WIN! Aliens Vs Predator Hunter Edition On Xbox 360

WIN! Aliens Vs Predator Hunter Edition On Xbox 360

Our week-long Aliens Vs Predator giveaway concludes this weekend with the last 360 Hunter Edition up for grabs. We also find out who won yesterday’s PS3 draw.

UPDATE: The weekend draw is now closed.

Thanks to Sega we have SIX copies of Aliens Vs Predator, the new first-person shooter from Rebellion, to give away. We’ve away one copy per day all week and now it’s time for the very last one.

They’re not just any old copies though, they’re the Hunter Edition. That’s the very limited edition that includes: * The game * Steelbook case * Four bonus multiplayer maps * A replica mouldable facehugger * A Weyland sleeve badge * A 3D lenticular card

That’s right, I said replica mouldable facehugger.

To enter this weekend’s draw for the final 360 edition you’re going to have to complete this joke: “So, an alien, the predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar…”

You’ve got until midnight Sunday to leave your joke in the comments below. No multiple entries are allowed.

And the winner of Friday’s PS3 draw is the improbably-named Screaming Stop Sign:

Aliens are tramps, They impregnate everyone, You said you loved me.

[Terms and Conditions]

Comments

  • So, an alien, the predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar and… Uhh… They drank peacefully all night and, uhh, payed off their tabs and really just couldn’t have been more courteous.

    *Watches an alien’s tail whip around in the air*

  • So, an alien, the predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar. They take the stage each taking a microphone. The Predator says, “My name is Toby Mac and I provide the rap for this posse, G.” The Alien says, “My name is Kevvy K and I give it the rock that it needs.” The marine says, “My name is Michael Tate and I’m bringin’ the soul to this party.” Then the predator continues, “Yo, that equals rap, rock and soul and together we make, D.C. Talk!”

  • So, an alien, the predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar…

    …And the colonial marine looks around and says ‘Damn it, this isn’t the Mana Bar!’

  • So, an alien, the predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar…

    The joke contains first-person perspective, close-up depict-oh wait, crap I’v already told that one.

  • So, an alien, the predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar… but they find the bar closed because the game was not balanced for alcohol.

  • So, an alien, the predator, and a colonial marine walk into a bar, the predator couldn’t eat for a week the alien suffered a spinal injury and the colonial marine needed lung surgery. I thought they smoothed out metal these days.

  • So, an alien, the predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar… the marine orders a beer, the alien and predator sit there staring at each other, grinding their teeth. The marine after a few too many beers comes up with an idea. He suggests that instead of fighting the predator and alien should get together and create something unstoppable. Predalien, already been done marine, replies the predator, and then we would still be fighting you.

    Dammit, the marine gulps down another pint. Then the alien gets a brilliant idea…

    Let’s just say they all end up going home together.

  • An Alien, a Predator and a Colonial Marine walk into a bar… The Colonial Marine says “Shot-gun not driving!”
    The Predator says “Shot-gun not driving!”
    The Alien says “Gggrrrahhgg-krrraccgghhhaaa!”
    Translation: “F#ck you guys, you know I cant drive.”

  • So, an alien, the predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar. As luck would have it, there’s an attractive female of each species in attendance. The marine says “Let’s make this sporting. Whoever can f*ck their girl first has their drinks paid for the others”.

    The marine and the alien try out their lines. The marine gets a drink in the face, and the alien gets a tail slap (but not in a good way).

    The predator chuckles and walks up to the predatoress. He whispers in her ear and strokes her arm, but obviously says something wrong, and she leaves in a huff.

    The predator walks back to the other two and says “I win, mine’s human blood on the rocks, thanks”. The other 2 protest that he got rejected, to which the predator says, “While I was stroking her arm, I programmed her self-destruct. She’s f*cked now!”

  • So, an alien, the predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar… they’re all alcoholics and its destroying their families.

  • So, an alien, the predator, and a colonial marine walk into an alien bar. The marine graciously buys the first round of bourbons and all three start drinking.

    Suddenly the alien begins choking and wheezing. He stumbles from his stool and falls to the floor. After a moment of violent hacking, he lets out a final rasp and falls slient.

    The predator and the marine stare at the motionless corpse in horror. “You killed him!” an onlooker accuses loudly.

    “Woah now, hold on a second,” the marine stammers. “I know what this looks like, but just because I’m a colonial marine…”

    A crowd of aliens are beginning to close around the marine and the predator. The tension is thick in the air. “Murderer!” another alien yells.

    The colonial marine has his hand on the butt of his rifle, but knows they are vastly outnumbered. “We’re dead,” he whispers grimly.

    “Calm down,” the predator replies. “Just take it easy. First of all, we don’t even know if he’s actually dead,” the predator reasons. “So let’s just make sure he’s dead first, alright?”

    “Right,” the colonial marine agrees. He whips out his rifle and fires two blasts directly into the motionless alien’s chest, obliterating the corpse. “He’s dead. Now what?”

  • an alien, the predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar, and another bar and another bar… I don’t think they understand the terms of an assault charge.

  • So, an alien, the predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar. The bartender yells across the room, ‘what do you three boys want?, we have one of everything?’ The colonial marine shouts out ‘one Corona please!’ Followed by the Alien, ‘one acid juice please!’. The predator then shouts ‘one Victoria Bitter please!’
    The bartender gets their drinks ready and suddenly the Predator shoots the Colonial Marine dead with his cannon blaster. The bartender asks ‘what was that for?’. The predator replied, ‘ I changed my mind I want the Corona.’

  • So, an alien, the predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar…

    They ask the bartender for a Bud (for the Marine), some Acid (for the alien), and some slime (for the predator). The bartender says “I can do that; or I can just get you all three mixed together, we have some here it’s called V.B.”

  • So, an alien, the predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar and there is a bar brawl going on. The Marine hides under the table and someone yells at him “your spineless”. The marine points to the predator and says “well he made me that way”. Meanwhile the alien just wonders why everyone just can’t hug… faces…

    ** I would just like to congratulate the eventual winner, cos if no one beats this joke then there is something seriously wrong with the world!! **

  • So, an alien, the predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar…
    After a few drinks, things turn sour and it soon turns into a “YOUR MUM’S SO FAT…” Slanging match.

    “Your mum’s so fat that she asked ME if I wanted some candy” says the Predator to the human, kicking off proceedings.
    “Your mum’s so fat, that even with her cloaking device on, I can STILL see her”, retorts the human,
    The Alien takes aim at the human with, “Your mum’s so fat that I had to use THREE face huggers just to cover her mouth” !
    Visibly torn, the Marine quickly fires back, “Well your mum’s so dumb that she thinks Ripley’s Beleive It Or Not is based on HER !
    The Alien becomes enraged with this and tips the table over and then proceeds
    to cave in the marines head with his piston like 2nd mouth.
    “WOW, Why did you have to do that for?” enquires the Predator.
    * ” HSSSSSSSSSSSSSS HSS HSSS HS HS HSSSSSSSSS!!”

    *translation: “No one Insults my Queen” !!

  • So, an alien, the predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar. They make some witty (if not predictable) puns, a few snappy ripostes and perhaps some excellent wordplay, which wins me a Hunter Edition of AvP on Xbox 360.

  • So, an alien, the predator and colonial marine walk into a bar, the predator pulls out a d20 and they rip into some D&D.

  • So, an Alien, the Predator and a Colonial Marine walk into a bar… they notice Ellen Ripley, Dutch and the Marine’s Wife drinking at a table at the back of the bar.. they quietly turn 360 degrees and walk away..

  • An alien, a predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar. They mostly go out at night. Mostly.

    “It’s your round for a change,” says the alien to the predator, “No turning invisible and threatening to set off your wristbomb this time.”

    “Crk-crk-crk-crk-crk,” mutters the predator, begrudgingly ordering three beers.

    “So,” says the marine to the alien, “Why the long face?”

  • So, an Alien, a predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar, where they get into a fist fight with a priest, a rabbi and an atheist; Obscenely flirt with a blonde, a brunette and a redhead; and settle a dispute between an Englishman, an Irishman and an American over why there is a man lying on the ground outside unconscious.

  • So, an alien, the predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar. The bartender immediately pulls out a rifle and in the space of only three seconds, shoots both the alien and marine in the head, killing them instantly. The predator stands there confused, while the rest of the patrons yell in panic.
    “Oh my god, he just shot Michael! He’s dead! He killed him!”
    The bartender responds calmly. “What? I shot the alien and the predator. Michael’s right there.” He uses the gun to motion to the predator, who warily ducks in response.
    The patrons object. “No, you dolt! You shot Michael, not the predator!”
    The bartender considers this for a few seconds, and takes out his glasses, putting them on, then peers between the corpse of Michael, the predator, and back again.

    “Well, shit. Michael always was pretty ugly.”

  • So, an alien, the predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar…
    The Alien orders a round of beers for the three of them, and they take a place in the corner, drinking and conversing merrily.
    The Predator gets the next round, and the marine the one after. It’s the aliens turn again, and he asks for three more beers. The bartender says to the alien “I think your friend over there has had enough”. The Alien turns to look at the marine, and as he does, the Marine throws up everywhere.
    “Oh it’s not the beer…” says the Alien “He’s just got morning sickness”. The bartender quips “You lot are gonna have to clean that mess up and take him home” “Wait half an hour, then you’ll see a mess…” the Alien said under his breath. The Alien returned to the marine. The predator had turned on his cloaking device and ran off. He never liked getting his hands dirty. The Alien dragged the marine out into the street, and propped him up. He went back inside and said to the barman “I’ve called him a cab. Can you go outside in half an hour and see that he’s gone?”
    And with that, the Alien hailed a cab and left.

  • So an Alien a predator and a marine walk into a bar,
    to which is heard,”turn that frown upside down mr predator, come over here and hang around”.
    As he sat down,the marine acted like a clown, jumping and diving to the beat of a sound, his motion tracker taken and thrown to the ground.
    The Alien standing over him gave him a scare “quit trying to shoot me you better beware.”
    The all of a sudden the marine fell into a chair,
    a new baby alien burst from his chest to the air!
    With all this new ruckus, the predator went nutters! Slaying the aliens without despair.
    As the dust settled, all was but mellow, as the marine gamer says “this ain’t fair!”

  • “So, an alien, the predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar.”

    The writer puts his pen down. “So that’s the plot. Now I need $100 million to make the third Aliens VS Predator movie.”

  • “So, an alien, the predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar…” says Joe Hollywood Producer at a pitch meeting to Fox Studio Executives. One of the Execs stands, outraged and exclaims “For God’s sake, this franchise really has taken a dump! A Buddy comedy?! Really?! What would Ridley say?”

  • So, an alien, the predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar… As they’re walking up to the bartender, a man grabs the three of them and tells them that they need to vacate the premises.

    The Colonial Marine stares and angrily at him and asks, “Who the hell are you and why can’t we have a darn drink?”

    To which the bouncer replies, “Four your information, my name is Michael Atkinson and your type isn’t allowed in here, you’ll scare the kiddies.”

    Good luck all!!

  • So, an alien, the predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar the alien laid eggs inside the bar, the predator clawed it a few times, and the marine got knocked out.

  • So an alien, the predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar. They head down the back and sit at an unoccupied table. After several minutes of hushed discussion, the Alien walks up to the bartender and hisses “Bartender, I got me a bet for you.” The bartender puts down the glass he’s cleaning and leans in, “Oh yeah, what’s that?” he says. The alien takes a seat and continues “I’m gonna bet you $300 that I can spray acid into that glass over there and not spill a single, solitary drop.” The bartender looks around wondering who this alien thinks he is – the glass is like a good ten feet away. “Now lemme get this straight” he says, “you’re tryin’ to tell me you’ll bet me $300 that you can spray acid, standing over here, way over there into that glass over there, and not spill a single drop?” The alien stands up and replies smugly “That’s right”. Bartender says “Horrid Space monster, you got a bet.” The alien goes “OK here we go. Here we go.” He shoots out his little mouth., he’s lookin’ at the glass, thinkin’ about the glass. He’s thinkin’ about the glass. Glass. He’s thinkin’ about the glass, glass. Thinkin’ about his little mouth. Acid, glass, acid, glass, acid, glass, acid, glass, acid, glass, acid, glass, acid, glass and then, *foosh*, he lets it rip. He’s spraying acid all over the place. He’s spraying acid on the bar. Spraying acid on the stools, on the floor, on the phone, on the bartender. He’s spraying acid everywhere *except* the freakin’ glass! So the bartender, he’s laughing his head off, he’s $300 richer. He’s like, “Ha, ha, ha, ha!” acid dripping off his face, corroding his skin. “Ha, ha, ha, ha!” He says, “You freakin’ idiot, man! You got it in everything except the glass! You owe me $300 you creepy extra terrestrial.” Alien goes, “Excuse me, just one little second.” He heads down the back of the bar and rejoins the predator and the marine at their table. A minute later he comes back to the bar, goes, “Here you are Mr. Bartender, 300 bucks” smiling with his little mouth. The bartender’s like, “What the hell are you so happy about? You just lost $300, idiot!” The alien leans right up to the bartender and he’s like, “Well, see the predator and the colonial marine over there? I just bet them $500 a piece that I could spray acid on your bar, spray acid on your floor, spray acid on your phone, and spray acid on you, and not only would you not be mad about it, you’d be happy.” The bartender stops laughing, his entire head has disintegrated into a purplish sludge. The alien takes back his $300 and leaves the bar a grand richer.

  • So, an alien, the predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar. Immediately they are asked by the bartender if they want to partake in some friendly competition. “See that porterhouse I’ve got nailed to the roof? If you can hit it with a projectile, drinks for you are on the house all night”.

    The predator quickly lets fly with a shuriken, missing by a mere inch thanks to the distraction of someone loudly claiming to be a ‘god damned sexual tyrannosaurus’. The alien readies itself and a small but enthralled audience of drunkards and floozies lean forward in anticipation of a direct hit. The silence turns to shocked whispers, however, when the alien instead opts to spit its acid at an unlucky bald-headed lass who had just entered the establishment (forgiveness had yet to be given for the third installment, apparently).

    “You’re up now, buddy. Last chance to hit the porterhouse”, proclaims the barkeep. A hush falls over the gathered crowd, and a small bead of sweat appears on the brow of the marine. Squaring himself and taking aim, the colonial marine begins to pull back the elastic on the slingshot he is using (now we know why he never stood a chance), only to pull away at the last minute without attempting a shot.

    “I’m sorry, I can’t do it”, he mutters. “The steaks are too high”.

  • So, an alien, the predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar.
    The bartender says to the alien:
    “Why the long face?” To which the alien responds
    “GAARGSSSA-GRAHGRAGAH”
    The colonial marine translates this for the bartender into:
    “Why the alien spawn slowly gestating inside your chest cavity until it finally bursts out, not only ruining your business but leaving you in a bloody twitching heap on the floor where you will inevitably die.”
    The colonial marine, who hasn’t got a grenade handy, instead hands the bartender a Lady Gaga disc and runs likes hell.

  • Finally after 15mins of stiffened atmosphere the marine turns to the predator and says, “So why are you here? Why is it always Earth that gets caught in the crossfire?” The predator then explains that Earth is a millennia old sacred ground, and that they are honour-bound to protect it from those who would seek to destroy it. The marine gets kind of edgy at this comment and turns the focus on the alien. “What?” he says. “You taste like chicken”

    • So, an alien, the predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar…

      Finally after 15mins of stiffened atmosphere the marine turns to the predator and says, “So why are you here? Why is it always Earth that gets caught in the crossfire?” The predator then explains that Earth is a millennia old sacred ground, and that they are honour-bound to protect it from those who would seek to destroy it. The marine gets kind of edgy at this comment and turns the focus on the alien. “What?” he says. “You taste like chicken”

  • So an alien, a predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar. The bartender motions to the alien and asks “is that a xenomorph?”
    The marine replies “not only is it a xenomorph, but it is the only talking xenomorph in the galaxy.”
    “Bullshit,” the bartender retorts, “prove it.”
    “Give me and my friend the predator here a beer each and I will” says the marine.
    So the bartender hands the predator and the marine a beer each and the marine points to the predators beer and asks the alien “who’s beer is that?”
    “Hsssssssss” the alien replies.
    “See,” says the marine, “I asked him who owned the other beer and he said ‘his'”
    The bartender is still not convinced so the the marine asks the alien “what sound does a snake make?”
    “Ssssssssssssss” the alien replies.
    The bartender throws the alien, the marine and the predator out of the bar onto the street.
    The alien looks at the marine and says “do you think I should have said ‘hiss’ again?”

  • So,an alien,the predator and colonial marine walk into a bar… the predator says ” ah man,You stupid alien got your acid all over my blaster.” The marine says ” that’s what you get for shanking me with your claws.” and the alien says” my bad, while we were fighting I meant to bite you”. predator: “you bitch”!

  • So, an alien, the predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar.

    The marine jokes about how good he is with his .45 pistol. The Predator flops out his shoulder mounted cannon and lets out a freakish chuckle. The Alien simply hisses, acid leaking from it’s mouth all over the bar. I think everyone got the idea.

    Moments later, a huge truck crashes into the bar, killing all three of them instantly, only the bar man survived.

    From the truck emerged a rather stiff looking man, wearing no clothing at all. He walked over to the bar man, standing there still in disbelief from what he just saw. and said, “Your clothes… give them to me, now!”

    It just goes to show that you might end up naked at the end of the day, but working in a bar is possibly the safest job in the world!

  • An alien, a predator and a marine walk into a bar, the barman looks at them and says ‘What is this, some kind of bad joke?’

  • So an alien, a predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar, and with them they have an 11-inch pianist… oh wait I cant tell this one in Atkinson’s Australia…

  • So, an alien, the predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar. Each orders a drink and just stare at one another. After about 5 minutes of akward/tense silence, the marine breaks the ice, “Man, did AVP Requiem SUCK or what?”

    “We’ll drink to that” replied the other two

  • So, an alien, the predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, I’ve got a great new plot line for you guys!”
    The alien, the predator and the colonial marine walk out of the bar pondering how they let their franchise(s) get milked so majorly.

  • So, an alien, the predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar. The bartender takes one look at them, screams and runs for the nearest exit. The alien looks at the predator.
    “Shit, Bill. Four hours in Makeup, and now we have to go through all this crap to get a beer.”

  • So, an alien, the predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar…
    The colonial marine orders a round. “I can drink TEN beers and still shoot an alien in its mouth with my M41A Pulse Rifle.”
    The predator scoffs, “I can drink TWENTY pints of human blood and still hit a drop ship in orbit with my plasma caster.”
    The alien skulls his drink. “That’s nothing. My blood is made from frickin’ ACID. Drink that ya’ tossers!”

  • So, an alien, the predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar. They get drunk, the predator spills the aliens drink and thats how alien vs predator started

  • So, an alien, the predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar….

    Marine orders a drink and toasts to his fallen friends.

    The Predator laughs and hits the Alien in the back ands says only Marines praise the weak.

    The Alien looks at the Predator, and says only a Predator Cloaks himself before he stabs them from the back.

  • So, an alien, the predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar. The bartender turns around, sizes them up and says, “what is this, some kind of joke?”

    Hat-tip to Lance for the only joke that made me actually laugh.

  • So, an alien, the predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar, and there happens to be a film crew inside.

    They find it interesting and the alien and the marine wander in front of the camera and mock up some scary horror scene and everyone at the bar is deep in suspense and finally cheer at the conclusion.

    The alien wanders off momentarily while the predator joins the marine to recreate an awesomely quoteable action scene, everyone in the bar again gives a standing ovation to the two.

    Finally the alien comes back to join the marine and predator in front of the camera, but everyone at the bar starts to protest.
    The bartender yells out “Nonono! Stop recording! We’ve all seen how shit movies turn out with all 3 involved!”

  • So, an alien, the predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar, the marine had the alien and the predator on a leash, the bartender said holy crap!!!!! kill them, KILL THEM! the marine said, kill what?
    the bartender said, those things you walked in with.
    the marine said, ohhh nahh man its all right im blind, these little mutts are my seeing eye dogs! the bartender reply with, WHAT!!! wait a sec you have a alien and a predator as your seeing eye dogs? a brief pause…………… the marine reply with “IT GAME OVER MAN, GAME OVER”.

  • So, an alien, the predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar…
    the bartender says to the marine “damm those aliens are ugly”
    the marine replys “if you think they are ugly you should see my wife”

  • So, an alien, the predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar. After a few too many drinks they end up in a three way fist fight, rolling around on the floor and flipping over tables in their wake.

    Over the screams of pain and cries of unfair fighting the bartender yells, “I’ll have none of that disorganised brawling in here!”

    Pausing mid fight, the three look puzzled at the bartender.

    “If you’re gonna get violent in here, atleast learn how to use some Close Combat Techniques.

    Use RB for your standard Light Attack, but you can Block these by holding RB and LB together.
    If you Block a Light Attack quickly hit RB to follow up with a Counter Attack to knock the enemy to the ground, but don’t rely on blocking too much, because using LB to perform a Heavy Attack will go straight through it.

    If you see an enemy winding up a Heavy Attack quickly use RB to perform a Heavy Counter Attack and stun them mid swing, and as they try to recover quickly follow this up with a Focus Mode Attack by holding LT and pressing RB to lunge at your opponent and finish them off.

    If you manage to get behind an opponent perform a Stealth Kill by pressing X to put ’em down quickly and quietly. Or alternatively, if you manage to weaken an enemy enough, pressing X will instead perform a Trophy kill, adding insult to injury.

    Now that you know these valuable techniques I expect you to fight fair and with a bit of grace, alright?”

    The three look at eachother, shocked. The Predator steps forward and mockingly asks, “Who the fuck are you to question our fighting ability?”

    The bartender sternly points to his name-tag, “The name’s ‘Rebellion’. Now play fair and quit whinging or get the fuck out!”

  • So, an alien, the predator and a colonial marine walk into a bar…
    The alien orders a tequila, the predator a vodka and the marine a bourbon.
    A waitress brings over the alien’s drink and looks him in the eyes – it’s Ripley!
    Nervous, he takes a sip: it’s the best tequila he’s ever had!
    The predator looks over as the barman slides his vodka across – it’s Alan Schaefer!
    Acting tough he knocks it back: he has never tasted finer!
    Feeling confident the marine spies his bourbon and takes a swig.
    Gurgling horribly he clutches his throat and falls to the ground dead.
    The predator just sighs and looks at his remaining companion.
    “There’s risky and then there’s ordering a drink at your ex wife’s bar.”

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