WIN! Napoleon: Total War Emperor's Edition

How would you like to conquer Europe? You can this week, thanks to the release of Sega and the Creative Assembly's Napoleon: Total War and our giveaway.

Napoleon is the latest in the Creative Assembly's ten-year old Total War series. It mixes turn-based strategy and real-time battles as one height-challenged Frenchman attempts to turn Europe into his personal empire. And it's out this week, exclusively on PC.

We have FIVE of the EB exclusive Emperor's Editions to give away, each containing:

* Collector's Edition box * Collector's packaging * 2 Disc Digipack * A3 poster illustrated Napoleon biography * Napoleon’s Field Journal * Napoleon 8” statuette * Elite Regiment unit pack * Heroes of the Napoleonic Wars unit pack

To be in the running to win, we want you to rewrite history. To the tune of Abba. By cleverly rewriting all or part of the lyrics, can you turn their hit "Waterloo" into a celebration of Napoleon's glorious victory over Europe?

Leave your entry in the comments below. You've got until midnight EDT Friday to get your entry in. No multiple entries allowed.

Good luck!

UPDATE: I've decided to switch up the rules on this comp because I'll now be out of the office all day Wednesday and most of Thursday. That'll make it difficult to manage the planned daily giveaways. So instead, you can enter the comp on this post between now and midnight Friday. I'll then pick the five best entries over the course of the week.

[Terms and Conditions]


Comments

    hmmm how to change a song that mentions Napoleon's downfall... here goes

    My my, before Waterloo Napoleon never surrendered
    Oh yeah, many men met their destiny facing his army
    The history books on the shelves
    Have tales of these events repeating themselves

    Waterloo - Frenchman defeated, he lost the war
    Waterloo - prior to this he put them to the sword
    Waterloo - they could never escape if they wanted to
    Waterloo - knowing their fate what could they do?
    Waterloo - many nations rejoiced after Waterloo

    My my, at Austerlitz Napoleon did triumph
    Oh yeah, and destiny couldnt unfold differently
    The history book on the shelf
    Almost feels like it's writing itself

    Austerlitz - you were defeated, I'll win the war
    Austerlitz - promise to crush you for ever more
    Austerlitz - couldn't escape if you wanted to
    Austerlitz - knowing my fate is to rule over you
    Austerlitz - always marching towards Waterloo

    My my, you thought your 3rd Coalition were stronger
    Oh yeah, and now it seems they are giving up the fight
    The blood of the Russian's starts to flow
    The fires are raging in Brno

    Austerlitz - you were defeated, I'll win the war
    Austerlitz - promise to crush you for ever more
    Austerlitz - couldn't escape if you wanted to
    Austerlitz - knowing my fate is to rule over you

    The blood of the Russian's starts to flow
    The fires are raging in Brno

    Austerlitz - you were defeated, I'll win the war
    Austerlitz - promise to crush you for ever more
    Austerlitz - couldn't escape if you wanted to
    Austerlitz - knowing my fate is to rule over you
    Austerlitz - always marching towards Waterloo

    I have gone they as if Napoleon WON Waterloo,

    Waterloo" An ode to Napoleon.

    My, my, at Waterloo Napoleon defeated the Seventh Coalition
    Oh yeah, and he had fulfilled his destiny by besting the Duke of Wellington
    The history book on the shelf
    Is always repeating itself

    Waterloo - Napoleon won the war ooorrr
    Waterloo - Promise to have Europe speaking French, for ever more
    Waterloo – The Coalition Couldn't escape if it wanted to oohhohhohh
    Waterloo – they’d come to regret exiling Napoleon.
    Waterloo – For he may not be so forgiving.

    My, my, they tried to hold him back but he wanted all of the map Oh yeah, and now it seems it’s his
    And how could they refuse
    Knowing they would lose

    Waterloo - Napoleon won the war ooorrr
    Waterloo - Promise to have Europe speaking French, for ever more
    Waterloo – The Coalition Couldn't escape if it wanted to oohhohhohh
    Waterloo – they’d come to regret exiling Napoleon.
    Waterloo – For he may not be so forgiving.

    So how could they refuse
    Knowing they would lose -

    Waterloo - Napoleon won the war ooorrr
    Waterloo - Promise to have Europe speaking French, for ever more
    Waterloo – The Coalition Couldn't escape if it wanted to oohhohhohh
    Waterloo – they’d come to regret exiling Napoleon.
    Waterloo – For he may not be so forgiving.

    man this is going to be one painful to judge comp.. haha

      I was just thinking that.

      I have a visual in my head of David Wildgoose sitting at his computer with 'Waterloo' blaring on repeat, tracking his finger down the screen as he sings the lyrics of each entrant aloud.

      In my visual, David Wildgoose is not very popular with others in the office.

    My my, at Italy Napoleon did conquer
    Oh yeah, and I have met my destiny in quite a similar way
    The history book on the shelf
    Is always repeating itself

    Italy - They were defeated, I won the war
    Italy - So easy it was to siege Mantua
    Italy - couldn't not leave if I wanted to
    Italy - knowing my fate is to be with you
    Italy - crushed the Austrians in Rovereto

    My my, I tried to hold you back but you were stronger
    Oh yeah, and now it seems my only chance is taking up the fight
    And when I finally took Venice
    I feel like I win when you lose

    Italy - They were defeated, I won the war
    Italy - So easy it was to siege Mantua
    Italy - couldn't not leave if I wanted to
    Italy - knowing my fate is to crush you

    And when I finally took Venice
    I feel like I win when you lose

    Italy - They were defeated, I won the war
    Italy - So easy it was to siege Mantua
    Italy - couldn't not leave if I wanted to
    Italy - knowing my fate is to crush you
    Italy - crushed the Austrians in Rovereto

    Right click, my cursor moves without a hint of lag
    Left click and drag a box around my marching troops.
    The tension is starting to build
    As enemies enter the field

    Waterloo- More the same with a differenet name
    Waterloo- Changing history with simple game
    Waterloo- Winning every battle in my sleep
    Waterloo- Makes it real hard not to cheat
    Waterloo- Anything else then Waterloo!

    Ctrl click, i group my french cannons as one unit
    Scroll up, the battlefield and scope out my opponent
    Huzzah he's taken the bait
    Certainly sealing their fate

    Waterloo- It's all about muskets and cannon balls
    Waterloo- On the high setting my PC stalls
    Waterloo- The texture glitch is annoying me
    Waterloo- Now I have to buy a new PC

    Huzzah he's taken the bait
    Certainly sealing their fate

    Waterloo- Why didn't i check the system spec?
    Waterloo- Have upgrade with my next paycheck
    Waterloo- I keep crashing on Waterloo

    My my, at waterloo Napoleon was triumphant
    Oh yeah, and the English met destiny in such a crushing way
    The history book on the shelf
    Napoleon did write himself

    Waterloo – they were defeated, he won the war
    Waterloo – and the Prussians fled, looking sore
    Waterloo – couldn’t escape though they wanted to
    Waterloo – Napoleon’s fate was to win, a great coup
    Waterloo – And thus was history written anew

    My my, the English fought hard but he was stronger
    Oh yeah, and so it was, their only chance was giving up the fight
    Napoleon ignored the ruse
    Else it would have made him lose

    Waterloo – they were defeated, he won the war
    Waterloo – and the Prussians fled, looking sore
    Waterloo – couldn’t escape though they wanted to
    Waterloo – Napoleon’s fate was to win, a great coup

    Napoleon ignored the ruse
    Else it would have made him lose

    Waterloo – they were defeated, he won the war
    Waterloo – and the Prussians fled, looking sore
    Waterloo – couldn’t escape though they wanted to
    Waterloo – Napoleon’s fate was to win, a great coup
    Waterloo – And thus was history written anew

    OK , so I have done a Snoop Dogg version of the ABBA hit...................

    My my, at waterloo napoleon did not give up his shizzle
    Oh yeah, and I have neverzz met my destiny in quite a similar wizzay
    The history book on the shizzelf
    Someone will need to read to mizelf,

    Waterloo - I stole your ho, and won the war
    Waterloo - promise to bust a cap fo ever mo
    Waterloo - pimp ya mum if I wanted to
    Waterloo - knowing my fate is murder you
    Waterloo - Just make sure your red not blue

      Last 2 lines should have read

      Waterloo – knowing my fate is to murder you
      Waterloo – Just make sure your colours red not blue

    Oh man, I hate abba. Why'd it have to be abba? Lets just say Napoleon employed the abba gambit and sent a crappy pop group to london. They surrendered within minutes of the first concert ;)

    My my! In Corsica, Napoleon was delivered
    From there, he moved to mainland France and soon rose to prominence
    Leading several successful campaigns
    Though at home things just weren't quite the same

    Went back to - France and devised a solution
    Staged a coup - drafted a new Constitution
    Pulled a few - strings and removed his conspirators
    The Senate, wooed - provided him with their full support
    Wah-wah-wah-was Emperor, too - crowned in December, 1804

    @[email protected]

    my my, i got in my delorian and hit 88 miles per hour
    yea yea, i took along a machine gun to give my favourite general more power
    I want this game on my shelf
    So I am changing history MYSEEEEEEELF!!!

    Waterloo, it didn't happen like this originally
    Waterloo, but i am sick of not winning Kotaku competitions continously
    Waterloo, the British and Prussians are lying dead
    Waterloo, Napolean is running around shouting "EAT LEAD"

    Now Napoleon has my gun, and he's killing every ONNNNE!!!!

    HE even shot Bill and TEEEEED!!!

    My my, at Waterloo Napoleon was short
    Oh yeah, and the men marched carefully
    The height chart on the wall
    Napoleon was quite ashamed

    Waterloo- He couldn't find the loo,
    Waterloo- He didn't wanna seem the fool
    Waterloo- He had no choice, he had too
    Waterloo- Didn't know what to do
    Waterloo- He peed his pants in Waterloo!

    My my, at Waterloo Napoleon rose from the dead
    Oh yeah, and you have returned him from the grave in the usual way
    The Necronomicon on your shelf is always repeating itself

    (Voodoo) Waterloo – Bonaparte’s returned to settle the score
    (Voodoo) Waterloo – promised to love brains and win the war
    (Voodoo) Waterloo – couldn’t escape if you wanted to
    (Voodoo) Waterloo – knowing its fate for him to chew on you
    Voo-Voo-Voo-Doo-Waterloo – zombies racing to slaughter you!

    My my, you tried to hold him back but he was stronger
    Oh yeah, and now it seems your only choice is to let him take a bite
    And how could you ever refuse?
    Time to pay those voodoo dues.

    (Voodoo) Waterloo – zombie Napoleon has won the war
    (Voodoo) Waterloo – you love to love brains for ever more
    (Voodoo) Waterloo – wouldn’t escape if you wanted to
    (Voodoo) Waterloo – his immortal fate is to be with you
    Voo-Voo-Voo-Doo-Waterloo – zombies rising through juju hoodoo

    So why would you ever refuse?
    Give into un-dead voodoo blues.

    (Voodoo) Waterloo - couldn’t escape if you wanted to
    (Voodoo) Waterloo - knowing his fate is to be with you
    Voo-Voo-Voo-Doo-Waterloo – slowly decomposing in Waterloo
    Ooh... Waterloo - knowing your face is scary view
    Voo-Voo-Voo-Doo-Waterloo – slowly decomposing in Waterloo

    Grr Argh…

    My, my, at Waterloo Wellington did surrender
    Oh yeah, and I have met the Queen in quite a British way
    The French cuisine book on the book case
    Is always giving me a taste

    Napoleon, I tried to eat you like French fries
    Oh yeah, and now I know the French never give up a fight
    And how could they ever lose
    With their beret wearing artistic views

    My, my, at Waterloo England and Prussia copped it
    Oh yeah, and Europe met its destiny in quite a violent way
    The history book in my house
    Is actually wrong on all counts

    Waterloo - they were defeated, he won the war
    Waterloo - ruled by Napoleon for ever more
    Waterloo - they lost the war on that bloody day
    Waterloo - and now their fate is to speak français
    Waterloo - though some would prefer to use anglais

    My, my, historians can't keep up the lie much longer
    Oh yeah, I think they know that one day they'll have to reveal the truth
    That Europe fell under the thumb
    of glorious Napoleon

    Waterloo - they were defeated, he won the war
    Waterloo - ruled by Napoleon for ever more
    Waterloo - they lost the war on that bloody day
    Waterloo - and now their fate is to speak français
    Waterloo - though some would prefer to use anglais

    So how could I ever refuse
    if they try to fight they will lose -

    Waterloo - they lost the war on that bloody day
    Waterloo - and now their fate is to speak français
    Waterloo - though some would prefer to use anglais

      Uh, I stuffed that up a bit towards the end. Perhaps a moderator could simply delete the last three stanzas? They're all repeats and/or mistakes anyway.

    My ode to Napoleon's love of the bath, and a the lament of his chief back scrubber.

    My, my, at Waterloo Napoleon did bathe
    Oh yeah, and I have met his grim in quite a similar way
    The cleaning salts are on the shelf
    And your always rincing yourself

    Waterloo - I washed, and the filth won the war
    Waterloo - Promise to scrub you for ever more
    Waterloo - Couldn't escape if I wanted to
    Waterloo - Knowing my brush is to be with you
    Waterloo - Your bathing in my Waterloo

    My, my, I tried to scrub your back till you were clean
    Oh yeah, and now it seems my only relief is your complete lack of height
    And how could I ever refuse
    I feel dirty when you are so clean

    Waterloo - I washed, and the filth won the war
    Waterloo - Promise to scrub you for ever more
    Waterloo - Couldn't escape if I wanted to
    Waterloo - Knowing my brush is to be with you
    Waterloo - Your bathing in my Waterloo

    And how could I ever refuse
    I feel dirty when you are so clean -

    Waterloo - Couldn't escape if I wanted to
    Waterloo - Knowing my brush is to be with you
    Waterloo - Your bathing in my Waterloo

    If I remember back to my award winning Year 12 French History essay, this is how the battle of Waterloo actually went down.
    First of all, there were no verses, just a chorus.

    Mongolians! - Went to the shops with the Super Friends,
    The Dude was there! - He told them that sometimes you eat the bear,
    Napoleon! - Said that he had a bad cold again,
    Gentle Ben! - Beat up the Mon Calimarians,
    Woah-woah-woah Cartesians! - Couldn't believe that they'd won the bet,
    Woah-woah-woah Napoleon! - Sneezed in the soup and was sent to bed.

    Here, a very gay Napolean professes his love to Admiral Villeneuve, whilst simultaneously defeating Nelson using a pet Kraken. Spanish Admiral Gravina tries to get involved too, to no avail. In a happy ending, Villeneuve doesn't kill himself, much to Napolean's delight.

    *****

    Why why, has Villeneuve not come to my aid already?
    That guy, sometimes I think he really likes to drive me crazy
    The battle is already heating up
    "Im here!" Gravina, please SHUTTTUUUPPP

    Villeneuve - you came to me, when I needed you to
    Villeneuve - like the Na'Vi tribe, "I See You"
    Villeneuve - now, Nelson is in for a real treat
    Villeneuve - a force this strong, he cannot beat
    Villeneuve -I love you, sweet Villeneuve

    Why Why, does Nelson think he's a chance with such a pussy fleet?
    That guy, I'll call my good friend KRAKEN, it's ok to cheat
    No-one messes with my octopus friend
    Especially Nelson, 'such a BELL-ENNNNNDDDDD'

    Villeneuve - you came to me, when I needed you to
    Villeneuve - like the Na'Vi tribe, "I See You"
    Villeneuve - now, Nelson is in for a real treat
    Villeneuve - a force this strong, he cannot beat

    Don't kill yourself with that dagger!
    You're hotter than Mick Jagger!

    Villeneuve - you came to me, when I needed you to
    Villeneuve - like the Na'Vi tribe, "I See You"
    Villeneuve - now, Nelson is in for a real treat
    Villeneuve - a force this strong, he cannot beat
    Villeneuve -I love you, sweet Villeneuve

    My, my, at Waterloo ,I, Napoleon was Superior
    Oh yeah, and I have met my destiny I'll be emperor this day
    A history book for myself
    It could almost be writing itself

    Waterloo - Why did you put me behind this wall
    Waterloo - I cannot see over it's much too tall
    Waterloo - Could you get me a box or two
    Waterloo - If you call me short then I'll murder you
    Waterloo - Now I can witness my Waterloo

    My, my, I hardly felt a thing I was much stronger
    Oh yeah, the Prussians are only just a nuisance on the right
    A victory you cannot Deny
    I'll feel like I'v won when you die

    Waterloo - You exiled me now its time you pay
    Waterloo - I shall leave victor from here this day
    Waterloo - Seventh Coalition you are no more
    Waterloo - My reign shall be one all shall fall before
    Waterloo - Only saw half of my Waterloo

    I couldn't care less at the cost
    I felt like I'd won when you lost

    Waterloo - Fell off of the boxes a time or two
    Waterloo - Could hardly see and I'v beaten you
    Waterloo - Victorious here at my Waterloo

    Man this is a tough one. I think I will continue to work on my entry and enter tomorrow. Man there is to much commitment also from the above entries but kudos to you people.

    Page one, at waterloo the french became victorious
    Page two, i have tormented, scattered and slaughtered the coalition
    My history book on the shelf
    Seems to be rewriting itself

    Waterloo - now i am victor, i win the war
    Waterloo - i shall be ruler for ever more
    Waterloo - change my history book and it's true
    Waterloo - now it is my fate to be with you
    Waterloo - rewriting "Battle of Waterloo"

    Page three, you tried to hold back but i was stronger
    Page four, so now it seems your only choice is to give up the fight
    So how could i ever refuse
    Reporting a win when i lose

    Waterloo - now bow down to your new emperor
    Waterloo - and i will love you for ever more
    Waterloo - for now i'm a king, i've conquered you
    Waterloo - now it is my fate to be with you

    I think it is easy to choose
    To believe i win when i lose

    Waterloo - now i am victor, i win the war
    Waterloo - i shall be ruler for ever more
    Waterloo - change my history book it's true
    Waterloo - now it is my fate to be with you
    Waterloo - rewriting "Battle of Waterloo"

      Sorry guys. I've made an error. The 4th paragraph, last line should read:

      "Waterloo - now all of my dreams are coming true"

      I'm not sure it matters, as you'll probably only accept the original posting, but it is there for correction and your consideration should you accept to include it. Thanks

    My my, at Trafalgar the Brits did swear
    “Oh Lord, Britain has met it’s destiny in quite a European way
    Now the history books on the shelf
    Will tell us how Europe fell

    Africa – From Egypt I did conquer you
    Italy - Social order I did restore
    Prussia - couldn’t escape if they wanted to
    Spain – they knew their fate, it’s what I do
    Russia - is now facing their doom

    My my, they tried to hold me back but I was stronger
    Oh yeah, and nothing you do will make me give up the fight
    And how could I ever lose?
    I feel like I win when I choose

    Napoleon – all are defeated, I won the war
    Napoleon – all shall remember me forever more
    Napoleon – I couldn’t lose if I wanted to
    Napoleon – I always knew my fate was to rule

    And how could I ever lose?
    I feel like I win when I choose

    What to do? – All are defeated, I won the war
    What to do? - Promise to rule forever more?
    What to do? – I could holiday if I wanted to
    What to do? – Actually that’s great, it’s what I’ll do
    Where to go? – Has anyone been to Waterloo?

    Oui, oui, at Waterloo Napoleon did not surrender,
    Mais oui, and the Coalition did an about turn and did run away,
    The history book on the shelf,
    Will be written by myself!

    Waterloo - Wellington was trounced forevermore
    Waterloo - Blucher was kicked out the door!
    Waterloo - They couldn't escape if they wanted to
    Waterloo - I can only promise to invade you
    Waterloo - Finally conquering Russia too

    Oui, oui you tried to camp it up but I was stronger,
    Mais oui, and now it seems I have smashed your turtle arse asunder
    And how could you forget the lube,
    When you camped up like such a noob!

    Waterloo -The French are changing the record books
    Waterloo - The Redcoats are just for looks!
    Waterloo - The Old Guard stuck it to you.
    Waterloo - Your commander is famous for a shoe.
    Waterloo - Escargot will be on your menu.

    And how could you forget the lube,
    When you camped up like such a noob!

    Waterloo - Wellington was trounced forevermore
    Waterloo - Blucher was kicked out the door!
    Waterloo - They couldn't escape if they wanted to
    Waterloo - I can only promise to invade you
    Waterloo - Finally conquering Russia too!

    My my, to napoleon europa did surrender
    Oh yeah, that he did it all like kings before in a similar way
    The history book on the shelf
    Is always repeating itself

    To-u-lon - First time in battle, I found my fame.
    Royalists - With grapeshot I just blew you away.
    Italy - Now you know you were the next in line
    Coalition - Cause Italy knew they couldn't win
    Coalition - needed to form two to try smash me

    My my, you tried to hold me back but I was stronger
    Oh yeah, and now it seems your only chance is giving up the fight
    And how could I ever refuse
    I always win and never lose

    E-e-gypt - Needed more men to win the war
    Ottoman - smashed you and killed you my hands were sore
    Horatio - tried to stop me, impede my big rise
    Invincible - The plague couldn't even stop me now
    Waterloo - never facing my waterloo

    And how could I ever refuse
    I feel like I win when I lose

      In my haste to submit it before the dateline, i realised i haven't entered the 2 lines after reading through it again.

      ---

      And how could you ever refuse
      When I only win; never lose!

        Last entry after notcing i left out the last stanza, and realising the dateline was extended

        ---

        My my, to napoleon europa did surrender
        Oh yeah, that he did it all like kings be-fore in a similar way (the singing has to be spot on for it to work here, but the quite and in substitution does cause some havoc)
        The history book on the shelf
        Is always repeating itself

        To-u-lon – First time in battle, I found my fame.
        Royalists – With grapeshot I blew you 'way.
        Italy – Now you know you were the next in line
        Co'lition – Cause Italy knew they couldn’t win
        Whoa-whoa-whoa
        Co'litions – Needed to form two to try smash me (again, with the syllables)

        My my, you tried to hold me back but I was stronger
        Oh yeah, and now it seems your only chance is giving up the fight
        And how could I ever refuse
        I always win; never lose

        E-e-gypt – Needed more men to win the war
        Ottoman – smashed you and killed you my hands were sore
        Horatio – tried to stop me, impede my rise
        Invincible – The plague couldn’t even stop me now
        whoa-whoa-whoa
        'Merica - sold you away not worth the weight.

        F-i-ghting I never refused,
        Cause I only win; never lose!

        Empire - Built it without even needing walls
        Germany - Belgium and Poland you're all the same
        whoa-whoa-whoa
        Empire - Also never forgetting Spain
        whoa-whoa-whoa
        Co'lition - Took six of you to end my reign.

        ----

        the total number of syllables don't match up occasionally, but if u sing it out it does.

Join the discussion!