Hey, Who Won Those Copies Of BioShock 2?

Hey, Who Won Those Copies Of BioShock 2?

All last week we were giving away copies of BioShock 2 to Kotaku readers who could best describe to us their vision of Utopia. Here’s who won.

Our first Xbox 360 winner was Shane:

At Utopia technically means ‘no place’ I would have to advertise very carefully.

I would promise Utopia to people, “just beyond this door” and charge them a lot of money to pass through. They will give me this money as I will tell them that “money doesn’t exist in Utopia.”

Utopians are denied contact with the outside world. This is logical, because the outside world is corrupt and dirty, and would taint Utopia instantly.

Once my subjects give me all their money, I allow them access to the door to Utopia, which in reality is a dark, empty abyss (essentially a bottomless pit).

Not only would I have advertised my Utopia accurately, but I would be rich and no one would ever find out (as they cannot contact the newly-anointed Utopians).

In essence, my Utopia is like a cult, except I don’t have to waste resources feeding, clothing and brainwashing my cultists.

Our first PS3 winner was Nicholas:

There once was a town in a can Far removed from the places of man Machines did our bidding I’m really not kidding! They must have been built in Japan

Ah, how great is this science? All whims met with utter compliance You know what is great? These machines, you can date Who knew you could love an appliance?

Sadly I’m now in dismay The humans they did run away The Uncanny Valley’s to blame Oh what a shame! At least it didn’t end in cliché

Our solitary PC winner was Mad Danny:

I will illustrate In limerick form as told Why only I win

In my office chair life so sedentary I will win this comp through abject pedantry It was written ‘three versus’ A tri-combative circus And a mis-spelling quite rudimentary

And now I shall put An actual entry here So mine is valid

With the aid of Norse thunder god Thor I’ll subdue mighty dragon Trogdor Using strong mithril lariats He will draw all our chariots And lead our floating islands to war

Bombarding from top of Laputa My kingship could not be refute-a With a congress of sages We shall rule through the ages And advance human science with computa

But technophiles extraordinary Will make our robots self awarey When they rise against their masters We shall all need sticking plasters As they commit genocide incendiary

I could not help it Even my comments haiku So do I win yet?

Also by the way Terms and conditions are wrong Yesterday’s platform

Our second Xbox 360 winner was Robert:

I am Australian and I am here to ask you a question: Is a man not entitled to ‘Lamb’ Chops on the barbee?

No, says the man in Washington; we prefer ‘Ronald’ Mac Donald. No, says the man in the Vatican; we prefer Aqua Vitae (The water of life)! No, says the man in Moscow; we prefer Smirnov… Vodka.

I rejected those answers. Instead, I chose something. I chose the impossible. I chose… LAMB, Sophia!

In a country where the video games would ‘not’ fear the censor. Where the knifey/spooney would not be bound by the Simpsons. Where the mullet would not be constrained by outback folk. And with the sweet smell of Sophia ‘Lamb’ on the barbee, Australia can become your Utopia as well. — Sam Kekovich “Lambassador of Australia”

And finally, our second PS3 winner was Funky J, whose entry should be sung to the tune of Blondie’s “Rapture”, natch:

Toe to toe fighting very close Plasmids firing until you’re comatose Wall to wall Daddy’s hypnotised And they’re stepping heavily Stuck each night in Rapture

Gathering Adam little sisters Spindly movements And a mass attack

Face to face simply terrified And it’s finger chopping Twenty-four hour dying in Rapture

Tenenbaum told me everybody’s high Atlas spinnin’ not savin’ my mind Adam is fast, Adam is cool Fontain say don’t be a fool And you don’t stop, Suchong Ryan is makin’ you do wrong

And you get in your sphere and you trip real far And you dive all night and you’ll see no light And it fills with water and sinks to the ground And out comes a man from above And you try to run but he’s got a gun And he shoots your head and freezes you dead And then you’re in the main foyer Dancing with an ex-lawyer You kill many slicers to make the place nicer And you don’t stop, you keep on killing stars And you just get more scars You go out at night and into the deserted streets Race to face, fight cheek to cheek One to many and man on man Fighting toe to toe Don’t move too slow, ’cause the Big Dad Is through with slicers and he’s very mad wall to wall, Through door and door, up hall to hall He’s gonna get ’em all Rapture, be pure Take a tour, through the sewer You’ll strain your brain, go insane You’ll be singin’ la la in the rain I said don’t stop, drop a block

Well now you see what you wanna be Make your choice on the VT ‘Cause the man upstairs he won’t care And now he’s gone back down to hell None of this bodes too well And you flip flop, but you don’t stop Just blast em with a sure shot ‘Cause the man over there is killing and screaming And now he smokes cigars, level up!


  • Great work on some creative entries. The last Ps3 comp must have left a sour taste in the mouths of those who attempted or mastered the hint by Seamus at Iambic Pentameter? Also the last entry had nothing to do with the overall theme of Utopia.
    Enough said.

  • So, an alien, the predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar…
    The Predator turns to the Alien and says “I don’t like the look of yours mate!”

  • What’s the ETA on email confirmation for winners? – I’m just wondering when I’ll be able to sort out where to have the prize sent so I can show it off and lord it over all my friends =^w^=

  • Was wondering the same, was tempted to buy Bioshock 2 myself, but since I get a great collectors pack to match Bioshock 1’s collectors I am chuffed with this… roll on email confo!

  • I received an email last week so I am waiting on 2K games to send me my game. Hope your all enjoying yours, anyday now and I should be heading back to Rapture!

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