All five winners below will receive a Bioshock 2 prize pack containing a copy of the game, a Bioshock 2 hoodie, a big Bioshock 2 artbook, a Little Sister figurine, a Bioshock 2 pen, a Bioshock 2 keyring, a plasmid badge, and a vinyl copy of the soundtrack.
Our first Xbox 360 winner was Shane:
At Utopia technically means ‘no place’ I would have to advertise very carefully.
I would promise Utopia to people, “just beyond this door” and charge them a lot of money to pass through. They will give me this money as I will tell them that “money doesn’t exist in Utopia.”
Utopians are denied contact with the outside world. This is logical, because the outside world is corrupt and dirty, and would taint Utopia instantly.
Once my subjects give me all their money, I allow them access to the door to Utopia, which in reality is a dark, empty abyss (essentially a bottomless pit).
Not only would I have advertised my Utopia accurately, but I would be rich and no one would ever find out (as they cannot contact the newly-anointed Utopians).
In essence, my Utopia is like a cult, except I don’t have to waste resources feeding, clothing and brainwashing my cultists.
Our first PS3 winner was Nicholas:
There once was a town in a can
Far removed from the places of man
Machines did our bidding
I’m really not kidding!
They must have been built in Japan
Ah, how great is this science?
All whims met with utter compliance
You know what is great?
These machines, you can date
Who knew you could love an appliance?
Sadly I’m now in dismay
The humans they did run away
The Uncanny Valley’s to blame
Oh what a shame!
At least it didn’t end in cliché
Our solitary PC winner was Mad Danny:
I will illustrate
In limerick form as told
Why only I win
In my office chair life so sedentary
I will win this comp through abject pedantry
It was written ‘three versus’
A tri-combative circus
And a mis-spelling quite rudimentary
And now I shall put
An actual entry here
So mine is valid
With the aid of Norse thunder god Thor
I’ll subdue mighty dragon Trogdor
Using strong mithril lariats
He will draw all our chariots
And lead our floating islands to war
Bombarding from top of Laputa
My kingship could not be refute-a
With a congress of sages
We shall rule through the ages
And advance human science with computa
But technophiles extraordinary
Will make our robots self awarey
When they rise against their masters
We shall all need sticking plasters
As they commit genocide incendiary
I could not help it
Even my comments haiku
So do I win yet?
Also by the way
Terms and conditions are wrong
Our second Xbox 360 winner was Robert:
I am Australian and I am here to ask you a question:
Is a man not entitled to ‘Lamb’ Chops on the barbee?
No, says the man in Washington; we prefer ‘Ronald’ Mac Donald.
No, says the man in the Vatican; we prefer Aqua Vitae (The water of life)!
No, says the man in Moscow; we prefer Smirnov… Vodka.
I rejected those answers. Instead, I chose something. I chose the impossible. I chose… LAMB, Sophia!
In a country where the video games would ‘not’ fear the censor.
Where the knifey/spooney would not be bound by the Simpsons.
Where the mullet would not be constrained by outback folk.
And with the sweet smell of Sophia ‘Lamb’ on the barbee,
Australia can become your Utopia as well.
— Sam Kekovich “Lambassador of Australia”
And finally, our second PS3 winner was Funky J, whose entry should be sung to the tune of Blondie’s “Rapture”, natch:
Toe to toe
fighting very close
until you’re comatose
Wall to wall
And they’re stepping heavily
Stuck each night in Rapture
And a mass attack
Face to face
And it’s finger chopping
Twenty-four hour dying in Rapture
Tenenbaum told me everybody’s high
Atlas spinnin’ not savin’ my mind
Adam is fast, Adam is cool
Fontain say don’t be a fool
And you don’t stop, Suchong
Ryan is makin’ you do wrong
And you get in your sphere and you trip real far
And you dive all night and you’ll see no light
And it fills with water and sinks to the ground
And out comes a man from above
And you try to run but he’s got a gun
And he shoots your head and freezes you dead
And then you’re in the main foyer
Dancing with an ex-lawyer
You kill many slicers
to make the place nicer
And you don’t stop, you keep on killing stars
And you just get more scars
You go out at night and into the deserted streets
Race to face, fight cheek to cheek
One to many and man on man
Fighting toe to toe
Don’t move too slow, ’cause the Big Dad
Is through with slicers and he’s very mad
wall to wall, Through door and door, up hall to hall
He’s gonna get ’em all
Rapture, be pure
Take a tour, through the sewer
You’ll strain your brain, go insane
You’ll be singin’ la la in the rain
I said don’t stop, drop a block
Well now you see what you wanna be
Make your choice on the VT
‘Cause the man upstairs he won’t care
And now he’s gone back down to hell
None of this bodes too well
And you flip flop, but you don’t stop
Just blast em with a sure shot
‘Cause the man over there is killing and screaming
And now he smokes cigars, level up!