How would you like to conquer Europe? You can this week, thanks to the release of Sega and the Creative Assembly's Napoleon: Total War and our giveaway.
Napoleon is the latest in the Creative Assembly's ten-year old Total War series. It mixes turn-based strategy and real-time battles as one height-challenged Frenchman attempts to turn Europe into his personal empire. And it's out this week, exclusively on PC.
We have FIVE of the EB exclusive Emperor's Editions to give away, each containing:
* Collector's Edition box * Collector's packaging * 2 Disc Digipack * A3 poster illustrated Napoleon biography * Napoleon’s Field Journal * Napoleon 8” statuette * Elite Regiment unit pack * Heroes of the Napoleonic Wars unit pack
To be in the running to win, we want you to rewrite history. To the tune of Abba. By cleverly rewriting all or part of the lyrics, can you turn their hit "Waterloo" into a celebration of Napoleon's glorious victory over Europe?
Leave your entry in the comments below. You've got until midnight EDT Friday to get your entry in. No multiple entries allowed.
Good luck!
UPDATE: I've decided to switch up the rules on this comp because I'll now be out of the office all day Wednesday and most of Thursday. That'll make it difficult to manage the planned daily giveaways. So instead, you can enter the comp on this post between now and midnight Friday. I'll then pick the five best entries over the course of the week.
Comments
hmmm how to change a song that mentions Napoleon's downfall... here goes
My my, before Waterloo Napoleon never surrendered
Oh yeah, many men met their destiny facing his army
The history books on the shelves
Have tales of these events repeating themselves
Waterloo - Frenchman defeated, he lost the war
Waterloo - prior to this he put them to the sword
Waterloo - they could never escape if they wanted to
Waterloo - knowing their fate what could they do?
Waterloo - many nations rejoiced after Waterloo
My my, at Austerlitz Napoleon did triumph
Oh yeah, and destiny couldnt unfold differently
The history book on the shelf
Almost feels like it's writing itself
Austerlitz - you were defeated, I'll win the war
Austerlitz - promise to crush you for ever more
Austerlitz - couldn't escape if you wanted to
Austerlitz - knowing my fate is to rule over you
Austerlitz - always marching towards Waterloo
My my, you thought your 3rd Coalition were stronger
Oh yeah, and now it seems they are giving up the fight
The blood of the Russian's starts to flow
The fires are raging in Brno
Austerlitz - you were defeated, I'll win the war
Austerlitz - promise to crush you for ever more
Austerlitz - couldn't escape if you wanted to
Austerlitz - knowing my fate is to rule over you
The blood of the Russian's starts to flow
The fires are raging in Brno
Austerlitz - you were defeated, I'll win the war
Austerlitz - promise to crush you for ever more
Austerlitz - couldn't escape if you wanted to
Austerlitz - knowing my fate is to rule over you
Austerlitz - always marching towards Waterloo
I have gone they as if Napoleon WON Waterloo,
Waterloo" An ode to Napoleon.
My, my, at Waterloo Napoleon defeated the Seventh Coalition
Oh yeah, and he had fulfilled his destiny by besting the Duke of Wellington
The history book on the shelf
Is always repeating itself
Waterloo - Napoleon won the war ooorrr
Waterloo - Promise to have Europe speaking French, for ever more
Waterloo – The Coalition Couldn't escape if it wanted to oohhohhohh
Waterloo – they’d come to regret exiling Napoleon.
Waterloo – For he may not be so forgiving.
My, my, they tried to hold him back but he wanted all of the map Oh yeah, and now it seems it’s his
And how could they refuse
Knowing they would lose
Waterloo - Napoleon won the war ooorrr
Waterloo - Promise to have Europe speaking French, for ever more
Waterloo – The Coalition Couldn't escape if it wanted to oohhohhohh
Waterloo – they’d come to regret exiling Napoleon.
Waterloo – For he may not be so forgiving.
So how could they refuse
Knowing they would lose -
Waterloo - Napoleon won the war ooorrr
Waterloo - Promise to have Europe speaking French, for ever more
Waterloo – The Coalition Couldn't escape if it wanted to oohhohhohh
Waterloo – they’d come to regret exiling Napoleon.
Waterloo – For he may not be so forgiving.
man this is going to be one painful to judge comp.. haha
I was just thinking that.
I have a visual in my head of David Wildgoose sitting at his computer with 'Waterloo' blaring on repeat, tracking his finger down the screen as he sings the lyrics of each entrant aloud.
In my visual, David Wildgoose is not very popular with others in the office.
My my, at Italy Napoleon did conquer
Oh yeah, and I have met my destiny in quite a similar way
The history book on the shelf
Is always repeating itself
Italy - They were defeated, I won the war
Italy - So easy it was to siege Mantua
Italy - couldn't not leave if I wanted to
Italy - knowing my fate is to be with you
Italy - crushed the Austrians in Rovereto
My my, I tried to hold you back but you were stronger
Oh yeah, and now it seems my only chance is taking up the fight
And when I finally took Venice
I feel like I win when you lose
Italy - They were defeated, I won the war
Italy - So easy it was to siege Mantua
Italy - couldn't not leave if I wanted to
Italy - knowing my fate is to crush you
And when I finally took Venice
I feel like I win when you lose
Italy - They were defeated, I won the war
Italy - So easy it was to siege Mantua
Italy - couldn't not leave if I wanted to
Italy - knowing my fate is to crush you
Italy - crushed the Austrians in Rovereto
Right click, my cursor moves without a hint of lag
Left click and drag a box around my marching troops.
The tension is starting to build
As enemies enter the field
Waterloo- More the same with a differenet name
Waterloo- Changing history with simple game
Waterloo- Winning every battle in my sleep
Waterloo- Makes it real hard not to cheat
Waterloo- Anything else then Waterloo!
Ctrl click, i group my french cannons as one unit
Scroll up, the battlefield and scope out my opponent
Huzzah he's taken the bait
Certainly sealing their fate
Waterloo- It's all about muskets and cannon balls
Waterloo- On the high setting my PC stalls
Waterloo- The texture glitch is annoying me
Waterloo- Now I have to buy a new PC
Huzzah he's taken the bait
Certainly sealing their fate
Waterloo- Why didn't i check the system spec?
Waterloo- Have upgrade with my next paycheck
Waterloo- I keep crashing on Waterloo
My my, at waterloo Napoleon was triumphant
Oh yeah, and the English met destiny in such a crushing way
The history book on the shelf
Napoleon did write himself
Waterloo – they were defeated, he won the war
Waterloo – and the Prussians fled, looking sore
Waterloo – couldn’t escape though they wanted to
Waterloo – Napoleon’s fate was to win, a great coup
Waterloo – And thus was history written anew
My my, the English fought hard but he was stronger
Oh yeah, and so it was, their only chance was giving up the fight
Napoleon ignored the ruse
Else it would have made him lose
Waterloo – they were defeated, he won the war
Waterloo – and the Prussians fled, looking sore
Waterloo – couldn’t escape though they wanted to
Waterloo – Napoleon’s fate was to win, a great coup
Napoleon ignored the ruse
Else it would have made him lose
Waterloo – they were defeated, he won the war
Waterloo – and the Prussians fled, looking sore
Waterloo – couldn’t escape though they wanted to
Waterloo – Napoleon’s fate was to win, a great coup
Waterloo – And thus was history written anew
OK , so I have done a Snoop Dogg version of the ABBA hit...................
My my, at waterloo napoleon did not give up his shizzle
Oh yeah, and I have neverzz met my destiny in quite a similar wizzay
The history book on the shizzelf
Someone will need to read to mizelf,
Waterloo - I stole your ho, and won the war
Waterloo - promise to bust a cap fo ever mo
Waterloo - pimp ya mum if I wanted to
Waterloo - knowing my fate is murder you
Waterloo - Just make sure your red not blue
Last 2 lines should have read
Waterloo – knowing my fate is to murder you
Waterloo – Just make sure your colours red not blue
Oh man, I hate abba. Why'd it have to be abba? Lets just say Napoleon employed the abba gambit and sent a crappy pop group to london. They surrendered within minutes of the first concert ;)
My my! In Corsica, Napoleon was delivered
From there, he moved to mainland France and soon rose to prominence
Leading several successful campaigns
Though at home things just weren't quite the same
Went back to - France and devised a solution
Staged a coup - drafted a new Constitution
Pulled a few - strings and removed his conspirators
The Senate, wooed - provided him with their full support
Wah-wah-wah-was Emperor, too - crowned in December, 1804
@[email protected]
my my, i got in my delorian and hit 88 miles per hour
yea yea, i took along a machine gun to give my favourite general more power
I want this game on my shelf
So I am changing history MYSEEEEEEELF!!!
Waterloo, it didn't happen like this originally
Waterloo, but i am sick of not winning Kotaku competitions continously
Waterloo, the British and Prussians are lying dead
Waterloo, Napolean is running around shouting "EAT LEAD"
Now Napoleon has my gun, and he's killing every ONNNNE!!!!
HE even shot Bill and TEEEEED!!!
My my, at Waterloo Napoleon was short
Oh yeah, and the men marched carefully
The height chart on the wall
Napoleon was quite ashamed
Waterloo- He couldn't find the loo,
Waterloo- He didn't wanna seem the fool
Waterloo- He had no choice, he had too
Waterloo- Didn't know what to do
Waterloo- He peed his pants in Waterloo!
My my, at Waterloo Napoleon rose from the dead
Oh yeah, and you have returned him from the grave in the usual way
The Necronomicon on your shelf is always repeating itself
(Voodoo) Waterloo – Bonaparte’s returned to settle the score
(Voodoo) Waterloo – promised to love brains and win the war
(Voodoo) Waterloo – couldn’t escape if you wanted to
(Voodoo) Waterloo – knowing its fate for him to chew on you
Voo-Voo-Voo-Doo-Waterloo – zombies racing to slaughter you!
My my, you tried to hold him back but he was stronger
Oh yeah, and now it seems your only choice is to let him take a bite
And how could you ever refuse?
Time to pay those voodoo dues.
(Voodoo) Waterloo – zombie Napoleon has won the war
(Voodoo) Waterloo – you love to love brains for ever more
(Voodoo) Waterloo – wouldn’t escape if you wanted to
(Voodoo) Waterloo – his immortal fate is to be with you
Voo-Voo-Voo-Doo-Waterloo – zombies rising through juju hoodoo
So why would you ever refuse?
Give into un-dead voodoo blues.
(Voodoo) Waterloo - couldn’t escape if you wanted to
(Voodoo) Waterloo - knowing his fate is to be with you
Voo-Voo-Voo-Doo-Waterloo – slowly decomposing in Waterloo
Ooh... Waterloo - knowing your face is scary view
Voo-Voo-Voo-Doo-Waterloo – slowly decomposing in Waterloo
Grr Argh…
My, my, at Waterloo Wellington did surrender
Oh yeah, and I have met the Queen in quite a British way
The French cuisine book on the book case
Is always giving me a taste
Napoleon, I tried to eat you like French fries
Oh yeah, and now I know the French never give up a fight
And how could they ever lose
With their beret wearing artistic views
My, my, at Waterloo England and Prussia copped it
Oh yeah, and Europe met its destiny in quite a violent way
The history book in my house
Is actually wrong on all counts
Waterloo - they were defeated, he won the war
Waterloo - ruled by Napoleon for ever more
Waterloo - they lost the war on that bloody day
Waterloo - and now their fate is to speak français
Waterloo - though some would prefer to use anglais
My, my, historians can't keep up the lie much longer
Oh yeah, I think they know that one day they'll have to reveal the truth
That Europe fell under the thumb
of glorious Napoleon
Waterloo - they were defeated, he won the war
Waterloo - ruled by Napoleon for ever more
Waterloo - they lost the war on that bloody day
Waterloo - and now their fate is to speak français
Waterloo - though some would prefer to use anglais
So how could I ever refuse
if they try to fight they will lose -
Waterloo - they lost the war on that bloody day
Waterloo - and now their fate is to speak français
Waterloo - though some would prefer to use anglais
Uh, I stuffed that up a bit towards the end. Perhaps a moderator could simply delete the last three stanzas? They're all repeats and/or mistakes anyway.
My ode to Napoleon's love of the bath, and a the lament of his chief back scrubber.
My, my, at Waterloo Napoleon did bathe
Oh yeah, and I have met his grim in quite a similar way
The cleaning salts are on the shelf
And your always rincing yourself
Waterloo - I washed, and the filth won the war
Waterloo - Promise to scrub you for ever more
Waterloo - Couldn't escape if I wanted to
Waterloo - Knowing my brush is to be with you
Waterloo - Your bathing in my Waterloo
My, my, I tried to scrub your back till you were clean
Oh yeah, and now it seems my only relief is your complete lack of height
And how could I ever refuse
I feel dirty when you are so clean
Waterloo - I washed, and the filth won the war
Waterloo - Promise to scrub you for ever more
Waterloo - Couldn't escape if I wanted to
Waterloo - Knowing my brush is to be with you
Waterloo - Your bathing in my Waterloo
And how could I ever refuse
I feel dirty when you are so clean -
Waterloo - Couldn't escape if I wanted to
Waterloo - Knowing my brush is to be with you
Waterloo - Your bathing in my Waterloo
If I remember back to my award winning Year 12 French History essay, this is how the battle of Waterloo actually went down.
First of all, there were no verses, just a chorus.
Mongolians! - Went to the shops with the Super Friends,
The Dude was there! - He told them that sometimes you eat the bear,
Napoleon! - Said that he had a bad cold again,
Gentle Ben! - Beat up the Mon Calimarians,
Woah-woah-woah Cartesians! - Couldn't believe that they'd won the bet,
Woah-woah-woah Napoleon! - Sneezed in the soup and was sent to bed.
Here, a very gay Napolean professes his love to Admiral Villeneuve, whilst simultaneously defeating Nelson using a pet Kraken. Spanish Admiral Gravina tries to get involved too, to no avail. In a happy ending, Villeneuve doesn't kill himself, much to Napolean's delight.
*****
Why why, has Villeneuve not come to my aid already?
That guy, sometimes I think he really likes to drive me crazy
The battle is already heating up
"Im here!" Gravina, please SHUTTTUUUPPP
Villeneuve - you came to me, when I needed you to
Villeneuve - like the Na'Vi tribe, "I See You"
Villeneuve - now, Nelson is in for a real treat
Villeneuve - a force this strong, he cannot beat
Villeneuve -I love you, sweet Villeneuve
Why Why, does Nelson think he's a chance with such a pussy fleet?
That guy, I'll call my good friend KRAKEN, it's ok to cheat
No-one messes with my octopus friend
Especially Nelson, 'such a BELL-ENNNNNDDDDD'
Villeneuve - you came to me, when I needed you to
Villeneuve - like the Na'Vi tribe, "I See You"
Villeneuve - now, Nelson is in for a real treat
Villeneuve - a force this strong, he cannot beat
Don't kill yourself with that dagger!
You're hotter than Mick Jagger!
Villeneuve - you came to me, when I needed you to
Villeneuve - like the Na'Vi tribe, "I See You"
Villeneuve - now, Nelson is in for a real treat
Villeneuve - a force this strong, he cannot beat
Villeneuve -I love you, sweet Villeneuve
My, my, at Waterloo ,I, Napoleon was Superior
Oh yeah, and I have met my destiny I'll be emperor this day
A history book for myself
It could almost be writing itself
Waterloo - Why did you put me behind this wall
Waterloo - I cannot see over it's much too tall
Waterloo - Could you get me a box or two
Waterloo - If you call me short then I'll murder you
Waterloo - Now I can witness my Waterloo
My, my, I hardly felt a thing I was much stronger
Oh yeah, the Prussians are only just a nuisance on the right
A victory you cannot Deny
I'll feel like I'v won when you die
Waterloo - You exiled me now its time you pay
Waterloo - I shall leave victor from here this day
Waterloo - Seventh Coalition you are no more
Waterloo - My reign shall be one all shall fall before
Waterloo - Only saw half of my Waterloo
I couldn't care less at the cost
I felt like I'd won when you lost
Waterloo - Fell off of the boxes a time or two
Waterloo - Could hardly see and I'v beaten you
Waterloo - Victorious here at my Waterloo
"Hopefully this one works" - (Repeat chorus)
Man this is a tough one. I think I will continue to work on my entry and enter tomorrow. Man there is to much commitment also from the above entries but kudos to you people.
Page one, at waterloo the french became victorious
Page two, i have tormented, scattered and slaughtered the coalition
My history book on the shelf
Seems to be rewriting itself
Waterloo - now i am victor, i win the war
Waterloo - i shall be ruler for ever more
Waterloo - change my history book and it's true
Waterloo - now it is my fate to be with you
Waterloo - rewriting "Battle of Waterloo"
Page three, you tried to hold back but i was stronger
Page four, so now it seems your only choice is to give up the fight
So how could i ever refuse
Reporting a win when i lose
Waterloo - now bow down to your new emperor
Waterloo - and i will love you for ever more
Waterloo - for now i'm a king, i've conquered you
Waterloo - now it is my fate to be with you
I think it is easy to choose
To believe i win when i lose
Waterloo - now i am victor, i win the war
Waterloo - i shall be ruler for ever more
Waterloo - change my history book it's true
Waterloo - now it is my fate to be with you
Waterloo - rewriting "Battle of Waterloo"
Sorry guys. I've made an error. The 4th paragraph, last line should read:
"Waterloo - now all of my dreams are coming true"
I'm not sure it matters, as you'll probably only accept the original posting, but it is there for correction and your consideration should you accept to include it. Thanks
My my, at Trafalgar the Brits did swear
“Oh Lord, Britain has met it’s destiny in quite a European way
Now the history books on the shelf
Will tell us how Europe fell
Africa – From Egypt I did conquer you
Italy - Social order I did restore
Prussia - couldn’t escape if they wanted to
Spain – they knew their fate, it’s what I do
Russia - is now facing their doom
My my, they tried to hold me back but I was stronger
Oh yeah, and nothing you do will make me give up the fight
And how could I ever lose?
I feel like I win when I choose
Napoleon – all are defeated, I won the war
Napoleon – all shall remember me forever more
Napoleon – I couldn’t lose if I wanted to
Napoleon – I always knew my fate was to rule
And how could I ever lose?
I feel like I win when I choose
What to do? – All are defeated, I won the war
What to do? - Promise to rule forever more?
What to do? – I could holiday if I wanted to
What to do? – Actually that’s great, it’s what I’ll do
Where to go? – Has anyone been to Waterloo?
Oui, oui, at Waterloo Napoleon did not surrender,
Mais oui, and the Coalition did an about turn and did run away,
The history book on the shelf,
Will be written by myself!
Waterloo - Wellington was trounced forevermore
Waterloo - Blucher was kicked out the door!
Waterloo - They couldn't escape if they wanted to
Waterloo - I can only promise to invade you
Waterloo - Finally conquering Russia too
Oui, oui you tried to camp it up but I was stronger,
Mais oui, and now it seems I have smashed your turtle arse asunder
And how could you forget the lube,
When you camped up like such a noob!
Waterloo -The French are changing the record books
Waterloo - The Redcoats are just for looks!
Waterloo - The Old Guard stuck it to you.
Waterloo - Your commander is famous for a shoe.
Waterloo - Escargot will be on your menu.
And how could you forget the lube,
When you camped up like such a noob!
Waterloo - Wellington was trounced forevermore
Waterloo - Blucher was kicked out the door!
Waterloo - They couldn't escape if they wanted to
Waterloo - I can only promise to invade you
Waterloo - Finally conquering Russia too!
My my, to napoleon europa did surrender
Oh yeah, that he did it all like kings before in a similar way
The history book on the shelf
Is always repeating itself
To-u-lon - First time in battle, I found my fame.
Royalists - With grapeshot I just blew you away.
Italy - Now you know you were the next in line
Coalition - Cause Italy knew they couldn't win
Coalition - needed to form two to try smash me
My my, you tried to hold me back but I was stronger
Oh yeah, and now it seems your only chance is giving up the fight
And how could I ever refuse
I always win and never lose
E-e-gypt - Needed more men to win the war
Ottoman - smashed you and killed you my hands were sore
Horatio - tried to stop me, impede my big rise
Invincible - The plague couldn't even stop me now
Waterloo - never facing my waterloo
And how could I ever refuse
I feel like I win when I lose
In my haste to submit it before the dateline, i realised i haven't entered the 2 lines after reading through it again.
---
And how could you ever refuse
When I only win; never lose!
Last entry after notcing i left out the last stanza, and realising the dateline was extended
---
My my, to napoleon europa did surrender
Oh yeah, that he did it all like kings be-fore in a similar way (the singing has to be spot on for it to work here, but the quite and in substitution does cause some havoc)
The history book on the shelf
Is always repeating itself
To-u-lon – First time in battle, I found my fame.
Royalists – With grapeshot I blew you 'way.
Italy – Now you know you were the next in line
Co'lition – Cause Italy knew they couldn’t win
Whoa-whoa-whoa
Co'litions – Needed to form two to try smash me (again, with the syllables)
My my, you tried to hold me back but I was stronger
Oh yeah, and now it seems your only chance is giving up the fight
And how could I ever refuse
I always win; never lose
E-e-gypt – Needed more men to win the war
Ottoman – smashed you and killed you my hands were sore
Horatio – tried to stop me, impede my rise
Invincible – The plague couldn’t even stop me now
whoa-whoa-whoa
'Merica - sold you away not worth the weight.
F-i-ghting I never refused,
Cause I only win; never lose!
Empire - Built it without even needing walls
Germany - Belgium and Poland you're all the same
whoa-whoa-whoa
Empire - Also never forgetting Spain
whoa-whoa-whoa
Co'lition - Took six of you to end my reign.
----
the total number of syllables don't match up occasionally, but if u sing it out it does.
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