Vader; Adept
    4. Ash from Alien; Engineer
    5. Boomer from Battlestar; Infiltrator
    6. John Connor from Terminator 2; Whineyface

    If it turns out that Shepard is Geth, oh man, there’ll be a lot of shoulders to cry on about the nature of humanity and what makes on humane.

    And imagine the dialogue options! “I now know why you cry, but it is something I can never do”, “he’s more machine than man twisted and evil” etc

  • 1. A Packet of Lifesavers – Because you ‘get a whole lot more out of life’.
    2. Agent 86 – For when i miss it by that much.
    3. The Star Wars Crawl – Because you can never overstate how dire the hero’s, ahem.. my, situation is.
    4. My mate from work – He always passes those ‘would you survive the zombie horde’ tests.
    5. The Prince of Persia – Rewind please.
    6. A cup of Coffee – I can’t function without it.

  • After careful consideration, I would choose the following members

    1. Bill – From Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure
    2. Ted – From Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure
    Reason – The moment they open their mouth will have any enemy bashing their heads from the sheer stupidity these two speak.

    3. Barbara Streisand – Those shrieking could fry any computer system (Also why its IMPOSSIBLE to get her songs on MP3) and brain matter – No matter the species

    4. Cosmo Kramer from Seinfeld – Comedy relief, also no matter how much he stuffs things up he always gets it right in the end, if not, excellent cannon fodder for the enemy while I practice my “Duck and Cover”

    5. Megan Fox – For the hottie of the group, someone to which my character can advance his love making skills to Epic levels.

    6. Susan the Sheep. For when Megan Fox is too tired out and I still need a little lovin.

  • Given that the mission is “the most dangerous mission of all” it is inevitable that most of not all members of the mission would not end up surviving. Therefore, my initial aim would not be to survive the mission, but rather to avoid the mission altogether. Given these circumstances, I would recruit the following individuals:

    1. Darth Sidious – Any individual who can manipulate, weasel and/or otherwise force his way into a democratic system, become the head of said democratic system and end up re-arranging it into a dictatorship, of which he is the Emperor, should have a decent chance at “manipulating, weaselling and/or otherwise forcing” our way out of any requirement to endeavour on any said mission
    2. Henry Kissinger – Plan B if Darth Sidious fails, self explanatory
    3. Chuck Norris – If plan A and B have failed, your only option is to divide the enemy by zero… also, potential love interest.
    4. Cammy – Love interest and good in a fight
    5. Bayonetta – Love interest and good in a fight
    6. Megan Fox – Love interest and good in a… no wait, just love interest

    Why four love interests you ask? Allow me to explain. Assuming all attempts to avoid said mission failed, that mission of course being “the most dangerous mission of all”, it is inevitable that you will get with one, or more of said potential love interests. Having four love interests gives a total of (4×4)16 possible scenarios in which you end up with one or more individuals, thus guaranteeing “getting” of “some” prior to dying in said mission. That mission of course being “the most dangerous mission of all”.

  • 1. Dutch From Predator (For Obvious Reasons, he Killed a predator)
    2. Ash From Evil Dead (Chainsaw Hand)
    3. Michael Weston From Burn Notice (knows how to make all sorts of things)
    4. Deadpool (For The Humor)
    5. Marv From Sin City (That guy never dies)
    6. Rorschach From Watchmen (Never Compromises, Not even in the face of Armageddon)

  • As a contingency plan, I will send Bill Gates (1) undercover to the enemy’s base before the invasion. He will ‘upgrade’ their system with Windows Vista. That way if they use their communications relay, they will be bombarded with “Windows has encounter an critical problem” and then proceed to a blue screen of death.

    Upon the invasion, the Misses (2) would lead the invasion. With her advanced intimidating and nagging skills, any guards or sentries in the area will surrender … of jump of the nearest cliff.

    Upon entering the base 2 lemmings (3 & 4) strapped with high concentrate explosives will head to the barracks and the armoury where they …. well ….. they’re lemmings….. (Not all have to survive this mission right?)

    Next up is a sadistic little Rabbid (5) armed with a handaxe and salami sandwich charging in the main lines. A small white rabbit yelling “DAAAAAHHH” is the perfect confusion tactic.

    While the main force is distracted by the Rabbid, Commander Shepard (6) sneaks behind the force to take out Michael Atkinson. Saving the universe like he does best. (It was suppose to be the most dangerous mission of all right?)

    Then with the aftermath, Shepard, the Rabbid and my Misses are celebrated while Manhunts, game nipples and dismembered zombie limbs are returned to Australian shelves while deep mourning goes out to the two mighty Lemmings that sacrificed their lives for what they believed in….. Gates didn’t make it….

  • 1) Stay Puft Marshmallow man (ghost busters 1 version) – I can only imagine the sheer amount of terror that will be struck into the heart of my enemies by the sight of a 150 meter tall marshmallow man marching towards them. He would also provide a decent distraction for the rest of my team. In a pinch he can be eaten for rations.

    2) Major “King” Kong (Portrayed by Slim Pickens in Dr Strangelove) – One use character, afterall how do you survive riding a nuclear bomb to the ground? “Yeeee-haaw!”

    3) Australian taxation officer – What is more fear inducing than an audit of your last financial year. I doubt that the bad guys keep receipts on their massive expendiature. And im sure that by the time the Auditer is done with them they will be bogged down with so much debt and red tape that they would all but surrender.

    4) The Killer Rabbit – Whose fluffyness belies its evil intent. It has fangs a mile wide and can only be snuffed by the holy hand grenade of antioch.

    5) Sgt Apone – Hardassed Colonial marine Sergeant. Will get the job done quick smart because the corps isnt paying him by the hour.

    6) Vera – Callahan fullbore Autolock. Capable of puncturing armour at close and medium range. It has a name so its a character… right?

  • My pick would be:

    1. Will Ferrell: comic relief
    2. Really dumb bimbo blonde chick: they’re usually the first ones to get bumped off in movies, so it’s a ‘sacrificial’ choice
    3. Mr T: someone needs to be able to lay the smack-down and to ‘pity fools’
    4. Chuck Norris: he has been reported to bring down planes by pointing his finger at them and saying ‘Bang!’, so imaging what he could do for us!
    5. Macgyver: only he could create something out of pocket lint, a toothpick and a gold coin to keep Mr T and Chuck Norris from attacking eachother.
    6. Stephen Hawking: if Mr T and Chuck Norris *do* attack eachother, it would cause the universe to implode – Hawking would be the only one to know what to do.

  • 1. Jack’s complete lack of surprise
    2. Jack’s inflamed sense of rejection
    3. Jack’s smirking revenge
    4. Jack’s wasted life
    5. Jack’s broken heart
    6. Tyler Durden

  • I would recruit my team based on the World’s greatest sidekicks!

    KITT from Knight Rider: cos he’s infinitely more awesome than the Mako.
    Chewbacca: cos he would rip the arms of anyone or anything.
    Dr Watson: Sidekick to the world’s greatest detective? Automatically meets the criteria.
    Robin: Cos it would be awesome to have some “Kapows!” and “Thwacks!” randomly interluding all the hand to hand combat.
    Spock: Superior logic can overcome all challengers (failing that we’ll default to violence).
    Waylon Smithers: A hero can always do with a bit of ass kissing.

  • 1. A Director

    2. A Camera Man

    3. A Microphone Guy

    4. Catering

    5. Master Chief (or a Spartan look-a-like)

    6. NBC Excecutives

    One of the greatest looking made for TV movie sequel ‘Mass Effect 2’ is being filmed, then NBC decides to stop production right before the climax, to allow Halo’s Master Chief to fill in for Commander Shepard, who was angry at NBC to even consider Master Chief, whom was eager to save mankind yet again.

  • 1. Chuck (Intersect 2.0 version)
    2. Marvin Martian complete with the Explodium Q38 Space Modulator.
    3. Jean Luc Picard
    4. Alex Rogan, The Last Starfighter
    5. Riki-Oh Saigan (just because I’ve been looking for a list to put him on.)
    6. Jack Burton and the Pork Chop express.

    I really wouldn’t care if we did the missions or not, I’d be happy just hangin’ with any of them.

  • Before I’m even going to consider my team you need to consider what the hell is the “most dangerous mission”? Who is it dangerous for? The world? My team?

    Obviously the answer is a 6 to 1 battle to the death with Chuck Norris at Final Destination with no items.

    Given that I’ve now identified the mission; I need to recruit a team. Logic dictates that Chuck Norris has no weakness so my first team member will be Sony. With Sony at my side no barrage of fists and excess of beard-punches will affect the team as I can defy logic with contradictory press releases, unimagination and hype.

    Next I’d probably go with Indiana Jones. Come on, he’s Indiana Jones. And whats Indiana Jones without comic relief? So Short Round can come too.

    Bayonetta can come since she has sweet legs and Witch Time. Who wouldn’t want sweet legs and bullet time? And Indy needs his love interest.

    And then I’ll take Chuck Norris x2 tinted green/red with party hats.

  • 1. Stephen Hawking (biotic)
    2. Dr. Albarn (medic)
    3. The Stranglers (stealthy rouges)
    4. Mark Wahlberg (navigator: x (marky) marks the spot)
    5. Michael Caine (sausage-fingered electronics/decryption expert)
    6. Fat Huey the TV chef (tank)

    I might swap Huey for Shirley Bassey, depending on the results of his medical.

    Thanks for reading.

    Henry.

  • Roland Deschain – This gunslinger (the protagonist of Stephen King’s the Dark Tower series) has had experience at
    fighting dangerous and often unknown enemies. Armed with his twin revolvers and a psuedo-magical skill set that
    all heighten his fearsome combat capabilities (such as inhuman firing speed and superhuman reflexes and accuracy)
    this man is a no-brainer for the situations where diplomacy fails and a “shoot first, ask questions later”
    attitude is needed. In additon to this, this man has an extraordinary ability to survive – he’s lived through a
    tsunami of bullets, fires, plagues, even the “world moving on” (a sort of slow apocalypse that turns the world into
    a desolate wasteland). He even slaughtered a whole town on his way to the titular Dark Tower. Oh, and did I mention
    he pursued his ancient nemesis, Walter o’Dim, for over twenty years through a desert?

    Sherlock Holmes – Possibly the greatest detective ever, Sherlock Holmes’s incredible observation, deduction and
    overall thirst for mystery and intrigue make him a much-needed addition to Commander Shepard’s elite team. Holmes’s
    profound capbility to logically connect point A to B and then correctly deduce that if A is connected to B, then
    C happened would be a invaluable asset to Commander Shepard as he traversed the galaxy, solving crimes and mysteries.
    Sherlock Holmes is no lightweight when it comes to combat, either – he is well-versed in pistols, fencing, chemistry
    and other useful subjects. His inclusion to this team is “Elementary, my dear Watson (or Shepard).”

    Confucius – A Chinese philosopher and thinker, the wise elder that is Confucius would present an interesting
    addition to the team. Confucius is knowledge on my aspects of the human life and surrounding enviroment,
    including politics, ethics, beliefs and even his ideals on the afterlife. His teachings and influence
    would engender understanding, tolerance and compassion within Commander Shepard’s squad, something that
    could very well prevent any number of needless bloodshed. Even such hot-tempered species such as the krogan could
    learn something from this man.

    Charles Bishop Weyland – The longstanding trope of an evil megacorporation with a diabolical man at the helm seems
    to never go out of fashion, and Charles Weyland is another of these. However, this man is no ordinary fiend – he already has
    experience with aliens. Weyland’s singleminded nature and willingness to get the job done (after all, he was willing to
    order his subordinates to impregnate a young girl and a woman with horrific Xenomorph embryo’s in an effort to gain subjects
    with which to breed a biological weapon) would certainly come in handy when fighting the Collectors and Reapers.
    Not only does he already have experience with aliens, the Weyland-Yutani corporation is also a longrunning space exploration
    company – something that will no doubt prove beneficial to Shepard and his marauding compatriots.

    Marie Curie – A famous Polish and French physicist and chemist, Marie Curie would be the resident scientist in
    Shepard’s crew. Curie’s experiements with radioactive substances and radioactivity in general (indeed, she even coined the term)
    would be a powerful advantage when traversing hazardous planets or facing foes using such powers. Her experience with handling new
    and foreign materials would also aid Shepard’s team in analysing and protecting themselves from any new weapons foes such as the Collectors
    or gethmight wield (that used these materials). With her help, substances that were once thought harmful or fatal to different
    species would have countermeasures developed.

    King Arthur – Long considered to be the greatest figure of any legend or story, King Arthur was said to have been the commander of
    the defense of Britain against the Saxon invaders in the early 6th Century. Arthur, accompanied by his famous sword Excalibur
    would be able to instil courage, valour and honor in his allies. Leading the charge in any battle, not even a Reaper
    could hope to stand against Arthur’s legendary power and the evil-vanquishing properties of Excalibur. No doubt his
    powerful allies such as Merlin and the Knights of the Round Table would also aid him as he charges across the galaxies. (note:
    keep away from anyone called Mordred).

  • 1) Xbox 360
    2) Xbox 360 Controller
    3) 42″ LCD TV
    4) Fusion Powered Generator
    5) Nice Comfortable couch.
    6) The copy of Mass Effect 2 I’m going to win.

    I’d want to see how it all ends before I reach the dangerous Mission.

  • Andre Hyppolite
    Frank Bilder
    Hakim Echebbi
    Josip Idromeno
    Marty Alencar
    Warren Clyde

    Althought no experience with inter-galactic travel, these six men have fought in the one of the worlds most extreme hostile environments.

    Highly trained with a variety of weapons including; AK-47, Silenced MP5, LPO-50 Flamethrower, M-79 Grenade Shot, Dragunov SVD and MGL-140, these men are each capable of taking out hostile road blocks and guard posts with ease by using advanced tactics like flushing enemies out with the aid of fire, or injuring a single enemey and picking of his companions as they rush to his aid.

    Capable of driving and repairing any motorised vehicle, and experienced with hang gliders they can scour the deepest jungles, the harshest deserts and the most rundown shanty towns in search of conflict diamonds to help finance their missions.

    Always willing to help out their buddies, and be there to pick you up off your feet after a firefight goes wrong, and will accept their fate in the case that you need to put them out of their miserry knowing full well that you have a backpack full of med kits but are just selfish.

    These men are the ultimate squad of efficient, loyal and ultimately disposable, generic mercenaries.

  • 1. Optimus Prime – Fighter as well as transport
    2. MacGyver – Can literally solve any problem with the most random and useless items in the inventory
    3. Ripley – There will be aliens, enough said
    4. Doc Brown – Just in case I stuff up a mission I can go back and do it again in my DeLorean!
    5. Dutch (Arnold Schwarzenegger from Predator) – If it bleeds, he can kill it
    6. Rambo – His kill-death ratio is unparralled. Man has never died once and has easily killed a small countries worth of enemies

  • Dictators Unite!

    Hitler – Shot first, asked questions never.
    Stalin – In Soviet Russia, Stalin picks you!
    Pol Pot – He lead the Khmer Rouge, that’s good enough for me.
    Saddam – Dug himself in a bloody bunker until the very end.
    Chairman Mao – 1 billion Chinese love him, so they can’t be wrong
    Kim-Jong il – Rounding off the team comes the most recent dictator of North Korea, in the left corner!

    I will use the speech and command skills of these six most hated dictators to bend the inferior alien races to my will. Renegade points +1,000,000

  • A man on a epic journey naturally needs a highly talented team in all areas….

    1. Joanna Dark – sneaking and technology
    2. Bayonetta – melee combat
    3. Princess Zelda – diplomacy
    4. Jill Valentine – monster fighting.
    5. Sylvia (Viewtiful Joe) – time control.
    6. Lady Eboshi – ruthless. prepared to kill everything.

    …but he needs some relief when saving the universe.

  • 1)Captain Planet – for fire power and, well, he’s got a green mullet!
    2)Rose Tyler (Dr Who)- love interest for sure
    3)Faith (Buffy)- General badass-ery
    4)Bulbasaur (Pokemon)- As the bligatory cute mascot
    5)God (the Bible)- I’m not particularly religious, but im sure I can find some use for the old lug
    6)A Brown Bear (from a forrest)- because who wants to mess with a brown bear?

  • 1. Denny Crane. let’s face facts. the guy never loses. perfect for a high stakes mission such as this one. We know he’s great with firearms and the comic relief from the mad cow shenanigans will will provide some much needed contrast to the seriousness of the job at hand.

    2. Ripley. If you need help destroying aliens bent on human extinction then who better than Ellen “get away from her you bitch!” Ripley. with her at my side i know there won’t be a game over man, game over. Also Ellen’s hot so definitely romance material.

    3. Darth Stewie. Someone who uses the force will be extremely helpful as the dedicated crowd control magic user of the group. Added bonus for the ladies playing a male Shephard because we all know Stewie’s gay so man on man love scene would be on the cards. you know. just two guys sharing a cramped office getting things done.

    4. Doctor Emmet Brown. The group will need at least one tech/science officer and who better than the inventor of the flux capacitor. instead of the Mako we’d have the delorean. so we can travel in style and any time Doc is incapacitated in combat when we wake him up he’ll have had a dream about some new piece of tech that will help us beat the collectors.

    5. A box of kittens. All your mightiest foes’ will’s wil be crushed by so much cute in a localised area. just make sure they’re not dead. that’s not so cute.

    6. Clair Bennet. Because Clair is indestructible she’ll be perfect for a suicide mission. she can run point and get killed first so you’re never surprised by the enemy. again and again and again. great as a love interest for both male and female Shephards if the latest season of heroes is to be believed.

  • 1 – Jar Jar Binks – It might be a suicide mission but I intend on living as long as possible, enter everyones favourite death sponge Jar Jar!

    2 – Stephen Hawking – A guy with an entire system named after him might hold some galactic pull, plus he seems pretty on the ball. With a cool robot voice he could take the HK-47 role, although his part in the mission would come to end when we get to some stairs.

    3 – Benny Hill – Able to render sexy female assassins useless as they chase him constantly to ridiculous music.

    4 – Captain Kirk – Even modern day Shatner has the gusto to hammer-punch any alien into unconsciousness almost instantly.

    5 – Bill Murray – Proton pack included.

    6 – Adam West Batman – With repellents for pretty much anything we’ll have plenty of time to run with ACME style bombs over our heads. Suicide mission style.

  • After reviewing countless resumes I have come to the conclusion that this mission could be completed with just the one team member. Ridiculous you say, well let me introduce to you the one person who could probably take down the whole fleet of reapers single handidly. I give you…

    Guybrush Threepwood “Mighty Pirate” – this guy puts MacGyver to shame when it comes to combining random useless items to solve the most mind bending problems. This guy is not only a great puzzle solver but can still take such a beating that even after death he can continue on in spirit form to the point of self resurrection where he can continue to wreak his form of chaos on the enemy. Not only that but he will be able to do this whilst providing us with the most humorous descriptions for any new scenery/life forms that we may encounter along the way. What more could you want in a squad mate? Oh and did I mention that he can hold his breath for 10 minutes!!! Perfect for situations that require someone to space walk to fix a leaking hull or enter a room full of deadly gas to turn on the air vents…
    As you can see this guy is virtually unstoppable to the point the other members of the team are probably not needed but as we need to have 6, I will list the remaining items/members that would round out our team

    2. Dr Walter Bishop (Fringe) – chances are that everything we encounter along the way was once part of some earlier experiment of his and he will know exactly how to defeat our enemy. The man navigates inter dimensional riffs as a hobby and in fact it was probably he that created the reapers after travelling back in time and he just simply forgot about it. However even if he doesn’t know the answer straight away he would work well with Guybrush at talking absolute nonsense whilst using random items to solve all our problems.

    3. The Groovitron weapon (from Ratchet and Clank) – come on who wouldn’t want a weapon that, once deployed, turns everyone in the vicinity into a mindless dancing superstar? Plus Walter would no doubt find some way of enhancing it to increase its range and duration and we could simply dance our way across the galaxy. I can see you tapping your foot already.

    4. Bastilla (KOTOR) – using her battle meditation we could predict how the battle would unfold and defeat the enemy before they knew what hit them (by deploying our now enhanced Groovitron’s). Plus on top of that she has that nifty little light sword that will cut down our enemies like melted butter.

    5. Sgt Martin Riggs – the person we would send in after Bastilla had done her thing as this is one guy that wouldn’t be afraid to do something crazy in order to get the job done. Plus he is a pretty crack shot with any weapon he can get his hands on. This guy will go to any lengths to get his man, no building, toilet or kung fu master will stand in his way.

    6. The Dagger of Time – should all of the above options fail (which is not likely based on their credentials) I will use the dagger to go back in time and change the combination until we succeed. Practice makes perfect right? If only the same could be done for this competition….

  • 1. Master Chief- Cmon, we ARE talking about killing aliens in the universe 😀
    2. Mario- The dude can shoot fireballs, what else can i say?
    3. Sonic- I hear he is pretty good at table tennis.
    4. *Insert Playstation Mascot here*
    5. Chuck Norris- Bioware are too scared to even censor his sex scenes.

  • 1. Eegra’s impersonation of Brian Crecente.
    see (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aZKoTfY84sU)

    2. Michael Atkinson…. Gotta have a meat shield.

    3. King of all cosmos from Katamari. No explainationg required..

    4. Billy Mays. Here’s the thing, i don’t like leveling up charisma, and i don’t like being ripped off. Billy mays can sell all the useless items i horde on my adventures!

    5. Jake from adventure time. He is a Magic Dog. He rides Penguins. see: http://toonbarn.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/adventure-time-with-finn-and-jake.jpg

    6. Yoshimitsu from tekken.
    I know it’s kinda lame, but when was really young, back in the days when i played Tekken 3 on playstation, I had this reoccuring fantasy/night-terror in which he would carry me like doctor B…
    Pfft, who didn’t…

    Thankyou for reading!

  • I would choose:

    – Commander Shepard: too obvious? Regardless s/he’s the biggest, baddest, geth-killing-est machine out there

    – Derek Zoolander: makes the crew look look, and can save my life with his ‘Blue Steel’. Plus he can have an even bigger cross-species ‘The Derek Zoolander Center for Kids and Aliens Who Can’t Read Good and Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good Too’

    – Sam Kekovich: he’s Australian, and would make a fantastic lambassador and chef for Shepard and the crew. Plus he can help spread the word about Intergalatic Australia Day [considering that ME2 is released in the US on the 26th]

    – Bob Brown (Scott Foley’s character in ‘The Unit’): he looks like default Shepard, he’s elite special forces…well he might actually be Shaprd. The key is that two Shepards are better than one

    – Ben “Yahtzee” Croshaw (Zero Punctuation): we’ll call him Aussie, and he’d provide comic relief with a scathing review of enemies, missions, the crew…pretty much everything in the game. And he has a sweet hat

    – The Pussycat Dolls: everyone needs a love interest, and why have one when you can have five! Plus, the outfits would distract my enemies

  • Cant rely on anyone these days. So i would clone myself 6 times and take all myselves on the most dangerous mission of all.

    No more having a stupid team member jump out of cover and get headshot every time you battle.

    No more getting stuck in corners and blocking me from getting a clear shot away.

    Everyone of me’s will be in perfect sink. Do exactly what i would want to do.

    The Perfect Squad.

  • Chuloopahttp://www.kotaku.com.au/2010/01/win-a-mass-effect-2-xbox-360-collectors-edition-2/#comments says:

    Ok time for me to put in my first entry 🙂 Please bear in mind that it is satirical and that all “god lovers” and the such should aproach this with an open mind and a smile.

    So there is alot of debate constantly about religion and the such – not to mention all the horribleness of war and exclusion.

    Many of us, however, believe the gods, if existant, to all in actual fact be good drinking buddies.
    So my team will be a rag tag bunch of misfit gods, out to set the universe right no matter the cost.

    1. “Modern” (western) God – Aka The father, aka the son, aka the holy ghost, aka Jesus, aka Jehovah, aka the human cannonball. “Modern” god is a master of disguise, shown by his many forms. He’s my stealth guy. My rogue. My assassin. He is highly charismatic and adored by many. Best of all, when you think he is down for the count he will always be back on his toes (even though it may take a couple of days). He is my walking proof that you can’t keep a good man/god pinned down… -ahem-

    2. Allah – The Arab Diety – Like “Modern” God, he has many, many names. 3000 according the the Qur’an – 1000 of them only known to angels. But, unline the previous, all of his basically just mean “BOOM!”. Yes, obviously Allah is my demolitions and heavy weapons expert. Him and ‘God’ often don’t see eye-to-eye, but when the going gets tough they are there for each other. Like Tango and Cash. One thing is for sure though, with Allah on the team – things will go off with a bang.

    3. Magni – The Norse god of Strength – Magni is son to Thor and Jarnsaxa, yet is even more so powerful than the mighty Thor himself. He is my close combat specialist. Magni usually keeps to himself, but often cracks a faint smile at the bickering between God and Allah. In battle he is a swirling mealstrom of destruction and heavy aterial bleeding. At the end of the day though he enjoys cuddling up to his teddy bear “Buddha”.

    4. Sekhmet – Egyptian goddess of war and vengeance. Sekhmet is my token sexy love interest whom is oblivious to her pursuing team mate due to her sass and angst. Those crazy dames, i’ll tell ya! Sekmet is my weapons specialist, often told to “go home and play with her dollies and leave the fighting to the men”, she quickly learnt the ins and outs of various firearms and will often find no problem with leaving a hole the size of a fist in someones torso.

    5. Lucifer – The Roman God of the Evening and Morning Star – Lucifer, above all else, hates being confused with Satan. I mean honestly guys, it’s like confusing Hillary Clinton with Hillary duff. Show some sense, please! He brings the light and therefore is my healer. Lucifer is the one who is brave (foolish) enough to have his eyes set on Sekhmet, but his advances are often met with the butt of a rifle. Lucifer is a peace loving man who is of great aid to our holiest of groups.

    6. Wallungunder – Aboriginal chief god of the Wandjina – the creators. He really knows how to put stuff together! He hails from the milky way (so thats already some space travel experience)and created the earth and all it’s inhabitants. Thats right, he did all that wiring and blueprinting himself. He’s my tech guy. Wallungunder is the older, wisend member, always quick to offer his advice, even when not asked for it. His technical skills are second to none and no one can rebuild a blaster or patch up your armour quicker. He has built up a repor with Magni after constantly repairing the holes in his armour after a particularly tough scrape.

    So there you have it. My team of Deity’s working together for the better of all of us regular folk… oh and the aliens… no racism here… or species-ism? (does that exist).
    6 gods working together as a close knit team… Only one question remains… how the HELL are they under MY command???

  • 6 x Gordon Ramsey.

    So incredibly irritating and stubborn, that having 6 of them would case any person or object to turn into a jelly-like substance very quickly.

    Ramsey – “That’s not how you make a f**king TARTLET!”
    Ememies – *heads explodes*
    Ramsey – “Don’t f**king expect me to clean up this s**ting mess, niever!”
    Walls – *crumble*

  • On the first day of the mission my true love sent to me
    An Action Hero in a mankini. (Chuck Norris)

    On the second day of the mission my true love sent to me
    Two James Bonds (Pierce Brosnan and Roger Moore)
    And an Action Hero in a mankini. (Sylvester Stallone)

    On the third day of the mission my true love sent to me
    Three Femme Fatales (Sharon Stone, Geena Davis and Milla Jovovich)
    Two James Bonds (Daniel Craig and Timothy Dalton)
    And an Action Hero in a mankini. (Bruce Willis)

    OKAY, technically that’s at least 6 people, but I guess you want more…

    On the fourth day of the mission my true love sent to me
    Four Gaming Icons (Mario, Solid Snake, Lara Croft and Samus)
    Three Femme Fatales (Peta Wilson, Jodie Foster and Angelina Jolie)
    Two James Bonds (Sean Connery and George Lazenby)
    And an Action Hero in a mankini. (Jean-Claude Van Damme)

    On the fifth day of the mission my true love sent to me
    Five Saturday Morning Cartoon Characters! (He-Man, Inspector Gadget, Bugs Bunny, Optimus Prime and Lion-O)
    Four Gaming Icons (Link, Duke Nukem, Pac-Man, Leisure Suit Larry)
    Three Femme Fatales (Summer Glau, Gina Torres and Morena Baccarin)
    Two James Bonds (Bob Holness and David Niven)
    And an Action Hero in a mankini. (Steven Seagal)

    On the sixth day of the mission my true love sent to me
    Six Clever Dicks a’sleuthing (Sherlock Holmes, Inspector Morse, Hercule Poirot, Thomas Magnum, Inspector Clouseau and Miss Marple)
    Five Saturday Morning Cartoon Characters! (Donatello, Rafael, Leonardo, Michelangelo and Splinter)
    Four Gaming Icons (Niko Bellic, Scorpion, Diablo and Donkey Kong)
    Three Femme Fatales (Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore and Lucy Liu)
    Two James Bonds (Michael Jayston and Corey Burton)
    And an Action Hero in a mankini. (Arnold Schwarzenegger)

    Okay, in a round-about way that’s six. Six types of team members in six days.

    What you want more?? That’s already like, six action heroes in a mankini right there! What’s wrong with you?

    Okay there is more, but I’m going to leave it there until someone gives me free stuff.

  • I’d have my team consisting of Generals from Kotaku leading there 6 wo/man team.

    1 – ManT’s team featuring – Denny Crane, Captain Kirk, Turanga Leela, Replicator , GoW Lancer, Token Williams.

    2 – RufusLives’s soldier farm – cow, donkey, sheep, pig, a tiny little mouse, Whatever it was that pulled all of the above out of the lake.

    3 – Simeon’s Apple team – Jon Ive, Steve Ballmer, Noah Wyle, “1984″ Guy on the Screen, Lisa 2, Apple Fanboy #486454

    4 – Terry’s Alcoholic Zoo – That deer from Tooheys, That tiger thing from Cascade, That Eagle from Wolf Blass, The Big Polar Bear from Bundaberg Rum, Those two old fellows from Guinness, That big mob of monks from the Carlton Draught ad

    5 – Shaun Jenkins Team of Heroes – Batman, The Master Chief, Deadpool, Wolverine, Jill Valentine, Joanna Dark

    6 – Steve Bogo’s random team of non-descripts – An Action hero , An Internet Meme, A Sci-Fi reference, A Video Game Character, A Historical Figure, A personal friend

  • Now the question here is who am I trying to save the universe for? I, for one, am ready to welcome our new robotic overlords. So my team will consist of:

    1. HAL from 2001 A Space Odyssey.
    2. Skynet from the Terminator Series.
    3. Agent Smith from the Matrix.
    4. The Cybermen from Doctor Who.
    5. Replicators from Stargate.
    6. Cavil, Cylon Number 1, from Battlestar Galactica.

    The technoverse cannot be stopped.

  • On the most dangerous mission of all, who better to take than a selection of university students from 6 different fields. Allow me to elaborate below;

    1) The Commerce Student. In other words, myself. The commerce student is the banker of the mission, the individual who sets it upon himself to distribute not only credits but omni gel, morality, equipment and anything my group will steal, persuade or pause and reload the game to get our hands on. As I only have a limited amount of each resource, my methods of distribution within my group are highly biased and inherently unfair. I don’t abide by the economic standards of the Citadel (because I let the council die in the first game) but by which character’s sex scene is the best . (Sorry Kaidan, you automatically lose here as I never wanted to see you in action anyway). At the very least, I will ensure that my team are armed to the bare minimum with armour and weaponry. When I say bare minimum, think of Kaidan standing in front of a thresher maw in his underpants with a Level 1 Brawler pistol. Then think of me a mile away sitting in the Mako wondering when my dinner is going to be ready.

    Oh yeah, and one more thing I forgot to mention.

    Level 1 Brawler pistols don’t even exist…

    2) The Law Student. I consider this member of the team to be the most knowledgeable due to their advanced reading skills. Chances are, I’ll be hitting the mute button often during the mission so it helps to have someone with time on their hands to read all those boring, codex entries about this planet and that warship and this alien race I probably won’t get to play as until the next game. The Law Student is also a master at persuasion as detailed in the conversation log below

    Hanar: The human is an idiot.
    Law Student: No I’m not!
    Hanar: This one does not need to refer to the human in first person in order to get this one’s point across.
    Law Student: Point taken…

    Indeed.

    3) The Med Student. A lifesaver, literally. The Med Student will do whatever it takes to protect the other members and has always been seen as a walking supply depot for medi-gel. The Med Student has been able to take the usage of medi-gel’s adhesive properties to new levels. Sealing all sorts of things from a Quarian’s breathing apparatus to a Salarian’s non-existent eyelids, etc. The Med Student is a valuable member of the group although they tend to have one bad habit.

    Completely sealing their hands to their gun…

    4) The Science Student. An individual utterly fascinated by ‘interacting’ with other alien races. The Science student will do everything from starting fights with Krogan bouncers to trying to tie a Hanar’s tentacles in to a knot all for the sake of research. The Science student’s greatest achievement however has been its recorded observation of interaction with a Keeper.

    5am: Keeper enters the room
    7am: Keeper rearranges the furniture
    9pm: Keeper enters the bedroom
    9:30pm: Tackle the Keeper from behind onto the bed.
    9:35pm: Keeper melts instantly into a puddle of acid. Request Med Student’s assistance
    10:30pm: Face is completely sealed to Med Student’s gun and hands…

    5) The Engineering Student. The only individual whose field of study is already classified in-game as the ‘Engineer’. This member handles the operational controls for all in-game vehicles (Joker is on permanent sick leave) and has come through time and time again to rescue the team out of tight spots, like Kaidan’s sex scene. Speaking of sex scenes, that is the Engineering student’s ultimate objective. To experience one of his own.

    Preferably with Tali. But getting her to open up will be a tough nut to crack.

    6) The Arts Student. And last, and also the least, this person. I’m sure that arts students are good for something? A human shield perhaps? I’m not entirely sure to be honest.

    Because the last time I saw one, he was trying to pet a thresher maw in his underpants.

  • If 2009 was any indication, great cooking is the key to success. So it’s clear to me that winning this competition comes down to wowing the judge with my gastronomic talents. Here are my six dishes of triumph, all of which I actually cook:

    1. Beef with Oyster Sauce.
    The key to this dish is marinating extremely thin pieces of beef in a mixture of baking soda, cornflour, sugar and soy sauce for several hours. It flavours and tenderises the beef. The other star of the dish is broccoli. After blanching it, you stir fry it with some salt, sugar and sherry, which soaks through. Next you quickly stir fry the beef on a very high heat, then some ginger and spring onions. Next add back the broccoli, some oyster sauce and seasonings.
    Overall it’s a simple dish, but an instant winner.

    2. Lemon Meringue Pie
    It’s amazing the wow factor a good lemon meringue can produce. My recipe features a sweet biscuity pastry that crumbles nicely when eaten. This is filled with a lemon mixture that I make on the sour side (family preference) by adding extra lemon rind. The meringue topping is pretty standard stuff but I always make a generous amount. It usually looks very artistic with many freeform peaks, but this is due to me handling the meringue as little as possible so not to destroy the aeration.

    3. Peanut Chicken
    To make this dish, you marinate pieces of chicken breast in a mixture of curry power, (fresh) thyme, lemon juice, crushed garlic and olive oil for several hours. Later, you fry the chicken until it is browned and set it aside. Next fry a chopped onion until soft then 4 chopped tomatoes (seeded and peeled) and a green chilli. Put it together with the chicken in a baking dish and pour over a sauce made from chicken stock and peanut butter. Cook for about 20 minutes at 180 degrees.
    The tomatoes in this dish add a nice juicy freshness to counterbalance the heaviness of the peanut butter. The sauce is delightful drizzled over ay accompanying vegetables.

    4. Chicken Schnitzel
    This was a staple of my childhood. Cut chicken breast in half to create thin pieces and pound with a mallet to tenderise and further thin the meat. Next, coat the pieces in flour then eggwash (beaten egg and a little milk), followed by breadcrumbs. Fry the chicken in lots of butter (with a little oil to prevent burning) until golden brown and the chicken is cooked. Using lots of butter can seem scary in today’s health-conscious world, but it gives the crumbs a rich flavour you can’t get otherwise. It’s essential to serve the schnitzels with lemon juice. You can make this with other meats or eggplant slices (though these may need time in the oven to cook through)

    5. Cupcakes
    Everyone likes cupcakes, I have relatives that will eat cupcakes at get-togethers, even when they will eat nothing else. I use a simple buttercake recipe, but you can add extra flavour by adding some orange rind to the mixture. Instead of topping the cupcakes with icing, I use melted chocolate and decorate with a couple of M & M’s. Not everyone likes icing, but almost everyone loves chocolate.

    6. Szechuan Eggplant
    The eggplant really soaks up the flavours in this dish, creating something so moreish, it’s really hard not to overindulge. First you salt some small eggplant cubes for 20 minutes or so, then rinse them and stir fry the eggplant until cooked. Next you brown some pork mince and simmer it for 5 minutes with the sauce. Depending on how authentic you want to be, you can make it using a mixture of hot bean paste, oyster sauce, soy and seasonings, but szechuan flavoured stirfry sauce works just as well. You return the eggplant to the pan and some spring onions. Once heated through, a dash of sesame oil completes the dish. Delicious!

  • 1. Bob Marley…simply because there really isn’t anything that Bob Marley wouldn’t make better.
    2. Bruce Banner/Hulk…either you get one of the smartest men in the world, or you get a badass green monster. Win/win situation.
    3. Quentin Tarantino…if you need to kill something, and it needs to be done with unusual class, he is the man.
    4. Chewbacca…excellent wingman.
    5. Kim Kardashian in a red star trek costume…she’s hot and the ones in red are always the first to die. Sacrifice anyone?

  • 1. Chewbacca – How can we lose when we have the coolest wookie around to watch our backs?

    2. Old School Optimus Prime – Screw that Michael bay fire streaks prime, old school prime will beat the shit out of any that oppose us, and as a bonus can carry the trailer that houses the team and supplies.

    3.Eddie Riggs – Someone has to keep us entertained during the trip, he’s also capable of passing through unseen by enemies, which is a valuable asset, and can summon lightning by playing sweet rock and roll tunes, that’s just awesome

    4. Sergeant Lincoln Osiris – Oscar winner Robert Downey Jr, plays Kirk Lazarus winner of china’s coveted screaming monkey award playing Lincoln Osiris the legendary army soldier who runs up and punches death itself in the kidney. and we can never forget. never go full retard

    5. We can’t forget Arnie the governator himself, it’s Arnold Schwarzenegger, who didn’t cheer when we saw him in Terminator Salvation?

    6. Finally, we have the mysterious stranger from Fallout 3, when all else fails… he will come a save the day

  • 1. A tent.
    2. Firewood
    3. Flint
    4. Sleeping bag
    5. Damper
    6. Model 1887 Shotgun

    It works in Modern Warfare 2, so why not in ME2? All I need to do is work up my killstreaks and I’ll have a tactical nuke in no time!

    I hear it’s a legitimate strategy, too.

  • Well since my last “team” didn’t win (on account of that at least 2 of its members would have needed to have been chained to the outside of the Normandy to stop them from killing everything between missions). I have decided to create a second team, to address my issue with the current Mass Effect 2 companion line up.

    WHERE ARE THE NORMAL ONES?

    Every single team member is either geneticly engineered to be perfect, a psychotic biotic/krogen or is just pure awesome in a hard suit.

    This list is to remind Bioware that just because you need to do something amazing you don’t HAVE to be this crazy superpower lottery winner, or an alien.

    1) The Front Man, Negotiator, Dirty Fighter.

    “If the titles don’t impress you, maybe this gun might.”

    His Grace, The Duke of Ankh, Commander Sir Samuel Vimes.

    Don’t let the titles fool you, Sam Vimes is a victor or at least a survivor of many a hand to hand and foot to crotch fights. Born in a slum, his first few weeks as a cop involved a revolution, which he played a vital role. In his bosses own words, (who makes the Illusive Man look like a amateur) “Sam Vimes once arrested me for treason. And Sam Vimes arrested a dragon. Sam Vimes stoped a war between nations by arresting two high commands. He’s an arresting fellow, Sam Vimes. Sam Vimes killed a warewolf with his bare hand and carries the law with him like a lamp…” This guy is one badass cop.

    2) The Sharpshooter, Distraction

    “Fire you pistol at them half heartily, then run like hell so they think you are fleeing, get to high ground, then kill them with my sniper rifle”

    Jon Amraphel

    While the world of Errant Story is filled with powerful time ninja, mages, elves and other overpowered sorts running about, Jon Amraphel is just good at shooting things with a gun. While his relative lack of power is something he complains about often, it hasn’t stopped him from killing or subduing many of those mentioned above with the skills he has.

    3) The Medic, Infiltrator, Scientist

    “I just wanted to be like BATMAN”

    Dr McNinja

    He punched out Dracula, he punched out DEATH, he is a dam good ninja and a doctor to boot. Need I say more?

    4) The Heavy Weapons guy

    “I’m someone you don’t want to get on the bad side of.”

    Canderous

    This guy is the spiritual ancestor of Urdot Wrex, YES that Wrex. In fact they share a lot of similarities with each other. Both are members of a proud warrior race which got its ass kicked and are now dying out, both know this and both are trying to do something about it in the sequel.

    5) The Coward, Thinker, Plan Maker

    “Every team need someone like me in a suicide squad, cause they are the ones who think of the plans that get everyone to safety. I just wish it wasn’t me that has to do it.”

    Ciaphas Cain

    In his own words “In the half-dozen years since my arrival, I’d been temporarily seconded to units assigned, among other things, to assault fixed positions, clear out a space hulk, and run recon deep behind enemy lines. And every time I’d made it back alive, due in no small part to my natural talent for diving for cover and waiting for the noise to stop, the general staff had patted me on the head, given me another commendation, and tried to find an even more inventive way of getting me killed.” If Cain was with Shepard and his team, well that achievement for not letting any of your teammates die would be very easy.

    6) DPS, One Man Army

    (Grins at army of faceless Mooks)

    John Preston

    He knows Gun Kata (martial arts involving dual wielding pistols), there are lots of things you need to kill to complete the mission. You do the math.

  • I would recruit the aging action stars of yester-year:

    1. Jean Claude Van Damme
    2. Steven Segal
    3. Dolph Lundgren
    4. Wesley Snipes
    5. Kurt Russell
    6. Chuck Norris (not because he’s invincible)

    The catch is I would not tell them they are on a real suicide mission. They should be easy to convince since they are quite desperate for roles. I would trick them into believing they are on a movie set and that there are hidden cameras everywhere recording their actions. All dialog is to be adlibed and it must be done in one take.

    I would be their guide watching them from afar, giving them orders and proding them in the right direction. I hope there time in Hollywood has prepared them for their greatest gig yet.

  • Since my last entry of the futurama crew failed… now its the Straw Hat Pirates

    1. Captain Monkey D. Luffy – He’s a rubber-man. Kinda like mr fantastic but only really dumb. the most intelligent thing he can do is stick a pair of chopsticks between his nose and mouth while singing drinking songs.

    2. Roronoa Zoro – He uses three swords at once, the third one in his mouth, hmm… I’m not sure how he’ll cope in space what with needing to wear a helmet to breathe and all.

    3. Nami – the crew’s navigator and thief. She has the strange ability of growing bigger breasts every time you see her. Look they just got bigger again!

    4. Usopp – he has a long nose, and he lies all the time, i guess he’s like pinocchio. Basically the comic relief.

    5. Sanji – the most awesome chef. since he can’t use his hands while fighting, his legs burning with the devil’s flame when he kicks a bit too much. He also has curly eyebrows. eww.

    6. Tony Tony Chopper – the doctor of the Straw Hat Pirates. He is a blue-nosed, humanoid reindeer. Everytime you compliment him, he gets embarassed and swears at you. its cute.

  • 1. House MD – We all need a doctor, especially one that can entertain during those long elevator rides.
    2. Seven of Nine – Technological know-how, can fight, looks good in a catsuit.
    3. The Terminator – Pretty self explanatory. Powerful political figure.
    4. Al Swearengen – Business acumen, knife fighting, general cursing all strong points.
    5. Conan O’Brian – Knows games, out of work….
    6. Starbuck – Good pilot, can handle a gun and likes a drink at the end of the day.

  • 1: Ronnie James Dio. His voice can melt faces.
    2: Eddie Riggs. His solos can melt faces.
    3: The Pyro from TF2. His flame thrower can melt faces.
    4: The Question. He has no face to melt off!
    5: Three Large Juggling Sticks (On Fire)
    6: The Ubiquitous Chuck Norris answer.

  • You know, the first time this competition was run, I got way to excited and read the details a little too quickly. Due to my giddy excitement at the thought of free mass effect I read the details a little too quickly. I read it as such:

    In Mass Effect 2, Shepard recruits a squad of the galaxy’s most elite soldiers and assassins to undertake the most dangerous mission of all: TO WIN A COPY OF MASS EFFECT 2. We want to know….

    “Weird” I thought to myself at the time, “I’m pretty sure the game is about fighting the collectors and not at all about Sheperd trying to get a copy of his own game”. Even so, I pondered my answer for the full ten seconds it took me to take proper notice of the actual punctuation. This was good, because I couldn’t think up an answer to how sheperd would recruit his crack team of competition winning soldiers. But now that I’ve seen the prizes come and go, and the entries that won them, I think I can now safely determine the elite soldiers and assassins that should be recruited to win a copy of mass effect …… and it will be dangerous.

    1) Stephen Bogos – has the ability to read through a large amount of posts, and then highlight the trends that the majority of the lists adhere to. Can win Sheperd a copy with his originality and insight into his peers
    2) Adam Grabda – has the ability to take the given question, and turn it on his head by giving us a dominating 6 of a different variety. Can win Sheperd a copy with his know how on current gaming sales lists
    3) Kelly – has the ability to like bioware games and be a girl…… nice. But more importantly she has the ability to notice the double standard present in the original mass effect, where there is no dude on dude option or second male love interest (possibly also voiced by Raphael Sbarge). Can win Sheperd a copy with her love for buff, gravely-voiced men.
    4) WaveOfMutilation – has the ability to create logic loopholes within the given question, and exploit them so as to create an army of soldiers/human shields. Can win Sheperd a copy by creating loopholes and appealing to everyone’s inner trekkie
    5) Andrew Hobbs – has the ability to………. wait, this guy wrote WHAT!?? Wow, that is awesome, I can barely comprehend what it is I’m reading, almost as if it was not meant for the eyes and minds of us mere mortals. Can definitely win Sheperd a copy with the awesome power of CATURTLETOAST!!
    6) David Wildgoose – has the ability to directly choose who gets a copy with his mighty powers of editor. Actually makes the mission kind of easy, cos I play as a female Sheperd, and you’ve stated earlier that you are impartial to Jennifer Hale’s lovely voice. I’d just use my lvl 10 charm to swoon you and score a copy.

  • 1. My Boyfriend- he really wants the game for Valentines day and I wouldn’t know what to do!
    2. House- He could solve any injury or illness and provided humorous witticisms
    3. Obama- The guy is awesome and you may need someone to call the enemy a ‘jackass’
    4. Houdini- get in to a tight spot, he can get you out!
    5. Wolverine- you need someone with an attitude
    6. Blink 182- for light music relief

  • Hmm…

    1. Dwight Schrute – good at hunting, good at fighting, carries pepper spray and has the strength of both a full grown man and a little baby (also potential love interest).

    2. Unnamed nondescript guy – someone needs to die first.

    3. Phil Collins – so that no matter how much I stuffed up, people still wouldn’t hate me the most.

    4. The Fonz – his coolness transcends all boundaries: gender, race, extraterrestrial.

    5. Megan Fox – for the obligatory nudey bits.

    6. My boyfriend… no scratch that, Alec Baldwin.

  • If there’s one thing a childhood of media consumption has taught me it’s that the only sure fire way for the hero to win the day is to have a kick-ass training montage before the final fight. With this in mind I have constructed a team to create the ultimate montage.

    Sylvester Stallone – king of the montage, star of the Rocky films, director of all but the first Rocky film (the first film also being the exception to the rule. Stallone did it right when he took over as director for the sequels), this man undeniably knows how to create a world class montage.

    Clint Eastwood – because our hero needs a coach and I defy you to name a better man for the job. Hard as rock, this man would offer no mercy when the going got tough; no sympathy when it seemed all too hard to go on; and take no excuses for anything but victory.

    Axel Rose, Joe Satriani, Steve Vai and Keith Moon – because a universe saving montage wouldn’t be complete without musical accompaniment from this supergroup. The sounds produced by these men would exude such sheer awesomeness that there’s a very real chance the universe could explode before the montage is over. It’s a risk worth taking though, because that music would be none other than the soundtrack to victory.

    Assuming the magnitude of this montage doesn’t disrupt the very fabric of space-time, there is no conceivable way that our valiant Commander Shepherd could fail to save the universe from destruction.

  • The most dangerous mission of all would be pretty insane i guess like that guy who wanted to see how close he could get his head to a moving train. He was found unconcious after he inched his head closer and closer until the train and his head ran out of space. My mission is to take six ‘recruits’ who are ‘doin it wrong all the time’ to the point before a fatal point of no return and make sure they take another step. My judgment as at what point we reach THE point before the fatal one is the dangerous part..

    Zoot review producer – go to hell.
    Stephen Conroy – leave China out of my internet.
    Michael Aitkenson – welcome aboard!
    George W Bush – he did enough.
    Woody Allen – any father/daughter relationship should remain just that.
    Tim Langdell – edge edge edge edge edge.

    • “…at 10am when we open the final draw to win the three remaining Xbox 360 copies.”

      Wait, I have to repost the above again after 10am to count in todays (Tuesday) draw? I jumped at the better odds 😉

  • 1. Rambo : Has a brain the size of a peanut so he will obey orders.

    2. Jar Jar Binks : Cannon fodder

    3. Care Bears : Everyone will flee in terror including the rest of my team

    4. Stewie Griffin : Evil and a genius

    5. Marcus Fenix : Can heal people by fondling their head lovingly and also chest high walls guaranteed

    6. Han Solo : He always shoots first.

  • For my 6, i’d take

    1) Kevin Rudd (All will be made clear)
    2) A mask of Hu Jintao
    3) Several masks of people working for K-Rudd. Eg. Goodwin Grech of the utegate fame
    4) A mandarin phrase book
    5) Peter Garrett
    6)A video Camera

    And the reasons
    Kevin Rudd. What is there about this repetitive, boring, unintelligible – ‘detailed programmatic specificity’?, twerpy nerd that has allowed the australian public, typically laid-back and cynical, more worried about the footy and the cricket than the politics to not only accept but adore K-Rudd and his arrogant smile. I don’t think anyone knows but here is why K-Rudd is my first choice:
    Seemingly the antithesis of the public image, yet enjoys the highest approval ratings ever recorded, means wherever we travelled, K-Rudd is undoubtedly going to be the most popular person on the planet. Leave him with the geth long enough, I’m sure he would be elected their prime minister or deus ex machina or equivalent
    As a weapon, K-rudd is unstoppable. It is well known his cliche filled speeches have driven men to madness and the best thing is he does not require time to recharge. He was once recorded saying ‘working families’ 12 times in a space of 4 seconds. All you need to do is point him at a horde of advancing enemies and tell him they are his constituents.
    Against the bosses, his cliche’s may not be enough to prevail, so that is why masks of public servants are needed. If i had Rudd in mass effect 1, i would have stuck a mask of Goodwin Grech or equivalent on Saren and told Rudd he was slacking off, and allowed Rudd to give him a nervous breakdown.
    In case Rudd becomes suspicious, i would use Hu Jintao mask and the mandarin phrase book, to convince him we were not impinging on human rights and we needed another shipment of coal soon. He would think all is right in the world and go back to being a WMD.
    And peter garrett. In case we come across a hostile species, i would send peter garrett out and tell him we’re redoing the music video of the ‘power and the passion’ (I would have the video camera in my hand to convince him). Once he starts dancing (is that what its called),the aliens would no doubt be sure they have discovered a new species, allowing us time to unleash K-Rudd on them

    With these two men and my control methods, the galaxy would be mine for the taking.

  • 1. Mario-Can kill things with his ass, thats just brutal
    2. MacGyver-He’s freakin macgyver
    3. Crocodile Dundee-Tougher then Chuck norris ever was
    4. Edward Cullen-There’s a good chance he’d get killed
    5. Any woman-Win arguments and make people feel guilty if they dont help us
    6. Morgan Freeman-Epic adventure must have an epic narrator, Patrick Stewart also acceptable

  • I Tetromino
    J Tetromino
    L Tetromino
    O Tetromino
    S Tetromino
    and T Tetromino,

    because what else could you possibly need? And secondly, because everyone hates the goddamn Z Tetromino.

  • Okay, here’s my last crack at this. This is my list of people who I would really like to bring with me:

    1. Ashley Williams
    2. Liara T’Soni
    3. Kaidan Alenko
    4. Garrus Vakarian
    5. Urdnot Wrex
    6. Tali’Zorah nar Rayya

    Best squad ever.

  • 1. Wolverine. Need I say more?
    2. Sam Fisher, because sometimes you need a bit of sneaking.
    3. Gandalf, smart as a button, not bad with a sword and can cast a mean curse.
    4. Arnie Schwarzenegger. Political clout AND he can dual wield M16’s, what more could you ask for?
    5. Lara Croft for her, uh, gymnastic assets ….
    6. Taz, because Grhm Grr graaaahh!!!! Exactly.

  • Keeping with the theme of Mass Effect, my mission would occur thousands of light years away from Earth. The major challenge is actually getting there, as I would have to travel faster than the speed of light to arrive before the actual issue is resolved. Unfortunately, as writer Douglas Adams once stated, nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the exception of bad news. Thus I will construct a space ship powered completely by bad news. Of course, I will need a lot of fuel to power this ship, which is why I’m bringing:

    2 members of the Australian Classifications Board

    Sit these guys down with every game I ever want to play ever and let the bad news flow. I have to bring 2, otherwise I wouldn’t have a board, and without a board how can they can make binding decisions that completely ruin my day?

    Of course, building and outfitting this ship will take money and technical expertise. Governments don’t seem to be the ones to provide this. The USA has dismantled its shuttle program with no adequate replacement in sight, China is still busy trying to get a man on the moon and despite what science fiction usually tells me, I somehow doubt they are going to suddenly throw down their arms and work together for the betterment of mankind through spaceflight. No, any help I get is going to come from the private sector, which is why I welcome:

    Sir Richard Branson

    International entrepreneur and my Illusive Man, Richard Branson possesses the billions needed to finance my mission to the stars. By making use of his companies Virgin Galactic and Virgin Mobile, my space ship and galactic communications would be quickly ready for action. Branson’s business savvy will prove useful in trade bargaining with alien species and I am sure he would welcome the chance to spread the virgin brand to the stars.

    Space is cold, space is dark, space is boring. Boredom is a very real possibility on this trip. If Mass Effect has taught me anything, it is that good conversation will make or break any good space adventure. Enter stage right:

    Oscar Wilde

    19th century wit, playwright and social deviant, Oscar Wilde brings his own personal, entertaining conversation style to my team. His scathing remarks will prove useful against my enemies in battles of psychological warfare, plus the guy knows how to party.

    While half the battle is getting to the battle, the other half of the battle is the battle. To win the battle we need:

    Nicholas Cage

    I am not a Nicholas Cage fan. I think he’s terrible in almost every action and thriller movie he’s ever been in. However, I’m obviously missing something – he has massive massive box office draw and always seems to win the day against impossible odds. I’m giving this guy a chance to prove to me he is the ultimate action hero.

    Of course, if/when he fails, I have:

    Starcraft’s Kerrigan, Queen of the Blades.
    The ace up my sleeve. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that Blizzard isn’t going to provide me with a space adventure starring Sarah any time in the near future, so I’m just going to make my own. Sarah is intelligent, tough and yes a little bit evil, but I believe I can change her with my devilish charm. She can read your thoughts and control an army of billions with her mind. She is also someone for fan boys to drool over despite the fact she’s covered in scales and more likely to rip off their head than go on a date with them. kekeke.

    With this team of 6, the most dangerous mission of them all would be both accessible and winnable, while still being fun along the way.

  • In no specific order:

    Luke Skywalker
    Han Solo
    Chewbacca
    r2d2
    Bobba Fett
    Mace Windu

    Replace Illusive Man with Grand Moff Tarkin.

  • 1) Jamie Oliver: His ability to cook fresh, tasty meals in little time with basic ingredients will be invaluable in keeping me well fed. His recent iPhone app grants him +3 to Science.

    2) Iain ‘Huey’ Hewitson: He’s big, he’s jolly, and he’s always barbequing something. The fact that he’s liberal with oils and salts means my meal is always tasty. The resident heavy.

    3) Masaharu Morimoto: Sometimes sushi is what you need, and Morimoto’s Bell Pepper Sushi is unmatched. The guy ain’t the third Iron Chef for nothing. I’d hope he has mad ninja skills too.

    4) Nigella Lawson: For when I’m in more of a cream-cake kind of mood. Also, she brings the hotness.

    5) Gordon Ramsay: Aside from cooking hearty dishes himself, Gordon’s loud and abraisive nature will keep the other chefs on their toes. His unforgiving criticism only increases the quality of food for me to eat.

    6) Kratos: . . . for the mission.

  • 1. Leonardo
    2. Michelangelo
    3. Raphael
    4. Donatello
    Before you say never bring a knife in a gun fight keep in mind that these shinobi reptiles have defeated countless foot ninjas, robots/ cyborgs, mutants, mystical creatures with biotic like powers, had a part on the extinction of an alien race and have been in the distant future and kicked some more arse all without even using their weapons extensively .
    5.Jessie and 6. James
    even though they may not be the best fighters they can definitely take hits. time and time again they get blasted into oblivion only to try again the next morning. with my team team rocket will be in the front line being cannon fodder whilst the ninja turtles flank the enemies silently whilst my character is miles away sniping any straglers

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