WIN! Sonic & Sega All-Stars Racing PS3 And Ryo Figurine

Sonic and friends - Tails, Billy Hatcher, Ai Ai, Ulala, Beat from Jet Set Radio, that guy from Samba De Amigo and more - launch their own kart racing game this week. Would you like to win a copy on PlayStation 3 along with a Ryo Hazuki from Shenmue figurine?

UPDATE: Wednesday's draw is now closed.

Thanks to Sega we have SIX copies of Sonic & Sega All-Stars Racing up for grabs this week. That's three on PlayStation 3 and three on Xbox 360. Plus, all six winners will also get this limited edition Ryo on a forklift figurine.

Yes, believe it or not, Ryo and his forklift are in the game.

To enter, we want you to mine your knowledge of Sega characters and tell us who would win a kart race between: Sonic, Dr Eggman, Ulala from Space Channel 5, Alex Kidd, Akira from Virtua Fighter and Ryo Hazuki.

Leave your entry in the comments by midnight tonight (EDT) to be in the running to win the second copy on PS3. Don't forget to explain the reason behind your choice. The cleverest/funniest entry will win.

As usual, multiple entries are not allowed. The winner will be announced tomorrow morning when the new draw opens. If you miss out, you can re-enter tomorrow with a brand new entry.

Oh, and the winner of Tuesday's 360 draw is Neil Williams and his increasingly ridiculous coming of age story.

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Comments

    /disappointment

    Next time gadget - next time.

    -giggles- his was the one just before mine and it's just as long, if not a little longer.. ooo clash of the titans! haha

    Well done Neil!

      Thanks mate! I personally thought you were going to win it. Your entry was absolutely hilarious. ^^

      Best of luck with the rest of the competition, Chuloopa. ^^

    If only I could word this with Sonic, Dr Eggman, Ulala, Alex Kidd, Akira and Ryo! Hope you all get a laugh!

    RACE Line up
    In lane 1: Passionate Lady
    In lane 2: Bare Belly
    In lane 3: Silk Panties
    In lane 4: Conscience
    In lane 5: Jockey Shorts
    In lane 6: Clean Sheets
    In lane 7: Thighs
    In lane 8: Big thingy
    In lane 9: Heavy Bosom
    In lane 10: Merry Cherry

    AND THEY'RE OFF!
    Conscience is left behind at the gate.
    Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry.
    Heavy Bosom is being pressured.
    Passionate Lady is caught between Thighs and Big thingy is in a dangerous
    spot.

    AT THE HALFWAY MARK:
    It's Bare Belly on top, Thighs open and Big thingy is pushing in.
    Heavy Bosom is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets.
    Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly.
    Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big thingy.

    AT THE STRETCH:
    Merry Cherry pops under the strain.
    Bare Belly is making a final push.
    Big thingy is in and Passionate Lady is coming.

    AT THE FINISH:
    It's Big thingy giving everything he's got and Passionate Lady takes
    everything Big thingy has to offer.
    It looks like a dead heat but Big thingy comes through with one final
    thrust
    and wins by a head...
    Bare Belly shows...
    Thighs weakens...
    Heavy Bosom pulls up...
    and Clean Sheets never had a chance.

      that joke has been around for years and if you win based on that post it would be the greatest injustice of all time... though you won't win so that's ok...

        Its not an entry mate, just a joke for people to read and laugh, hopefully spurn the creative juices for their entries. Thanks for input, saucer of milk, table 2... Meowwww, ha!

          well i guess we all have to get our daily dose of smut from somewhere, why not here!?

          lol - sorry mate, i guess i'm just cranky due to the fact that A) i've done my back purely from sitting down and B) i'm a work with said bad back.

          Although, i will take you up on your offer of a saucer of milk. nom nom nom

    Alex Kidd spent the morning combing his glistening sideburns, he was very excited to be going out today as it felt like years since he had been outside.

    The bus ride to the race track was uneventful, a handful of other forgotten game characters were also on their way to the race, such as that guy from Ghost House on the Master System and the explorer from Aztec Adventure.

    Arriving at the track he waited near the starting area for his vehicle to be delivered, and was disappointed when the truck arrived to drop off his helicopter.

    "You were meant to bring the motorbike!" he screamed at the truckie who just shrugged his shoulders and left.
    Not to be deterred he snuck over to Sonic's vehicle and stole the wheels and steering mechanism, attaching them to his helicopter in an act of mechanical brilliance.

    "Oh look it's Alex The Kidd!" said Ulala, having just spotted him. "IT'S ALEX KIDD, NOT ALEX THE KIDD, I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE STUFF UP MY NAME" screamed Alex as he went into a mighty rage and smashed up Ulala's vehicle with his giant fist.

    Calming himself with a hamburger he found lying on the ground, Alex waited in his vehicle, along with the remaining contestants at the starting line.

    Soon the race began!

    Sonic, not realising that his car was no longer drivable stayed at the starting line making car noises, with everyone else too scared to disturb the senile hedgehog.

    Burning around the corner, Alex was in 3rd place and was surprised when Akira lept onto his bonnet and challenged him to a fight. Calling on his skills he learned in Shinobi World, Alex was soon the victor, kicking Akira off into the wilderness.

    He began to close in to Eggman who was doing quite well, when he noticed his vehicle had a giant red vulnerable spot in an easily reachable position. Alex punched it 8 times, making Eggman's car burst into flames, taking him out of the race as he died a horribly painful death.

    With only Ryo left to beat, Alex bumped him from the side, pushing his forklift into a giant collectors edition box which automatically taped him inside.

    "There, now you're a Kotaku prize, BITCH!" screamed Alex maniacally as he realised he was the one remaining racer.

    Casually coasting across the finish line, Alex knew that he had achieved something wonderful, he may have been a forgotten relic from the 80's but today he was a winner.

    Sonic the Hedgehog would win of course. He is the fastest thing alive afterall, no?

    But how? How does that little hedgehog run so god damn fast?!

    Well, I'll tell you how.

    It's because he's always eating those gosh dern tasty chili dogs, thats how!!!

    I mean, that's some serious fire hole people. I'm pretty sure you'd be gunning it at the speed of sound to the nearest lavatory if your insides were literally on fire.

    --Reposting my entry from Monday--

    Sonic wins the race, with Doctor Eggman persuing him which wins him the second place.

    Being the limelight whore that he is, Sonic thinks that winning will give him more exposure and satisfy his flimsy ego. Little does he realise, that even by participating, he has really lost. He takes every outing seriously, even if it is just a day at the track with his mascot friends. His agent wouldn’t even let him participate unless he got top billing. And it’s Sonic’s over-eagerness to impress (using somewhat flashy gimmicks) that turns alot of people away.

    Ulala finishes third. Despite living in space and never having driven a motor vehicle in her entire life, her figure proves to be a great distraction for the other drivers.

    Fourth place is filled by Alex the Kidd. Being in an open top go kart, he was afraid to hit top gear incase the wind messed up his MASSIVE (and massively cool) mutton chops (http://wiimedia.ign.com/wii/image/article/775/775452/Alex_Kidd_In_The_Enchanted_Castle_GEN_ScreenShot1_1174682427.jpg). Unlike Sonic, Alex has an image and legacy worth protecting.

    Akira comes 5th. After years of martial arts training and meditation, he is convinced that his body works as one harmonious machine. He decides that the machine that is his body will surely out perform all of the vehicles that people are using, and decides to run the race on foot.
    He was very very wrong…

    And bringing up the rear is Ryo in his forklift. Seriously! What was he thinking…?

    Ryo...Ryo...Ryo games.

    Obviously, Ulala would win. Why, you ask? Well, the reason is this, Ulala can just make everyone on the track go oh-la-la, Eggman and Sonic would lose objectivity AND control of their vehicles and crash into each other and fall off of the track, Akira and Jacky would fight in their car over Ulala and Alex Kidd, so focused on the race, would be focused so much that, well, he wasn't focused, so he crashes into Jacky and Akira, at which point they stop to get things together, Ryo was in last place , hey first time for everyhting, and he forklifts Alex and Jacky/Akira then backs up, hops in the bike, charges on to Ulala who grabbed first place, Ryo takes second, Alex grabs third then Sonic and Eggman and Jacky and Akira fight for the last position, all while wiping drool from their mouths, as Amy watches angrily from the stands. Bang bam ba da bing ba da bing ba da boom.

    An Ode To Blue Speed:

    The morning sun was shining
    Upon the glorious track
    A hedgehog waited impatiently
    Blue spikes adorned his back

    Behind him stood a moustached man
    With an evil glare on his face
    Uttering "I hate you, hedgehog
    I'll beat you in this race!"

    "Not likely" spoke the rodent
    Turning quickly to reply
    "I'm as fast in a car as I am on my feet"
    Sonic was not telling a lie

    "You defeat me?" he snickered
    As the Eggman laughed in disgust
    "Get a load of my latest creation" he gloated
    "It'll leave you biting dust!"

    "Ulala reporting!" said the woman
    Her hair shocking bright and pink
    "This just in! Ulala's winning!"
    The Doctor said "Ha! That's what you think!"

    Meanwhile Jackie and Akira argued
    About who was best at Ristar
    Just then Akira confessed to Jackie
    That he had the hots for his sister

    The two struggled and battled
    Until Jackie ran out of health
    "What have I done?" cried Akira
    "I must now win this race myself!"

    Ryo emerged from his cave
    He gazed across from afar
    Even after all these years
    He still hadn't found that black car!

    "Maybe this race is the answer"
    The immortal hero remarked
    "Then I can get back to helping old people
    and leaving them in Sakuragaoka Park"

    Alex Kidd arrived
    All the way from Mt Eternal
    He rode a small bike and cried to all
    "My game was the first internal!"

    The jester waved the flag to start
    A battle of speed and wit
    The purple clown sighed and realised
    He was still better in thirty two-bit

    Sonic got off to a startling lead
    His engine violently roared
    Eggman struggled to keep up
    Although his foot was floored

    Ryo's bike stalled and started to buckle
    His engine wouldn't start again
    Then he remembered that his exhaust was stolen
    And all he could say was "That Ren..."

    Ulala's spaceship hovered and weaved
    Some say that it made them feel sick
    But to the sexy space reporter it was as easy
    As Up Down Up Down Kick Kick Kick

    The Virtua Fighter came up very fast
    Sonic was a target to dislodge
    But when a giant metal crab hurtled his way
    He wished for a button to dodge

    As Akira was completely wiped out
    Alex Kidd prayed for a Miracle World
    Eggman drooled over Ulala
    She was definitely his kinda girl

    But because the Doctor took his wandering eye
    And moved it off the road
    His monstrous contraption hit a rockface
    And quickly proceeded to explode

    Down to three, this Mega-Drive
    The Master of the System would win
    This would be the Genesis
    A Dream they had Cast would begin

    Whose Gear was truly Game?
    Who'd take a wrong Sat-Turn?
    Which would thirty-two X-cell?
    Which SEGA MEGA CD would burn?

    Would the race continue?
    Which racer would succeed?
    Well, we all know that by now... it was Sonic
    He was always in the lead.

    With the race finally over
    The champion declared
    "Give that prize to me", interrupted Ryo
    "This is dedicated to hope for Shenmue... The Third!"

    Sonic The Hedgehog will win (asu usual) because for being the fastest thing alive, tails created the fastest machine ever. So being the egotistic hedgehog he is he takes it to the races to show off.

    Eggman will be gunning sonic down the whole race, thus putting him in second. But as usual the bad guy loses and sonic destroys eggmans egg carrier again.

    Ulala will come third for her dancing to the song "My Milkshakes" the whole race, hypnotizing the other perverts in the race. Eggman is to obsessed to notice this as he is always after the god damn hedgehog, and sonic is more interested in first prize, which will be announced at the end.

    Ryo Hazuki comes fourth, chasing down Ulala for her "milkshakes" and being faster then the other 2 people.

    Akira will come fifth because he is the slowest guy on Virtua fighter, and he ditched his driver, Jacky back at the arena. Being the idiot he is, he doesnt know how to drive to well because he is a fighter.

    Finally Alex Kidd will lose, all because SEGA noticed him in a race and dropped an anchor on him reminding him he is a dead franchise. This causes Alex Kidd to not even go past the starting line.

    So the final standings are:

    1st Sonic
    2nd Eggman
    3rd Ulala

    Sonic thus wins his life long dream of having a years supply of chilli dogs, which doesn't even last him a month

    Ryo Hazuki would win because everyone else would have run off after he tried to entice them to play "Lucky Hit"

    Ryo Hazuki. His many hours spent playing Hang-On and OutRun instead of tracking down his father's killer will finally prove useful.

    Alex Kidd would win... he would have a system..... a MASTER system! *bud-um ching*.
    Who needs clever answers when all you need is a crappy pun.

    Wow! I just wanted to thank you, Mr. David Wildgoose, for picking my entry yesterday. I hope everyone enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

    Best of luck to everyone for the rest of the competition. I'm looking forward to continuing to read some more fantastic entries. ^^

    Sonic would win, he uses steroids

    It's simple who will win. Sonic of course!

    Isn't it time for him to win something now, considering he has not appear in a good Sonic game for such a long time (as in winning over fans)!

    I'm going to say Doc Eggman, because there already was a race once. As best as I can remember it, there was Dr Eggman, running as fast as his pasty legs would take him down the main street.

    As it turned out, he had been in the chemist procuring a cream that claimed it would clear skin blemishes. Despite having an IQ of over 300, this was perhaps the most pressing problem of his life, so in he went to clear things up, if I may use a pun so early on in a story. What the Doctor hadn’t planned on was the bi-weekly chemist stockpiling of medicines, bandages and boiled sweets for the elderly residents of Sunshine Acres, a home for the twilight video game character.

    While most of the world know video game characters to be jolly, fond of gold rings and generally easy to get on with, the same cannot be said for residents of Sunshine Acres when they’re low on paracetamol and diaper rash crème. In fact, the terms rabid, violent and surprisingly fast could all be applied. This would prove to be self-evident when Doc Egg picked up his ‘zitsbegone’ cream, only to be loudly declared as an enemy of the state by Alex Kidd, who fought for his country in Korea. This declaration was more than slightly concerning for Eggman, who walked quickly, avoiding eye contact with everyone. Unfortunately, this wasn’t defence enough against a chafing Ulala, who began to scream such delightful names as ‘villain’, ‘pinko’ and ‘Evangeline’. To be honest, Evangeline wasn’t much of an insult, but it had the advantage of being in the company of other taunts.

    But the merits of certain insults was to be debated later. For now, Doctor Eggman was running out of the chemist’s as the senior citizens rallied their E-Z-wheelz scooters (and one fork lift truck belonging to Ryo Hazuki), and hot-tailed it at the impressive speed of three kilometres an hour. This may not sound like much, but when you’re as round as your surname might suggest, naturally awkward and devoid of any skill whatsoever, it can be difficult to outrun that, let alone look dignified doing it. Perhaps it was the girlish screams, perhaps it was the falling over into sunglass stands, but I doubt very much whether anyone could have predicted the good doctor would rise to the heights he did, metaphorically that is. Everyone watching the slowest chase in recorded history saw the literal heights he would soon aspire to.

    After making ground and beginning to pant like an old dog, he thought it safe to look behind him and see how far he was in front of them. This meant he wasn’t looking where he was going, a fact proved when he crashed into a display of skateboards, which sent him careening into a trampoline, which itself launched him ten or so metres into the air. This was the exact moment when Dr Eggman realised that despite losing his mobility, enraged hedgehogs can still be dangerous with the aid of a Korean War rifle loaded with twin-tailed foxes. Whilst not lethal, it will bruise, and if you happen to be mid-flight, it will apparently hit you in the middle of the forehead, and send you sprawling into a pit of slightly annoyed Rottweiler puppies and their less than tolerant mother.

    The elderly characters by this point, were running low on E-Z-wheelz scooter battery power, and it was decided by Akira to return to their minibus, before dinner was served at 5.30pm. And so it was that Dr Eggman, bruised, battered, and sporting a sign that told passers by he was dewormed and treated for ringworms, won the race. He also remembered to stay away from Echidnas, but that’s a different story.

    ---I too am reposting my entry from Monday---
    Ryo would win hands down, he has been sitting in a cave for the last 7 years (come March 21, seeing as tho the release date for Shenmue 2 on Xbox was March 21st 2003) He has had nothing to do but pretend to drive a forklift and motorcycle make broom broom sounds with his mouth, surely picking up some real life skills.

    That and he is still wearing the same clothes he did 7 years ago, none of the other racers would come near him coz of the smell.

    That and he owns all the other characters..................................................................as capsule toys.

    Welcome to the 2nd Bi-Weekly PS3 Game giveaway folks, todays contestants are in the running for a copy of Sonic & Sega All Stars Racing.

    We cross down to the action already underway...

    Thanks Dave and welcome back to the action, just to re-cap the biggest news of the day, Sonic did not make the start today of this race, at this present time we are unaware of the reason for him missing for todays race, but rest assured we have all available people on the case to track down the reason.

    Meanwhile back to the race, currently we have the following standings...

    Dr Eggman is leading, Alex Kidd is in second and Akira drops into 3rd...

    Alex Kidd is really challenging for the lead today in a brilliant display of driving, currently we are into the 47th lap of 50 and all 47 laps have been perfect, he has had plenty of chances to over take Eggman, but Eggman whose massive Monster Truck takes up the bulk of the course is shutting down those opportunities.

    Taking a look down the field we have Ulala just making it through the course, it's as if her timing is well off today. You can see just how late some of these turns are.

    We shall just take this moment to remind you, Overstomach : The Silver Kilometer will be screening in 2010, all about the seedy happenings within the Darlinghurst district. My word that will be an interesting... OHHHH MY!!!!! ULALA IS OUT, SHE'S OUT!!!

    Coming up to the clifftop hairpin, she has gone straight over the edge, looking over the replay she hasn't looked to turn at all... we go down to Hairy Arm in the pits who is with Fuse.

    Thank you guys, now Fuse can you tell us what just happened?

    I'm afraid to say that we have had a radio problem that's caused it. You see Ulala reports the news and really can't drive, the car is an auto, so what we had to so is put a brick on the accelerator, over the radio we've been talking to here the whole time, when we wanted her to turn left we would yell "A", and for right turns, "B". That's the extend of her multitasking within anything she does, it's just a shame that we lost power to the radio and obviously you can see the consequences. We are pretty shattered at the moment down here.

    Thanks for your time Fuse, back to you guys up there.

    Well there you have it, a radio malfunction has seen Ulala out of this race and we are getting word that Alex Kidd is also out of this race, looking at the replay on Lap 48 we have Akira moving up next to Alex, leaning out of his car and punching Alex in the head and it was all over. Alex Kidd coming all this way through the event, getting hit once and it's over. Guess he will have to look forward to the next event and start over from the beginning.

    Akira moves upto 2nd now and making his move on Eggman. Eggman sensing that he's in trouble deploys his trucks secret weapon, the ACME Turbo Boost, out the back of the of the truck comes a transformer like rocket booster, it starts counting down...

    5... 4... 3... 2... 1... Bye Bye

    There is a huge explosion on the track as Eggman entire truck is blown away, leaving nothing left but a blacken crater and Eggman still holding the steering wheel.

    Akira moves into 1st Place on the final lap, and surely has it in the bag, although what's this, another twist in this below par story? There is a massive blur flying around the track and we are unable to work out who it is, they are destorying the course in record time.

    Akira is on the final straight but might not hold on, the blur is gaining, catching... we can't tell, it looked like the blur took it out? Checking the photo, it did! The blur won it, we're tracking it now and as they come to a stop in pit lane we can finally find out who it is, and it looks to be... Billy Hatcher?

    BILLY HATCHER has won the event, huge come from behind victory all because that's all that fucking kid did that every time the Sonic & Sega All Stars Demo was played in our house.

    Late breaking story, seems that Sonic has been found murdered, no details on how at this point in time, but the police have already obtained and arrested a suspect in the case, Miles "Tails" Prower, 18 years old, who we've had reports as he was being led away to the divvy van the accused could be heard saying over and over... "I'm not second, not anymore"

    So there you have it as we check the final standings of todays race...

    1st - Billy Hatcher
    2nd - Akira
    3rd - Ryo (Lap 21)
    4th - Eggman (DNF, Lap 49)
    5th - Alex Kidd (DNF, Lap 48)
    6th - Ulala (DNF, Lap 47)
    7th - Sonic (DNS, Deceased)

    On behalf of all the commentry team here today, we will see you again next time!

    Sonic with his mad driving skills and crazy blue "Hair". No curling into a ball for this Hedgehog

    I thought that the placings would be obvious. Most of them do not finish the race:

    Ryo - Regardless of team SEGA spending tens of millions of dollars to make sure that his forklift had every available option, up to and including a capsule toy hanging from the mirror, he still drops out after the second lap, and no-one ever hears from him again.

    Ulala - Tied for last because she joined the cheerleaders on the sidelines instead.

    Alex Kidd - Being stuck on a 2D plane doesn't help his chances. Disqualified for clipping through the track.

    Dr Eggman - Disqualified for cheating: was caught laying an elaborate trap to injure Sonic.

    Sonic - Second place. Would have come in first, but was penalized for 10 years of subpar performance.

    Akira - First Place! His reflexes and constant innovation assured him victory in this race. Plus, in Fighters Megamix he punched out a Daytona car... none of these other fighters have comparative qualifications.

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