WIN! Three Copies Of Mass Effect 2 On Xbox 360

WIN! Three Copies Of Mass Effect 2 On Xbox 360

This is it, the last day of our Mass Effect 2 giveaway. But it’s OK, we’ve got not one, not two, but three copies left. Here’s how you win.

UPDATE: This competition is now closed.

In Mass Effect 2, Shepard recruits a squad of the galaxy’s most elite soldiers and assassins to undertake the most dangerous mission of all. To win a copy of Mass Effect 2, we want to know which six people (real, fictional or possibly not even people – we’ll be flexible here) you would recruit to join you on the most dangerous mission of all. Tell us which six people you’d pick and why they’re right for the job.

Leave your entry in the comments below. Multiple entries will be discarded and only your first entry will count. You have until midnight tonight to enter. The winners will be announced tomorrow at 10am.

Note that if you left your entry on yesterday’s post after the midnight cut-off, you’ll be eligible for today’s draw for one of three Xbox 360 copies.

Good luck!

[Terms and Conditions]


  • I would take the six most able but also the six most likely to die, that way they can make sure the jobs done right but i can get all the glory in the end.
    I’m thinking the likes of Bruce Willis in Armageddon, Neo perhaps?, Wash from Firefly, Dumbledore, Jesus and Jack from Titanic (Cause ill be there to comfort all the ladies who are distraught over his death)

  • Team Leader: Tony Todd
    2: The Candyman
    3. Captain Darrow
    4. Warren from Platoon
    5. General Benjamin Juma
    6. A clone of Tony Todd

  • Time to pull out the OG’s of gaming royalty

    Blinky, the original stealth master
    Pinky, Mr +100 times agility
    Inky, the aloof comic relief
    Clyde, the one everyone loves to hate
    Pac Man, insatiable appetite for destruction
    Mrs Pac Man, because behind every great Pac Man is a great Pac Woman

  • Wolverine – Adamantium skeleton, Melee, Badass
    Solid Snake – Tactical Espionage
    Stone Cold Steve Austin – He will beat ur ass and loves a beer
    Jean Grey – Female influence and she can hold her own
    Gob Bluth – Distraction with his magic (oops i mean “illusions”) Plus he provides the soundtrack – It’s the final countdown!!
    Kratos – Not much to say, he can probably take everyone himself

  • 1) Chuck Norris – undefeatable in any fight
    2) John McClane – no matter what happens he still manages to survive (ie unkillable)
    3) River Tam – cause she’s hilariously awesome
    4) Matt Farrell – (from die hard 4) as a computer hacker who can hack anything, anywhere
    5) Sam Fisher – for any sneakiness needed
    6) Dogmeat – cause everyone needs a companion and sidekick who can smell threats a mile off

  • 1) Raptor Jesus – A dinosaur healer. ‘nuf said.
    2) An Assembly line Arm Robot – He has a dream to break free from his primative “welding X to Y” programming. Though he may not have free will, he’s determined, with the help of his companions, to put his newfound “welding bullet to face” abilities to use.
    3) A Dingo – Can drag off the little ones without any enemies noticing. The ultimate rogue. It took your baby.
    4) An obligatory love interest – Obligatorily.
    5) A Katamari – Why fight enemies you could just roll up and turn into a star?
    6) A Save Point – Just so I can save anywhere.

  • Out of desperation, I have no choice but to pick a team of winners. Namely, the winners thus far of Mass Effect 2 packs.

    1) WaveOfMutilation
    2) Andrew Hobbs
    3) Kelly
    4) Aidan Dullard
    5) Steven Bogos
    6) Adam Grabda

    Each of these gamers has shown that they meet the criteria for the ‘ultimate’ party.

    They have shown initiative, each accepting the oppurtunity that was laid before them.

    They have shown that they can strategise, each carefully planning and considering the most logical choice of party members to suit their specific needs.

    They have also shown a certain drive for success, each committing themselves to the contest until they find themselves a victory.

    Finally, and most importantly, they have shown that they have a sense of humor. In a journey full of perils and hardships, it is ultimately laughter that will see us through to the end.

  • 1. David Boon – Legendary batting and beer drinking skills.

    2. Mel Gibson – He can be Boonies drinking partner and you dont mess with Mel when he has been drinking.

    3. Ned Kelly – His armour may come in handy

    4. Mark “Chopper” Read – No reason needed he’s Chopper.

    5. Russel Crowe – Same reason as Mel.

    6. Senator Stephen Conroy – Sacrificial lamb.

  • Yo!

    First up, I’d take Mal Reynolds from Firefly/Serenity, because he has some of the best one-liners in Sci-Fi and is handy with a gun to boot. Definitely a guy you’d want at your back when facing prospective doom.

    Secondly, I’d take my mate Aaron, as he’d make a brilliant wise-cracking pilot. Potential downside: the crew would have to listen to constant heavy metal over the intercom. A small price to pay, though. He’s also a great boxer, so in those tough melee situations he’d be extremely handy.

    Another heavy would be Jo Lupo from Eureka. A guns and ammo expert, Jo’s skills would be utterly invaluable in saving the universe. She is also one fine looking woman, and that never hurts on a mission of galactic importance.

    I’d take Alyx Vance from HL2, her existing tech abilities boosted with some hotass biotics. It’s Alyx Vance, I mean, come on. How could you not take her?

    My other biotics specialist would be Inara Serra, once again from Firefly. Inara’s cool, calm and collected, and besides the fact that she and Mal make an excellent (and entertaining) pair, she’s willing to do whatever she needs to get the job done, and that’s the kind of person I’d want on such a mission.

    Finally, I’d take the boyfriend, as he’s an ace programmer and said skills would translate well to being an engineer/tech specialist. Always need a technical genius handy on these sort of missions, and every good suicide mission has to have a handsome romance!

  • 1. Michaelangelo from the TMNT – Cowabunga dude! That guy is totally awesome
    2. Wolverine – He’s the best at what what he does! Natch!
    3. Stephen Hawking – The brains..and the wheels..
    4. Any customer service rep from Telstra – I just wanna see one of them die man
    5. Hello Kitty – Mascot
    6. Jenna Jameson – If worst comes to worst, my last request…

  • This would be my team:

    1)Arnold Schwarzenegger: Every team needs a strong and very persuasive soldier with a unique accent.

    2)Sam Fisher: When you can’t go in all guns blazing, Fisher would do the job.

    3)Bill Gates: Every team has to have a traitor that works for both sides for his own personal gain.

    4)Albert Einstein: This is the guy smart enough to figure out who the traitor is before dying in an apple avalanche

    5)Fidel Castro: Needed as the team’s all powerful leader to keep them in line as they save the universe.

    6)The Rookie: Not to be over shadowed by Master Chief, this guy can get the job done without super strength.

  • Are you planning a suicide mission?

    Do you have a evil empire that needs overthrowing?

    Do you need some odd jobs done around the space station?

    Jim has the solutions for you!

    1. Jim’s Piloting Services

    2. Jim’s Computer Hacking

    3. Jim’s Assassinations

    4. Jim’s Heavy Weapons

    5. Jim’s Inventory Management

    6. Jim’s Accounting

    for franchise inquiries please visit

    Jim’s a name you can trust!

  • General Norman Schwarzkopf – not for his military prowess and strategic command but his motivational public speaking and ability to be a human shield … the team have to be motivated before going in to battle

    The CIA personnel who generated the report which stated that IRAQ had weapons of mass destruction. Surely, they would be able to get anyone to go into combat and prove the aliens have weapons of mass destruction even if they don’t.

    Guy Fleegman from Galaxy Quest. As is stated in the movie the unnamed guy is always the first to get it in a sci fi show. There will be casualties in this combat. Best that the unnamed guy be first.

    Gabe Newell so that if there are any physics puzzles that the team come across the man who created the genre can have a crack at attempting them first … he would also make a good human shield

    The sexy dancing alien chick from Return of the Jedi. The one that dances for Jabba and has the tentacles coming out of her head. She will distract the aliens with her sexy dancing while the rest of the team work their magic with their weapons. As Mass Effect has taught us Aliens want some lovin too.

    John Edward will be able to communicate with the aliens dead relatives with his pyschic ability (or pure showmanship) and distract them with tales of how they are suffering in the afterlife. The problem may be arranging the enemy in to a studio type environment and have them sit in the one place while John picks up on their tells and works out which alien had a relative named “Sharon”.

    No one said the team had to survive with you.

  • 1 – Gunnery Sgt. Hartman (Drill instructor from Full Metal Jacket) : Would whip my team into shape and add some comic relief with his one liners about how high they stack shit, ripping your balls off so you dont contaminate the rest of the world, etc, etc.

    2 – Uri Geller: matter bending mind powers would fit perfectly.

    3 – Nicola Tesla : Would enlist him to construct weapons with future tech.

    4 – Master Chief Petty Officer John-117 (aka Master Chief): Simply out of curiosity, I would like to see how he fairs against the Geth and Turians. Quite fine I assume….although, there would be concerns over a power struggle for team leadership?

    5/6 – Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi: Good to have some romance after a big space battle, so dip me in honey and throw me to the lesbians!

  • Which members would I take with me to save the universe?

    1. I’d have to take a Gilette Mach3 Razor. Why the Mach 3? Considering how many close shaves Shepherd would get us in in ME2… the Gilette 3 is the only thing according to its advertisment that could possibly get us out! Plus we may need money and I figure with the giant-ass advertisement on the side of the ship for GILETTE MACH 3 RAZOR AS USED BY CMDR SHEPHERD OF THE SPECTERS we may pull in some extra dough!

    2. We’ll have to take Joe Dirts mullet. Joe Dirts mullet was impervious to everything. It was superstrong. It was with him on a quest to find his family, it suffered heartache, turmoil, an imaginary nuclear blast… hell it even survived the ego of Kid Rock! This is the mullet of the gods… only this thing can stand up against what threatens the universe now and remain faux-stylish while doing it!

    3. Jeff Golblum. Only he of ID4 fame, could possibly use an outdated MAC running a fictional OS to upload a nonexistant computer virus which in no way could interface with an alien language to destroy an alien ship which would’ve definitely had a much better anti-virus installed than he would’ve had running on his pc! I guess the aliens didn’t renew their nortons that week… or is it that noone can stand up to the sheer genius of Golblum! Jeffy is our number 3!

    4. A cheese toasty. Because everyone knows a cheese toasty is warm, filling and perfect. It makes a day better and is the perfect food. It makes morale increase, it cheers up the bad times, it goes well with any sort of drink or no drink at all. Yessir, a cheese toasty it is!

    5. Your mum. Because your mum makes the best cheese toasties. She makes cheese toasties better than my mum does. She also has an awesome rack… shes a milf. A milf that makes cheese toasties. She also loves Criminal Intent, which means she loves Jeff Golblum. And she also loved the movie Joe Dirt. This womans perfect. Not to mention she loves clean shaven men… well, that means she gets along with the razor, Jeff Golblum, Joe Dirts mullet and the cheese toasty, not to mention she can make us more cheese toasties. An ARMY of cheese toasties. I love your mum. She’s awesome. Did I mention she’s got an awesome rack?

    6. Your dad. He’s a nice guy. A really nice guy. But he’s married to your mum. And we know there’s always gotta be one crew member you sacrifice. Joes Mullet is too cool. The razor keeps me clean shaven for your mum, the cheese toasty keeps us all fed, Jeff protects us from the aliens, your mum makes the toasties, she loves hanging out with the Mullet, she loves speaking with me and Jeff, she loves how clean shaven I am… your dad can come along but I’m sacrificing his ass at the first chance. He’s cannon fodder dude. He’s gonna die. And did I mention your mums a milf with an awesome rack? I’m sooooo hittin’ that the moment he’s gone…

    That’s my choice! Tell me I’m wrong! I dare thee! 😀

  • Stephen Fry- The man can talk his way out of any situation and failing that he can bedazzle any alien race in the galexy with his wit and intellect.

    Michael Atkinson- Simply to put in situations where violence would be neccesary in a video game to solve a conflict. I want to see how hostile races deal with his ramblings and i think he has enough pent up rage and smugness to unleash on a galaxy.

    Ellen Ripley- She has enough experience dealing with some of the most annoying and dangerous aliens known to man and Sigourney Weaver is HOT!!!

    Chen Kenichi- Iron Chef Chinese the man has a mean ability to cook so he would be a great addition to the team and having seen some of his knife skills i do not want to get in a close quaters scuffle with the guy. Also having him promotes my teams idea of multiculturalism.

    Quinton “Rampage” Jackson- When you think token black guy you think Mr T… if you were born in the era of black and white television so instead of choosing the old BA Baracus instead i have the newer younger and tougher version. Instead of wrestling in the wwwf (yes it was that long ago) with Hulk Hogan, Rampage has built a reputation as an ass kicker in the toughest fighting Octagon known to man i certainly pity the fool that angers a member of the new A Team.

    Taylor Swift- Every team needs a weak link in the chain and a damsel to become distressed so instead of choosing someone with any useful ability i chose a singer to open up interesting situations and hilarious moments of failure in tense situations. Also think about it in Mass Effect you open up romance options with your team and I have 3 men in middle age and beyond, an older woman and a trained UFC fighter… this is why my team needs Taylor Swift.

  • 1. Disco Ball – Blind my Enemies
    2. Hairspray – to keep everyones hair in place
    3. Vincent Vega – he can eliminate and then dance while the disco ball spinning
    4. Ooompa Loompa
    5. The Headless Horsemen
    6. Rodney Rude – Offensive to the core, Guaranteed to be shot first

  • 1. Sovereign
    2. Saren
    3. Dr. Doom
    4. Venom
    5. Satan
    6. Butch Cassidy

    We’re here to kick Shepards ass and enslave Humanity.

  • 1. Ashley ‘Ash’ J. Williams – Army of Darkness – Good with boomsticks and wrist mounted chainsaws, professional ladies man.
    2. Autolycus – Xena/Hercules – Master thief and escape artist, professional ladies man.
    3. Jack Stiles – Jack of All Trades – Proficiency in the spy trade, professional ladies man.
    4. Elvis Presley – Bubba Ho-tep – Defeated Bubba Ho-tep and knows what its like to have everyone think your dead. Also hail to the King baby, professional ladies man.
    5. Sam Axe – Burn Notice – Ex Navy Seal, works well under pressure. Also professional ladies man.
    6. Bruce Campbell – My Name Is Bruce – Defeated the Chinese God of War, IS Bruce Campbell. Also professional ladies man.

  • I would take the any six of the previous winners of this competition.
    1. They know how to win, I don’t so I need all the help I can get.
    2. The will have already played this game and provide me with useful hints in our own galactic adventures.
    3. At least one of these winners will have also played Mass Effect 1 so their saved character will provide many benefits.
    4. If I chose normal people I would have to buy this game myself.
    5. This game is out soon and I don’t have much time to prepare, having these winners will expedite my preparation.
    6. Six winners including me is 7 winners and 1 awesome game as reference material for the zaniest space adventure yet!!!!!

  • I would choose:

    – Commander Shepard: too obvious? Regardless s/he’s the biggest, baddest, Geth-killing-est machine out there

    – Derek Zoolander: makes the crew look good, and can save my life with his ‘Blue Steel’. Plus he can have an even bigger cross-species ‘The Derek Zoolander Center for Kids and Aliens Who Can’t Read Good and Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good Too’

    – Sam Kekovich: he’s Australian, and would make a fantastic lambassador and chef for Shepard and the crew. Plus he can help spread the word about Intergalatic Australia Day [considering that ME2 is released in the US on the 26th]

    – Bob Brown (Scott Foley’s character in ‘The Unit’): he looks like default Shepard, he’s elite special forces…well he might actually be Shaprd. The key is that two Shepards are better than one

    – Ben “Yahtzee” Croshaw (Zero Punctuation): we’ll call him Aussie, and he’d provide comic relief with a scathing review of enemies, missions, the crew…pretty much everything in the game. And he has a sweet hat

    – The Pussycat Dolls: everyone needs a love interest, and why have one when you can have five! Plus, the outfits would distract my enemies

    – Since the Pussycat Dolls aren’t technically a ‘person’ I’ll also have to go with Trooper Mark Donaldson: the first Australian ‘Victoria Cross’ winner since the Vietnam War. Embodies bravery, courage under fire, and everything that soldiers, and even some civilians, should aspire to be

  • Instead of gathering a team of people to die on this suicide mission, I decided to take an alternative route, I go on a dangerous quest to gather these icon’s of crapness and combine them into one giant super shit bomb.

    1. ET for the Atari 2600
    2. Superman 64
    3. Castlevania 2 Simon’s Quest
    4. Independence Day
    5. Rocky V
    6. The CD-i Zelda games

    Nothing can withstand such an amount of shitness of this magnitude

  • 1. A chicken
    2. An egg
    3. A religious group
    4. A team of scientists
    5. A large group of angry drunk males
    6. One loaded gun

    “Which came first, the Chicken or the Egg?” Ultimate debate, complete with violence, constant witty one-liners and barnyard animals. The religious nuts ranting that the Chicken came first from Gods ideal view to the scientists, while the scientists are trying not to get beat up by the rowdy drunk males. Fun.

  • Well lets see here… I need to assemble the most kick ass team of all time to save the Universe? Well in that case its simple, I’ll need:

    Jesus: Pretty cool bloke all around, makes great waffles and handy to have when food supplies get low and the alcohol runs out!

    Sherlock Holmes and Watson: Okay, I’m cheating a little here but they are inseparable. One’s a doctor the other a detective. Puzzles and danger abounds in outer-space and I’ll need them both. Including them was just “elementary, my dear Kotaku.”

    Vlad Tepes aka Dracula: Impaling, torturing, burning, skinning, roasting, and boiling people. Whats not to like!? He’ll provide much needed humour the crew was so far lacking and I’m sure he’ll come in handy during fights. Oh and I’m pretty sure he’s a vampire.
    Note: Pack more sunscreen.

    Jessica Rabbit: Sultry minx. Singer. Former Disney character and most importantly female! Useful for wooing her way past male security guards and… uhh… singing?

    Christopher Columbus: I get lost often and asking for directions on the inter-space highway is just asking for trouble. You also run the risk of picking up a lot of dangerous hitch-hikers with their ‘towel’ and their fancy ‘book’.

    Confucius: Because Confucius says “Wise man never play leapfrog with unicorn.” And everyone knows you don’t want to play leapfrog with unicorns. His wisdom will be needed on this voyage.

    Yup… sounds like an unstoppable force!

  • They say the pen is mightier than the sword and this will usually translate to good public speaking. Persuasive leaders can control and influence thousands of people, and indirectly affect even more. With that in mind, I’ve done some research into Commander Shepard and figured out what it is that makes him so compelling: Being a total dick.

    But it takes more than just being a jerk for people to follow you. You need to do it with sass.
    I figure arming yourself with 6 good lines will keep me prepared for anything and help me survive the toughest scenarios. To that effect I have provided this guide for 6 of your best diplomatic weapons.

    1) “I haven’t been shot in the head nearly enough times to make that sound like a good idea.” – Because sometimes, “no thanks” just isn’t good enough.

    2) “Say goodnight, Manuel!” – Great for teaching a more hispanic crowd about what each word means.

    3) “Uh.. thanks. I guess.” – Being a great leader means that people will be showering you with gifts. Use this if you’re unsure that you should be grateful at ALL.

    4) “I didn’t come here to talk to bugs.” – Impress your team mates by sassing aliens or even dodgy programs.

    5) “The Council can kiss my ass!” – Assuming there IS a council. Maybe it’s an enclave, or a coven. Feel free to mix it up a bit when telling someone you just don’t care.

    6) “I have to go.” – Being brief and concise are signs of a good leader. Be sure to end as many conversations as abruptly as possible.

    Armed with this field guide, you should find yourself achieving unforseen levels of influence, turning every situation to your advantage. Please, speak responsibly.

  • 1 Sir Les Patterson The ‘Delusional’ Man
    2 Crocodile Dundee – That’s not a knife!
    3 Bindi Irwin – “Utini”
    4 ‘Lambassador’ Sam Kekovich, his message should eradicate unAustralianism from our galaxy for good!
    5 Kath & Kim – Not before breakfast, ploise!
    6 Dame Edna Everage, probably the most popular and gifted woman in the world today… who else could keep the galaxy dressed so well! Just not in the same room as Sir Les!

  • Ok first would be the “other” Ash Williams – the Original, from the Evil Dead series.
    Yes things may be awkward at first, but he has a chainsaw for a hand, and is a seasoned warrior proficient with many weapons and hand to hand combat. He’s fought Deadites, himself, even Freddy and Jason from those movies *and lets not forget Duke Nukem stole most of his lines from him…
    2nd Johnny Rico from Starship Shooters, cos you need a reliable soldier on your squad, and he “Kills bugs good”
    3rd Chewbacca.
    Every space epic needs a furry sidekick, plus the there’d be times when i played ME1 that i thought “this game would be so much better if Wrex was replaced by Chewbacca”
    4th River Tam from Firefly/Serenity.
    She’s a genius, she can read minds, and was programmed by the government to be the perfect assassin. She’s also proven a worthy adversary in battle, both armed and unarmed and has spent much time on spaceships.
    5th Eddie Riggs from Brütal Legend.
    Armed with The Seperator and his trusty Clementine he shall be our warrior spellcaster. With Eddie’s roadie-skills all that spacejunk and omnigel could be turned into almost anything, plus The Deuce could be modified for planet-side exploration. And never forget, all intergalactic road trips need good tunes.
    Last, but certainly not least,the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
    He is our Creator after all, and He’s always there anyway, blessing us with His Noodly Appendage

  • 1. Brad Pitt – If he can put up Jolie he’s gotta be doing something right.
    2. Bruce Willis – Yippy Ki Yay – Nuff said.
    3. Britney Spears – Theres gotta be at least one hot looking crazy girl
    4. Luke Skywalker – Who needs an Adept when you’ve got the Force.
    5. Stewie Griffon – Evil incarnate with a twist of lemon.
    6. Samatha Carter – For all the technical stuff.

  • 1. chuck norris – the name alone is reason enough
    2. wonder woman – she is the only one in the world who might be capable of conceiving a child from chuck norris, and so, chuck norris and wonder woman would have to mate. Which leads into numbers 3-6. which would be chuck norris’ babies.

  • My deadly squad of six would consist of:

    1) My wife’s ’special’ meatloaf – to take out enemies sense of taste.
    2) My gym bag – which should wipe out their ability to smell
    3) Tony Abbott’s budgie smuggler pic’s – which would make anyone gouge their own eyeballs out
    4) A cd of Michael Bolton’s greatest hits – to cause a little bleeding from the ear drums
    5) MC Hammer to make sure any enemy can’t sense their surroundings by touching anything
    6) my dog Cricket… I figure with the enemies senses all but taken care of, the path is open for my beagle to make a meal of them!

  • 1) Kevin Rudd
    2) Sarah Palin
    3) Anna Bligh
    4) Joe Hockey
    5) George W Bush
    6) a monkey named bubbles

    This collective of our planets brightest would be capable of resolving all conflict using only their words. The asinine, circular conversations that resolve nothing and avoid the point completely would ensure the heads of any person unfortunate enough to come within ear shot would instantly explode. Boss battles would be resolved by way of 18 day summit after which a decision may be achieved regarding what to have for lunch.

    Bubbles is there just to ensure the conversation stays on track

  • 1. A charismatic rogue – just for fun.
    2. A foxy lady – so not your mum.
    3. A dangerous liaison – quick witted and sly.
    4. A comrade’s lover – too young to die!
    5, A troubled hero – past shrouded in mist.
    6. An annoying sidekick – he won’t be missed.

  • 1. The venom that fuels fan boys
    2. Game-movie adaptations
    3. Franchise milking
    4. Michael Atkinson
    5. Exclusive DLC
    6. DRM

    I don’t expect to survive this dangerous mission, so I might as well take down some undesirables with me.

  • In warfare, and even negotiation, there is no discounting the element of surprise. I would have to imagine that with team-mates like Wrex, one’s intentions are always rather obvious. It seems to me that it would be preferable to enter a room of space pirates without immediately engaging in a firefight. As a result I have chosen a crew that has no business being in the same paragraph as each other. When this collection of misfits enters a room, it will no doubt lead to a stupor of disbelief, giving me time to either defuse the situation, or unceremoniously eliminate all opposition. I have not selected any of my crew because of personal suitability or aptitude, but only because they create the most alarming juxtaposition.

    Without further ado: Motley Crew (f*ck the band, I’m taking it back).

    Jane Fonda
    Haile Selassie I
    Aleksandr Sergeyevich Pushkin
    Humphrey B. Bear
    Katharine Hnida

  • Well, This isn’t the first time I have had to make such a hard decision…

    I would take
    1. My Girlfriend — Because I fear her and thus I conclude my enemies will also fear her.
    2. My Mother — Same reason as above. She will also develop my character emotionally by criticising me every step of the way! 🙂
    3. My iPhone — Google Maps has helped me out of a jam before. If your a sydney-sider who was lost in Melbourne, You will understand why I picked it… Also it can play some super pump up music to help us through tough times…
    4. Steve Jobs — Because someone has to fix the iPhone when it screws up, and god knows I can’t without voiding the warranty!
    5. Steve Job’s GP — Because someone has to fix Steve Jobs when he screws up… God knows I won’t be the one to rescucitate him.
    6. Ronald McDonalds — Because everyone loves a clown… So why dont you?

  • 1. Gremlin
    2. A Scuba-diving, Lamp salesman who works until midnight
    3. Roger Murtaugh
    4. Some shit he’s too old to do
    5. A DS with a copy of scribblenauts
    6. A Dictionary

  • 1. A tank. The one driven by Mr T in the Snickers commercial. Because I need a tank to protect me, and that works pretty well. In fact, let’s get Mr T to drive it. He could be a problem if he realises the Normandy can fly, but it’s a smooth ride. We’ll have to fit it with advanced 2150s weaponry… or maybe not. I like Snickers.

    2. A Heavy Weapons Guy. In fact, THE Heavy Weapons Guy, from Team Fortress 2. Expensive as heck to fire that gun, but some good firepower is worth the price, yeah?

    3. Whoever got that job with Cerberus from a couple weeks ago. Considering the current state of the workforce, the man they hired should be pretty skilled, I would think. And he also fits my need for a biotic-user.

    4. My main character from Baldur’s Gate. Shepard might have served me well for a game, but the Child of Bhaal served me for two games and two expansions, and by now, he knows Bioware’s mentality intimately.

    5. Aussiestatic – Australia’s highest ranking Achievement Whore, with 301094 Gamer Points – to get the No One Left Behind and Against All Odds achievements… because I don’t wanna die, and I’m pretty sure my team doesn’t wanna die. Oh, and 1000/1000 wouldn’t hurt, yeah?

    6. David Wildgoose – He knows the score, he won’t let me down. Besides, he’s waiting he’s waiting to play Mass Effect 2, right? He can play with me.

  • 1. The character I created in the first Mass Effect.
    2. The character I created in Fallout 2.
    3. The character I created in Fallout 3.
    4. The character I created in Morrowind.
    5. The character I created in Oblivion.
    6. Me.

    Together, we will kick ass!
    (Because I have spent countless hours levelling ’em all up, it would be such a waste to see them sitting in my computer doing nothing.)

  • Dream Team

    1. Cinderella – very mean after midnight on a full moon
    2. Werewolves of London – cunning and merciless
    3. Pulp Fiction’s Mr Wolf – solves any problem
    4. The big bad wolf – wind power
    5. Little Red Riding Hood – decoy
    6. The Red Army – game over

  • H-H-H…Here we go!
    So they’re finally here, entering David’s competition
    6 crew members? Here’s my submission:
    I think the best way to fill these gaps,
    Is with a modified version of DK 64’s rap. HUH!

    D. K.! Donkey Kong!

    (Donkey Kong)
    He’s the leader of the bunch. You love him to death,
    He’s finally back to kill some Geth!
    His laser rifle, can fire in spurts,
    If he shoots ya, it’s gonna hurt!
    He’s bigger! faster! and stronger too!
    He’s the first member of my Mass Effect crew!
    D. K.! Donkey Kong! HEY!
    D. K.! Donkey Kong is here!

    (Tiny Kong)
    This Kong’s got style, so listen up guys,
    She uses biotics to make aliens die,
    She’s quick n’ nimble when she needs to be,
    Earn the Paramour achievement, if you really want to see
    If you choose her, you won’t choose wrong
    With a detailed backstory, she’s ONE COOL KONG!

    D. K.! Donkey Kong!

    (Lanky Kong)
    He has no style, he has no grace
    This Kong… despises the Krogan race,
    He can use ‘Warp’, when he wants to
    And statis-freeze enemies, just for you!
    Got a side mission about blowing up the moon,
    This cra-zy Kong just digs this tune! HEY!

    D. K.! (D. K.!) Donkey Kong!
    D. K.! (D. K.!) Donkey Kong is here!

    (Diddy Kong)
    He’s back again, but this time not lame,
    Let’s try to forget that crappy Wii racing game –
    He can fly real high,
    In his brand new ship,
    He gets his pistol out and makes you suck his (banana),
    He can make you smile when you hear his tune…
    But, Reapers beware
    ’cause he’s coming after you!
    D. K.! Donkey Kong!
    D. K.! Donkey Kong!
    D. K.! Donkey Kong!
    D. K….

    (Chunky Kong)
    Fi-nal-ly, he’s here for you!
    It’s the FIFTH member of the D. K. crew!
    This Kong’s so strong, and can wear heavy armour,
    And is also a source of some of the game’s best drama,
    He can pick up a boulder with relative ease,
    Cos his debilitating implants make it a breeze,
    He may move slow; he can’t jump high,
    But you have Unity, so at least he won’t die!

    D. K.! Donkey Kong!
    D. K.! Donkey Kong!
    D. K.! Donkey Kong!

    (King Kong)
    Here’s where it gets harder, and I wish I’d rehearsed,
    Cos the original rap ended after that last verse,
    But if I went on my adventure, I’d take King Kong,
    Cos he and the other apes would all get along,
    Plus he’s really big, which couldn’t hurt, right?
    Although I doubt he’d really care about the intergalactic plight,
    But at the very least, I’d hope for his collusion,
    Now let’s steer this rap towards its embarrassing conclusion:

    Turrians, Asari, various techs !
    Exploring, killing, talking, and alien sex!
    (repeat several times)
    Oh, yeah!

  • My team of animals i have recruited for the job.

    1. Pelican – Stockpiles the equiptment
    2. leech – Mana Drain
    3. zebra – Distraction
    4. Whale – Defences
    5. iguana – Infiltrates with Camo
    6. nighthawk – Aerial Attacks

    That’s my non-subliminal list of crew members for the suicide mission.

  • 1. Mr T and that mini oven thingy

    2. That b**ch from leimo and all those friggin’ make-up commercials, who looks like she’s struggling to keep a smile.

    3. The Real Insurance presenters for the commercials. (the old guy especially)

    4. Bernie Fraser (The really old guy with bushy eyebrows) from Industry Superfunds commercial.

    5. The Zumba dance crew

    6. The douche bag cardio twister models

    With all these major infomercial CELEBRITIES, we gurantee you a suicidal death within 30 days, GURANTEED! If this monumental infomercial does not gurantee you death within 30 days, we GURANTEE you an extra 30 days free, with additional Mr. T appearences.

    All this can be yours now…. BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!!! Watch this infomercial now, and we’ll throw in a complentary poisonous beverage for FREE!

    So if you got Alien or Robotic problems, try the EPIC Infomercial NOW! RESULTS ARE GURANTEED!

  • Pretty obvious who you’ll need really:
    John McClane: One man army.
    Sarah Connor: One woman army
    Optimus Prime: One robot army
    Ash Williams: One armed army
    Hellboy: One Right Hand of Doom’ed army
    The Stig: The negotiator. Good luck with THAT narrative branch.

  • 1) The Larges Prime Number

    2) Pi

    3) 0/1

    4) Energy

    5) Mass

    6) An Event Horizon

    A rag tag bunch who will succeed despite the odds and the force of entropy.

  • Mass Effect 2 seems to be heading even more towards sci-fi blockbuster
    status than Mass Effect did, so I have decided to assemble the
    galaxy’s greatest team of science fiction heros to save the universe.

    1) Roddy Piper – The unnamed hero from They Live wrote the book on
    kicking arse and chewing bubblegum when he and his glorious mullet
    saved the world from intergalactic capitalists. Nobody can wear
    sunglasses and tote a shotgun like this alien slaying machine from the
    Fun Fact: Yes, this is the same Roddy Piper from the old WWF. He saved
    the world with a mullet and was basically the model for Duke Nukem.

    2) Peter Weller – Every Sci-fi team needs a robot or cyborg, so why
    not get the best there is? Peter Weller was Robocop and for those too
    young to remember, Robocop wasn’t always a silly B-grade robot guy who
    taught kids how to recycle correctly. Robocop was a hard as nails cop
    who died in a firefight and then became a hard as nails dead cyborg
    cop who killed everything in sight using a fully automatic machine
    pistol he kept in his leg. One of the few criminals he showed mercy to
    escaped with only a bullet to the genitals. Lucky man. Peter will
    always have my back.
    Fun Fact: He was also the main character in Naked Lunch. So no matter
    how weird it gets, not only has he seen worse, he was a cockroach when
    he saw it.

    3) Michael Beihn – No other man has fought both Terminators AND
    Aliens. He got some Sweet Linda Hamilton Action and fathered John
    Connor. Short of fighting a Predator as well, he’s seen everything the
    universe has to offer and his seed created the saviour of the human
    race. He was even the original model for Solid Snake. My mate Mike
    will fight valiantly, spout brilliant one-liners and bravely die to
    save the rest of the team just when things look hopeless. Beihn is an
    invaluable member of any intergalactic alien beatdown brigade.
    Fun Fact: He was also the voice of Mc Neil in Command and Conquer: Tiberian Sun

    4) Harrison Ford – The Mass Effect universe has a problem with angry,
    errant robots, something that old Harry knows a thing or two about.
    When Rick Deckard had to track down some murderous, super-human robots
    posing as humans, he barely broke a sweat. Compared to the terrifying
    Rutger Hauer, the Geth don’t really seem to be too difficult to
    handle. Mr. Ford has this one sewn up. As if that weren’t enough, he
    also happens to be one of the best pilots in a far off galaxy renowned
    for its space travel. Add his incredible network of contacts in the
    interstellar underworld and he can be my Chewbacca anytime.
    Fun Fact: He’s also a trained carpenter, who built his own house by
    hand AND has a spider named after him. He’s a handy guy to have

    5) Sigourney Weaver – Science Fiction movies demand at least one hard
    headed woman and I didn’t want to go for all looks and no substance.
    Luckily, here is a woman who has both. Most people don’t even kill one
    indestructible rape machine from the stars, but she has hundreds to
    her name, including one and a half Queens. Hell, she even killed two
    of them without any weapons. Here is a woman who has fought off bezerk
    rapist robots and aliens, only to be impregnated by one, which killed
    her. But did that stop her? Hell no! She came back from the dead to
    kill even more of them, killed a gross hybrid Queen and lived for
    hundreds of years doing it.
    Fun Fact: Several of her characters were supposed to be played by men,
    but few men could ever dream to be as tough as Ripley, so she got the
    parts instead.

    6) Kurt Russel – The man. It’s as simple as that. Kurt Russel saved the president from retro-future New York, saved the president’s daughter from LA whilst saving the world from a space laser, rode a tsunami, killed The Thing in the Antarctica, killed Egyptian alien gods… If I could only have one person on my team, Kurt would be my go to guy.
    Fun Fact: Kate Hudson is his daughter, so I could save the world with Kurt, hang out at his ranch, meet her, and then Kurt could be my father in law and I’d pretty much die happy. Oh and he once killed an undead Chinese sorcerer.

  • It doesn’t really matter who I take does it? It’s a hopelessly dangerous mission, with more bad guys with more guns than 6 people can hope to muster, no matter who they are.


    What if we could take 6 people, and those people could outlast every single solitary bullet, energy beam, or bomb that the bad guys could throw? We’d succeed!

    So, my plan is to take 1 person who is incomparably hardcore, be it Chuck Norris, Neo, Superman, whatever. All we need is them.

    And 5 peoples worth of Soylent Green rations.

    6 people, and guaranteed not to go hungry while waiting for the enemy to run out of bullets.

  • Kirby – Who doesn’t want to see Geth Kirby, Krogan Kirby, Turian Kirby and Asari Kirby?

    Tingle – A useful team member when exploring, Tingle can fly ahead of the group with his balloon and map out the environment. If that’s not enough, he can even drop bombs on your enemies (he’s also a master quasar player).

    Mr Resetti – In a tight spot? Call on Mr Resetti’s “Yell” ability. Before you know it he’ll pop out of the ground in front of your enemies and give them a tongue lashing like never before. Your foe’s will be crying and begging for forgiveness within seconds.

    Barbarella – Miss the sex scenes from Mass Effect 1? Well in the sequel Barbarella will help you to unwind……AFTER EVERY MISSION…….FOR EVERY CREW MEMBER. That’s right, Barbarella will have your entire crew in such a state of elation that they couldn’t care less if the Reapers wiped out the entire Universe.

    Magikarp – He can splash water on enemies?………….just you wait till he evolves, then you’ll be sorry. Magikarp’s inventory consists of only one item…..EXP Share.

  • If its for a suicide mission then:

    Glenn Beck: Good for seduction of minds as well as drawing aggro.

    Omar Little from the Wire: If you have ever watched the Wire, you’ll see what I mean. Every suicide mission needs someone that’s good with a shotgun.

    Uwe Boll: The man to lead the charge…

    Pip from Great Expectations (as well as South Park): Pip is the perfect little cute British child. If I were to put enough points into his “Charm” skill, he may be able to completely avoid the chance of a fight which would result in our deaths, as it were a suicide mission. A little British child is perfectly capable of charming his way to victory.

    The Hamburgler: He is a good contrast for Glenn Beck, as he knows how to keep his calm to reach his objective.

    Elmo: Perfect emotional support for a team of determined people on the verge of breaking point. While everyone is driven to the edge because of the pressures of the world, Elmo is able to bring them to a peaceful place in their minds where everything is drawn with crayons and a cute goldfish named Dorothy resides.

  • 1. Raymond (from Rain Man)
    With Ray’s savant ability what super-group CANT afford to have him on board? Give him a phone book at each planet dock and you’ll never forget a number! All of a sudden Ray becomes your best friend when you’re lost in space.

    2. Billy Crystal
    You cant have a ship without having one person EVERYONE loves right? Well that’s Billy. His wit also comes especially handy in nasty altercations with space goons. “Say something funny Billy” and soon the enemy will forget what got them so mad to begin with.

    3. Capt. Zapp Bannigan
    “The Velour Fog”; we all know he’s stupid, but people just love him! He can be the PR image of the group… “In the game of chess, you can never let your adversary see your pieces.”

    4. Dolly Parton
    Dolly is the scapegoat. If Zapp, Billy or Raymond cant talk, stutter or seduce their way out of a situation then throw Dolly in the line of fire and hope those hooters can still work their magic… then run.

    5. David Letterman
    Scapegoat No. 2… if Dolly doesnt work, it’s always good to have a back-up plan. Just get Letterman to talk for 10min and they’ll be so bored and uninterested with his stories they might just fall asleep… or kill him. NOTE: In the event of Plan B; you can run away while they cannibalise David.

    6. Ben Hur
    The muscles of the group… quite literally. If Judah Ben-Hur cant beat the opposition then nobody can. Get him in a ring, throw in some shackles and a whip and he’ll be right at home. He’s also a fast adapter; so environmental kills will not be a problem (just in case Mass Effect ever meets Mortal Kombat).

  • 1. Papa Smurf
    2. Dr. Manhattan
    3. A Na’vi Warrior
    4. Sonic the Hedgehog
    5. Liara (from ME1 of course)
    6. Captain Planet

    If recent games, movies and past TV is anything to go by, any character that is blue in colour is guaranteed success.

  • The 5 planeteers would make an excellent team. With their powers combined, they will release the elite team member of all, Captain Planet!

    Commander Sheppard + Earth + Fire + Wind + water + heart + Captain Planet = Awesomeness!

  • This is an identical post to my one yesterday, but reformatted for conveinence.

    Roland Deschain – This gunslinger (the protagonist of Stephen King’s the Dark Tower series) has had experience at fighting dangerous and often unknown enemies. Armed with his twin revolvers and a psuedo-magical skill set that all heighten his fearsome combat capabilities (such as inhuman firing speed and superhuman reflexes and accuracy)this man is a no-brainer for the situations where diplomacy fails and a “shoot first, ask questions later” attitude is needed. In additon to this, this man has an extraordinary ability to survive – he’s lived through a tsunami of bullets, fires, plagues, even the “world moving on” (a sort of slow apocalypse that turns the world into a desolate wasteland). He even slaughtered a whole town on his way to the titular Dark Tower. Oh, and did I mention he pursued his ancient nemesis, Walter o’Dim, for over twenty years through a desert?

    Sherlock Holmes – Possibly the greatest detective ever, Sherlock Holmes’s incredible observation, deduction and overall thirst for mystery and intrigue make him a much-needed addition to Commander Shepard’s elite team. Holmes’s profound capbility to logically connect point A to B and then correctly deduce that if A is connected to B, then C happened would be a invaluable asset to Commander Shepard as he traversed the galaxy, solving crimes and mysteries.Sherlock Holmes is no lightweight when it comes to combat, either – he is well-versed in pistols, fencing, chemistry and other useful subjects. His inclusion to this team is “Elementary, my dear Watson (or Shepard).”

    Confucius – A Chinese philosopher and thinker, the wise elder that is Confucius would present an interesting addition to the team. Confucius is knowledge on my aspects of the human life and surrounding enviroment, including politics, ethics, beliefs and even his ideals on the afterlife. His teachings and influence would engender understanding, tolerance and compassion within Commander Shepard’s squad, something that could very well prevent any number of needless bloodshed. Even such hot-tempered species such as the krogan could learn something from this man.

    Charles Bishop Weyland – The longstanding trope of an evil megacorporation with a diabolical man at the helm seems to never go out of fashion, and Charles Weyland is another of these. However, this man is no ordinary fiend – he already has experience with aliens. Weyland’s singleminded nature and willingness to get the job done (after all, he was willing to order his subordinates to impregnate a young girl and a woman with horrific Xenomorph embryo’s in an effort to gain subjects with which to breed a biological weapon) would certainly come in handy when fighting the Collectors and Reapers. Not only does he already have experience with aliens, the Weyland-Yutani corporation is also a longrunning space exploration company – something that will no doubt prove beneficial to Shepard and his marauding compatriots.

    Marie Curie – A famous Polish and French physicist and chemist, Marie Curie would be the resident scientist in Shepard’s crew. Curie’s experiements with radioactive substances and radioactivity in general (indeed, she even coined the term)would be a powerful advantage when traversing hazardous planets or facing foes using such powers. Her experience with handling new
    and foreign materials would also aid Shepard’s team in analysing and protecting themselves from any new weapons foes such as the Collectors
    or gethmight wield (that used these materials). With her help, substances that were once thought harmful or fatal to different species would have countermeasures developed.

    King Arthur – Long considered to be the greatest figure of any legend or story, King Arthur was said to have been the commander of the defense of Britain against the Saxon invaders in the early 6th Century. Arthur, accompanied by his famous sword Excalibur would be able to instil courage, valour and honor in his allies. Leading the charge in any battle, not even a Reaper could hope to stand against Arthur’s legendary power and the evil-vanquishing properties of Excalibur. No doubt his powerful allies such as Merlin and the Knights of the Round Table would also aid him as he charges across the galaxies. (note:keep away from anyone called Mordred).

  • 1. David Attenborough – the dulcet tones of everyone’s favourite nature documentary narrator would be a welcome distraction from mercenaries, aliens, ancient unstoppable machines and other galactic baddies. Plus, he’d be handy on uncharted worlds, excitedly describing the territorial instincts of wild Geth or the feeding habits of thresher maws (best not to wonder).
    2: An Internet Meme
    3. Wii Play
    4. A piece of toast.
    5) Sephiroth. The first of all my video game crushes. So beautiful and yet so tormented. Hug.
    6. 27,000 Redshirts.
    how cant I not win now

  • This is basically a suicide mission so I would object to sending our best and brightest. We should send humanity’s most vile scum. Just like the dirty dozen, our dirty half-dozen are real criminals chosen because they are hardened psychopaths who are not afraid to get their hands dirty. Almost all are serving life. No-one will miss them if they die.

    As an incentive to getting the job done, they will receive a personal Xbox 360 console with a copy of Mass Effect 2 in their jail cells. As a precaution they will wear exploding collars in case they cause too much trouble or decide to join the other side.

    1.Leader: Charles Manson
    The personification of evil. He’ll have no trouble instilling fear into the rest of the team and do his bidding. The trouble is to get him to do ours.

    2.Spy: Carlos the Jackal
    The legendary terrorist was an assassin for hire and started his killing ways in the 70s. He is an expert at evading capture and was only finally arrested in 1994.

    3.Medic: Maxim Petrov
    Currently serving life for killing 12 patients with lethal injections. If he can’t fix them, at least they’ll die peacefully in their sleep

    4.Demolitions Expert: Theodore Kaczynski AKA The Unabomber
    An eco-terrorist and an outdoor survivalist, his mail bombs terrorised the US for almost two decades.

    5.Technical Specialist: Matthew Weigman AKA Li’l Hacker
    The 19 year old blind phone phreaker has a history of hacking phone networks and was sentenced to 11 years for swatting. He is also well versed in social engineering.

    6.Grunt: Martin Bryant
    This home-grown nut-job is a few bricks short of a house but he managed to pull off one of the deadliest killing sprees on record.

    And where will I be? I’ll be shadowing their movements a few light-years away with my finger close to the triggers of their collar bombs.

    Note: I do not condone any of their actions. They should rot in jail. I’m surprised none are on death row.

  • 1. Kurt Cobain; who, although dead, can ‘beat’ a video game (Guitar Hero 5)
    2. Orgasmo; to help combat the sexual tension in Shepard’s crew.
    3. The Thing; who needs Krogans?
    4. Agent 99; to make all the real decisions while Shepard fumbles his way around
    5. Kamahl; To help fight intergalactic racism
    6. U; for protection

    … see what I did there? Hidden message ftw

  • If I had to select a team of six I would hold a Kotaku competition (thanks in advance, David), asking people to put forth a very long and detailed submission as to why they should be on my team. In addition to the written component this submission would also require a Big Brother-styled audition tape to ensure I am getting the type of extroverted personalities such auditions seem to attract.

    After not reading the submissions I would then simply print them all, toss them down a flight of stairs and pick the five that land the furthest down to be on my team. These five, selected for their no doubt overly verbose, theatrical and attention-drawing ways, would serve as the necessary cannon fodder for the mission, going a long way towards ensuring my survival.

    ‘But you need six!?’, I hear you say. Well, impressed as I am with my ability to hear you through a text-based medium, I will simply calmly state that number six would, of course, be Cthulhu. Because, you know, I do plan on living after the conclusion of the epic and dangerous mission, and the with the big fella on my team that seems to be a certainty.

  • I’d take the Six Hats
    – Red Hat (feelings and emotion) – Miss Piggy
    – Green Hat (New Ideas) – Wile e. Cyote
    – Blue Hat (the big picture) – Brian Griffin
    – White Hat (Information) – I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E
    – Black Hat (Critical Judgement) – Cartman
    – Yellow Hat (Positive thinking)- Homer Simpson

    Parallel thinking for parallel universes, how could you loose……

  • 1. Wesley. Stylish, resourceful and cool in a crisis. With his reputation as the Dread Pirate Roberts preceding him, nothing stops the original Man in Black from achieving his goals, not even (mostly) death.

    2. Buttercup. Obligatory love interest. Primarily in the team as a scout, as she’s able to detect traps better than anyone else (by falling into them, admittedly, but that’s why she doesn’t travel alone).

    3. Inigo Montoya. Driven by insatiable lust for revenge, Inigo is completely single minded in his desires. Willing to dedicate decades to a single cause, and is the second best sword fighter in the known universe, left or right handed.

    4. Fezzik. Crowd control. Who better to take control of a room full of hostiles while Wesley and Inigo use their finesse to take down the puppet masters. Wrestling techniques to take down multiple enemies, and an unmatched skill for rhyme, which will come in handy when… Um… look behind you, a three-headed monkey. Can also punch a giant eel in the head. How bad-ass is that?

    5. Vizzini. Master tactician. The man who considers Plato, Aristotle and Socrates to be morons is the perfect candidate to plan the assault on whatever dangerous mission you have to face today. Only known weakness, iocane powder.

    6. Count Tyrone Rugen. Because you always need some conflict to maintain interest while traipsing around the universe, putting an end to nefarious schemes. Also, having the most intellectually sadistic b@stard ever known to man couldn’t hurt while you’re trying to make those morally “ambiguous” choices. Can use any alien technology due to extra digit on right hand.

    With these six troops in your gang, you’re sure to have an adventure that would even keep Fred Savage interested.

    (Valid email adullard at gmail dot com)

  • They say nothing in life is certain but death and taxes, so I’d include:
    1) Catholic Priest (Catholics make up ~1/6 of the world’s population, so I’m making the safe bet by going with the majority)
    2) Accountant – where would we be without those little “sign here” stickers?

    They also say you should never leave home without:
    3) A clean pair of underwear (because you never know what will happen)

    A little bit of wisdom is always useful and they say if you want to know something:
    4) Google (it)

    Finally, because you should keep your friends close, I’d include:
    5) Summer, my dog, because dogs are man’s best friend
    And your enemies closer:
    6) Saren, your nemesis from Mass Effect, the best… ahh… turian for the job.

  • After devouring my Aussie Day BBQ and my final beer of my 6 pack, I dusted off my rusty Lancer, and sent the call out to my troopers…

    Answering the call were the following:

    1)He-Man – Who else would make the best tank in the battle but our fearless leader He-Man. Brute strength.

    2)Macgyver – Hey, if we need something fixed or need to get out of a sticky situation, hes our man.

    3)Jack Bauer – The best guy in the torture business. If you got the secrets, Jack will get them out of you.

    4)Snake Pliskin – All round nice guy and bad ass. If he can escape form NY, he can get our asses out off another planet in style!

    5)Jim Carrey – If we are bored out of our brains and Macgyver won’t shutup. Jim will be there to deliver the laughs.

    6)Erika Eleniak (AKA Shaunie from Baywatch). If we start drowning on distant planets who else would you want to be giving you mouth to mouth. Also, if we are going to continue the human race, her and He-man would have some serious cute kids!

    Get your ass to Mars….

    General Pigdog…

  • 1. Paul Newman
    2. Ellen DeGeneres
    3. Gene Siskel
    4. David Strathairn
    5. Mimi Leder
    6. Cameron Bright

    Because according to The Internet Movie Database (IMDb) these 6 stars were all born on the 26th of January. Since I am also born on the 26th of January, together the 7 of us can have a huge intergalactic party!

  • 1- Haiku Master

    2- Expert Scholar of limmericks

    3- Cosplay fashion designer/maker

    4- Photoshop genius

    5- Expert reviewer with valuble insights on what they love and hate about games.

    6- A person skilled in witty observations of games and its surrounding community to advise the experts previously mentioned. Examples of advice will involve banning all references to “Chuck Norris” and using the phrase “nuf said”. Advice will also actively discourage any reference to Kotaku’s editor in a hope to swing favour.

    This team will be unstopable in any future competition challenges that Kotaku sets down and will guarantee some sweet loot.

    Also DK Rap entry is genius and probably deserves all three copies.

  • 1. Sam Kekovic
    2. Michael Atkinson (sacrifice)
    3. Stephen Conroy (sacrifice)
    4. Shepard
    5. Lebron James
    6. Barack Obama

  • What team of six would I want to join me on the most dangerous mission of all?

    Well, as a Pokémon Master (I not only beat the Elite Four but also put Team Galatic in their place and captured the legendary Dialga!) I can only think of one team of 6 I would want with me, the very same party of Pokémon that helped me become the legend that I am in Sinnoh.

    Introducing my ultimate party of six…

    Empoleon (Lv. 52) freezes away the competition with Avalanche, Brine, Rock Climb and Drill Peck.

    Honchkrow (Lv. 52) brings the fear with Faint Attack, Night Slash, Dark Pulse and Wing Attack.

    Skuntank (Lv. 51) heats things up with Flamethrower, Toxic, Fire Blast and Night Slash.

    Pachirisu (Lv. 51) sends sparks flying with Super Fang, Thunder, Discharge and Last Resort.

    Roserade (Lv. 51) dazzles with SolarBeam, Mega Drain, Magical Leaf and Ingrain.

    And my favourite Pokémon pal, Staraptor (Lv. 53) whips up a gale with Aerial Ace, Brave Bird, Fly and Close Combat.

  • 1. Mumford and Sons
    2. Art vs Science
    3. Hilltop Hoods
    4. Phoenix
    5. Bluejuice
    6. La Roux

    The most unstoppable list of companions at this point in time – this point in time of course being the climax of the Hottest 100!

  • 1. Call of Duty 4 Captain MacMillan- His scottish accent can absolutley devestate any enemies in my way. He can kill people by saying “oi suzy”

    2.Ezio- who needs that green assassin dude when i have my own badass italian playboy assassin

    3.Mc Hammer- Because then those nasty aliens cant touch this

    4.Sin City- Marv because he can get hit by lots of cars and not die!

    5.Nathan Drake- Just incase theres some treasure about the Universe

    6.Jesus- Because even evil aliens must believe in him

  • 1. Edgar Wright, director of Hot Fuzz and Shaun Of The Dead. He has to be the biggest fan of Action films and Zombie films. Can you tell me one situation where that would not help.
    2. The subconscious of 4chan. The most strongest force of the internet. Imagine that power channeled into a massive death ray. I know rule 1 and 2.
    3. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. A Vicroads of the Galaxy.
    4. Jonathan Coulton, As we all need music and music heals the soul.
    5. Bender Bending Rodriguez. Every party needs a rouge.
    6. The Internet, I would die with sweet sweet internet.
    Thomas G signing off

  • 1. Mickey Rourke: Hey it’s a suicide mission – he can show me how to come back from the dead
    2. Pinky (from Pinky and the Brain): The best at thwarting any plan to take over the world! (or universe)
    3. Miranda Kerr: If I do die, I might as well go with a bang
    4. Tsai Lun, the first recorded inventor of paper: Because nothing hurts more than a paper cut.
    5. Half a lemon: Ok, something does hurt worse – lemon juice in a paper cut
    6. Professor Badass: Trust me – you can’t touch this (no idea who he is? Just google him)

  • 1. My Girlfriend : Annoying, Persitent, Someone to confide in, someone who knows you intimately, someone to kiss on a regular basis. Like in any other adventure stories

    2. Kevin Rudd : u wont need to worry to spend any credits on buying weapons,health drink,etc since u will have unlimited fund

    3. Agent J (Will Smith) : u would need someone whos experienced in killing aliens,especially big bugs, plus he has a nice collections of weaponary from the MIB Agency

    4. Tiger Wood’s Wife : For a lady, she knows how to kick ASS!!!

    5. Dr. House : There’s always a place for a someone who can cure everything, even the ” out of this world ” deseases..

    6. John McClane (young Bruce willis) : he’s an unstoppable force of nature, effortlessly killing his way through the bad guys like Jason Voorhees taking out a busload of campers. It’s safe to say that the world would be a much different place if we all started living our lives more like John McClane.

  • 1) Sora (Kingdom Hearts) – There’s nothing that keyblade can’t do, especially in overdrive.
    2) Auron (FFX) – He can’t die, because he’s undead. How much better can you get?
    3) Phoenix Wright – He can argue the pants off the opponents.
    4) Dr. Stiles (Trauma Center) – The guy is a damn good surgeon, and you’re going to need that. Plus, he can slow down time.
    5) The “?” block (Mario) – Can spit out 1ups, fireballs and penguin suits. Awesome.

  • 1. Arial font, for standard occasions in missions. Nice and useful.
    2. Helvetica font, poster-boy front runner type. Suddenly popular without reason. Possible player, and arch rival of Arial.
    3. Comic sans, for laughable chaff and ridiculous decoy missions
    4. Impact font, the motivational guy who says very little. But boy, when he does…. yeah.
    5. Times new Roman, because he comes with the team by default
    6. Wingdings – we’ll find a use for him someday

  • A party member provides me with approximately, dunno, 200 kills per playthrough. Instead of having 6 party members i will combine all their kills into an automatic gun that does all the kills for me and therefore i can go solo and don’t have to worry about being caught jacking off in the engine room.

  • Rather than pick out the best of the best in the field of combat for my squad, I’ve decided to choose six characters that will remove the flaws of the first Mass Effect.

    Flat planets wearing you down? bored of driving through samey locations for every side-quest? Then the almighty maker can solve your problems! Using his super unproven techniques, God will be able to forge interesting environments in just six days. After which he will take a day off, (as required by his union), and get back to work the next day.

    Joseph Stalin
    Inventory management in Mass Effect can be a troubling affair. Trying to divide up the loot between six squad mates usually ends up with somebody missing out on their share. Thats where the King of Communism, Mr Stalin hiself comes in! This strong leader has spent years perfecting his system of government to ensure each individual is treated as an equal. He will be required to hand the squad’s equipment so that each member is given their fair rations of guns and armour.

    What’s that? You want a relationship with a tentacle haired Asari? We at least need a more appealing alien to “do it” with.
    Having trouble with the same old sidequests? Losing interest in saving the universe? Then the personification of has the perfect job for you. Seek will take your job preferences and search for the occupation for you and your crew. Will also give information on wages, times and the fastest relay to take.

    A Vending Machine
    As far as I can tell, John Shepherd never consumed any food in the original ME so it’s safe to assume he would slowly die of malnutrition or thirst. The solution? A VENDING MACHINE WITH LEGS. This juggernaut would be able to have it output light snacks for a reasonable price and also stomp onto the battlefield to assist my squadmates in their time of hunger.

    Crash Test Dummy
    You may think that an inanimate object has no place in my crew, but put this fellow inside the Mako and we can finally convince the Alliance to get us a better vehicle. (also doubles as powerful biotic)

  • Master Shake – More commonly referred to as “Shake”, is a self-centered, sociopathic, mean-spirited, idiotic, sharp-tongued milkshake. He appears as a giant white cup with a pink ‘bendy straw’ and two small yellow hands.

    Frylock – A floating red box of French fries sporting a “Van Dyke” beard, dental braces, and a mystic blue jewel embedded in his back containing the “power of a thousand suns”, giving him the ability to fly and hover.

    Meatwad – A simple-minded mass of ground meat, Meatwad has shape shifting abilities and can morph into a hot dog, igloo, middle-finger, bridge, hammer, flower or katana-wielding portrayal of Abraham Lincoln.

    Carl Brutananadilewski – The balding, overweight, hirsute sarcastic next door neighbor of the Aqua Teens. He usually wears a white tanktop, a fake gold necklace, blue sweatpants, and green flip flops. Carl has a strong passion for classic rock (especially “More Than a Feeling” by Boston), sports, and pornography, all of which assist him in his favorite activity, masturbating.

    and to fill the last 2 spots

    The Mooninites – Ignignokt and Err are two-dimensional aliens from Earth’s moon. Ignignokt is the taller green one that seems to be the Mooninite leader. Err is the smaller purple one that is more active, and likes to say things that Ignignokt thinks will cause innuendo. They often ripoff the Aqua Teens and Carl. Their weapons are lasers, the Quad Laser and the Quad Glacier.

  • The most dangerous mission of all would be pretty insane i guess, like that guy who wanted to see how close he could get his head to a speeding train. He was found unconscious after he inched his head closer and closer until the train and his head ran out of space. My mission is to take six ‘recruits’ who are ‘doin it wrong and don’t believe it cause they never listen’ to the point just before a point of fatal no return and make sure they take a further step. My judgment to recognise when we reach the point before the fatal one is the super-dangerous part..

    Zoot review producer – go to hell.
    Stephen Conroy – leave China out of my internet.
    Michael Aitkenson – welcome aboard!
    George W Bush – he has done enough.
    Woody Allen – any father/daughter relationship should remain just that.
    Tim Langdell – edge edge edge edge edge edge edge edge edge.

  • Yakult – The most powerful ProBiotic known to man.
    Thomas Edison – A scientrific statesman.
    Ogami Ittō – No one expect a child carrying samurai.
    Wee man – For those hard to reach places.
    Captain Planet – He’s a hero. Gonna bring pollution down to zero.
    Zordon – To put the whole plan together.

  • In pretty much all of the promo videos for mass effect 2, bioware have made certain that to survive this mission your team is going to have to be close-knit and trust each other. With that in mind I have constructed my own super team of friends and highlighted how they connect with each other:

    1)Stephen Hawking – I can see him becoming a super-powered biotic and tech specialist. His brilliant mind and powerful tech moves will more then compensate for his lack of motor skills.

    Stephen Hawking wrote the bestselling book ‘A Brief History of Time’, of which the introduction was written by …

    2)Carl Sagan – his knowledge of the stars, not to mention his willingness to learn and adapt as we travel through them, would no doubt be a great asset. Also, his knowledge in planetary science would be useful in charting the new worlds we come across. We could also pimp him out with a biotic implant so he can hold his own in battle.

    Carl Sagan gave birth to a son…

    3)Nick Sagan – with a gift for writing, he could become the crew’s historian. This would be a vital role to fill as it is a mission of galactic importance, and the odds are we are unlikely survive. Also, the father/son dynamic and the fact that his voice is on the voyager I and II spacecraft could make for some cool side-quests.

    Nick Sagan wrote several episodes of Star Trek, which stars….

    4)William Shatner – has the ability of being irresistibly charming. Could serve the team with his knowledge of “how they did it in the show”. Would make a great soldier. Also, who wouldn’t want to see Shatner traveling the stars and bedding alien women for real??!?

    William Shatner was in the movie ‘Loaded Weapon 1’, which also starred…

    5)Denise Richards – has the ability to be an awesome space fighter (I assume this from watching Starship Troopers a lot) so she could definitely be a soldier in my crew. Not to mention she needs to be there because a female love interest is crucial (its MY story and I will NOT settle on Shatner as my only option!!).

    Denise Richards was in the movie ‘Wild Things’, which of course had in it…

    6)Kevin Bacon – he is the ultimate negotiator as he knows everyone, or at least knows someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows some who knows someone who knows you. He is quite simply the center of the entire universe, and any foray into unknown space without him would be foolish.

  • Avatar
    Iron Man
    Das Boot
    The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

    Whilst I’m not entirely sure that these six movies would be any good in a fight, space is really big and there’s a lot of travelling to be done. The plan is to watch these films during my down time (or long elevator rides) to prevent myself from falling into a coma and dying of boredom. As an added bonus they’re mostly long films and are good for several watches.

  • 1. February 3 1959 – the day the music died, so it must have been pretty powerful
    2. The Colour Black – Because it is the most dominant, according to Dwight Schrute. Also a pretty badass metallica album.
    3. B-Sharp – A killer musical note, and arguably the most well known Barbershop Quartet in the nineties, music shall soothe the savage beast.
    4. Chess – Kings, Queens, Bishops and Knights, amongst others at my disposal. This should certainly create a power imbalance in my favour.
    5. Left – With left on my side, the enemy will have to rely solely on right turns. Thus, to turn left, they will have to turn right THREE TIMES! Vastly inneficient.
    6. Irony – ‘the use of words expressing something other than their literal intention’ So while i may not make it rain on their wedding day, my enemy will be quite surprised when their general’s command to ‘Fire’ sets them ablaze!

  • I thought of a bunch of heroes who, whilst only having had one adventure, came up trumps:

    1. Doc
    2. Grumpy
    3. Bashful
    4. Sleepy
    5. Sneezy
    6. Happy

    Dopey has to sit this one out – he’s just not that reliable.

  • My team of six would be assembled from six of the most powerful and unruly beings ever known to man. The Titans. The Titans were all powerful Dieties who had a thirst for power and would do anything to stay in power.

    Gaea: The Earth Diety mated with her own son Uranus to produce a race of powerful god like beings, the Titans. If she was willing to get it on with own son then she is no doubt willing to do whatever it takes to complete the mission at hand, and i mean ANYTHING.

    Cronus: Son of Uranus, the ruler of the universe, and mother/grandmother Gaea, castrated his own father in order to gain power and become the leader of the Titans. Not only this, but he also swallowed every one of sons to avoid them usurping him as he did his own father, and in doing so ate a rock thinking it was his son Zeus. The man eats rocks and children, he is a cold blooded psycho who has an unquenchable thirst for power.

    Oceanus: Titan of the sea, Oceanus spreads his body over the entire world and is the creator of every river. Generous and bringer of life, he does however let every living person on the planet enter his body freely, which raises many questions about his sexuality. Capable of batting for either team and pleasing everyone, yet also able to harness the forceful power of the ocean, Oceanus is worth having around, if only for a quick dip.

    Hyperion: The Titan of Light whom married his own sister and gave birth to the Titans of the sun, moon and dawn. Capable of controlling the light that illuminates the world, and willing to stoop as low as inbreeding to prosper, Hyperion is a valuable member of my suicide squad.

    Prometheus: Titan of Forethought, and wisest of all the titans. Not only is he a smartass who joined a revolution against the leader of the titans, he endured a punishment like no other. He was chained against a rock and had an eagle tear at his liver for eternity or until he was willing to foretell Zeus’ future. And he never did. Reliable even in the face of unspeakable torture and able to tell the future, Promestheus is one stubourn bastard.

    Atlas: Lead the Titans into battle against Zeus, and as punishment must carry the world on his back for ever. HE HOLDS THE WORLD ON HIS BACK. One powerful mofo right there if you ask me.

    The Titans have a history or inbreeding, family drama and canablism, yet were the most powerful beings ever known to man. Despite their somewhat questionable behaviour, it is clear that they are willing to do anything for their cause, a trait which is valuable in any mission.

  • Churmik – Not your typical warrior, but this is not a typical situation. It is extensively trained in every class of firearms and it studied for nine years at the Intergalactic Makkalow Academy, but that’s not why it’s on our team. Three years after leaving the academy it lost all sensation in its body due to a rare skin hardening disease triggered by a shift of chemical makeup of its home planet -Teyhaa. Because of this, Churmik could no longer fire a weapon, not even at even a nearby target. This caused it to hone its skills into close range combat instead – using its advanced combat knowledge and new armour-like skin to take down enemies at close range.

    Galorpah – Of course all Fralleel have advance cognitive abilities; that part we know, but this is Galorpah, the head of the EMSS group. Without him the EMSS wouldn’t even exist! A self-confessed pacifist, but that doesn’t mean he won’t help in a battle. To Galorpah, any situation is a good situation if it involves problem solving or a great deal of cognitive exercise, if that means thinking of new ways to combat the Streen then so be it.

    Myylan – There are skeptics, many of them. But there is simply no denying that Myylan can sense when the Streen are approaching (he hasn’t predicted incorrectly in the last 2 and a half years). No one knows where this ability came from; maybe he’s just very lucky or perhaps there’s something else he’s been hiding, either way, he’s almost never wrong. It would seem foolish not to have him on our team.

    Ka – An explosives and heavy weapon expert. If there’s a way of blowing something up, she’ll find it! Her work will be invaluable if we want to infiltrate the Streen facility on Plade.

    Callan – A combat-droid-turned-health-restoration-unit. Named after the pet kib of the creator (Galorpah), this droid can create a PWA (Positive Well-being Aura) around those in the near vicinity allowing for health regeneration at previously unfathomable speeds. This ‘bot is very much a prototype, it still has combat skills, but its primary function now is for healing purposes.

    Sa-Lan Trec – Sometimes the best solution is a diplomatic one – this is where Sa-Lan Trec comes in. She undoubtedly has a way with words. Her landmark speech at the Makkalow-Galnat convention (2904) is a testament to her skills. Vaentra was arrested and the whole BB7-9HD war was called off as a result of her speech. In fact, Vaentra even tearfully hugged her right before being taken off to prison (an image of this precise event has now become the highest viewed image in the whole modern universe).

  • 1. Tiger Woods – With his high charisma and fat wallet(maybe its just the latter?) he dramatically increases dialogue options with females. His weapon skills also ensure he’s sure to hit anyone out for a hole in one.

    2. Jennifer Hawkins – Can make any male bow down too her will. Possible love interest? I think so

    3. Ezio – The perfect assassin. Coupled with his melee skills and keen ability to lure woman, he is also the perfect wingman to hit the clubs with.

    4. Boxxy – The “queen of /b/” will have expanded throughout the universe. Her ability to generate endless hordes of drooling webtrolls to act as meat shields and distractions will greatly benefit the team. Provided the team wear headphones she can use her high-pitched voice and ways to make anybody’s head explode.

    5. Morgan Freeman voiced AI – You just know everything’s going to be fine when Morgan Freeman pops out of your microphones letting you know a legion of battle ships is closing in on your location

    6. Jack Bauer – The man with all the plans, and all the skills. Has the uncanny ability to save the world, whatever the situation, in just 24 hours.

  • 1.The Vault Dweller – Fallout – Is there anything that the vault dweller can’t do? If for nothing else, just for his/her Bloody Mess trait 😀

    2.Vash the Stampede – Trigun – The great humanoid typhoon fighting for love and peace…

    3. Indiana Jones – Indy and his trusty whip will get us out of any situation (He survived a nuclear explosion for crying out loud)

    4. Chuck Bartowski– Chuck – With the intersect, and all his new moves, he will be able to hack anything. The Geth better watch out.

    5. Mr T. – For checking Fools, fool…

    6. The Foo fighters – Playing great tunes while waiting in the elevators, and helping to check Foo’ls

  • Today, the 26th of January as we all know is Australia Day and this got me thinking: What about the Australians? So far there has been a severe lack of Australian representation in this competition but now it seems there is no one else left.

    Several elite squads have gone before us; an assortment of Wii software, turtles with duct tape, a legion of redshirts, a squad of gravelly-voiced men and many other brave souls- none have been successful, none have returned. So it falls to us, on this day, of all days, we Australians must make one final stand, but not all of us can go. I’ve selected the best of the best, the Aussiest of the Aussie and with pure Australian Spirit coursing through their veins, this all Australian team will defy the odds and make the impossible possible.

    1. Ned Kelly
    2. Dr Karl
    3. Saint Mary Mackillop
    4. Former Prime Minister Harold Holt
    5. Gold Medalist Steve Bradbury
    6. Sir Donald Bradman

    And if you still aren’t convinced, well, I brought along Aussie rockers ‘Moving Pictures’ to change your mind – through the medium of song!

    Well there’s an army of Reapers ‘n Geth waiting for Shepherd’s advance
    They’ve got big space monsters, gross alien guys
    Shepherd doesn’t stand a-ny chance
    Australia’s team, the ‘Baggy Greens’
    Come to his aid before he dies

    What about Ned, Ned Kelly’s here
    The original Iron Man has no fear
    Doctor Karl, he knows everything
    Who more qualified could you bring?

    Well we’ve got Saint Mary Mackillop performing miracles
    She’s been working for god, now she’s killing geth
    Harold Holt’s covered in barnacles
    Went missing at sea, space abductee
    Now we just have two more guys left.

    Steve Bradbur-ry, Miss Lady Luck
    He can’t do much, he kinda sucks
    But here comes our Don Bradman
    He was the world’s greatest Batsman

    So take a step back and cheer these Aussie heroes
    Some may be dead but all true blue
    They’re the ones to save you
    So pray, as they battle
    ‘cause they’re our last hope

  • Well, since they deleted my comment yesterday, i’ll repost:

    1)Red Ranger
    2)Blue Ranger
    3)Green Ranger
    4)Black Ranger
    5)Pink Ranger

  • 1. A Billiard table – What’s green, has 6 legs, and will kill you when it falls on you from a tree? Thats damn right, a billard table.

    2. Red bucket – It’s a blue bucket in disguise – don’t let this master of subversion fool you.

    3. Robin Williams’ wit – it’s razor sharp

    4. A bricked xbox – if ebay descriptions have taught us anything, not only are these items a veritable swiss army knife of possibilities, but they are also quite costlyat times.

    5. A flamingo – Just because no one else has suggested it and i rather like flamingo’s. They are pretty and look like they should smell like roses, which i also like. I guess i could also use it as some form of mount. I don’t think it would be very epic though…

    6. Can of Rexona – Because it won’t let you down.

  • As a student of all things that can go wrong in outer space – with observations extracted from Stargate, Battlestar Galactica and Star Trek to name a few – the key isn’t in finding the right people to save the universe but rather the right tools to correct whatever is ripping it apart. The following would accompany me on my mission.

    1) My own Doppelganger

    2) Time dilation field

    3) More power

    4) Bridge to an alternate reality

    5) A simulation that completed with a green bar and flashing ‘100%’

    6) A full role of Duct Tape.

    It’s all rather simple really with a time dilation field I’ll have all the time in the world to prevent the near instantaneous distraction of the universe. Fuelled with more power I’ll be able to bridge realities in order to find the solution and run the necessary simulation to ensure its success. All of this will of course be carried out with my own Doppelganger securely duct taped to my waste as an evil alien infected twin spawn can never spoil my plans if I know where it is.

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