Stop your grinnin' and drop your linen, because this week's batch of original Kotaku reviews is in the pipe, five by five. I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean, but hey, we reviewed Aliens Vs. Predator this week.
We also reviewed all of the following games, some of which involve guns, plus one movie which had potential to be one of the next great mythological properties, but didn't seem to pull it off according to our editor-in-chief.
In which Mike Fahey enjoys the delayed satisfaction of SOCOM on the go, explains "command equity" and takes it easy.
In which Owen Good's non-negative opinion about downloadable pool cue chalk is felt.
In which Luke Plunkett discovers the ideal Xbox Live Arcade game to play after a night of heavy drinking—the ultimate XBLA chaser?
In which Luke Plunkett gets the blue screen of death and sees red, but is soothed by the thought of telekinetic dwarves.
In which Brian Crecente... wait, he went to the movies while the rest of us were writing about video games?
In which Brian Crecente discovers that to err is to have to play as the humans, but that multiplayer is divine.